20 Questions

Questions to Ask Long Distance

Meaningful questions to maintain connection and intimacy when you're miles apart from someone special.

1

What's the first thing you want to do when we're together again?

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Why this works

Creates anticipation and excitement while revealing their priorities and what they miss most about being together.

2

How has your day been different because I'm not there?

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Why this works

Helps them articulate your impact on their daily life and reinforces your importance in their routine.

3

What's something new you've discovered about yourself lately?

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Why this works

Encourages personal growth sharing and helps you stay connected to their evolving identity.

4

If you could teleport here for just one hour, what would we do?

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Why this works

Reveals their deepest desires for connection and creates a shared fantasy that strengthens emotional intimacy.

5

What's been the hardest part about being apart?

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Why this works

Allows them to express vulnerability and helps you understand their specific challenges with distance.

6

What's a small moment today that made you think of me?

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Why this works

Shows they carry you in their thoughts and helps you feel present in their daily life.

7

If we could have dinner together right now, what would you want to talk about?

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Why this works

Reveals what's on their mind and creates the feeling of an intimate conversation despite the distance.

8

What's something you've been wanting to tell me but haven't found the right time?

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Why this works

Opens the door for deeper sharing and ensures important thoughts don't get lost in the distance.

9

How do you picture our future together?

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Why this works

Aligns your visions for the relationship and helps you both stay focused on long-term goals.

10

What's been the best part of your week so far?

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Why this works

Keeps you connected to their positive experiences and allows you to celebrate their joys together.

11

If you could send me one thing from where you are, what would it be?

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Why this works

Reveals what they associate with their location and creates a tangible connection to their world.

12

What's something you've learned about relationships from being apart?

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Why this works

Encourages reflection on the relationship and helps you both grow from the distance experience.

13

How do you want to feel when we're finally together again?

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Why this works

Helps you understand their emotional needs and creates shared anticipation for reunion.

14

What's a challenge you're facing that I can help with from here?

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Why this works

Shows you want to be supportive despite distance and helps them feel less alone in their struggles.

15

If we could create a perfect day together right now, what would it look like?

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Why this works

Builds shared dreams and helps you understand their ideal way of spending time together.

16

What's something you miss about me that surprised you?

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Why this works

Reveals unexpected aspects of your relationship and helps you understand your unique impact on them.

17

How has this distance changed how you see our relationship?

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Why this works

Allows for honest reflection on the relationship's evolution and helps you both process the experience.

18

What's one thing you want me to know about your life right now?

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Why this works

Ensures you stay updated on their current reality and helps bridge the gap created by distance.

19

If you could give me one piece of advice for getting through this distance, what would it be?

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Why this works

Shows you value their perspective and helps you understand their coping strategies.

20

What's the first thing you want to hear me say when we're together again?

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Why this works

Reveals their deepest emotional needs and creates anticipation for meaningful reconnection.

Maintaining Connection Across Distance

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices for Long Distance

Create Regular Rituals

Establish consistent communication patterns like daily check-ins or weekly video calls to maintain connection.

Share Daily Details

Don't just ask about big events - share the small moments that make up daily life to stay connected.

Plan Future Together

Always have the next visit planned to give you both something concrete to look forward to.

Conversation Starters

Daily Connection Questions

1
What's the best part of your day so far?
2
What made you smile today?
3
What's something you're looking forward to?
4
How are you feeling right now?

Deep Connection Questions

1
What's been on your mind lately?
2
What's something you've been thinking about that you haven't shared?
3
How has this week changed you?
4
What are you most grateful for right now?

Common Pitfalls

Avoid Surface-Level Conversations

Don't let distance turn your conversations into boring check-ins. Keep asking meaningful questions that create intimacy.

Don't Skip the Hard Topics

Distance can make it tempting to avoid difficult conversations, but these are crucial for maintaining trust and connection.

Conversation Templates

The Daily Connection

1
Step 1: Start with: 'What's one thing that made today special?'
2
Step 2: Follow with: 'How did that make you feel?'
3
Step 3: Deepen with: 'What does that tell you about yourself?'

The Future Builder

1
Step 1: Ask: 'What's one thing you want to do when we're together?'
2
Step 2: Explore: 'Why is that important to you?'
3
Step 3: Plan: 'How can we make that happen?'

Further Reading

The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide by Gregory Guldner
Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez
Long Distance Relationship Apps and Tools
Couples Therapy for Long Distance Relationships

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