Questions to Ask an Immigrant
Questions to ask an immigrant when you want a conversation and not an interview. The 70 here run from arriving and daily life through the place they left to family and belonging, and each group starts light and gets heavier. Every question has a note on what the answer may hold and when to let it rest. The guide picks ten to start with and covers what not to ask, including anything about status or papers.
Want questions from the whole vault instead? Try the random question generator.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Arriving
How long have you been here now?
Why ask it
A plain factual opener that lets them set the frame, and the number often surprises the asker. Someone who has been here twenty years is usually tired of being treated as newly arrived.
What made you choose this country over anywhere else?
Why ask it
It asks about the destination and leaves alone what they left, which keeps the answers on firm ground: an aunt who was already settled here, a university place, a language they could already get by in. Of the two halves of 'why did you come', this is the one that is safe early. How much of the other half they add is up to them.
What did you expect this place to be like before you came?
Why ask it
Expectations come from films, relatives and rumour. Ask which one turned out most wrong, because that is usually the story. Nothing here asks them to praise your country, which 'do you like it here' tends to do.
What do you remember about your first day here?
Why ask it
One day is small enough to remember exactly: the cold outside the airport doors, who was waiting at arrivals, falling asleep at the wrong hour. If they arrived as a small child, ask what they have been told about it instead.
What surprised you most when you got here?
Why ask it
Expect a detail and not a headline: how early the shops shut, how much food gets thrown away, that nobody drops in without ringing first. Ask whether it still strikes them or whether they have stopped noticing, which tells you how settled they feel.
What was the first thing you had to buy here?
Why ask it
A coat, a SIM card, an adaptor, a pot big enough to cook in properly. The first purchase shows what the suitcase could not cover, and it often turns into the story of a first shop where nothing on the shelves was familiar.
What still confuses you about how things work here?
Why ask it
It makes your country the odd one for once, and even people who arrived decades ago tend to have an answer ready: the tax return, the school system, which bin goes out on which day. If you cannot explain the thing either, say so.
What did you bring with you that you still have?
Why ask it
A suitcase forces a ranking of a whole life, and what survived it says a lot: photographs, a cooking pot, a blanket, a folder of documents. If you are in their home, ask whether you can see it.
What is the first meal you remember eating here?
Why ask it
First meals stick: a welcome dinner a relative cooked to taste like home, a sandwich at the airport, something from a vending machine at midnight. Ask what they made of it then and whether they would eat it now.
What was the first place you lived here like?
Why ask it
First addresses are rarely chosen: a relative's spare room, a shared flat found through someone from home, a place taken unseen. Ask who else lived there, because the housemates are usually half the story.
What did you make of the weather when you got here?
Why ask it
Weather is hard to picture from a distance, whether it is dark at four in the afternoon or heat that does not let up at night. It is easy ground, and most people can laugh at what they packed for it.
Did you speak the language when you arrived, and how did you learn it?
Why ask it
Plenty of people move to a country whose language they already speak, so listen for that before asking. For everyone else, classes are only part of it: people credit children's television, a patient coworker, song lyrics, or a job where there was no choice but to talk. Ask which phrase caught them out for longest.
Which everyday custom here took you longest to get used to?
Why ask it
Think small: queueing, tipping, dinner at six, shoes on indoors, chatting to strangers at a till. Ask whether they do it themselves now, since that half of the answer is usually the funnier one.
What was the journey here like?
Why ask it
For some it was a long flight with a bad connection. For others it took weeks and is not a story for a casual chat. Ask about the travelling itself, such as the bags, the goodbye at the airport and the first sight of the place, never about how they got across a border, and take a one-line answer as a sign to move on.
What was the hardest part of your first year here?
Why ask it
The answer may be practical, such as finding work or somewhere to live, or it may be the evenings with nobody to ring. Do not reply with how well they seem to be doing now, which skips straight past what they just told you.
Is there a kindness from your first months here that you still think about?
Why ask it
Answers run small and exact: a neighbour who knocked with food, a driver who waited, a coworker who read an official letter aloud and explained it. Notice whether the helper was family, someone from the same country or a stranger, because that is who they could count on at the start.
Daily life
What is the biggest difference between daily life here and where you grew up?
Why ask it
Keeping it to daily life steers the answer away from politics and towards things they can show you: when people eat, how loud the street is, whether you need a car, how often you see your cousins. Ask which difference they noticed first and which one they still notice.
Is there a food you make when you are homesick?
Why ask it
Cooking is concrete and shareable, and the question invites an invitation rather than a confession. Ask which ingredient is hardest to find and you will hear about the one shop across town that stocks it.
Do you go by a different name here, or say your name another way to make it easier for people?
Why ask it
Plenty of people keep a short version for work, a name for coffee orders, or a pronunciation bent to suit local mouths. Ask what their family calls them and how it should sound, then use that if they invite you to.
What is it like to speak a second language all day?
Why ask it
People who have never done it underestimate the steady effort of working in a language learned later. Expect to hear about being tired by evening, and about humour being the last thing to arrive. Skip it if they grew up speaking the language used here.
What joke or saying from home falls flat when you translate it?
Why ask it
Ask them to tell it anyway. The explanation of why it is funny or wise is the real answer, and it shows you a way of thinking that a straight description of the culture never would.
How do people here make friends, as far as you can tell?
Why ask it
A newcomer sees rules the locals cannot: that friendships here were made at school and then closed, or that an invitation comes three weeks ahead. If they say people are friendly but never ask anyone home, take it as information about your town and not as a complaint.
What was your first job here, and how did you get it?
Why ask it
The how matters more than the what. A cousin's employer, a notice in a shop window or an agency each show which doors were open, and the job itself may be nothing like the work they did before.
What work did you do before you moved, and do you still get to do it?
Why ask it
Whether training and licences carry over depends on the country and the trade, so ask how it went for them and do not assume. An engineer who now drives or a nurse who had to requalify has lost more than income, and it helps to hear that as a cost of moving, not a step down they chose.
What skill from your old life turned out to be useful here?
Why ask it
People are often proud of this answer and have never been asked for it: haggling, mending things instead of replacing them, running a household on little, getting by in three languages. Ask for the day it paid off.
When does being from somewhere else help you here, and when does it get in the way?
Why ask it
The first half keeps this from being only about prejudice: a language an employer wanted, a dish everyone asks for, an easy way in with other newcomers. If the second half brings up a slight, do not argue with it or explain what the other person probably meant.
What can you do here that was not possible where you grew up?
Why ask it
The answer might be a course of study, a trade, walking home late or simply being left alone. It is theirs to offer, so do not prompt one, and do not follow up by asking whether it made the move worth it.
Back home
Where did you live before this, and what was the street like?
Why ask it
Asking about a street instead of a country gets you a real place: who lived next door, where the bread came from, what you could hear at night. It also keeps you from treating a whole nation as one person's identity.
What do you miss most about home?
Why ask it
People, usually, and then something nobody would guess: the noise, fruit that tastes of something, being able to turn up at a friend's door unannounced. Do not try to solve it by naming a local restaurant that does something similar. Missing a thing is not a request for a replacement.
What did an ordinary Saturday look like where you grew up?
Why ask it
A single day is easier to describe than a way of life, and it gets you the market, the relatives dropping in, the football or the chores. Ask who was in the house, since who shares the house is often what has changed most.
What was school like there?
Why ask it
Uniforms, class sizes, how strict the teachers were and how far the walk was all make for easy comparison, especially if a student is the one asking. For someone who moved as a child, it may be the clearest memory they have of the place.
If I had one day in the town you grew up in, where would you send me?
Why ask it
It makes them the guide and you the newcomer, the reverse of how these conversations usually run. Expect a food stall, a view or a relative's shop before any monument, and remember the name so you can ask about it another day.
What sound or smell takes you straight back?
Why ask it
A place often comes back through the senses first: diesel and rain, a call to prayer, frying onions, a particular bird. Ask where they were the last time it caught them off guard here.
What time is it back home right now, and who would be awake?
Why ask it
People with family in another time zone tend to keep a second clock in their head, and this asks to see it. The answer leads to who they call, at what odd hour, and who stays up for it.
How do you keep in touch with people back home?
Why ask it
A family group chat that never goes quiet, a video call every Sunday, voice notes for a grandmother who does not type. Ask what is hardest to do down a phone line, and you may hear about the birthdays, weddings and hospital visits that were watched on a screen.
What news from home do you still follow?
Why ask it
What someone still tracks shows which ties are live, whether that is football results, an election or the family group chat. It gives you something to ask after the next time you meet. If the news is bad at the moment, let them decide how much to say.
Have you been back since you moved, and what was that like?
Why ask it
A visit is rarely simple: prices have changed, friends have moved on, and relatives may treat them as a guest. Some people have not been back, for reasons of money, safety or paperwork, so take a plain no without asking why.
Was moving your own decision, or one that was made for you?
Why ask it
Many people came as children, followed a spouse or went where a parent's job sent them, and they are rarely asked how they felt about it. This is a gentler door than asking why they came, and they can step through it or not.
What made you decide to leave?
Why ask it
This is the plain form of the question everyone wants to ask, and it belongs late, once they have begun talking about leaving on their own. 'Work', 'my husband was here' or 'a better life' is a whole answer. If the real reason was war or danger, they will say so only if they choose to, and pressing will not change that.
What do you remember about the last day before you left?
Why ask it
Last days tend to be remembered in detail: who came to the house, what was cooked, what would not fit in the bag. Some people left in a hurry with no goodbye at all, so let a short answer stand.
What did you have to leave behind that you still think about?
Why ask it
It may be a person, a house, a career or the version of themselves that everyone on the street knew. Ask it once, wait, and do not offer a silver lining about what they gained.
Who from home would you most like to show your life here?
Why ask it
Usually it is a parent, a grandparent or an old friend who has never seen the flat, the job or the children. If that person has died or cannot travel, the answer will be heavy, so ask it only when there is time to listen.
Family
What story about the move does your family tell again and again?
Why ask it
Most families have one: the lost suitcase, the first snow, the wrong bus on the first morning. The stories that get retold are usually the funny ones, and the telling shows how the family has decided to remember a hard year.
Who made the move with you, and who stayed behind?
Why ask it
Some people came alone and sent for family later, some followed a parent or a spouse who went ahead, and some are still the only one here. The answer explains who they ring and why a visit matters so much. If a child or a partner is among those who stayed, do not ask when they will be able to come.
What does a big holiday look like in your home now?
Why ask it
Look for the adaptations: a substitute ingredient, friends in the seats where cousins used to sit, a phone propped on the table for the relatives calling in. Then ask which part they refuse to change.
What language does your family speak at home now?
Why ask it
It is often more than one, sometimes inside a single sentence: parents speak the first language, children answer in the second, and everybody switches for the grandparents on the phone. Ask which language the jokes and the tellings-off happen in. A parent whose children are losing the language may feel it keenly, so leave the reasons alone.
Is there a tradition you have kept, and one you have let go?
Why ask it
The second half is the one worth waiting for. A custom is usually dropped for practical reasons, such as no day off for it or nobody nearby to share it, and people are rarely given the chance to say it was not a rejection.
Who else in your family has moved abroad, and where did they end up?
Why ask it
Some families are spread over three or four countries, with a wedding or a funeral the only time everyone is in one room. The answer redraws the picture from one person who left into a family that scattered.
Who in your family ends up explaining this country to the others?
Why ask it
In some homes a child reads the official letters and makes the phone calls, in others it is a cousin who arrived first. The role shifts who holds authority at home, and whoever carries it may have been doing so since they were ten.
How did your parents take the news that you were leaving?
Why ask it
Pride and grief often arrive together, and some parents pushed for the move while others never accepted it. For someone who came as a child, ask what they remember being told about why the family was going.
What do you most want your children to keep from where you came from?
Why ask it
Only for someone you know has children. Language often comes first, then a faith, a cuisine or a way of treating guests, and most parents have thought hard about it. If they say the children are not interested, that is a sore point and not an opening for advice.
What do the older and younger people in your family disagree on since the move?
Why ask it
Curfews, marriage, careers, how to speak to elders: children raised here and parents raised there are working from different rulebooks. Ask it of a parent or of a grown child, and expect the two to tell it differently.
Who back home do you still look after from here?
Why ask it
It may be money sent each month, a parent's care arranged by phone or a younger sibling's school fees. Never ask for amounts. Some people are quietly running two households, and this is a question for a friend to ask, not a new acquaintance.
What has been hardest for your family here?
Why ask it
A move lands on a household, not on one person, and the hardest part is often someone else's: a spouse whose career stalled, a parent left behind, a teenager who did not want to come. Save it for someone who has already talked to you about their family.
Belonging
What is the first thing people here say when you tell them where you are from?
Why ask it
Almost everyone has a stock response they have heard a hundred times: a footballer, a war, a holiday somebody once took. Asking for it lets them roll their eyes with you instead of at you, and it tells you what not to say yourself.
What habit have you picked up here that would raise eyebrows back home?
Why ask it
Splitting a bill to the penny, turning up exactly on time, refusing a second helping, calling older people by their first names. It is a light way to ask how they have changed, and it lets them tease both places at once.
Where around here do you feel most at ease?
Why ask it
The answer is a map of their real life here: a particular shop, a place of worship, a football pitch, a friend's kitchen. If you know the place, say so. If not, ask what makes it easy to be there.
Was there a time you felt really welcome here, and a time you did not?
Why ask it
Asking for both stops the question from fishing for either gratitude or grievance. The welcome is often one person: a teacher, a neighbour, a boss who took a chance. If they describe being made unwelcome, believe the account as given and do not apologise on behalf of the whole country.
Is there a community from your country here, and how much are you part of it?
Why ask it
Some people lean on it for work, food and company. Others keep their distance on purpose, to get away from gossip, from the politics of home or from being known. Both answers are ordinary, so do not sound surprised by either.
Do you think of yourself as an immigrant, or is there a word you like better?
Why ask it
Some people wear the word with pride and others hear in it the way the news uses it. Someone long settled may simply say they live here. Whatever word they choose, use it for the rest of the conversation.
When did this place first feel like yours, even a little?
Why ask it
It is usually a small moment: giving a stranger directions, getting a joke at full speed, feeling glad to be back after a trip. If the honest answer is not yet, accept it without trying to fix it.
How has moving here changed you?
Why ask it
Give this one time, because few people have a ready answer. They may say they became more careful with money, more outspoken, less patient with relatives' opinions, or better at being alone. Relatives back home are often the first to point the change out, so asking what the family says about it can get them started.
What have you built here that you are proud of?
Why ask it
A business, a qualification earned twice, children through school, a garden, a circle of friends. Questions to immigrants lean so hard on struggle that pride rarely gets an invitation. Give the answer room and ask how long it took.
What would you miss about this place if you moved away?
Why ask it
It turns the usual question around and is far less loaded than asking whether they like it here. The answer often names an attachment they have not said out loud before, to a routine, a view or a set of neighbours.
When you say 'home' without thinking, which place do you mean?
Why ask it
The slip often says more than a considered answer, and some people catch themselves using the word for both places in one sentence. Neither place, or both, is a complete answer, so do not push for a single country.
What are you working towards over the next few years?
Why ask it
Most questions to an immigrant point backwards. This one treats them as a person with plans, and whether those plans sit here, there or somewhere else answers the question about going back without you having to ask it.
What advice would you give someone who is about to move here?
Why ask it
The advice is usually their own story with the names removed: bring your certificates, learn to drive before you come, do not wait to be invited, save more than you think you need. Ask which piece they were given themselves and ignored, and what nobody told them at all.
What question about being an immigrant are you tired of answering?
Why ask it
You get a list of what to avoid and usually a laugh. If it turns out to be one you asked ten minutes ago, apologise lightly and carry on.
What do you want people here to understand that they usually do not?
Why ask it
Save this for near the end, because it hands them the widest frame of any question here. Whatever they say, resist the urge to explain your own country back to them.
Is there anything I have not asked that you would like to tell me?
Why ask it
A list like this reflects what the asker is curious about, which is not always what the other person finds important. Leave a real pause after it. What comes may have nothing to do with moving at all, and that is worth knowing too.
Asking Without Prying
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before You Start
Do Not Ask About Papers
Visa type, status, asylum claims and how someone crossed a border are not conversation topics. An honest answer can carry real risk for the person giving it, and they have no way to know what you will do with it. If you are their manager or landlord, what you may ask is also a legal matter that differs by country and state, so find out how it works where you are. If they raise it themselves, follow their lead and do not press for detail.
One Person Is Not a Country
Asking someone to explain their nation's politics, food or religion puts them in the position of official representative. Ask about their street, their family and their own week instead.
Check That They Want This Conversation
Say plainly that you are interested and that they should tell you to stop at any point. A person who has been asked where are you really from a thousand times may not want another round of it today.
Do Not Trade Trauma for Interest
The story of why someone left may involve war, violence or a death, and curiosity is not a reason to request it. If it comes, listen and do not ask follow-up questions about the worst part.
Choosing From the List
Pick a Few, Not All of Them
Nobody wants to be walked through a whole list. For a chat over coffee, choose five or six questions from two or three groups and let the answers decide the rest. A good conversation uses fewer questions than you prepared.
Top 10 Questions to Ask an Immigrant First
If you want a short list to carry in your head, these ten run from arriving to belonging and are safe to ask someone you do not know well.
- 1How long have you been here now?
- 2What did you expect this place to be like before you came?
- 3What do you remember about your first day here?
- 4What surprised you most when you got here?
- 5What still confuses you about how things work here?
- 6Is there a food you make when you are homesick?
- 7What do you miss most about home?
- 8If I had one day in the town you grew up in, where would you send me?
- 9Is there a tradition you have kept, and one you have let go?
- 10What do you want people here to understand that they usually do not?
The Groups Run From Easy to Hard
Arriving and Daily life are fine for a colleague or a neighbour. Back home depends on how the person left, so watch how the first answer lands. Family and Belonging are for someone you already know, or for a conversation that has been going well for a while. Inside each group the order runs the same way, so the first three or four are the light ones and the last few need more trust.
If They Moved as a Child
Questions about work before the move, first jobs or the decision to leave will not fit. Ask what they remember, what they were told and what their parents still talk about, and do not assume they feel more attached to the old country than to this one.
While You Are Talking
- Ask about the practical before the emotional. Banking, housing and paperwork are easier to talk about than loss, and they lead there naturally if the person wants to go.
- Let them use the words they prefer for themselves rather than the ones you brought.
- If their English is effortful, slow your own speech and cut the idioms rather than raising your volume.
- Do not compliment their English as though it were remarkable. It reminds them they are being assessed.
- Resist comparing their move to a time you lived abroad for a year. The two are not the same and the comparison usually ends the conversation.
- If you do not know how to pronounce their name, ask once, repeat it back, and then use it.
Questions That Land Badly
Are You Going to Go Back
This can read as a suggestion rather than a question, however it was meant. Asking what they are working towards over the next few years gets at the same thing without the edge, and leaves them free to place those years wherever they like.
Do You Prefer It Here
It asks them to rank their old life against your country in front of you, which almost forces a polite lie. Ask what they would miss about this place if they left, and what they still miss from the other one.
Why Did You Come Here
As a first question it lands badly: everyone asks it, and for some people the honest answer is not something they want to explain to an acquaintance. The list splits it in two. Why this country and not another is safe early, because the answer is usually practical. What made them decide to leave sits late in the Back home group, for a conversation where they have already started to tell you.
Turning the Answers Into a Lesson
Using what someone tells you as material for a point about immigration policy, at the table or afterwards, breaks the trust that produced it. Their life is not an argument.