Funny Questions to Ask a Scammer
Twenty deadpan questions for a scam call you have decided to waste rather than end. They give away nothing, they break a script fast, and the notes cover when to stop talking and simply hang up.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Sorry, who did you say you were again?
Why ask it
The one genuinely useful question here. Scripts fall apart under repetition, and a caller who cannot say the same company name twice has already answered the only question that mattered.
Can you hold on? I need to put the goat outside.
Why ask it
It buys silence, which is the one thing a call centre cannot afford. Put the phone down, walk away, and let the meter run at their end rather than yours.
Is this about my refrigerator? It's been running for hours.
Why ask it
The old joke works because it sounds like a genuinely confused customer. A script reader will try to correct you instead of hanging up, which is the entire aim.
What's your favorite color of the alphabet?
Why ask it
Grammatically fine and completely empty, which is much harder to handle than obvious nonsense. Expect a long pause while they decide whether their English has failed them.
Before we go on, could you spell my surname for me?
Why ask it
They almost never can, and it makes the fraud obvious to anyone else in the room. Never help by supplying it, and treat any correct guess as a reason to hang up immediately.
Which department is this? I'd like to make a complaint about you.
Why ask it
Reversing the roles breaks a script hard, because there is no branch for it. Do not expect it to survive more than a sentence or two, which is fine.
Do you think penguins could fly if they really believed in themselves?
Why ask it
Absurd content delivered in an ordinary tone, so the script reader keeps trying to route it back. Watching them try is where the time gets spent.
What's the square root of a banana?
Why ask it
A question with no available answer, offered completely flat. Some callers laugh, and the moment they laugh the script is dead.
My cat has asked for a raise. Is that something you handle?
Why ask it
Framing nonsense as a customer service request keeps them in role while the content collapses, which wastes far more of their time than being rude would.
Can I put you on with the dog? He has questions.
Why ask it
It hands the call to an obstacle instead of a person. It also removes any risk of you saying something recordable, since none of it is about you.
What's the capital of Narnia? I need it for the form.
Why ask it
Adding a reason keeps it deadpan, and deadpan is what makes it hold. Scam calls run on your willingness to be helpful, so be extremely helpful about the wrong thing.
Is your toaster also plotting against you, or just mine?
Why ask it
Inviting them to share the delusion is a fast way to sound like someone not worth defrauding, which is a perfectly good outcome.
Sorry, my shadow has stopped following me. Can you hold?
Why ask it
Another way to buy dead air. Every minute they spend on you is a minute not spent on somebody who might actually hand over a card number.
Could you repeat your employee number? I want to read it to my son, he's a police officer.
Why ask it
Vague authority works better than a threat and reveals nothing true about you. A good number of calls end right here.
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Why ask it
Some callers recognise the joke and drop the act completely, which ends things cleanly. Others will genuinely ask you to hold while they check.
Can you email me instead? I only take calls between two and two fifteen.
Why ask it
It sounds cooperative and gives away nothing, provided you never actually send anything. If a message does arrive, do not open the link.
How long have you been doing this job, honestly?
Why ask it
Occasionally you get a real answer, because many people making these calls are bored and badly paid. Keep it short: a friendly caller is still a caller who will ring back.
How much of what I pay you do you actually keep?
Why ask it
It reminds you both what the call is. It sometimes produces a candid answer, and it almost always kills the warm tone the script depends on.
What's the secret to a sandwich that could end all wars?
Why ask it
Pure nonsense that costs you nothing to deliver. By this point the only goal left is being the least profitable call of their shift.
Are you going to ring me again, or shall we say goodbye properly?
Why ask it
A clean way to finish on your terms. Then hang up, block the number, and report it, which is the only part of this that protects anybody.
Doing this without making yourself a target
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you say anything
- Hanging up is always the correct answer. Everything on this page is optional entertainment, not a safety measure.
- Never engage with anyone claiming to be your bank, a tax office, the police, a delivery firm, or a relative in trouble. Those calls are designed to create urgency, and playing along with urgency is how people lose money.
- Talking to a scam caller signals that the number reaches a real person who answers. Expect more calls afterwards, not fewer.
- Do not do this on a work line, a shared line, or a phone that an older or vulnerable relative also answers. The follow-up calls will not land on you.
- With texts and emails, do not reply at all. A reply of any kind confirms the address or number is live. These questions are for calls only.
Rules for the call itself
- Say nothing true. No name, no street, no employer, no date of birth, not even a fake one that resembles a real one.
- Do not confirm anything they say, including your own name. Yes is the word every one of these scripts is fishing for.
- Never press a button, install anything, open a link, allow remote access, or move money, no matter how the request is framed.
- Stay deadpan and stay polite. Abuse gets you nothing and can escalate into repeat harassment.
- If you record it, keep it to yourself. Publishing audio of a stranger has its own consequences, and the person on the phone is often not the person running the scam.
When to hang up immediately
- They already know real details: your full address, your bank, your employer, a recent purchase. That is not a cold call and it is not a game.
- They threaten arrest, deportation, a fine, or harm to anyone.
- They mention a family member by name.
- They ask you to keep the call secret, stay on the line while you go to a bank, or move money to keep it safe.
Afterwards
- 1Block the number, then expect it to come from a new one.
- 2Report it to your country's fraud reporting service. In the United States that is the Federal Trade Commission.
- 3If you gave away anything at all, even something small, contact your bank first and change the relevant passwords second.
- 4Tell the older relatives in your family what the pitch was, in plain terms. That does more good than anything else on this page.