Questions to Ask for Wedding RSVP
Questions to put on a wedding RSVP card, online form, or follow-up message: who is actually coming, what they eat, what access they need, how they are travelling, and how to reach them in the final week. Written for couples collecting the answers a caterer and a seating plan require.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Will you be able to join us?
Why ask it
Keep this as the first field and make it a choice rather than a blank line, because open-ended cards come back with sentences a spreadsheet cannot hold. Print the names you are inviting above it so the reply confirms who, not just how many.
Which of the people named on the invitation will be coming?
Why ask it
This is the question that prevents the classic problem: a card returned for two when you invited four, or the reverse. Listing each name with its own tick box removes the guesswork and makes an unexpected extra guest visible before the caterer is booked.
Will you be with us for the ceremony, the reception, or both?
Why ask it
Only include this if the two have different times or venues, otherwise it reads as an invitation to pick one. Where the gap is long, expect a share of guests to skip the middle, and the answers here are what tell you how many chairs to set.
Which main course would you like?
Why ask it
List the actual dishes as they will appear, not beef, fish, vegetarian, because guests choose differently once they can see what is in it. Note the deadline your venue needs numbers by, since choices submitted late are the usual cause of a plate arriving wrong.
Does anyone in your party have a food allergy the kitchen needs to know about?
Why ask it
Ask about allergies separately from preferences, because a caterer treats them differently and a single combined box produces a mix of the two. Naming the kitchen in the question makes clear that this is a safety detail rather than a menu request.
Is there anything you cannot eat for religious reasons or on medical advice?
Why ask it
Catches halal, kosher, and coeliac needs that guests often leave out because they do not consider them allergies. It also gives observant guests a way to answer without having to explain themselves in the margin of a card.
Will you be bringing children, and how old will they be on the day?
Why ask it
Ages determine high chairs, children's meals, and whether a quiet room is worth arranging. If children are not invited, do not ask this: leave it off entirely and say so plainly on the details card instead.
Does anyone in your party need step-free access, or space for a wheelchair or walking frame?
Why ask it
Ask this of everyone rather than the guests you assume need it, since people rarely volunteer it and often arrive hoping to manage. The answers change your table layout and where you put the nearest accessible toilet on the map.
Does anyone need to be seated near the front to see or hear the ceremony?
Why ask it
Covers hearing loss and low vision, which guests are far more likely to disclose in response to a practical question than to a general one about needs. Two reserved rows solve most of it, and you will only know how many to reserve if you ask.
Are you travelling from out of town, and would hotel information help?
Why ask it
Tells you the size of your out-of-town group, which is what drives room blocks, welcome events, and transport. Guests who say yes here are also the ones who will need directions and timings earliest.
Will you be driving, or would you use a shuttle if we arranged one?
Why ask it
A conditional question is the only honest way to size a bus before you book it. Expect the number who say they would use it to exceed the number who eventually do, so confirm again a fortnight out.
Can you join us for drinks the evening before?
Why ask it
Put each additional event on its own line with its own reply, because a single yes to the weekend gets read differently by every guest. Separate answers also let you cap a smaller event without appearing to uninvite anyone.
Are you staying for breakfast the morning after?
Why ask it
Numbers for the morning are consistently over-optimistic when guests answer months ahead. Ask anyway for a rough count, then confirm on the day itself with whoever is still there.
Who would you most like to be sitting with?
Why ask it
One or two names per party makes the seating plan far quicker and lands better than trying to guess friendships you half remember. Say clearly that you will do your best rather than promise, so a request that cannot be met does not read as a slight.
Is there anything we should know before we work out the seating?
Why ask it
A deliberately open field that lets someone mention a divorce, a rift, or a family situation without having to spell it out on a card. Most guests will leave it blank, and the few who use it will save you a very awkward table.
What one song would get you onto the dance floor?
Why ask it
The one light question on the card, and the reason a lot of guests reply at all. Ask for a single song rather than requests, or you will be handing your band a list nobody can play.
What is the best email address and mobile number for you in the last week?
Why ask it
Postal addresses do not help when a start time moves or a venue changes. Collect this even from guests you speak to regularly, because the person doing the ringing round on the day is likely to be someone else.
Would you like the details posted to you as well as emailed?
Why ask it
A small question that matters for older guests and anyone who does not check email often. It is also cheaper to ask than to print and post to everybody, and the answers usually cluster in one part of the guest list.
Is there anything that would make the day easier for you that we have not asked about?
Why ask it
Catches the things no form anticipates: a carer coming along, medication that needs refrigerating, a feed for a baby, an early train. Keep it as the last field so it does not pull attention from the questions you need structured answers to.
If your plans change, can you let us know by the date on the card?
Why ask it
Names the cutoff after which the numbers are fixed and you are paying for empty seats. Give the date and one contact, because guests who tell a bridesmaid in passing genuinely believe they have told you.
Getting Usable Answers Out of Your RSVPs
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to Set It Up
Work Backwards From the Venue Deadline
Ask your caterer when they need final numbers and choices, then set your RSVP date two to three weeks before that. Those weeks are for chasing, and you will need all of them.
Print the Names, Not the Number
Cards addressed to a household with a space for how many come back with an extra guest more often than you would think. Writing each invited name with a tick box makes your intent unambiguous without a single awkward conversation.
One Question Per Line, One Answer Per Person
Meals, allergies, and access needs vary within a party, so collect them per named guest rather than per envelope. A single box for the household is how a nut allergy ends up attached to the wrong plate.
Give Two Ways to Reply
An online form is easier to total up, and a stamped card matters for guests who will not use one. Keep the fields identical on both so you are not merging two different sets of answers by hand.
Chase by Phone, Not by Post
Expect a third of your list to need a reminder. A short call or message a week after the deadline gets an answer immediately, while a second card usually gets the same silence as the first.
Common Pitfalls
Putting the Registry on the RSVP
Gift information alongside a request to reply reads as a condition of attending. Keep it on a separate details card or your website, where guests can find it if they want it.
Asking Open Questions You Have to Interpret
Any dietary requirements returns no dairy really, small portions please, and I eat most things. Offer named dishes and a separate allergy line, then leave one open box for anything unusual.
Inviting Negotiation by Accident
A blank line for number of guests, or a question about who else you are bringing, reads as an offer. If plus-ones and children are not included, the card should be silent on both and the details card should say so once, plainly.
Losing the Answers Across Three Places
Cards on the kitchen table, replies in two inboxes, and a group chat guarantee that a meal choice goes missing. Enter every reply into one list the same day it arrives, with the date received.
Treating Access Needs as an Afterthought
Guests routinely say nothing and then struggle on the day, especially older relatives. Asking everyone the same practical question about steps, seating, and hearing gets you honest answers without singling anyone out.
What to Put Where
On the Card Itself
- 1Whether they can join you, with each invited name listed
- 2Which main course each guest would like
- 3Allergies the kitchen needs to know about
- 4The reply-by date and one name to contact
On the Online Form
- 1Everything on the card, plus access and seating needs
- 2Children coming, and their ages on the day
- 3Travel, overnight stay, and whether they would use a shuttle
- 4Email and mobile number for the final week
- 5One song, and anything else you should know
In the Follow-Up Call
- 1Confirm the headcount and the meal choices you are missing
- 2Ask again about anyone with access needs in the party
- 3Confirm shuttle use and morning-after numbers
- 4Check the phone number you hold is the one they will have on the day
Keep One Column For Each of These
- Guest name, exactly as it should appear on a place card
- Attending: ceremony, reception, or both
- Main course choice
- Allergy or medical dietary need, kept separate from preference
- Access needs, including seating and step-free routes
- Children coming, with ages
- Overnight stay, travel method, and shuttle seat
- Email and mobile number
- Date the reply arrived, and who took it