Sisterhood Round Questions to Ask PNMs
Questions for the sisterhood round of recruitment, when conversations run longer and both sides are trying to work out whether this is a fit. Written for members, with notes on what a given answer tends to tell you.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What have you liked most about recruitment so far, and has anything surprised you?
Why ask it
The surprise half is the useful half, because it tells you what expectations she arrived with and which ones have already fallen away. Keep it general, since asking her to compare chapters puts her in an awkward spot and most councils prohibit it.
What do you want out of college that has nothing to do with your degree?
Why ask it
Answers here are rarely rehearsed, so you tend to get the actual motive: independence, a group, a city, or simply a break from who she was in high school. If everything she names is achievement, a chapter may become one more thing she performs rather than a place she rests.
When you walk into a room full of people you do not know, what do you usually do?
Why ask it
This gets past the self assessment of shy or outgoing and asks for behavior instead, which is more honest and more useful. Someone who finds one person and stays with them will need a different kind of introduction to the chapter than someone who works the room.
What are you good at that nobody ever asks you to do?
Why ask it
It surfaces a skill that is not on her recruitment resume, and it also gently reveals whether she feels seen where she is now. Answers like fixing things, remembering birthdays, or calming people down are the ones that actually matter in a chapter.
Is there a tradition from your family or hometown you would want to keep going here?
Why ask it
Sisterhood round leans heavily on tradition, so hearing hers first keeps the conversation from becoming a pitch about yours. The answer is also a fast, low pressure way to learn where she comes from without asking her to explain her background.
Tell me about a friend you would want us to meet.
Why ask it
People describe their own values most accurately when talking about someone they admire. Notice whether she praises how her friend treats people or what her friend has accomplished, since that distinction predicts how she will judge her future sisters.
What kind of friend are you when someone is going through something hard?
Why ask it
Ask for the specific thing she does rather than the feeling, because show up gets said by everyone. A PNM who says she is better at logistics than at talking is giving you an honest and genuinely useful answer, not a weak one.
When you are stressed, do you want to be left alone, fed, or talked through it?
Why ask it
Practical information for whoever ends up living with her or being her big, and it turns an abstract question about support into something she can answer in one sentence. It also signals that this chapter thinks about care in concrete terms.
What does a hard week look like for you during the semester?
Why ask it
The description tells you whether her sense of a hard week is a lab report or a genuine crisis, which is a fair read on both her load and her resilience. If she cannot picture one yet, she is probably a first year student and that is worth allowing for.
What is something you stuck with even after it stopped being fun?
Why ask it
Retention is the real question behind most recruitment conversations, and past persistence is the closest thing to evidence you will get in five minutes. A blank is not damning, but a pattern of quitting things at the first friction is worth noting honestly.
Do you do better in a big group or a small one?
Why ask it
Chapter size is the single thing most likely to make a new member feel lost, so an honest answer here helps you place her rather than judge her. If she says small, listen for whether she wants a smaller chapter or just a reliable handful of people inside a large one.
When you disagree with how a group is doing something, what do you actually do?
Why ask it
The word actually is doing work, because it invites the real answer rather than the ideal one. Someone who says she usually says nothing and then resents it is being more useful to you than someone who claims she always speaks up respectfully.
Have you ever had to step away from a group or a friendship? What happened?
Why ask it
How she narrates an ending shows whether she can hold her own part in it, which matters more in a live in chapter than almost anything else. Be ready for a heavy answer and to let it stay short if she wants it to.
What do you need from people to feel like you belong somewhere?
Why ask it
This is the question the whole round is circling, and hearing her version keeps you from assuming your chapter's version of closeness is the one she wants. Being invited without asking, being remembered, and being left alone sometimes are all common answers and they call for different things.
What is the last thing you changed your mind about?
Why ask it
It tests whether she can hold a view loosely, which is what makes chapter debates survivable. Answers about small things count; what you are listening for is whether she can name what changed her mind rather than just that she did.
Who are you when you are at your best?
Why ask it
Broad on purpose, and the pause before the answer often tells you as much as the answer. Someone who describes conditions rather than traits, such as being at her best when she has slept and has a plan, is giving you the more thoughtful reply.
What would make you say no to a chapter?
Why ask it
PNMs are rarely invited to name a dealbreaker, and hearing hers lets you say plainly whether your chapter has that problem. If her dealbreaker is something you cannot honestly rule out, say so, because a mismatch found now costs less than one found in November.
If you joined, what would you want to be known for here in four years?
Why ask it
Forward looking and easier to answer than a question about goals, because it lets her describe a reputation rather than a plan. Being the person everyone can call is a stronger answer than holding a specific office, though both tell you where she is aiming.
What do you hope is different about your life a year from now?
Why ask it
This often surfaces the thing she is actually hoping recruitment solves, which may be loneliness, a schedule, or a fresh start. If a chapter cannot realistically supply what she names, it is kinder to be clear about that than to nod along.
What do you still want to know about us before you make a decision?
Why ask it
The questions she picks show what she is weighing, and whether she has been paying attention to anything beyond the room. Answer the uncomfortable ones directly, including time and cost, because vague reassurance now reads as dishonesty later.
How Sisterhood Round Conversations Actually Go
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Running the Conversation
Treat it as a two way read
Sisterhood round is the point where a PNM decides about you, not only the reverse. If she leaves knowing three concrete things about daily membership, the round worked, even if you learned less than you hoped.
Trade before you probe
Answer each real question about yourself in two sentences before handing it to her. It sets the depth you are asking for and stops the exchange from feeling like an evaluation, which is what makes PNMs retreat into stock answers.
Let a pause sit
The best answers in this round arrive after three or four seconds of silence. Members tend to rescue the pause with a follow-up question, which resets the PNM to surface level. Wait it out once and see what comes.
Check the rules with your recruitment chair first
Councils and chapters commonly bar asking PNMs about other houses, and many also ask members to avoid politics, religion, money, alcohol, and dating during rounds. Ask before recruitment week rather than guessing mid conversation.
Write one sentence you would repeat in a vote
Not an impression, a quotation. One specific thing she said, in her words, does more for a fair discussion than a paragraph about how much you loved her. It also protects quieter PNMs from being remembered as nothing.
Where These Conversations Go Wrong
Asking what sisterhood means to her
It is the most asked question of the week and it produces the most rehearsed answer of the week. Ask what she needs in order to feel she belongs somewhere and you will get something she has not already said six times today.
Talking for most of the round
Nerves push members to fill silence with chapter stories. If you cannot recall three of her answers afterwards, the balance was wrong regardless of how warm it felt.
Reading confidence as fit
The most fluent PNM in the room may simply be the most practiced. Judge the specific answers, not the delivery, and give weight to any answer that clearly was not prepared.
Promising what you cannot deliver
Do not hint at a bid, do not describe your chapter as having no conflict, and do not soften the time or financial commitment. Every one of those comes back as a broken expectation in the first semester.