20 Questions

Questions to Ask a Guy Before Marriage

Important questions to discuss before marriage, ensuring you understand each other's values, goals, and expectations for a successful lifelong partnership.

1

What does marriage mean to you and what are your expectations?

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Why this works

Understanding each other's views on marriage is crucial for alignment. This question helps you understand their values and expectations for the relationship.

2

What are your financial goals and how do you handle money?

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Why this works

Financial compatibility is crucial for marital success. Understanding their approach to money helps you plan for your financial future together.

3

What are your thoughts on having children and how would you raise them?

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Why this works

Parenting philosophies are important for long-term compatibility. Understanding their views on children helps you plan for your family future.

4

What are your career goals and how do you balance work and family?

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Why this works

Understanding career aspirations helps you plan for your future together. This question helps you understand their priorities and how they balance different aspects of life.

5

What are your religious or spiritual beliefs and practices?

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Why this works

Spiritual compatibility is important for many couples. Understanding their beliefs helps you understand their values and how they approach life.

6

What are your thoughts on household responsibilities and division of labor?

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Why this works

Understanding expectations about household work helps you plan for daily life. This question helps you understand their views on gender roles and responsibilities.

7

What are your communication styles and how do you handle conflict?

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Why this works

Communication is crucial for marital success. Understanding their approach to communication and conflict helps you build a strong relationship.

8

What are your thoughts on intimacy and physical affection?

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Why this works

Physical intimacy is important for marital satisfaction. Understanding their views on intimacy helps you plan for your physical relationship.

9

What are your thoughts on extended family and in-laws?

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Why this works

Family relationships can impact your marriage. Understanding their views on family helps you plan for relationships with extended family.

10

What are your thoughts on personal space and independence?

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Why this works

Understanding boundaries is important for a healthy relationship. This question helps you understand their need for personal space and independence.

11

What are your thoughts on social activities and friendships?

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Why this works

Understanding social preferences helps you plan for your social life together. This question helps you understand their approach to friendships and social activities.

12

What are your thoughts on travel and adventure?

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Why this works

Understanding travel preferences helps you plan for your future together. This question helps you understand their sense of adventure and desire to explore.

13

What are your thoughts on health and lifestyle choices?

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Why this works

Understanding health and lifestyle preferences helps you plan for your future together. This question helps you understand their approach to health and wellness.

14

What are your thoughts on personal growth and development?

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Why this works

Understanding their approach to personal growth helps you plan for your future together. This question helps you understand their commitment to self-improvement.

15

What are your thoughts on decision-making and leadership in the relationship?

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Why this works

Understanding decision-making styles helps you plan for your future together. This question helps you understand their approach to leadership and decision-making.

16

What are your thoughts on traditions and celebrations?

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Why this works

Understanding their approach to traditions helps you plan for your future together. This question helps you understand their values and how they celebrate important moments.

17

What are your thoughts on personal boundaries and privacy?

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Why this works

Understanding boundaries is important for a healthy relationship. This question helps you understand their need for privacy and personal boundaries.

18

What are your thoughts on future goals and dreams?

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Why this works

Understanding future aspirations helps you plan for your life together. This question helps you understand their dreams and how you can support each other.

19

What are your thoughts on commitment and loyalty?

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Why this works

Understanding their views on commitment helps you plan for your future together. This question helps you understand their values and expectations for the relationship.

20

What are your thoughts on what makes a successful marriage?

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Why this works

Understanding their views on marriage success helps you plan for your future together. This question helps you understand their values and what they believe makes a marriage work.

Pre-Marriage Discussion Guide

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Pre-Marriage Discussion Best Practices

Be Honest and Open

Share your thoughts and feelings honestly. Open communication is crucial for building a strong foundation for your marriage.

Listen Actively

Give your full attention when your partner is speaking. Active listening shows respect and helps you understand their perspective.

Ask Follow-up Questions

Show genuine interest by asking follow-up questions about their responses. This demonstrates that you're listening and care about their thoughts and feelings.

Question Sequences

The Foundation Series

1
What does marriage mean to you and what are your expectations?
2
What are your thoughts on what makes a successful marriage?
3
What are your thoughts on commitment and loyalty?
4
What are your thoughts on personal growth and development?

The Practical Planning Series

1
What are your financial goals and how do you handle money?
2
What are your career goals and how do you balance work and family?
3
What are your thoughts on household responsibilities and division of labor?
4
What are your thoughts on extended family and in-laws?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Avoid Difficult Topics

Don't avoid discussing difficult or sensitive topics. These conversations are crucial for building a strong foundation for your marriage.

Avoid Making Assumptions

Don't assume you know their thoughts and feelings. Ask questions and listen to their responses to understand their perspective.

Don't Ignore Red Flags

Pay attention to any concerns or red flags that come up during these conversations. Address them honestly and openly.

Discussion Templates

The Foundation Building

1
Step 1: Start with: "What does marriage mean to you and what are your expectations?"
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What are your thoughts on what makes a successful marriage?"
3
Step 3: Explore with: "What are your thoughts on commitment and loyalty?"
4
Step 4: Conclude with: "What are your thoughts on personal growth and development?"

The Practical Planning

1
Step 1: Begin with: "What are your financial goals and how do you handle money?"
2
Step 2: Investigate with: "What are your career goals and how do you balance work and family?"
3
Step 3: Explore with: "What are your thoughts on household responsibilities and division of labor?"
4
Step 4: Plan with: "What are your thoughts on extended family and in-laws?"

Further Reading

"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman
"Before You Say I Do" by H. Norman Wright
"The Marriage Preparation Workbook" by Les and Leslie Parrott

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