101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged
Essential questions to explore compatibility, values, and future goals before making the commitment to marriage.
1What does marriage mean to you?
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What does marriage mean to you?
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Why this works
Understanding each other's fundamental views on marriage helps ensure you're aligned on the core purpose and expectations of the relationship.
2How do you handle conflict and disagreements?
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How do you handle conflict and disagreements?
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Why this works
Learning about conflict resolution styles helps you understand how you'll navigate challenges together and build a healthy communication foundation.
3What are your financial goals and how do you manage money?
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What are your financial goals and how do you manage money?
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Why this works
Financial compatibility is crucial for a successful marriage, so understanding spending habits, saving goals, and financial values is essential.
4Do you want children? If so, how many and when?
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Do you want children? If so, how many and when?
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Why this works
This is a fundamental life decision that can't be compromised on, so it's crucial to be aligned on family planning and parenting philosophies.
5How do you envision dividing household responsibilities?
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How do you envision dividing household responsibilities?
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Why this works
Understanding expectations about domestic duties helps prevent resentment and ensures both partners feel the relationship is fair and balanced.
6What are your career aspirations and how do they align with family life?
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What are your career aspirations and how do they align with family life?
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Why this works
Career goals can significantly impact family dynamics, so understanding each other's professional ambitions helps plan for the future together.
7How do you handle stress and what do you need for support?
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How do you handle stress and what do you need for support?
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Why this works
Understanding stress responses and support needs helps you be a better partner during difficult times and build emotional intimacy.
8What role do you see religion or spirituality playing in our marriage?
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What role do you see religion or spirituality playing in our marriage?
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Why this works
Spiritual beliefs can deeply influence values, traditions, and life decisions, so alignment on this topic is important for long-term harmony.
9How do you want to handle holidays and family traditions?
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How do you want to handle holidays and family traditions?
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Why this works
Family traditions and holiday expectations can be sources of conflict, so discussing these early helps create a plan that works for both families.
10What are your views on intimacy and physical affection?
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What are your views on intimacy and physical affection?
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Why this works
Physical intimacy is an important part of marriage, so understanding each other's needs and expectations helps maintain a healthy relationship.
11How do you want to handle disagreements with in-laws?
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How do you want to handle disagreements with in-laws?
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Why this works
In-law relationships can be challenging, so establishing boundaries and communication strategies early helps prevent future conflicts.
12What are your thoughts on prenuptial agreements?
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What are your thoughts on prenuptial agreements?
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Why this works
While not romantic, discussing financial protection and expectations can actually strengthen trust and prevent future misunderstandings.
13How do you want to handle major life decisions together?
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How do you want to handle major life decisions together?
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Why this works
Understanding decision-making processes helps ensure both partners feel heard and valued in important choices that affect your shared life.
14What are your expectations about personal space and alone time?
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What are your expectations about personal space and alone time?
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Why this works
Balancing togetherness with independence is crucial for a healthy marriage, so discussing these needs helps maintain individual identity within the relationship.
15How do you want to handle social media and privacy in our relationship?
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How do you want to handle social media and privacy in our relationship?
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Why this works
Digital boundaries and privacy expectations can affect trust and intimacy, so discussing these helps establish healthy online relationship norms.
16What are your views on therapy and seeking help when needed?
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What are your views on therapy and seeking help when needed?
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Why this works
Understanding attitudes toward professional help ensures you can support each other's mental health and relationship growth throughout your marriage.
17How do you want to handle major purchases and financial decisions?
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How do you want to handle major purchases and financial decisions?
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Why this works
Financial decision-making processes affect daily life and long-term security, so alignment on these approaches helps prevent money-related conflicts.
18What are your expectations about maintaining friendships outside the marriage?
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What are your expectations about maintaining friendships outside the marriage?
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Why this works
Balancing marital intimacy with external relationships is important for individual fulfillment and social support, so discussing these boundaries is crucial.
19How do you want to handle career changes or relocations?
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How do you want to handle career changes or relocations?
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Why this works
Major life changes require mutual support and decision-making, so understanding each other's flexibility and priorities helps plan for the future.
20What are your thoughts on aging and caring for elderly parents?
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What are your thoughts on aging and caring for elderly parents?
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Why this works
Family caregiving responsibilities can significantly impact your relationship and finances, so discussing these expectations helps prepare for future challenges.
Pre-Engagement Conversation Guide
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
Having Meaningful Conversations
Create a Safe Space
Choose a comfortable, private setting where you can both be honest and vulnerable without distractions or time pressure.
Listen Without Judgment
Focus on understanding your partner's perspective rather than immediately responding or trying to change their mind.
Take Breaks When Needed
These conversations can be intense, so it's okay to pause and return to topics later if emotions become overwhelming.