Funny Questions to Ask Crush the Turtle
Twenty questions written in surfer speak for anyone doing a Crush bit from Finding Nemo, whether that is a parent at bedtime, a character performer or a kid interviewing an adult in a shell. Includes notes on holding the voice and knowing when to drop it.
The questions
Open any question for the note
If the current was a mood today, what vibe are we riding?
Why ask it
An opener that lets whoever is playing Crush set the temperature for everything after it. A one-word answer means they are not warmed up, so follow with something they can build on rather than pressing.
What's your secret to avoiding jellyfish drama?
Why ask it
Invites invented rules, which is the engine of the whole bit. Kids tend to answer with elaborate safety procedures, and those procedures are worth calling back to later in the conversation.
What shell care routine keeps you that glossy?
Why ask it
Absurd self-care in a turtle's voice, and the specifics are the joke. If the answer is just water, ask what he uses on the ridges and it usually turns into a whole product line.
If waves had playlists, what's on repeat?
Why ask it
One of the easiest to answer, because everyone has a song ready. A real song sung badly in character beats an invented one, so push for a title rather than a description.
What's the gossip out on the reef right now?
Why ask it
Hands over the world-building, which is what a performer wants. Whoever answers gets to invent three neighbors, and those neighbors can carry the next ten minutes.
How many whoas per hour is the correct amount?
Why ask it
A joke about the catchphrase itself, which lets the person in the voice acknowledge the bit without breaking it. Any number is funny; a rule about when they are not allowed is funnier.
Fin-high or shell-bump: what's the proper greeting?
Why ask it
Better than most questions here because it has an action attached, so a shy kid can answer with a movement instead of a sentence. Do the greeting back immediately.
If you could borrow someone else's shell for a day, whose are you taking?
Why ask it
Opens the door to crossovers with whatever else they are into this month, which is usually where the good material is hiding. Expect an answer from a completely different film.
What snack keeps you cruising on a long haul?
Why ask it
Food is the reliable one when a bit is stalling, and the answers get sillier the more specific you ask. Jellyfish and seaweed are the safe answers; anything from a kitchen is better.
What's the gnarliest current you've ever shredded?
Why ask it
A tall-tale prompt, so the numbers should be ridiculous and unchallenged. Do not correct the geography or the speed; the exaggeration is the point of the answer.
Teach me your best use of the word righteous.
Why ask it
Turns the listener into a student, which changes the energy of the conversation. Being corrected on your delivery is the most fun a kid will have in the whole set.
If you had legs for one day, what's the first thing you're doing?
Why ask it
Role reversal, and the answers are usually about stairs, trampolines or standing in a queue. Anything involving the ocean means they have not left the character behind, so nudge them onto land.
How do you keep track of birthdays after a hundred and fifty years?
Why ask it
Age is Crush's own running joke in the film, so it fits the voice without inventing anything. The best answers involve a filing system that clearly does not work.
What's the proper etiquette for hitching a ride on a turtle?
Why ask it
Rules invented on the spot are easy to follow and easy to break, which sets up the next twenty minutes of play. Ask what happens to passengers who ignore them.
Which sea creature gives the worst directions?
Why ask it
A question that needs an opinion rather than a story, so it works for someone who has run out of plot. Expect a named species and a very confident grievance.
If the current had a speed limit, who's breaking it?
Why ask it
Underwater traffic law is a rich vein because everyone knows who the offender would be. If the answer is a family member, that is the correct answer and worth encouraging.
What's the best thing you've ever found drifting out there?
Why ask it
Treasure questions produce longer answers than most, since they need an object and a story about it. A found object with an owner attached is better than gold.
How do you settle a tie in a shell-surfing contest?
Why ask it
Fake competition rules keep things light and give a group something to argue about. Anyone who says a rematch is missing the chance to invent something much stranger.
What's your first piece of advice for a brand-new hatchling?
Why ask it
Lets the mentor voice come out, which is where Crush is most recognizable. Sincere advice delivered in a surfer accent is the moment this set is built around.
If you started a band with three fish, what's it called?
Why ask it
A closer that works for any age and needs no setup. Ask who plays what afterwards and you get a second round out of one question.
Doing the bit well
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Holding the voice
- Keep one or two verbal habits and drop the rest. A relaxed pace and a stretched vowel carry the character further than a pile of slang.
- Answer slowly. Crush is never in a hurry, and the pause before an answer does most of the comedic work.
- Take the questions seriously in character. A sincere answer about jellyfish etiquette is funnier than a wink at the audience.
- Reuse whatever they invent. If they name a neighbor on the reef, that neighbor should still exist five questions later.
If a child is asking
- Let them win the exchanges. Being corrected on your surfer accent is the best part of this for a six-year-old.
- Do not correct their version of the film. If they think Crush has forty children, he does now.
- Give the questions with actions, like the greeting one, to a shy kid first. Moving is easier than talking.
- End it while they still want more, which is usually earlier than you think.
When to drop the voice
- The moment a real question arrives. If a child asks something genuine about the sea, or about anything else, answer as yourself and pick the bit up afterwards.
- If a younger child looks unsure whether you are still you, come out of it clearly and cheerfully rather than gradually.
- When someone is upset. A character voice on top of real feelings reads as teasing.
- When the room has moved on. A bit outlives its welcome quietly, and the sign is short answers rather than complaints.