Sisterhood Questions to Ask PNMs
Questions for talking with potential new members during sisterhood round, when you have a few minutes each and need something more useful than small talk. Written for the sister doing the asking, with notes on what different answers tend to mean.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How has your day of recruitment been going so far?
Why ask it
Opening here rather than with a values question acknowledges that she has probably had six near identical conversations already, and it lets her exhale before anything harder. The answer also tells you what state she is in: someone who is fried needs a slower pace than someone who is still bouncing.
What made you decide to go through recruitment in the first place?
Why ask it
Listen for whether the reason is hers or borrowed. A sister, a roommate, or a parent who went through it is a fine starting point, but if the whole answer is about someone else's experience, she may not have thought about what she wants yet.
What are you studying, and how did you land on it?
Why ask it
The how is the part that matters, because it shows whether she chooses things deliberately or drifts into them. Majors also tell you something practical about her week, since a nursing or engineering schedule will collide with chapter obligations differently than a humanities one.
What do you do with your time that has nothing to do with school?
Why ask it
This gets past the activities list she has already recited all day. If she cannot name anything, she may be genuinely overloaded, or she may be so used to performing achievement that unstructured interests feel like the wrong answer.
Who do you go to when you have had a rough week?
Why ask it
The answer shows whether she already has a support system or is hoping a chapter will become one. Both are workable, but a PNM who names no one and no plan is telling you something you should follow up on gently rather than score.
What do your closest friends have in common?
Why ask it
Easier to answer honestly than asking what she values in a friend, because she describes real people instead of stating an ideal. Watch for whether she describes how they treat her or only what they do, since the first suggests she pays attention to character.
Tell me about a group you have been part of that you actually liked being in. What made it work?
Why ask it
Whatever she names as the reason it worked is the thing she will look for here, whether that is being trusted with real work, being left alone, or being included by default. If every group she describes is one she led, ask how she does as a member.
What are you already involved in on campus?
Why ask it
Useful less as a resume check than as a scheduling reality check, since a PNM in a varsity sport or a demanding student org will be a good sister on a different timetable. It also shows whether she has already found her footing here or is still looking for a foothold.
When you picture yourself in a chapter, what are you doing on an ordinary Tuesday night?
Why ask it
The vague answers to this are the telling ones, because a PNM who can only describe formals and philanthropy events has pictured the highlight reel, not membership. Someone who describes studying in the same room as other people has thought about what daily life would actually feel like.
What role do you usually end up playing in a group: the organizer, the idea person, the one who keeps everyone calm?
Why ask it
Offering options makes it answerable in the two minutes you have, and self-description here is fairly reliable because none of the choices sound bad. If she claims all three, ask for the last time she did each one.
Honestly, how much time a week are you hoping to give to a chapter?
Why ask it
Saying honestly out loud gives her permission to name a real number instead of an eager one, which saves both of you a difficult spring. A wildly high estimate is not automatically good news, since PNMs who promise everything are often the ones who burn out by initiation.
What are you nervous about when it comes to joining?
Why ask it
This is the question most PNMs are not asked, and the answer is often the most honest thing she says: money, time, being judged, or leaving a friend behind. A cheerful nothing usually means she does not yet trust the room, so answer it about yourself first.
Is there anything you have heard about Greek life that has put you off?
Why ask it
Better to hear her real hesitation now than to have her drop after a bid, and how she raises a criticism shows whether she can say an uncomfortable thing to someone's face. If her concern is something your chapter genuinely struggles with, say so plainly rather than smoothing it over.
What causes do you actually care about, and have you done anything about one of them?
Why ask it
The second half separates stated concern from spent time, and even a small answer like driving a neighbor to appointments counts more than a long list of interests. If she names your philanthropy specifically and knows nothing about it, she has been coached.
Tell me about a time you disagreed with someone in a group. How did that go?
Why ask it
Chapter friction is usually about small things, so what you want to hear is that she can describe a disagreement without making the other person a villain. Answers where she never disagrees with anyone are worth probing, because conflict avoidance shows up later as silence in chapter meetings.
Who in your life has backed you the most, and what did they do?
Why ask it
The what did they do part turns a sentimental answer into a concrete one, and it tells you what support looks like to her, which is what she will offer other people. Someone whose examples are all practical help will show up with a car and a meal rather than a long talk.
If you joined, what would you want us to hold you to?
Why ask it
This flips the accountability question so she is choosing a standard rather than defending herself, and the answer often reveals a habit she already knows she needs help with. A blank here is normal for first year students, so it is a good place to trade an answer of your own.
What does home feel like to you?
Why ask it
Deliberately open, and useful because the sisterhood pitch is essentially about belonging, so hearing her own version keeps you from selling her yours. Answers about specific rooms, meals, or noise levels tell you far more than answers about people in general.
What is something about you we would not guess from anything you have told us today?
Why ask it
Late in the conversation she has relaxed enough to give a real answer, and this is often the detail you will actually remember when you sit down to write notes. If she has nothing, that is fine, and offering something odd about yourself usually unsticks it.
What do you want to ask me about being in this chapter?
Why ask it
Leave real time for this rather than tacking it on as the bell rings, because the questions she chooses show what she is weighing. Answer the hard ones straight, including cost and time, since a PNM who joins on a rosy account is the one who quits.
Running a Sisterhood Round Conversation
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Making Five Minutes Count
Pick three questions, not twenty
You have a few minutes before you rotate. Two openers and one real question, each with a follow-up, will tell you more than marching down a list. The follow-up is where the actual information lives, so give up the third question rather than the follow-up.
Answer your own question first when it is a hard one
Nerves, money, and time commitments are things PNMs are afraid to say out loud to a member. If you go first with a short, unpolished answer, you will get a real one back. If you ask cold, you will get the version she thinks you want.
Know your chapter's conversation rules before you sit down
Many chapters and Panhellenic councils ask members to steer clear of politics, religion, money, alcohol, and dating during rounds. Check what your recruitment chair expects, because an off limits topic you raise innocently can create a problem for the whole chapter.
Write your notes on substance, not impressions
By the end of a round every PNM blurs together, and what survives in memory is usually appearance and energy. Note one specific thing she said and one thing you would want to ask her next time. That is the note that helps a vote.
Do not hint at a bid
It is tempting when a conversation goes well, and it is not yours to promise. Say plainly that you enjoyed the conversation and hope to see her at the next round. Anything stronger sets up a hurt you will not be there for.
What Goes Wrong
Interviewing instead of talking
Questions phrased like a job application get answers phrased like a cover letter. If you would not say the sentence out loud to a friend at lunch, rephrase it before you use it.
Rewarding the most polished PNM
Some PNMs arrive coached, with rehearsed answers about values and philanthropy. Polish is a sign of preparation, not of fit. The quieter PNM who gave one specific, unrehearsed answer is often the better read.
Selling through the whole conversation
If you spend the time describing how close everyone is, you learn nothing and she has no way to picture herself in it. Trade shorter, more concrete answers about your own week and spend the rest of the time listening.
Reading nerves as disinterest
A PNM on her fifth conversation of the day may be flat, tired, or overwhelmed rather than uninterested. Ask about her day first, and judge the conversation from the point where she settles.