Questions to Ask My Divorce Lawyer
Questions for a first consultation or an early meeting with a divorce lawyer, covering who will handle your file, how fees work, the likely range of outcomes, timelines, and what to do and stop doing now. This is a list of questions, not legal advice.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How much of your practice is family law, and do you handle cases like mine regularly?
Why ask it
Family law rules and local practice vary, and a general practitioner may be learning on your file. A useful answer includes roughly how many similar cases they have handled in the last year.
Will you be the person working on my case, or will it be handed to someone else?
Why ask it
Consultations are often taken by a senior lawyer while the day-to-day work goes to an associate or paralegal. That can be a good thing for cost, but you should know it before you sign.
What are your rates, and who else will bill to my file and at what rate?
Why ask it
Ask for every rate, including paralegal time, and the minimum increment billed for a phone call. A six-minute minimum on emails changes how you should communicate with them.
What retainer do you need, how is it drawn down, and what happens when it runs out?
Why ask it
You need to know whether the retainer is a deposit against hourly work or a flat fee, and whether unused money is returned. Ask what notice you get before a top-up is required.
What is your best estimate of total cost if this settles, and if it goes to trial?
Why ask it
No one can promise a figure, but an experienced lawyer can give a range for each path. If they will not give any range at all, ask what makes your case too unpredictable to estimate.
Which costs are not your fees: filing, mediators, appraisers, experts?
Why ask it
These add up independently of legal time and are often the difference between an estimate and a bill. Ask which of them your case is likely to need.
Based on what I have told you, what is the likely range of outcomes?
Why ask it
You are looking for a range with reasoning attached, not a promise. A lawyer who guarantees a result at a first meeting is telling you something you should take as a warning.
Which two or three facts in my situation will matter most?
Why ask it
Cases usually turn on a small number of things: length of marriage, who earns what, where the children live, when an asset was acquired. Knowing which ones lets you focus your effort and your documents.
How does the law here treat the property we own, and does it matter whose name it is in?
Why ask it
The framework differs by jurisdiction and the outcome is often not intuitive. Ask specifically about anything owned before the marriage, inherited, or held in one name only.
How is support calculated here, and roughly what does that look like in our case?
Why ask it
Child support usually follows a formula, while spousal support is often more discretionary. Ask which applies to which part of your case and what inputs the numbers depend on.
How do courts here approach custody and parenting time?
Why ask it
Local practice matters more than the general rule, and your lawyer sees it weekly. Ask what a typical arrangement looks like for children the age of yours.
What should I do, and stop doing, starting today?
Why ask it
The answer is usually practical: do not move money, do not empty a joint account, do not post about it, keep paying what you have been paying. Acting first and asking later is how people damage their own position.
What documents do you need from me, and in what order?
Why ask it
Gathering statements and returns yourself is far cheaper than having the firm chase them. Ask what to prioritize so you are not paying for time spent waiting on you.
Should we consider mediation or a collaborative process, and would you tell me if we should?
Why ask it
The second half is the real question, since a litigator has a financial interest in litigation. A lawyer willing to say your case belongs in mediation is usually one worth hiring.
What is the realistic timeline, and which parts of it are outside anyone's control?
Why ask it
Court calendars, mandatory waiting periods, and the other side's cooperation set much of the pace. Knowing which delays are structural keeps you from reading every quiet month as neglect.
How and how often will you update me, and who do I contact between updates?
Why ask it
Poor communication is the most common complaint clients make about divorce lawyers. Agree a rhythm now, and get the name of the person who answers routine questions at a lower rate.
How do you handle it when the other side is uncooperative or will not respond?
Why ask it
Listen for a process rather than a temperament: deadlines, motions, court intervention. Cases stall for months when a firm has no plan for silence from the other side.
What could I do by accident that would damage my case?
Why ask it
Common examples involve recording conversations, moving out, taking children out of the area, or messages sent in anger. This question tends to produce the most immediately useful answer of the meeting.
If we disagree about strategy, how do we settle it?
Why ask it
The decision to accept or refuse a settlement is yours, and their role is advice. A lawyer who is clear about that boundary now is less likely to pressure you later.
If I do not hire you, what should I look for in someone else?
Why ask it
Ask at the end. It gives you a candid description of what competence looks like in this field, and how they answer says a good deal about how they will treat you.
Preparing for the First Meeting
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you go
Ask whether the consultation is paid
Some firms give thirty minutes free, others charge their normal rate. Ask when you book, and ask how long you will have, so you can order your questions accordingly.
Write a one-page timeline
Dates of marriage and separation, children's ages, who lives where, and any court papers already filed. One page read in advance saves expensive minutes of narrative.
Bring the financial basics
Recent tax returns, current pay information for both of you, a list of accounts, debts, and property, and any prenuptial or postnuptial agreement. Approximate figures are better than none.
Write your questions down and take notes
Most people leave a first consultation remembering about a third of it. Bring paper, and ask if you may write down the numbers they quote.
Keeping costs sane
- Read the fee agreement, including the sections on withdrawal and on unpaid balances
- Batch your questions into one email rather than sending five in a day
- Ask whether a paralegal can handle routine items at a lower rate
- Ask for itemized invoices and read them when they arrive, not months later
- Use a therapist or a friend for support, since your lawyer's hourly rate is a costly place to process feelings
Practical matters people overlook
Say it if there is any safety concern
Mention any history of violence, threats, or intimidation at the first meeting. It can change the filing strategy and the protections available, and it should not wait.
Use a private email and device
Correspondence with your lawyer that sits in a shared account, a family computer, or a phone on a shared plan may not stay private. Set up an account only you can reach.
Do not rely on what friends were told
Outcomes differ by jurisdiction, by judge, and by the facts of each marriage. Advice from someone else's divorce is one of the most common sources of unrealistic expectations.
Ask about the paperwork after the case ends
Deeds, retirement transfers, name changes, and beneficiary updates often need separate steps. Find out which are yours to do and which the firm handles.