20 Questions

Questions to Ask Your Siblings About Yourself

Thoughtful prompts to ask your siblings so you can see yourself through their eyes—capturing shared history, blind spots, strengths, and the little quirks only family notices.

1

What’s a childhood story about me that you think sums me up?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Invites a concrete memory that reveals enduring traits and how your sibling has always perceived you.

2

What’s one strength I have that I underestimate?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Surfaces hidden competencies and boosts accurate self-assessment by leveraging a close observer’s view.

3

Where do you think I’ve grown the most in the last few years?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Highlights personal development arcs that can be hard to notice from the inside.

4

What’s a blind spot you’ve noticed in me—and how does it show up?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Targets constructive feedback with examples so you can act on it without defensiveness.

5

If you had to describe my vibe to a new friend, what would you say?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Captures first-impression signals and social energy that shape how others experience you.

6

What’s something I do that makes people feel cared for?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Maps specific behaviors that reliably communicate warmth so you can do more of them.

7

When do I seem most stressed—and what helps me most in those moments?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Identifies patterns and practical support tactics that actually work for you.

8

What’s a risk you wish I’d take—and why now?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Encourages courageous action by borrowing conviction from someone who knows your potential.

9

What’s a habit of mine that’s endearing—and one that’s annoying?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Balances affection with honest friction points, keeping the conversation safe and useful.

10

Which values do you think I live most consistently?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Connects daily choices to core principles, validating identity through observable behavior.

11

What’s a decision I made that you think was underrated?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Surfaces quiet wins you might overlook but that moved your life forward.

12

If I disappeared for a month, what would you assume I was off doing?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Reveals your perceived passions and default pursuits when unstructured time appears.

13

What’s a recurring conflict we have—and what do you think would solve it?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Turns sibling tension into a co-designed improvement plan with concrete adjustments.

14

What do you think I’m like at my absolute best?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Builds a vivid model of peak-state behaviors you can aim to repeat more often.

15

What’s something about me people often misunderstand?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Clarifies intent-versus-impact gaps so you can communicate more clearly.

16

What’s a talent I have that I haven’t fully developed?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Points to compounding opportunities where effort could yield outsized returns.

17

When do I make you feel most supported as a sibling?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Identifies high-impact support behaviors to reinforce the relationship intentionally.

18

If you could give me one motto for the next year, what would it be?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Offers an actionable North Star distilled from your sibling’s long-term perspective on you.

19

What’s a boundary you think would be healthy for me to set?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Encourages self-protection and clarity where people-pleasing or chaos creeps in.

20

What’s something you wish I knew about how I affect our family?

Click to see why this works

Why this works

Expands perspective to relational impact, inviting insight you can use to show up better.

Using Sibling Insight for Better Self-Knowledge

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Make It Safe and Specific

Invite Honesty

Set the tone: you want candor, not compliments. Thank them for specifics—even when it stings.

Request Examples

Ask for concrete stories. Examples anchor feedback in reality and reduce defensiveness.

Summarize Back

Reflect what you heard and one thing you’ll try. It shows respect and closes the loop.

Follow-Up Prompts That Deepen Insight

Clarifying Sequence

1
When did you first notice that pattern?
2
What do I do right before it shows up?
3
What’s a small action that would change the outcome?

Common Pitfalls

Arguing With Feedback

Treat insights as data, not a verdict. Ask for detail instead of defending yourself.

Going Too Broad

Avoid vague prompts. Specific questions produce useful, actionable answers.

Conversation Template

The Feedback Sandwich (Healthy Version)

1
Step 1: Start with: ‘I’m looking for honest feedback to grow—can you help?’
2
Step 2: Ask one strength, one blind spot, with examples
3
Step 3: Agree on one experiment you’ll try this week

Further Reading

Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

Find Your Perfect Questions

Search our collection of thoughtful questions for any conversation or situation