20 Questions

Questions to Ask on a Coffee Chat

Engaging questions to ask during a coffee chat to build connections, learn about someone, and have meaningful conversations.

1

What's something you're really excited about right now?

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Why this works

Opens up positive conversation and helps you connect with what's energizing them in their life.

2

What's something you've been working on that you're proud of?

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Why this works

Shows interest in their achievements and gives them a chance to share something meaningful they've accomplished.

3

What's something you've learned recently that surprised you?

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Why this works

Encourages intellectual conversation and helps you understand what's capturing their curiosity.

4

What's something you're looking forward to in the next few months?

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Why this works

Shows interest in their future plans and helps you understand what's motivating them right now.

5

What's something you wish you could tell your younger self?

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Why this works

Brings wisdom and reflection to the conversation and helps you understand their perspective on growth.

6

What's something you're grateful for that you don't often talk about?

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Why this works

Brings positivity to the conversation and helps you understand what's meaningful to them beyond the obvious.

7

What's something you've been curious about or want to learn more about?

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Why this works

Shows interest in their intellectual pursuits and helps you understand what's capturing their attention.

8

What's something you've discovered about yourself recently?

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Why this works

Shows interest in their personal growth and helps you understand how they're developing as a person.

9

What's something you wish you could change about the world?

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Why this works

Reveals their values and concerns and helps you understand what matters most to them.

10

What's something you've been thinking about that you haven't shared with anyone?

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Why this works

Creates intimacy and helps you understand what's really on their mind.

11

What's something you're proud of that you don't often get to talk about?

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Why this works

Gives them a chance to share something meaningful that they might not usually discuss.

12

What's something you've been working on improving about yourself?

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Why this works

Shows support for their personal development and helps you understand their growth goals.

13

What's something you've been excited about that you haven't had a chance to share?

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Why this works

Gives them a chance to share good news and helps you celebrate their positive experiences.

14

What's something you wish you could do more of?

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Why this works

Shows interest in their desires and helps you understand what they value and want to prioritize.

15

What's something you've been thinking about regarding your future?

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Why this works

Shows interest in their long-term plans and helps you understand their hopes and dreams.

16

What's something you've been struggling with that you'd like help with?

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Why this works

Shows you're there to support them and helps you understand how you can help them.

17

What's something you'd like to know about me that you've never asked?

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Why this works

Encourages mutual sharing and helps you both learn more about each other.

18

What's something you've been thinking about that you'd like to discuss with someone?

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Why this works

Creates space for deeper conversation and helps you understand what's on their mind that they want to share.

19

What's something you're grateful for that you don't often think about?

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Why this works

Brings appreciation to the conversation and helps you understand what they value that might be overlooked.

20

What's the most important thing you want me to know about you right now?

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Why this works

Gives them a chance to share what's most important to them and helps you understand their current state.

Making the Most of Coffee Chats

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Be Present and Engaged

Give your full attention to the conversation and avoid distractions. Show that you're genuinely interested in what they're saying.

Ask Follow-up Questions

Show genuine interest by asking follow-up questions that help you understand their experiences and feelings better.

Share Your Own Experiences

When appropriate, share your own experiences to create mutual understanding and connection.

Question Sequences

The Positive Energy Sequence

1
Start with: 'What's something you're really excited about right now?'
2
Follow with: 'What's something you've been working on that you're proud of?'
3
Conclude with: 'What's something you're grateful for that you don't often talk about?'

The Deep Connection Sequence

1
Begin with: 'What's something you've been thinking about that you haven't shared with anyone?'
2
Continue with: 'What's something you'd like to know about me that you've never asked?'
3
Finish with: 'What's the most important thing you want me to know about you right now?'

Common Pitfalls

Don't Rush the Conversation

Give them time to think and respond fully. Don't rush them to answer quickly or move on to the next question too fast.

Avoid Being Critical

Don't criticize their answers or try to fix their problems unless they specifically ask for advice.

Don't Make It All About You

Focus on them and their experiences. Don't turn every question into an opportunity to talk about yourself.

Conversation Templates

The Positive Energy Template

1
Step 1: Start with excitement: 'What's something you're really excited about right now?'
2
Step 2: Explore achievements: 'What's something you've been working on that you're proud of?'
3
Step 3: End with gratitude: 'What's something you're grateful for that you don't often talk about?'

The Deep Connection Template

1
Step 1: Create intimacy: 'What's something you've been thinking about that you haven't shared with anyone?'
2
Step 2: Encourage mutual sharing: 'What's something you'd like to know about me that you've never asked?'
3
Step 3: Get to the heart: 'What's the most important thing you want me to know about you right now?'

Further Reading

"The Art of Conversation" by Catherine Blyth
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
Conversation skills resources

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