Questions to Ask a Drunk Person
Easy questions for talking with someone who has been drinking, starting and ending with how they are getting home. The rest are short, cheerful and simple to answer, since long or searching questions rarely land well at this point in the night.
20 questions · each with the reason to ask it · conversation guide
The questions
Open any question to see why it works
- 01
How are you doing? Do you want some water?
Why ask it
Opening with a check rather than a joke sets the tone, and the reply tells you where they are. Someone who can say how much they have had and what they want next is in better shape than someone who cannot.
- 02
Who are you here with tonight?
Why ask it
Practical information first. If no name comes to mind, they may have been separated from their group, which is worth sorting out before the conversation goes anywhere else.
- 03
How are you getting home later?
Why ask it
Settle this early, while they can still answer it. A named friend or a booked ride is a good sign, and figuring it out later is not a plan.
- 04
What have you been up to today?
Why ask it
A day-sized question is easier than a life-sized one. Alcohol shortens attention, so recent and concrete beats reflective every time.
- 05
What is the best thing you have eaten this week?
Why ask it
Food is cheerful, harmless and often steers the evening toward eating something, which helps. It also almost never leads anywhere they will regret in the morning.
- 06
What song should be on next?
Why ask it
Handing over the music gives them a small job. People who have been drinking usually enjoy having something to decide rather than something to explain.
- 07
What is your karaoke song, the one you always end up doing?
Why ask it
The reliable answer is a song they have sung many times, which arrives with a story about where and who with. It is a self-contained anecdote that does not need to be told in order.
- 08
What is the best concert you have been to?
Why ask it
Concert memories are physical and easy to tell: the crowd, the weather, who dragged them along. Memory for scenes holds up much better than memory for arguments.
- 09
What is the strangest job you have ever had?
Why ask it
Odd-job stories are most people's favorite thing to tell, and this one sets them up to be funny, which is usually what they want at this point in the evening.
- 10
Who is the funniest person you know, and what did they do?
Why ask it
Asking what the person actually did forces a story rather than a name. It also shifts the attention off them, which is welcome if they are past the point of talking about themselves well.
- 11
What did you want to be when you were eight?
Why ask it
Childhood ambitions are easy to recall and safe to share. If the answer turns wistful, take it as a cue to lighten the subject rather than dig into it.
- 12
What film can you quote most of?
Why ask it
This one usually turns into a performance, which is the point. Nobody has ever regretted the film they quoted at a party.
- 13
What is something you are weirdly good at?
Why ask it
The framing gives them permission to brag about something trivial. Broad questions about strengths tend to stall, while a small strange skill does not.
- 14
What is the silliest thing you have ever bought?
Why ask it
Self-deprecating money stories land well and stay harmless. Do not follow it into their actual finances, which is where the mood turns.
- 15
What is the best trip you have been on?
Why ask it
Travel gives them a set piece they have told before, and well-worn stories are exactly the ones that survive a few drinks intact.
- 16
Who was your best friend when you were a kid?
Why ask it
Warm and easy, though it can tip toward regret about lost contact. If it does, ask what they used to do together rather than why they stopped talking.
- 17
What is a rule you had growing up that you now think was ridiculous?
Why ask it
This invites mild complaint rather than real grievance, which is where you want the conversation to stay. Change course if the household turns out to have been a hard one.
- 18
What is your ideal Sunday, hour by hour?
Why ask it
The hour-by-hour framing does the work. Asking about favorites gets one-word answers, while asking for a sequence gets an actual picture of their life.
- 19
Do you want to get some food?
Why ask it
Late on, this is more useful than any conversation on the list. Eating slows the night down and gives it somewhere to go besides another round.
- 20
Do you want me to walk out with you when you go?
Why ask it
It closes the conversation with an offer rather than a verdict, which is far easier to accept than being told you have had enough. If they decline, tell someone they came with.
Talking with someone who has been drinking
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to pitch it
How to pitch it
Keep questions short and present tense
Anything with two clauses or a hypothetical will get lost. One idea per question, and repeat it without comment if they lose the thread.
Let them repeat themselves
People who have been drinking often tell the same story twice. Pointing it out embarrasses them for no gain, so just take it again.
Match their energy down, not up
If they are getting louder or sadder, lower your own volume and slow your speech. It works far better than telling them to calm down.
What not to ask
What not to ask
Nothing you want on the record
Do not use the state they are in to get an admission, a secret, or an answer about how they feel about you. Anything obtained this way will be resented once they remember it.
Nothing about grief, money or exes
These are the three subjects most likely to turn the evening. If they raise one themselves, listen, but do not go looking for it.
No filming
A phone pointed at someone who cannot consent properly is the fastest way to lose a friendship, whatever the intention.
When to stop talking and act
When to stop talking and act
Signs to take seriously
Someone who cannot be woken, is vomiting while not fully conscious, is breathing slowly or irregularly, has cold or clammy skin, or has hit their head needs emergency help rather than conversation. Stay with them and call for it.
Do not leave anyone alone to sleep it off
If someone is going to sleep, put them on their side and have someone check on them. This matters more than any question on this page.
Watch for who they leave with
If a stranger is steering an intoxicated person out of a venue, say something to staff. It costs you nothing to be wrong about it.