Questions to Ask a Drunk Person
Questions to ask a drunk person, or a whole table of drunk people, sorted by what the moment needs: quick check-ins about water, food and the ride home, then easy ones, funny ones, old stories and this-or-that picks, and a last group for getting everyone home. The classics are here, from 'how many fingers am I holding up?' to whether a hot dog is a sandwich. They are short and kind on purpose, since long or searching questions rarely land well at this point in the night, and each has a note on what the answer tells you or when to leave it alone.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Check-in
How are you doing? Do you want some water?
Why ask it
Opening with a check instead of a joke sets the tone for everything after it. A clear answer and a hand out for the glass is a good start. If the reply does not really arrive, skip the funny questions and stay with this group.
How much have you had to drink tonight?
Why ask it
Ask it lightly and expect a rough guess, not an accurate count. The shape matters more than the number: two beers since dinner is a different night from shots in the last half hour, which may not have finished catching up with them. Never turn the answer into a scoreboard.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone knows this one, so it lands as a joke, and the usual reply is a wrong number shouted on purpose. Watch how the answer comes. A quick, cheeky reply is fine, while a long squint or no reply at all means the jokes are over and someone should stay beside them.
How are you getting home later?
Why ask it
Settle this early, while it is still easy to answer. A named friend or a booked ride is a plan, and 'I will figure it out' is not. If the plan is to drive themselves, that is the one answer to argue with: offer a ride, a taxi or a sofa.
Have you had anything to eat tonight?
Why ask it
A real meal is a reassuring answer, and a handful of chips at six explains a good deal about how the night is going. Asking now also means that suggesting food later sounds like a follow-up and not a judgment.
Who are you here with tonight?
Why ask it
A name and a wave toward a table is the answer you are hoping for. If no name comes, they may have lost their group, and finding it matters more than anything else you could ask.
Where is your phone, and has it got any battery?
Why ask it
The phone is their ride home, their map and the way friends find them. If it is on four percent or in a coat somewhere, that is far easier to fix now than at closing time.
Are you feeling all right, or do you need some air?
Why ask it
The second half lets them say yes without admitting to feeling rough. Go outside with them and do not send them alone. If they turn pale and quiet on the way, head for the bathroom first.
Do you want to sit down for a few minutes?
Why ask it
Offer the seat as company by saying you want to sit as well. Someone unsteady will often take a chair that is offered this way and refuse one they are told to take.
Do you remember my name?
Why ask it
From someone they met an hour ago this is a fair joke, and a wrong guess is funny for both of you. From a close friend it is a real check: a blank look at a face they know well is a reason to stop the questions, stay with them and fetch the people they came with.
Is there anyone you want me to find or text for you?
Why ask it
Useful when they have drifted from their group and the phone has become hard to work. If you type for them, hold the screen where they can read it and let them press send, so nothing goes out that they did not mean.
Should the next one be a soft drink? I am having one.
Why ask it
Including yourself makes it an invitation and not a comment on how much they have had. If the answer is no, leave it there, because a second ask becomes the lecture you were trying to avoid.
Easy
What has been the best part of tonight so far?
Why ask it
It sets them replaying the good bits, and the answer shows whether the night is going well or they are putting a brave face on a bad one. If nothing comes to mind, check in quietly instead of pushing for an answer.
What have you been up to today?
Why ask it
Today is close enough to remember without effort, which their year is not. Whatever came before the night out, a shift, a game or a wedding, also explains the mood they arrived in.
Who is your best friend, and what do you love about them?
Why ask it
Be ready for a speech, possibly with a hand on the heart. If the friend is in the room, wave them over so they hear it in person. If not, offer to remind them tomorrow to say it over a call, when the friend is awake to enjoy it.
What song should be on next?
Why ask it
Handing over the music gives them a small job, and a decision is easier at this hour than an explanation. If there is a queue or a jukebox, let them put the song on. If there is not, ask where they first heard it.
Where would you go if we could leave for anywhere right now?
Why ask it
A beach, a grandmother's kitchen, a city they visited once: wherever it is, ask what they would do in the first hour there. Keep it a daydream. If they start pricing flights on their phone, change the subject before a card number gets typed in.
How do you know the people you came with?
Why ask it
How-we-met stories have usually been told many times, so they come out in one piece. Listen for the names, because knowing who their people are helps if one of them needs finding later.
Who is your favorite new person from tonight?
Why ask it
A few drinks turn many people into generous reviewers, so you may get a glowing account of someone they met forty minutes ago. Take note of who it is: that person has been around them this evening.
Where did you get that jacket? I like it.
Why ask it
Swap in whatever they clearly chose with care tonight: the shoes, a ring, a ridiculous shirt. A compliment with a question attached gets a short, proud story about a thrift store or a sister's closet. Keep it to things they picked out, never their body.
Whose idea was tonight?
Why ask it
There is usually one person who booked the table or started the group chat, and they are about to get the credit or the blame. Along the way you find out whether this is a birthday, a going-away party or an ordinary Friday, so you know what mood to match.
What is on your lock screen?
Why ask it
All they have to do is hold the phone up, and a dog, a niece or a beach hands you the next question. You have also confirmed that the phone is on them and switched on, without asking a second time.
Funny
What would you do first if you won the lottery tomorrow?
Why ask it
'First' keeps it small and quick: a car for their mother or quitting by voicemail, not a financial plan. Stay inside the fantasy and off real money, because rent and debts are one short step away and they sink the mood.
What superpower would you pick?
Why ask it
The pick matters less than the plan, so ask what they would do with flying or invisibility before anyone else found out. A vote for teleporting is often about the trip home, which is your opening to ask how they are getting there.
Who is your celebrity crush?
Why ask it
A famous name is a safe crush to confess, since nobody at the table can be hurt or flattered by it. Let the table debate the choice. Do not follow up with 'and who in this room?', which is the version people regret.
What is your karaoke song, the one you always end up doing?
Why ask it
The honest answer is a song they have sung many times, so it comes with a place and the people who were there. If there is a karaoke machine in the building, expect to be handed the second microphone.
What film can you quote most of?
Why ask it
This one usually turns into a performance, which is the point. If you know the film, feed them the line before theirs and let the scene run. A quoted film is about the safest thing anyone recites at a party.
What is something you are weirdly good at?
Why ask it
'Weirdly' gives them permission to brag about something trivial, like folding a fitted sheet or naming a song from two notes. Ask for a demonstration only if it does not involve glasses, chairs or anyone's shoulders.
What are you irrationally afraid of?
Why ask it
'Irrationally' steers them toward moths, escalators and mascots in costume, which are fun to defend. If the answer turns out to have a real story behind it, drop the teasing and listen.
What is your biggest pet peeve?
Why ask it
Slow walkers, loud chewers, people who reply to all: a small grievance gets aired with great feeling and no harm done. Should the peeve happen to describe someone within earshot, ask for their second-biggest one.
What animal are you tonight?
Why ask it
One word answers it and the reasoning is the fun part. It doubles as a mood report, since a golden retriever and a sloth are having very different evenings.
What would you name a boat if someone handed you one tonight?
Why ask it
Naming things is quick, needs no memory and gets better with an audience. If they are enjoying it, ask where the boat is sailing first.
What brilliant idea have you had tonight?
Why ask it
Ideas at this hour arrive with total confidence, which is what makes them good to hear. Offer to note the best one down for them: being reminded of it tomorrow is a kinder souvenir than a photo.
What is the correct late-night food, and why is everyone else wrong?
Why ask it
The late-night order is held with real conviction and takes no thought to defend. It also puts food in everyone's mind well before somebody has to suggest it.
What is your strongest opinion about something that does not matter?
Why ask it
How to load a dishwasher or which way the toilet roll hangs will be argued with great passion and hurt nobody. If the opinion turns out to be about politics or a mutual friend, steer back to the dishwasher.
What is the meaning of life? You have thirty seconds.
Why ask it
The time limit is the joke, and it heads off a ramble. Take the answer as seriously as it is given. If the mood dips toward what they have not done with their own life, call time and ask about snacks.
What is your best piece of life advice?
Why ask it
A few drinks make many people keen advisers, and being asked is a compliment. Accept the advice graciously whether or not it is any good. If it turns into advice about your love life or your career, thank them and ask who taught it to them.
Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Why ask it
Plenty of sober people cannot do it either, so try it yourself first and fail in front of them. That makes it a shared game and not a test they are being laughed at for flunking. Three letters in, declare everyone a winner.
What is your signature dance move called?
Why ask it
Naming the move is funnier than performing it and much safer for nearby glasses. If a demonstration is coming anyway, clear some space before it starts.
Who here would you want on your quiz team, and for which round?
Why ask it
It is a compliment dressed up as a game, because everyone picked gets told what they are good at. Keep it to people in earshot, and move on before anyone notices they were not chosen.
What score out of ten do you give tonight?
Why ask it
A number is easy to produce and everybody has one. The better part is asking what would have earned one more point, which is usually food, a particular song or a friend who stayed home.
What is the nicest thing you can say about the person next to you?
Why ask it
A few drinks leave many people full of affection and looking for somewhere to put it. A friend sitting beside them is a much better destination than a late text to someone who is not there.
Stories
What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
Why ask it
Most people keep one polished disaster they are happy to tell, the split trousers or the wave at a stranger, and that is the one you want. Take what is offered and do not dig for a worse one. A story they would not tell sober is not yours to collect.
Who was your first crush?
Why ask it
A first crush is far enough back to be sweet and not sore: a classmate, a lifeguard, a cartoon fox. Ask what they did about it, which was probably nothing. Keep it in the school years and well away from anyone they dated recently.
What is the strangest job you have ever had?
Why ask it
Ask about the worst shift and you get the uniform, the manager and the customer nobody forgot. They get to be the sensible one surrounded by nonsense, which is a pleasant part to play at this point in the evening.
Who is the funniest person you know, and what did they do?
Why ask it
Asking what the person actually did forces a story rather than a name. With someone else as the star, they get a rest from talking about themselves, which is welcome if that has stopped going well.
What is the best concert you have been to?
Why ask it
They will tell you about the crowd, the weather and who dragged them along well before they get to the music. If you know the band, say which song you would have wanted, and expect it to be sung at you.
What is the best night out you have ever had?
Why ask it
The all-time best night usually stars one or two of the people at the table, who will want to correct the details. Ask where it was and who was there. If the telling turns into a tally of drinks, ask how everyone got home instead.
What is the weirdest dream you have ever had?
Why ask it
Dreams suit the hour, because the story is not supposed to make sense and nobody can check it. Let it run and skip the interpreting. At this time of night, a guess about what a dream means can land harder than you intended.
What is the silliest thing you have ever bought?
Why ask it
Expect something that was used exactly once: a bread maker, a unicycle, a fog machine. Laugh at the object and do not follow it into what they earn or owe, which is where the mood turns.
What is the worst haircut you have ever had?
Why ask it
There is nearly always a photo, and they will usually offer to find it. Let them be the one to show it around: it is their joke to tell, and it should stay on their phone.
What is the most lost you have ever been?
Why ask it
The story has its own shape, wrong turn, rising worry, rescue, so it holds together even when the teller does not. It is also a natural moment to ask whether they know the way home tonight.
What is the most spontaneous thing you have ever done?
Why ask it
It might be a last-minute train, a tattoo or a job quit on a Tuesday, and they will be proud of it. Enjoy it as history. If it starts to inspire a spontaneous plan for tonight, ask them to pitch it to you again at breakfast.
What is the worst meal you have ever cooked for someone?
Why ask it
A kitchen disaster has a victim, a smell and an emergency pizza at the end, and the cook gets to be the fool of their own story. If the person they cooked for was an ex, keep the meal as the subject and not the relationship.
Who is the most famous person you have ever met or stood near?
Why ask it
'Stood near' means everybody has an answer, even if it is a weatherman in an airport. The less famous the person, the more confidently the story tends to be told, and that is the fun of it.
What did you want to be when you were eight?
Why ask it
Eight is old enough to have had a real plan and young enough for it to be astronaut, vet or bus driver. Ask what the eight-year-old would make of tonight, and leave alone why the plan changed.
What is your favorite childhood memory?
Why ask it
This is the warm one on the list, so save it for a quiet corner and not the middle of a loud round. Ask what the house, the car or the beach looked like. If the memory belongs to someone they have lost, listen and let them decide how long to stay on it.
What is the dumbest thing you believed as a kid?
Why ask it
Somebody they trusted usually supplied it: an uncle who said swallowed gum stays for seven years, a brother who said the car's inside light was against the law. Ask how old they were when they found out, and be kind if the answer is older than they would like.
What was your first email address?
Why ask it
A first address was usually picked young and is still known by heart, underscores and favorite band included. The whole answer is one line long, which suits someone who is losing the thread of longer stories.
What is a rule you had growing up that you now think was ridiculous?
Why ask it
No shoes on the stairs, no television on a school night, no singing at the table: the smaller the rule, the better the impression of the parent who enforced it. If the rules at home turn out to have been harsh ones, move on to something else.
What did you get in trouble for most at school?
Why ask it
Most people have one harmless offense they are still a little proud of, usually talking or passing notes. Ask which teacher caught them, and what that teacher would say if they walked in now.
This or that
Dance floor or a seat in the corner?
Why ask it
The answer tells you whether they want more of the night or less of it. If they choose the corner, take them at their word and go and sit with them.
Big night out or big night in?
Why ask it
Asked in the middle of a big night out, this gets an honest and often funny answer. Listen for how fast 'in' comes out: a quick one means they would not mind the night ending soon.
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
Why ask it
A table can spend twenty minutes on this at no cost to any friendship. When it slows down, ask whether a taco counts. Then point out that the fastest way to settle it is to go and buy one.
Pineapple on pizza: yes or no?
Why ask it
They will have a position ready, so there is no pause while they think. Take the opposite side whatever they say, lose gracefully and let them have the win.
Would you rather know every song lyric or every dance move?
Why ask it
It suits the setting, and whichever they pick they are likely to demonstrate. Both options are flattering, so there is no wrong answer to tease them about.
Would you rather sing in front of everyone here or give a speech?
Why ask it
Their choice shows whether they are enjoying attention tonight or would like less of it. Treat it as a hypothetical and never as volunteering: nobody should be pushed onto a stage on the strength of it.
Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?
Why ask it
The strategy talk is the entertainment: footwear, terrain, whether the small horses can be reasoned with. Ask for a plan and not just a pick. Any demonstration of technique should stay verbal.
Would you rather own a dragon or be one?
Why ask it
The stakes are nil and the reasoning gets elaborate: who feeds it, where it sleeps, whether being one means giving up your apartment. Half the answer is already in the question, which is why either-or still works when open questions have stopped.
Does a straw have one hole or two?
Why ask it
There is no answer everyone accepts, which is the appeal: the argument is good-natured and can occupy a whole table. Call it a draw the moment anyone starts to get genuinely annoyed.
Ghosts or aliens: which are you more sure about?
Why ask it
Either answer arrives with evidence, often a grandmother's house or a light over a highway. Be a believer for the length of the story. If anyone at the table has a dark walk home later, steer the vote toward aliens.
Early bird or night owl, tonight excluded?
Why ask it
'Tonight excluded' usually gets the laugh. The answer is a fair forecast of how tomorrow morning will go, and a natural lead into what they have planned.
Heading home
One more song, or leave while it is still good?
Why ask it
The gentlest way to raise leaving, because both choices are theirs. 'One more song' is a fair answer, so agree to it and then hold them to one.
Do you want to get some food?
Why ask it
Late in the night, this is more useful than any conversation on the list. Eating slows the night down and gives it somewhere to go besides another round.
What do you have to be up for tomorrow?
Why ask it
It brings the morning into the room without anyone being told to stop. An early start they have said out loud themselves carries more weight than a hint from you.
Have you got your keys, your card and your coat?
Why ask it
Ask before they stand up to go and watch them check each pocket, since a confident yes at this hour is not proof. A coat is a nuisance to lose, and keys are a locked door at two in the morning.
Who should know that you are on your way home?
Why ask it
A roommate, a partner or a parent who is expecting them is one more person who will notice if they do not arrive. If the answer is nobody, a friend should see them to the door or get a call once they are in.
Do you want me to walk out with you when you go?
Why ask it
It closes the conversation with an offer rather than a verdict, which is far easier to accept than being told you have had enough. If they decline, tell someone they came with.
Do you want me to wait with you until the car comes?
Why ask it
The wait outside is cold, dull and the point where people wander off. If the ride was booked through an app, check together that the car and the driver match it before they get in.
Will you text me when you are in?
Why ask it
Agree on it before they leave and say you will call if you have not heard by a set time. Then make that call, because the arrangement only works if you do your half.
Talking with someone who has been drinking
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to pitch it
Pick the group that fits the hour
Check-in comes first whatever the mood. Easy, Funny and Stories are for someone who is merry and talking, This or that is for later, when open questions have stopped working, and Heading home is for the last half hour.
Keep questions short
One idea per question. A long set-up is lost before the question arrives, so ask it in a breath and repeat it without comment if they lose the thread.
Let them repeat themselves
People who have been drinking often tell the same story twice. Pointing it out embarrasses them for no gain, so just take it again.
Match their energy down, not up
If they are getting louder or sadder, lower your own volume and slow your speech. That tends to work better than telling them to calm down.
With a whole table
Most of the Funny and This or that questions work on a group that has been drinking together. Put the question to the table and let whoever wants it answer. Going round and making each person take a turn puts the quietest one on the spot.
What not to ask
Nothing you want on the record
Do not use the state they are in to get an admission, a secret, or an answer about how they feel about you. 'What do you really think of me?' is the best-known question in this genre and the one to skip: an answer obtained this way is likely to be resented once they remember giving it.
Nothing about grief, money or exes
These three subjects turn an evening quickly. If they raise one themselves, listen, but do not go looking for it.
No filming
Someone who has been drinking is in no position to agree properly to being filmed, and a clip lasts longer than the night does. Keep your phone in your pocket. If they want a photo, take it on theirs.
Nothing asked for a laugh at their expense
The funny questions here are funny because the person enjoys answering them. A question picked because they will slur it, get it wrong or regret the answer is a different thing, and tomorrow they will know which one it was.
When to stop talking and act
Signs to take seriously
Someone who cannot be woken, is vomiting while not fully conscious, is breathing slowly or irregularly, has cold or clammy skin, or has hit their head needs emergency help, not conversation. Stay with them, call your local emergency number and let the person on the line tell you what to do next.
Do not leave anyone alone to sleep it off
If someone is going to sleep, put them on their side and have someone stay close and check on them. If they cannot be woken, treat it as an emergency and call. This matters more than any question on this page.
Watch for who they leave with
If a stranger is steering an intoxicated person out of a venue, say something to staff. It costs you nothing to be wrong about it.
The morning after
Ask whether they got in all right and how they are feeling before anything about what they said or did. If they are anxious about the night, give them the kind and accurate version, and keep the retelling for when they ask for it.
If the drinking itself worries you
The night is the wrong time to raise it. Choose a sober, private moment, describe what you have noticed without labels, and ask how they see it. A doctor or an alcohol helpline where you live can say what support exists.