Questions to Ask Yes or No
Twenty questions that can honestly be answered with one word, for car rides, waiting rooms, first dates and anyone who goes quiet when asked something open. Each one comes with what the answer tends to tell you and the follow-up worth asking once it lands.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Do you drink coffee?
Why ask it
A deliberately low-stakes opener whose only job is to get someone talking, and it works because everybody has an answer ready. The useful part is the follow-up, since how someone describes their morning drink usually leads straight into how their mornings actually go.
Do you have pets?
Why ask it
One of the few questions that reliably makes a guarded person animated, and a no is just as informative as a yes when you ask why not. Watch for the answer that arrives with a story about a pet that has died, which is a sign the conversation can go deeper than you expected.
Can you drive a manual car?
Why ask it
This is a skills question disguised as small talk, and it tends to reach the person who taught them, usually a parent, a grandparent or a first job. It also works well across ages, since the answer says something about where and when someone learned to drive.
Do you know how to swim?
Why ask it
A surprisingly revealing question, because whether someone was taught to swim tracks closely with childhood access to pools, lessons and vacations. A no is often accompanied by a specific reason, so ask gently and do not treat it as a gap to be corrected.
Have you ever left the country?
Why ask it
Better than asking where someone has traveled, which quietly assumes they have. A yes gives you a place to follow, and a no often leads somewhere more interesting, whether that is a passport application in progress or a reason travel has not been possible.
Do you cook most of your own dinners?
Why ask it
This gets at how someone's week is actually shaped: hours, budget, whether they live with anyone, whether they enjoy it. The best follow-up is what they cook when nobody else is watching, which almost always produces something specific and slightly embarrassing.
Have you ever broken a bone?
Why ask it
Reliable in a group because the answers arrive as stories rather than facts, and children and adults enjoy it equally. Notice that a long pause before the yes usually means the story involves something they did to themselves.
Do you sing in the car when you are on your own?
Why ask it
A yes is almost universal, which is why this works: it gives someone permission to be slightly ridiculous early in a conversation. The follow-up about what specifically they sing gets you real taste rather than the tidied version people offer when asked about music.
Do you sleep with your phone in the room?
Why ask it
This lands closer to home than it first appears, since it touches on work bleeding into the night, worry, family who might call, and how someone falls asleep. Answers often come with a rule they have set for themselves and broken, which is a candid thing to admit early.
Have you read a book in the last month?
Why ask it
The time limit is what makes this honest, where asking whether someone likes reading only invites the flattering answer. A no is completely fine and usually leads somewhere real about how tired they are, so do not ask it as a test.
Are you still in touch with anyone you knew before you were ten?
Why ask it
This tells you whether someone's life has been continuous or broken into chapters, and both patterns say something. People who moved a lot as children often answer no without regret, and people who answer yes usually have one particular person in mind.
Have you ever lived on your own?
Why ask it
A quiet question that reaches independence, money and whether they liked their own company. The interesting follow-up is whether they would do it again, since the answer separates people who found it freeing from people who found it lonely.
Would you move back to the place you grew up in?
Why ask it
This one usually gets an instant yes or no and a strong reason, which is exactly what you want. Listen for whether the reason is the place or the people, since that distinction tells you a lot about how someone thinks about home.
Are you afraid of heights?
Why ask it
Fear is easier to admit in a yes or no format than in a story, which is why this works better than asking what scares them. Do not chase it with a plan to cure it, just ask when they last noticed it.
Have you ever quit a job with nothing lined up?
Why ask it
This gets at risk appetite through something that actually happened rather than through a hypothetical. A yes usually comes with the reason it became unbearable, and a no often comes with the time they nearly did, which is just as revealing.
Do you check your balance before you spend money?
Why ask it
One of the few ways to ask about money that does not require anyone to name a number, and the answer describes a whole relationship with it. Keep the tone neutral, because both answers can come with embarrassment attached.
Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship?
Why ask it
Concrete rather than intrusive, and it moves the conversation toward relationships without asking anyone to summarize their history. The useful follow-up is what made it workable or unworkable, since people describe their own needs while answering.
Are you still in touch with anyone you used to date?
Why ask it
This is the point where a light game turns into something more searching, so only ask when the conversation can hold it. Both answers are legitimate, and how someone explains theirs tells you how they handle endings.
Do you think people can change?
Why ask it
A yes or no that opens directly onto how someone reads their own family, their exes and themselves. Almost everyone gives the answer they need to be true, so the reason matters far more than the word.
Are you happier than you were five years ago?
Why ask it
The closer, because it makes someone actually compare rather than report a mood. A long silence before the answer is the most honest response you can get, and the right next move is to wait rather than to fill it.
Getting More Out of a One Word Answer
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to Use Them
Always have the second question ready
A yes or no question is a door, not a conversation. Decide before you ask what you will say when the answer is yes and what you will say when it is no, because a three second gap after a one word answer is what makes these feel like an interview.
Use them with people that open questions shut down
Tell me about yourself is paralyzing for shy people, teenagers, anyone tired, and anyone whose English is a second language. A closed question is easy to answer correctly, and two or three of them usually loosen someone enough that an open question then works.
Keep the order roughly as it is
The first eight here are safe in any company and the last four assume some trust. Asking whether someone is happier than five years ago in the first two minutes reads as intense, while asking it after twenty minutes of easy answers reads as interest.
Answer them yourself too
One word from you after one word from them keeps it balanced and takes the edge off the ones that go deeper. Going first on a question you find slightly uncomfortable is the quickest way to make it safe for someone else.
Where These Work
In the car
Closed questions suit a car because nobody has to hold eye contact and either person can let a thread drop. This is why difficult conversations with teenagers often go better while driving than across a table.
First dates and new acquaintances
Use the early ones to find out whether the conversation has any momentum before you invest in a deeper question. If three closed questions in a row produce nothing but the single word, the problem is usually nerves rather than disinterest, so keep going a little longer than feels comfortable.
As a game with a group
Ask everyone to answer the same question with a show of hands, then ask only the outlier to explain. It moves quickly, nobody is trapped talking, and the outliers are where the stories are.
With children
Children answer closed questions readily and open ones badly, which is why did you have a good day gets a grunt. Have you ever broken a bone, do you sing in the car and do you have a pet all work at almost any age.
What Goes Wrong
- Firing them off in a row with no follow-up, which turns a conversation into a form
- Using either or questions by mistake, since coffee or tea is not a yes or no question
- Treating a no as a deficiency to be fixed, particularly on reading, cooking or travel
- Asking the searching ones too early, before there is any trust to hold them
- Asking only questions where you already know the answer you want to hear
- Pressing for the story when someone has clearly given you the one word deliberately
- Using them to test compatibility rather than to find out about someone
- Forgetting to answer any of them yourself