Questions to Ask Your Toddler Funny
Twenty questions to ask your two, three or four year old once, write down word for word, then ask again on their next birthday. Most of them turn the camera around: what your name is, what you do all day, what you always say, what you are best at. The comedy is in a toddler's view of you, and the value is in watching the same twenty answers change from one year to the next. For a set built purely for a laugh in the moment, the make-believe questions for your toddler do that job instead.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What's your favorite color?
Why ask it
A one-word answer almost every toddler can manage, which is why it belongs first. Expect it to change between askings, since many children name the color of whatever they happen to be holding.
How old are you? Can you show me on your fingers?
Why ask it
Fingers give a shy child something to do instead of talking. The gap between the number of fingers held up and the number said out loud is usually the funny part, and it shows how far their counting really goes.
What's my name?
Why ask it
Small children often assume your name really is Mom or Dad, so the first attempt at your first name is worth hearing. If they get it right, follow up with a grandparent or the dog.
How old do you think I am?
Why ask it
Toddlers have no scale for age beyond their own, so anything from five to a hundred is on the table. The number they pick is usually the biggest one they learned recently.
What do you want to be when you're big?
Why ask it
The classic yearly question, and at two the answer is usually a job someone in the family has, or an animal. Write it down exactly as they said it, because the wording changes faster than the ambition does.
What's your favorite thing to eat?
Why ask it
Toddlers answer with whatever they ate most recently rather than a considered favorite, which is exactly why it is worth dating. A year later it will be something else entirely.
What am I best at?
Why ask it
You will be told you are best at driving, or making toast, or finding things that are lost. The answer is a small report on which parts of you a toddler actually notices.
What makes you laugh the hardest?
Why ask it
The answer is usually a person rather than a thing, often a sibling doing something they get told off for. It doubles as a list of what to try when the afternoon falls apart.
Who's in our family?
Why ask it
The list is the point. Pets, a favorite toy and the occasional imaginary child all get included at two, and watching who joins and leaves that list over three years is the best keepsake here.
What do I always say?
Why ask it
Expect one of your own phrases delivered in your own voice, usually one you did not know you repeated. It is the funniest answer on this list and the least comfortable.
What do you think I do all day when you're not with me?
Why ask it
Work usually comes back as sitting, typing or drinking coffee. Beyond the comedy, it shows how much of your day they have quietly pieced together from what they overhear.
If you were in charge today, what would we do?
Why ask it
Expect a day made of snacks and one specific park. Requests that come up again next week are a reliable list of what they actually want more of.
What are you really good at?
Why ask it
Pairs with asking what you are best at, and the answers are gloriously specific: jumping, shouting, feeding the cat. Confidence at this age is uncomplicated, which is why it is worth recording.
If a cat could talk, what would it say first?
Why ask it
Putting words in an animal's mouth is easier than talking about themselves. What the cat says is frequently something that has been said to them, which is why the answer can sting a little.
Where do you think the moon goes in the daytime?
Why ask it
There is no answer they could have been taught, so you get pure theory. Whether the moon hides, sleeps or gets taken away tells you how they currently explain things that disappear.
What do you dream about?
Why ask it
Many toddlers describe a dream as something they watched rather than something they were inside. If the answer turns out to be frightening, you have a chance to hear about it in daylight instead of at 2am.
How do you think you got so big?
Why ask it
Growing is something happening to them that nobody has explained, so you get a theory involving food, sleep or simply waiting. The theory is usually replaced by the following birthday.
What's the biggest thing in the whole world?
Why ask it
This maps the outer edge of their world, which is often the family car, a truck or a local building rather than anything in the sky.
What's your favorite thing to do with me?
Why ask it
Answer it yourself first, then ask. The activity they name is rarely the expensive one, and comparing this year's answer with last year's tends to change how you spend a Saturday.
What's the best place in the whole world?
Why ask it
A good one to finish on, because the answer is usually somewhere ordinary you would never have guessed: a stairwell, a car park, one particular bench. Ask why and you get the reason it matters.
Getting Real Answers from a Toddler
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to Ask
One thing at a time
Two-part questions get half answers. A toddler answers the last clause they heard and drops the first, so ask what, and only then ask why, as a separate turn.
Wait past the first answer
The funny version usually arrives second, once they have decided the first answer was boring. Count to five in your head before filling the silence.
Leave the facts alone
If the moon goes to the shops, it goes to the shops. Correcting an invented answer teaches them these questions have a right answer, and from then on they guess what you want to hear.
Write it down the same hour
The exact wording is the whole charm, and it is gone by evening. A note on your phone works better than a camera, since most toddlers stop talking the moment one is pointed at them.
Ask the same question months apart
The value is in the change. The same question at two and a half and at three and a half gives you a record of how their thinking moved, which no new question can.
What Shuts Them Down
- Asking why three times in a row. One why reads as interest, three reads as a test, and they go quiet.
- Asking with relatives watching. Toddlers either perform or freeze in front of an audience, and neither gets you what they think.
- Asking at the end of a long day. Hungry and tired produces one-word answers; mid-morning and bathtime are better.
- Repeating a question they just answered well. The second version is always duller, and they notice you were not satisfied.
- Laughing at them instead of with them. Plenty of three-year-olds catch the difference and will not answer again.
- Insisting on an answer. A skipped question costs nothing, and pressing one turns the whole game into homework.