20 Questions

Questions to Ask a Cheating Boyfriend

Sensitive and thoughtful questions to ask when confronting a cheating boyfriend to understand the situation, protect yourself, and make informed decisions about your relationship.

1

What happened, and can you help me understand the full situation?

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Why this works

Gives him the opportunity to explain while allowing you to gather information to make informed decisions about your relationship.

2

How long has this been going on, and what was the timeline of events?

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Why this works

Reveals the scope and duration of the betrayal while helping you understand the extent of the deception.

3

What was your reasoning or justification for what happened?

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Why this works

Shows his thought process and reveals whether he takes responsibility or tries to justify his actions.

4

How do you feel about what you did, and what are your emotions about this situation?

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Why this works

Reveals his emotional response and shows whether he feels genuine remorse or is just sorry he got caught.

5

What do you want to happen now, and what are your intentions going forward?

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Why this works

Shows his commitment level and reveals whether he wants to work on the relationship or is ready to move on.

6

Have you been honest with me about other things, or are there other secrets I should know about?

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Why this works

Tests his honesty and reveals whether there are other lies or betrayals you need to know about.

7

What do you think this means for our relationship, and how do you see us moving forward?

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Why this works

Shows his perspective on the relationship while revealing his vision for the future and commitment to change.

8

What would you need to do to rebuild trust, and are you willing to do that work?

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Why this works

Tests his commitment to change while revealing what he thinks is necessary to rebuild the relationship.

9

How do you think this has affected me, and what do you think I'm feeling right now?

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Why this works

Shows his empathy and awareness of your feelings while revealing whether he understands the impact of his actions.

10

What would you do differently if you could go back in time, and what have you learned from this?

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Why this works

Reveals his self-reflection and shows whether he has learned from the experience and would make different choices.

11

How do you think this affects our future together, and what changes would need to happen?

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Why this works

Shows his understanding of the long-term impact while revealing what he thinks needs to change for the relationship to work.

12

What support do you think I need right now, and how can you help me through this?

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Why this works

Tests his care and concern for you while revealing whether he's focused on your needs or just his own.

13

How do you think this affects our friends and family, and what do you think they should know?

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Why this works

Shows his awareness of the broader impact while revealing his thoughts on transparency with others.

14

What do you think I deserve in a relationship, and do you think you can provide that?

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Why this works

Tests his understanding of your worth while revealing whether he believes he can meet your needs.

15

How do you think this affects your own self-respect and integrity, and what does that mean to you?

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Why this works

Shows his self-awareness and reveals whether he's thinking about his own character and values.

16

What do you think would happen if we tried to work through this, and what are your concerns?

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Why this works

Reveals his realistic assessment of the situation while showing his concerns about the relationship's future.

17

How do you think this affects my trust in you, and what do you think it would take to rebuild that trust?

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Why this works

Shows his understanding of trust while revealing what he thinks is necessary to rebuild it.

18

What do you think I should do right now, and what advice would you give me if I were your friend?

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Why this works

Tests his objectivity and care for you while revealing what he thinks is best for your well-being.

19

How do you think this affects our shared goals and dreams, and what does that mean for our future?

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Why this works

Shows his awareness of the relationship's impact while revealing his thoughts on shared goals and dreams.

20

What do you think I need to hear right now, and what would you want me to know?

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Why this works

Tests his empathy and understanding while revealing what he thinks is most important for you to know.

Mastering Difficult Relationship Conversations

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Stay Calm and Focused

Approach the conversation with emotional regulation and focus on gathering information to make informed decisions.

Listen to His Responses

Pay attention to his answers, body language, and emotional responses to assess his honesty and commitment to change.

Protect Your Well-being

Prioritize your emotional and physical safety while gathering the information you need to make decisions about your relationship.

Question Sequences

The Information Gathering

1
What happened, and can you help me understand?
2
How long has this been going on?
3
What was your reasoning for what happened?
4
Have you been honest about other things?

The Future Focus

1
What do you want to happen now?
2
What do you think this means for our relationship?
3
What would you need to do to rebuild trust?
4
What changes would need to happen?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Accept Excuses

Listen to his explanations but don't accept excuses or blame-shifting. Focus on his responsibility and commitment to change.

Don't Rush the Decision

Take time to process the information and your feelings. Don't make decisions about the relationship in the heat of the moment.

Don't Ignore Red Flags

Pay attention to his responses and behavior. If he's not taking responsibility or showing genuine remorse, that's important information.

Conversation Templates

The Information Explorer

1
Step 1: Start with: "I need to understand what happened..."
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What happened, and can you help me understand?"
3
Step 3: Deepen with: "How long has this been going on?"
4
Step 4: Connect with: "What was your reasoning for what happened?"

The Future Focus

1
Step 1: Start with: "I'm thinking about our future..."
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What do you want to happen now?"
3
Step 3: Deepen with: "What do you think this means for our relationship?"
4
Step 4: Connect with: "What would you need to do to rebuild trust?"

Further Reading

"After the Affair" by Janis Abrahms Spring
"The State of Affairs" by Esther Perel
"Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass

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