Questions to Ask a Feminist
For a student interviewing someone for a class or an article, a moderator with a panel to run, or a curious or skeptical friend who would like to understand a person who calls themselves a feminist. The questions follow the order a good conversation takes: what the word means to them and how they came to it, where feminists disagree with each other, work and home, men, the criticisms they hear most, and what they would change first. Each has a note on what a thoughtful answer sounds like, what to ask next and when to leave a question alone.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Meaning
What does feminism mean to you, in your own words?
Why ask it
Definitions run from equal rights under the law to a whole account of how power works between women and men, and everything you ask afterward depends on which one you hear. Write down the wording and hand it back later, so that you are asking about their feminism and not the one you walked in expecting.
When did you first call yourself a feminist, and what made you start?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone can point to something: a class, a first job, a parent, a thing that happened to them or to a friend. For an article, a story with a person in it beats a position, so ask who else was there and what was said.
Why do you use the word feminist when you could just say you believe in equality?
Why ask it
Skeptics want to ask this more than anything else, and it lands fine when asked plainly. A considered answer says what the word carries that 'equality' leaves out, such as a history, a focus on women in particular or a promise to act. If the reply is a shrug, ask what they would lose by dropping the word.
What do you think is the biggest issue facing women today?
Why ask it
Ask 'women where?' if they do not say, because the answer for their own town, their country and the world may be three different things. Someone who has thought about it picks one issue and says who it falls on hardest. A list of six usually means the ranking has not been done, so ask which they would put first and why.
What do people assume about you when they hear you are a feminist?
Why ask it
Expect a list delivered with some weariness: angry, humorless, against men, against stay-at-home mothers. Ask which assumption is furthest from the truth and which has a grain of it, because the second half is where the answer gets interesting.
What has feminism already changed that people now take for granted?
Why ask it
The clearest replies are about a particular woman: something a mother or grandmother could not do that your guest has never had to think about. Which gains they mean depends on the country, so ask where they are describing. Someone who cannot name a single one is giving you a mood more than a history.
Who shaped your thinking: a writer, a teacher, someone at home?
Why ask it
A name gives you something to read before you write the piece and a second question for later. When the answer is a grandmother or a boss and not an author, follow that, since feminism learned from a life usually sounds different from feminism learned from a syllabus.
Was there a time you would have refused the label, and what changed?
Why ask it
People who came to the word late remember the objections from the inside, which makes them good at explaining it to a doubter. If they never hesitated, ask whether anyone close to them did.
How has your feminism changed since you first took up the word?
Why ask it
A view that has not moved in twenty years may be settled or may be unexamined, and this is a polite way to find out which. The reply to hope for names one thing they cared about more then and one they care about more now.
Where does your feminism show up in an ordinary week?
Why ask it
This pulls the talk down from principle to Tuesday: who they hire, what they say at a meeting, how the chores are split, what they let pass. A panel audience remembers these details long after the definitions are gone.
Debates
Feminists disagree with each other about a great deal. Which disagreement matters most to you?
Why ask it
Outsiders often picture one movement with one opinion, so the question alone corrects something. Let them choose the dispute, and ask them to put the other side's case before their own. Being able to do that fairly is a sign that the rest of their answers can be trusted.
Do you place yourself in a particular wave or school of feminism, or do those labels not fit?
Why ask it
Liberal, radical, socialist, intersectional, second wave, fourth wave: the terms mean something to people who study this and little to everyone else. If they claim one, ask what it commits them to that the others do not. If they brush the labels aside, they probably came to it through life more than through reading.
How do race, class, disability or religion change what feminism has to do?
Why ask it
This is the idea behind the word intersectionality, and a strong answer comes with a case: one problem that looks different for a woman on an hourly wage than for a woman in a boardroom. When all you get is vocabulary, ask for a single example.
If a woman freely chooses something traditional, such as staying home with her children or taking her husband's name, is that a feminist choice?
Why ask it
Feminists split here between those who say the point was always choice and those who say choices are shaped by what is expected. Neither answer is a trap. Ask what they chose themselves, if they are willing to say, and how free it felt.
Can someone who opposes abortion be a feminist, in your view?
Why ask it
You will hear a firm no, a firm yes and 'it depends what they do about it.' Keep the conversation on where they draw the edge of the word, since you did not ask them to argue the issue itself. The law differs by country and state, so if the answer leans on it, ask which law they mean.
Feminists are divided over gender identity and women-only spaces. Where do you stand, and how do you talk with those who see it the other way?
Why ask it
Few disputes inside feminism run hotter right now, so ask only if there is time for the whole answer and you can report it accurately. Whichever side they take, notice whether they describe the other one in words its holders would accept. For an article, read the quote back before you print it.
Where do makeup, fashion and beauty standards fit into your feminism?
Why ask it
Some will call it pressure, some pleasure, and most will say both and laugh. Ask about one habit they dropped or took up on purpose, such as heels or letting their hair go gray, since a single habit says more than a position on the beauty industry. It also lightens the middle of a long panel.
Should feminism concentrate on women, or on loosening gender roles for everyone?
Why ask it
The answer sets up everything you ask later about men. Someone who says 'women first' is not being hostile, and someone who says 'everyone' is not dodging. Follow up with a case, such as a boy teased for taking a dance class, and whether they count that as feminism's business.
Does feminism mean the same thing in every country, or should it look different from place to place?
Why ask it
Someone who has thought about this lets the women who live in a place set its priorities and says plainly what they do not know about it. Be wary of a list that is identical everywhere, and equally of a shrug that says other countries are none of our business.
What do older and younger feminists misunderstand about each other?
Why ask it
Good for a panel with more than one generation on it, where you can put it to each in turn. The complaints usually run in both directions: one side feels its work is taken for granted, the other feels lectured. Ask what each could learn from the other and the second answer is usually warmer.
Is there a feminist campaign or slogan that you think backfired?
Why ask it
Anyone who has thought hard about their own side can name one. The choice shows what they think persuades people, which is useful if you are writing about tactics. A flat 'none' is worth a gentle second try.
Work and home
Where has feminism mattered most in your working life?
Why ask it
Answers tend to be specific: a salary found out by accident, a meeting, a boss who backed them, a job they did not get. Let them decide how much detail to give, and for anything you plan to publish, check what is on the record.
How do you explain the gap between what men and women earn, and what would narrow it?
Why ask it
The size of the gap and the reasons for it depend on the country, the industry and how it is measured, so ask which measure they have in mind and where. A careful answer separates unequal pay for the same job from differences in hours, fields and seniority, then says which part it would tackle first.
How much do safety and harassment, at work, online or on the walk home, figure in your feminism?
Why ask it
Put it as a question about the issue and not about their own history, and let them decide whether to make it personal. For some people this is the center of the whole subject, and for others it sits behind pay or care work. What counts as harassment in law, and what an employer has to do about a complaint, depends on where you are, so if they cite a rule, ask how it works there.
Who does the housework and the remembering in your home, and how was that decided?
Why ask it
Plenty of people will admit cheerfully that their own kitchen has not caught up with their principles. Take that as honesty and not as a point scored. The 'remembering' half, meaning who keeps track of dentist appointments and birthdays, usually draws the longer answer. If they live alone, put the question to the home they grew up in.
What works and what does not about parental leave and childcare where you live?
Why ask it
Leave and childcare are set by country, state and often by the employer, so have them describe how it works there before asking what they would change. People who have been through it recently give the sharpest answers, and their examples are easy to check against the actual policy.
Did your mother or grandmother have the working life she wanted?
Why ask it
Many people's feminism begins with a woman two generations back who was clever and had nowhere to put it. Some will tell you the opposite, that she had exactly the life she chose, and that complicates the story in a useful way.
What do you make of the phrase 'having it all'?
Why ask it
Plenty of feminists reject the phrase on the grounds that nobody puts it to fathers. Accept that as the answer and ask what they would put to both parents in its place.
Has feminism changed what you look for in a partner or a marriage?
Why ask it
This is personal, so offer it and let them pass. Those who take it up often describe a negotiation still going on, about money, names or whose job moves the family. One concrete arrangement tells a reader more than a statement about equality.
If you have children, or hope to, what would you do differently from the way you were raised?
Why ask it
Listen for the practical: chores, toys, who is told to be careful and who is told to be brave. If they have both sons and daughters, ask whether the two get the same message. Skip this with someone who has told you they do not want to discuss their family.
How do you talk about this with relatives who think feminism went too far?
Why ask it
Everyone has a strategy, whether it is patience, jokes, picking one battle a year or leaving the room. The answer shows how they argue when they care about keeping the relationship, which is also the situation you are in if you came as a skeptical friend.
Men
Where do you think the idea that feminists dislike men comes from?
Why ask it
This is the plain version of what many doubters came to ask, and putting it as 'where does the idea come from' lets your guest answer without having to defend themselves first. A thoughtful reply goes past a flat denial to what feeds the impression, whether a slogan, an angry post or a real grievance, and what is and is not fair in it. If something particular gave you that impression, describe it and ask what they make of it.
Can a man be a feminist, or is ally the better word for him?
Why ask it
Opinion divides, and the reasons are more interesting than the verdict. Those who prefer 'ally' usually mean that men should support without leading; those who say 'feminist' usually mean the belief is what counts. If you are a man asking, say that you would like to know what would be useful from you.
What do men gain from feminism, if anything?
Why ask it
Specifics are the test here: more time with children, less pressure to be the only earner, permission to ask for help. If the answer is only that men should support it because it is right, ask whether they think men have something to lose as well. An honest speaker will say yes.
Which problems that fall mostly on men deserve more attention?
Why ask it
This is the good-faith form of 'what about men.' A generous answer names a few without turning it into a contest over who has it worse. If they bristle, say you are not ranking anything, and try once more.
When a man says he feels blamed for things he never did, what do you tell him?
Why ask it
How they answer shows whether they can tell a system apart from the individuals living in it. The better replies take the feeling seriously first and explain second. Brushing him off as fragile will not persuade the men in your audience, and it is fair to say so.
What do you mean by patriarchy, and is there a plainer way to say it?
Why ask it
The word shuts down some listeners before the sentence is finished, so asking for a translation helps everyone in the room. A clear speaker can do it in a line about who tends to hold power and whose work goes uncounted. If the plain version sounds very different from the term, ask which one they mean.
Do you find the phrase toxic masculinity useful, or has it stopped helping?
Why ask it
Some feminists find it useful, some think it has become an insult that explains nothing, and a few have dropped it. Ask what behavior they would point to, since a concrete example is easier to agree or disagree with than the phrase.
Which man in your life has understood this best, and what did he do?
Why ask it
Asking for a person turns a complaint into a portrait. The answer is nearly always about something small and repeated, such as listening, sharing a load or speaking up when no woman was in the room. It gives male readers something to copy.
What should boys be hearing about all of this, and who should they hear it from?
Why ask it
Parents and teachers in the audience will lean in for this one. Look for an answer that offers boys something to be and not only a list of things to avoid. If your guest has not thought about it, that is worth noting too.
Criticisms
Which criticism of feminism do you hear most often, and what is your answer to it?
Why ask it
They have had practice with this, so the first reply will be polished. Let it finish, then ask what the critic usually says back. The second round is where you find out whether the answer holds up outside a friendly room.
Which criticism do you think has something to it?
Why ask it
This separates a thinker from a spokesperson. Common admissions are that the movement has sometimes spoken mostly for well-off women, or that its language can shut people out. If nothing comes to mind, give them a moment before moving on; the pause often produces the best answer of the session.
Plenty of women believe in equal rights and still would not call themselves feminists. Why do you think that is?
Why ask it
The reply shows how they regard people who agree with them halfway. Curiosity about those women is a good sign, and putting it all down to ignorance is a poor one. If you are one of those women yourself, say so and give your own reason.
Some people say feminism has already won in countries like this one. What would you show them?
Why ask it
Asking what they would show, and not what they would say, pushes the answer toward evidence. Note what they cite and check it afterward, since rights and outcomes vary by country and sometimes by state. An answer made only of feeling is still an answer, but report it as that.
Some people see feminism as being against religion or tradition. Do you?
Why ask it
There are religious feminists in many faiths, and there are feminists who think the two cannot be squared. If your guest is a believer, ask how they hold both. If not, ask whether a devout friend could share the movement with them.
Has a critic ever changed your mind about something?
Why ask it
A real answer comes with a before and an after: what they used to say, who objected and what they say now. Someone who has never shifted on anything is either very new to this or not listening, and you can ask kindly which.
Do you ever get tired of being expected to supply the feminist view on everything?
Why ask it
Expect a yes, often with some relief. It works as a breather after the harder questions, and it reminds you not to treat one person as the delegate for a whole movement. Ask what they would like to be asked about that has nothing to do with it.
What do you do when a conversation about this turns hostile, online or across a dinner table?
Why ask it
Practical answers include leaving, going quiet, asking a question back or deciding in advance who is worth the effort. If they describe harassment, let them set the level of detail and do not ask for names. Their rules for a bad conversation are also a fair guide to keeping yours a good one.
What next
If you could change one thing first, what would it be?
Why ask it
Holding them to one forces a ranking, and the choice tells you whether their feminism is mainly about law, money, safety or everyday manners. Compare it with what they named earlier as the biggest issue facing women. If the two do not match, the reason is your follow-up.
What would that change look like where you live: a law, an employer's policy, a habit?
Why ask it
This turns a wish into something a reader could look up. Who has the power to make the change depends on the country, the state and sometimes the workplace, so have them name who decides. An answer that stays at 'attitudes need to shift' needs one more push for an example.
How would we know that feminism had finished its job?
Why ask it
Some will describe a finish line and some will say there is none, only maintenance. Both are defensible. The picture they paint of an ordinary day in that world is a strong closing quote for an article.
Where do you put your own time or money: a group, a campaign, something at work?
Why ask it
It is a fair question as long as it is not asked as a test. Plenty of people hold a view sincerely and do little about it, and most will say so if you ask without an edge. When they do name something, ask how a newcomer would join.
What could someone who is unsure about the label still do that you would count as help?
Why ask it
Useful if you are the unsure one. Whether they care more about the word or the result shows in the reply: a person after results offers things small enough to do this week. Write them down, because a short list of actions makes a practical sidebar.
What would you say to a fifteen-year-old who asked whether to call themselves a feminist?
Why ask it
Speaking to a teenager strips out the jargon, so you often get their clearest statement of the whole case here. Notice whether the advice changes for a girl and for a boy, and ask why if it does.
What makes you hopeful, and what worries you about the next ten years?
Why ask it
Ask for both and see which comes faster. The hopes are usually about particular younger people they know, and the worries about gains they think could be undone. Either half can end a panel on something more useful than a slogan.
Which book, essay or film would you hand to someone who wanted to see where you are coming from?
Why ask it
Take one title and promise to get through it; that does more for the friendship than winning any point tonight. For a class assignment it is also a ready-made source to cite alongside the interview.
What do you wish people would ask you about feminism and never do?
Why ask it
Save it for last. It hands over the floor, and the answer is often the thing they came hoping to say. On a panel, give each speaker thirty seconds for it and stop there.
How to interview a feminist without turning it into a debate
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you sit down
Say why you are asking
Tell them at the start whether this is for a class, an article, a panel or your own curiosity, and whether you come as a supporter, a doubter or someone undecided. A person who knows your reason can pitch the answer to it. A hidden motive is the main thing that makes a fair question feel like an ambush.
Find out which feminist you are talking to
The first few questions under Meaning are there so that you argue with nobody's feminism but theirs. Two people who share the word can differ on almost everything in the Debates group. Ask for their definition before you bring up anything you have read or heard about feminists in general.
Choose ten, not all of them
A half-hour interview holds about ten questions with follow-ups. Take two or three from Meaning, then build the rest around your purpose: Debates for a paper on the movement, Work and home for a profile, Men and Criticisms for an honest talk between friends. Always keep one from What next for the end.
Learn the vocabulary, then ask for theirs
Look up wave, intersectionality and patriarchy beforehand so the terms do not stop you mid-conversation. Then ask what each means to your guest anyway. The dictionary sense and the personal one are often different, and the personal one is what you came for.
Settle what is on the record
For anything that will be published or handed in, agree before you start whether you may record, whether they will be named and whether they can see their quotes. Stories about a workplace or a family involve other people, so ask which details they would like left out.
Four ways to use the list
A class interview or an article
Start with how they came to the word, because a story gives your piece its opening. Ask for an example after every general statement and write the examples down exactly. Finish with the book question, which gives you a second source, and the one about what nobody asks, which often gives you the ending.
A panel
Open with one easy question that every speaker answers briefly, such as what people assume about them. Put a Debates question to two panelists who you know see it differently, and ask each to describe the other's view first. Take audience questions before the hopeful ones under What next, so the session ends on your guests and not on the last hand raised.
A skeptical friend
Say what you are skeptical about and ask whether they want to get into it today. Trade answers: after each of theirs, give your own on the same question. Go to Men and Criticisms once Meaning has shown you what they actually believe, and stop while it is still friendly, since you can come back to it another day.
A curious friend or relative
No need to plan it. Pick up whichever question fits what is already being talked about, such as the housework one while the dishes are being done. One question properly listened to does more than ten in a row.
How a fair question becomes a gotcha
Making one person answer for everyone
Your guest is not responsible for a headline, a stranger's post or the most extreme thing ever said under the label. Ask what they think of it if you are curious, and accept 'that is not my view' as a complete answer.
The statement with a question mark on it
'Don't you think feminism has gone too far?' is an opinion, and the other person can tell. Give the opinion as your own, then ask an open question about it: 'I sometimes think it has gone too far. Where would you say I am wrong?'
Trading numbers
Figures about pay, safety or education change with the country, the year and the method, and two people quoting from memory will get nowhere. Ask where a number comes from and what it measures, write it down and look it up afterward. Do not bring a figure of your own unless you can say the same about it.
Collecting contradictions
Everyone's life lags behind their principles somewhere. If they tell you their partner does less of the housework than they would like, that is candor. Thank them for it and do not bring it back three questions later as evidence of anything.
Asking the painful thing for effect
Some people came to feminism through harassment or worse. Never fish for it. If it comes up, let them say as much as they choose, do not ask for detail and do not offer advice about what they should have done.
After the conversation
Say back what you heard
Before you part, sum up their view in two sentences and ask whether you have it right. People correct a summary readily, and the correction is often the most exact thing they say all day.
Quote with care
Keep the qualifiers. 'Some men' and 'in my experience' are part of what was said, and dropping them changes it. Send or read back any quote on the heated questions, and describe their position on a dispute in terms they would sign.
Check anything that depends on place
What the law says about pay, leave or discrimination, and what an employer has to offer, depends on the country, the state and the workplace. Where an answer rested on a rule, look up how it works where you are before repeating it in a paper or to a friend.
Leave the disagreement standing
You do not have to end in agreement, and neither do they. Say which answer made you think and which one you still doubt. A person who was heard out fairly will usually take the next conversation, and that one tends to go further.