Questions to Ask a Guy on Bumble
Questions to ask a guy on Bumble, written for a phone screen and not a dinner table, so each one can be answered in a line or two. The 54 are grouped as Openers, Fun, His Life, Deeper, On Dating and Before You Meet, running from the first message to naming a day. Each has a note on what his reply tells you, what to send next, or when to save the question for the date itself.
Want questions from the whole vault instead? Try the random question generator.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
What's going on in your third photo?
Why ask it
Swap in whichever picture made you stop: the fish, the wedding suit, the mountain with no caption. He already knows the story behind it, so the reply is easy to write and usually runs past one line. If his photos are all plain headshots, pick a prompt answer and ask about that.
What are you up to this weekend?
Why ask it
On a Thursday this takes no thought to answer, and the reply sketches his free time: a brother's birthday, a shift at work, a hike, nothing at all. Remember what he says, because asking on Monday how it went is the easiest second conversation there is.
How long have you lived here, and what brought you?
Why ask it
If he has been here forever, ask which part of town he would never leave. If he arrived last year, there is a job, a degree or a person behind the move, and he will often add whether he means to stay. That last part is the useful one for you, since a one-year contract tends to come up here if it exists.
What did you do today that wasn't work?
Why ask it
Ask about hobbies and you get the list from his profile again. Ask about today and you get the truth: a run, two episodes of something, a nap he is not proud of. 'Nothing, honestly' is a fine reply, and it shows what kind of week he is having.
What are you reading, watching or listening to right now?
Why ask it
Three options mean he can skip the two he has no answer for. A named show or album is something you can look up and come back to tomorrow, which 'I like music' never is. If you already know it, tell him how far in you are.
Which answer on your profile would you write differently if you redid it today?
Why ask it
Profiles go stale, and most people know exactly which line they wrote in a hurry. He gets to correct the record, and you get a truer picture than the prompt gave you. If he says he would change nothing, ask which line gets the most replies.
Any pets, or are the animals in your photos borrowed?
Why ask it
A dog in a profile photo sometimes belongs to a sister or a roommate, and asking this way lets him admit it with a laugh. A real pet means more pictures and a clue to his routine, since a dog decides most evenings and weekends. Say so now if you are allergic.
Where would you send a visitor who only has one dinner in town?
Why ask it
Asking for a single pick forces an opinion, and an opinion is easier to reply to than a list. You learn what he counts as a good night out, whether that is a counter with six stools or somewhere with tablecloths. Keep the name: it is a ready-made suggestion when you get to planning.
Fun
What's something you're unreasonably competitive about?
Why ask it
Expect board games, parking, trivia night or who walks faster. Someone who can name his own silly streak is usually easy to tease, and you get a date idea out of it if the thing turns out to be darts or bowling. Tell him yours so it is a trade and not a test.
What's the last thing that made you really laugh?
Why ask it
He will probably send the thing itself: a clip, a group chat screenshot, a story about his dad. That shows you his sense of humor directly, which a profile line claiming to be funny cannot do. If it makes you laugh too, say so in more than three letters.
What are you a bit too into right now?
Why ask it
'A bit too into' gives him cover to be keen on something unimpressive: sourdough, a fantasy league, restoring a bike. Ask how it started and what it has cost him so far. If the reply is 'travel and food', he has not answered yet, and it is fair to ask again.
What food opinion of yours starts arguments?
Why ask it
His might be that ketchup belongs in the fridge, that well-done steak is fine or that cereal counts as dinner. Take the opposite side and see how many messages the argument runs to. It is the lowest-stakes disagreement the two of you will ever have, which makes it a good first one.
What's your most useless talent?
Why ask it
The word 'useless' takes the bragging out of it. Expect juggling, a freakish memory for license plates or naming a song from two notes. Proof can wait for the date, which gives you both something to look forward to.
Can you sum up your week in three emojis?
Why ask it
It takes ten seconds to answer, which makes it the one to send when a chat has been quiet for a day or he is plainly busy. Guess what each one means and let him correct you. If the three are a laptop, a coffee and a bed, you have also learned why his replies were slow.
Would you rather spend a week in a cabin with no signal or in a city you've never seen?
Why ask it
A would-you-rather only earns a message when either answer is respectable, and here both are. It sorts the men who rest by going quiet from the ones who rest by walking twelve miles a day. Say which you would pick, especially if it is the other one.
What was the first concert you ever went to?
Why ask it
First concerts are usually a little embarrassing, chosen by a parent or an older cousin, and that is the fun of it. You get an age, a place and a band in one reply. Follow with the most recent one he went to and see how far his taste has traveled.
What does everyone else love that you just don't get?
Why ask it
A sitcom, brunch, a band, music festivals: there is always something. Ask what he sat through before he gave up on it, because that is where the story is. If his answer is the thing half your profile is about, laugh and tell him.
If work disappeared for a month, where would you go?
Why ask it
A month is long enough that 'the beach' stops being an answer and he has to pick a route. He may picture it alone, with friends or with someone, and none of those needs reading into after three days of chat. Say where you would be, and see whether the two trips could share a leg.
What's the best opening message you've had on here, so I know what I'm up against?
Why ask it
This one flirts a little without asking anything of him, and his example shows what he responds to. If he cannot remember a single one, yours has already done better than most. Hold it until there is a bit of a joke running, because two lines into a chat it reads as fishing.
His Life
What do you do, and do you like it?
Why ask it
The job title alone ends the topic. Adding 'do you like it' gets you the part with feeling in it: the good boss, the commute, the plan to be gone by spring. If he clearly hates it, do not try to fix it by message; ask what he would do instead.
Is your job the kind that stays at work, or does it follow you home?
Why ask it
Shift patterns, on-call weeks and busy seasons decide when he can see anyone, and they rarely show on a profile. Treat the answer as scheduling information: a nurse on nights can be very interested and still free only on Tuesdays. Mention your own hours in return.
What's the worst job you've ever had?
Why ask it
Terrible early jobs make good stories: the night shift, the mascot costume, the manager with the clipboard. Notice who the villain is. A man who can laugh at himself in the story is different from one still angry at a supervisor from ten years ago.
Where did you grow up, and do you get back there much?
Why ask it
Hometown and family arrive in one light message. 'Every other weekend' and 'not since my twenties' both have something behind them, and neither needs unpacking over text. Ask what he misses about the place and leave the rest for later.
Any brothers or sisters, and which of you is the sensible one?
Why ask it
Family is a heavy subject by message, and siblings are the light end of it. Asking who the sensible one is gets you the brother who lost a rental car, where 'two sisters, both older' would have ended the topic. An only child will say so, and then you can ask whether he liked it.
Do you live on your own, or with roommates?
Why ask it
It places him in a stage of life without asking his age or his salary: a shared apartment, his own place, back with his parents while he saves. Ask it in passing and leave the address out of it. Nobody should be asked exactly where they live before a first meeting, and that includes you.
Do you cook, and what do you make when you can't be bothered?
Why ask it
The lazy meal is the honest one: eggs on toast, cereal, the same takeout order every Thursday. Most evenings with anyone look more like that than like a restaurant. If there is a dish he is proud of, he will tell you without being asked.
What's your idea of a good Sunday?
Why ask it
Sundays come around every week, so this is closer to real life than a perfect-day question. Listen for whether the day is spent out or in, early or late, with people or without. You do not need the same answer, only one you could stand to share.
Early bird or night owl, and is that by choice?
Why ask it
'By choice' separates the man who likes 6 a.m. from the one whose job drags him out of bed. It also explains his reply times, so a message at 1 a.m. or silence after nine stops looking like a signal. Opposite hours are good for a joke now and a real conversation later.
Is there a sport or anything active you actually keep up?
Why ask it
'Actually' is doing the work. A profile can show a summit photo from four years ago when the honest answer is pickup basketball on Wednesdays or nothing since high school. It matters most if your own weekends revolve around a run or a climbing wall, or if you would hate that in a partner.
What's the last thing you did for the first time?
Why ask it
Recent firsts tend to be small: a salsa class, oysters, driving a moving van for a friend. They show whether he is still trying things, which the skydive from years ago in his photos does not. If he draws a blank, offer yours and suggest a first the two of you could share.
Which trip do you still bring up years later?
Why ask it
The trip he keeps retelling is rarely the most expensive one. More often the car broke down or the hostel was a mistake, and the way he tells it shows what he is like when plans fall apart. Ask who he went with, then offer yours.
Deeper
What do you do to switch off after a bad day?
Why ask it
The gym, a long walk, a game with the headset on, an hour of saying nothing to anyone. None of these is wrong, but they suit different people. Somebody who needs silence and somebody who needs to talk it through should find that out early.
What are you working toward right now, if anything?
Why ask it
'If anything' lets him say 'nothing in particular' without it sounding like a confession, and that is a fair answer. Otherwise you might hear about an exam, a deposit, a half marathon or a business plan. Ask what the next step is, which is more interesting than the goal.
Who did you call the last time something went wrong?
Why ask it
It asks who his people are without making him rate his friendships. A brother, a best friend since school or his mom are all good answers, and so is a joke followed by a real name. If he says he handles things alone, do not press by message.
What matters to you more than anyone would guess from your profile?
Why ask it
Six photos and a few prompts leave out most of a person. This hands him the space to add the part that did not fit: a faith, a younger brother, a band, a parent he looks after. Whatever he says, answer that message properly before you move on, because a joke in reply closes the door.
What would your closest friend warn me about?
Why ask it
Putting it in a friend's mouth makes it easy to confess that he is late for everything, goes quiet when stressed or cannot lose at board games. A real flaw offered with good humor is a good sign. 'Nothing, I am great' is a joke the first time and an answer the second.
Where do you want to be living in three years?
Why ask it
Three years is near enough to be real. If there is a move abroad, a return to his hometown or a job in another city on the way, this is where it comes out. 'No idea' is honest and common, and a firm plan to leave next spring is better heard now than after you are attached.
On Dating
What on my profile made you swipe right?
Why ask it
A little bold, so send it once the chat is warm. Naming something you wrote shows he read past the photos, and a vague compliment suggests he may not have. Be ready for the same question back, with a real answer about his.
How long have you been on the apps, and how's it going?
Why ask it
Anyone who has been on Bumble a while has stories, so this is common ground. Pay attention to how he describes past matches: funny and fair is encouraging, while a rant about everyone who ghosted him is how he may one day describe you. Trade one disaster of your own, kindly told.
What are you looking for on here?
Why ask it
His profile may carry a badge that says, so read it first and ask what he means by it. 'Something serious', 'seeing what happens' and 'not sure yet' are all usable replies as long as you say yours back. If he dodges twice, take that as the answer for now.
How long have you been single, roughly?
Why ask it
'Roughly' keeps it from sounding like a form. Three weeks and three years are different starting points, and neither rules him out, but someone a month out of a long relationship is often still working through it. Take the number and leave the story of the breakup for a conversation in person.
What's a dealbreaker for you?
Why ask it
The answer usually points at something that went wrong before, and at how much weight he still gives it. Smoking, wanting different things or rudeness to waiters are easy to respect. A long list about looks describes him, not the people he has dated.
What counts as a green flag for you in the first few messages?
Why ask it
Think of it as the cheerful twin of the dealbreaker question, and an easier one to be honest about. He might say real questions, a sense of humor about the app or simply a reply within a day. Whatever it is, you now know what he has been noticing in your messages.
Do you know your love language, or do you think the whole idea is nonsense?
Why ask it
Giving him the exit turns a quiz into a fun question. Believers will name theirs, skeptics will explain why it is nonsense, and both replies show how he talks about affection at all. Ask what makes him feel looked after, since one example is worth more than the label.
Do you want kids someday, or is that already settled for you?
Why ask it
Check his profile first, because he may have filled this in already. If the answer decides things for you, a plain question in the first week or two is kinder to you both than finding out in month four. The wording leaves room for men who already have children and for those who are sure they want none.
What's the best first date you've been on, and what made it good?
Why ask it
The reason is what you are after. If it was good because the conversation ran until closing time, the venue hardly matters, and if it was the mini golf, suggest something with an activity. Either way he has just told you how to plan yours.
Before You Meet
Are you better over text or in person?
Why ask it
Plenty of good company writes flat messages, and plenty of sparkling texters are quiet across a table. If he says in person, give the chat less weight and meet sooner. It also lets you admit which one you are, which takes some pressure off both of you.
Are you a planner, or do you decide on the day?
Why ask it
Ask before you book anything. A planner will want a time and a place by Wednesday, and a decide-on-the-day person may read that as pressure, so his answer shapes how you word the invitation. If you are opposites, fix the day now and settle the place that morning.
Is there anything you'd want me to know before we meet?
Why ask it
This leaves a door open for whatever did not fit on a profile: a recent breakup, a child, a move in the spring, a height he rounded up. Most replies are 'no, I think you have it all', and that is fine. Answer it yourself too, so he is not the only one who was asked.
Should we do a ten-minute call before we pick a day?
Why ask it
A short voice or video call lets you hear how he talks, and on video you can see that he matches his photos before you give up an evening. Bumble has offered calls inside the chat, so check whether yours does before handing over a number. 'Not really a phone person' is fair once; a flat no with nothing offered in its place is a reason to slow down.
Which side of the city are you on, so I can pick somewhere fair?
Why ask it
A rough area is all you need, and giving the reason in the question makes that clear. It stops you proposing a bar that is ten minutes away for you and an hour for him. If he answers with a full address, do not feel obliged to match it.
Is there anything you don't eat or drink, before I suggest a place?
Why ask it
Not everyone drinks, and a cocktail bar is an awkward first venue for someone who does not. The same goes for a steakhouse and a vegetarian. Asking ahead costs one message and saves him explaining himself at the table.
Coffee, a drink, or something with an activity attached?
Why ask it
It moves the chat toward a plan while still being a question, which is easier than proposing a date cold. Whichever he picks, answer with a place. If he likes all three and a week later there is still no day, he may be happier chatting than meeting, and you can decide how long to wait.
Do you want to get a drink this week? I'm free Tuesday or Thursday.
Why ask it
Two named days turn a vague 'we should meet' into something he can say yes to in one word. Swap in your own days and whatever you settled on in the question before. If neither day works and he offers no other, let the chat rest instead of asking a third time.
Messaging on Bumble
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
How to keep it going
Take the groups in order
Openers and Fun are for the first day, when the only job is a reply worth answering. His Life fills in what an ordinary week looks like. Deeper and On Dating wait until you have each sent a few longer messages, and Before You Meet is for a chat that is going well enough to leave the screen. Two or three from a group is plenty.
Go by what your match screen says about the first message
Bumble has changed its rules on who writes first more than once, and a match can expire if nobody does. Check what the app shows you for this match. When a timer is running, a short question about his profile sent today is better than a clever one sent too late.
Ask about one specific thing in his profile
A photo, a prompt answer or a place he has been gives him something only he can answer. A message that could have gone to fifty people usually reads that way.
Answer your own question too
A question with your own one-line answer attached gives him something to respond to. Bare questions in a row feel like a form.
Suggest meeting once the chat is easy
A long thread can build a picture of someone that the real person then has to compete with. If the conversation has been pleasant for a few days, suggest something specific. There is no correct number of days: go by whether you want to meet him.
Keep an eye on message length
If you are writing paragraphs and getting single lines back, or the other way round, move toward his length and see whether he meets you. Some people are simply brief by text, which is what the text-or-in-person question is for.
What tends to kill a conversation
Stacking questions
Three questions in one message usually get one answer. Send one and wait.
Interviewing
A run of questions with no comment from you feels like screening. Reacting to what he said before asking the next thing keeps it a conversation.
Going deep too early
Questions about family, past relationships or what he wants long term are reasonable eventually and heavy on day one. Keep the Deeper and On Dating groups for a chat that already has some warmth, take a short answer as enough, and leave the long version for when you have met.
Waiting for him to suggest meeting
Plenty of matches fade with both people politely messaging. Naming a day and a place settles it one way or the other, and either result saves you time.
Before you meet in person
- Pick somewhere public for a first meeting, and make your own way there and back.
- Tell a friend who you are meeting, where and when, and agree a time to check in.
- Stay in the app's chat until you are comfortable. Nobody is owed your number, your last name or your address before a first date.
- A short call or video chat first is a reasonable thing to ask for, and a reasonable thing for him to ask of you.
- Never send money or account details to a match, whatever the story is.
- If something he writes makes you uneasy, you can stop replying, unmatch and report the profile in the app. You do not owe an explanation.