Questions to Ask About Racism
For a teacher, facilitator, book club or youth group leader, or a parent, opening a conversation about racism with a class, a group or one child. The questions follow the order such a talk tends to take: defining it and first noticing it, personal experience, history and systems, speaking up, and what changes, with a last group worded for younger children. The notes say what a strong or a worrying answer sounds like, which ages a question suits, and how to ask it so that nobody is made to speak for a whole group.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Defining it
What do you think the word racism means?
Why ask it
Collect every answer on a board before you offer a definition of your own. Groups tend to begin with one person being cruel to another, and sooner or later somebody mentions rules or institutions. Keep both on the board, because the rest of the conversation moves between them.
What makes racism a hard subject to talk about in a group like this one?
Why ask it
Ask it early, since the answers are your ground rules in disguise. Fear of saying the wrong thing, being tired of explaining and worry about being blamed each need a different promise from you, so write them up and say what you will do about each.
What is the difference between prejudice, discrimination and racism?
Why ask it
One workable split is that prejudice is a judgment made before knowing someone, discrimination is acting on it, and racism is either one tied to race, including when it is built into rules. Textbooks and courses define the terms differently, so tell the group which definition you have chosen and why.
When did you first notice that people are treated differently because of race?
Why ask it
Expect ages from four to 'last year'. The spread is the lesson: ask why some people had to notice early and others could go a long time without noticing. Take volunteers only, and let a pass be a full answer.
Can someone say or do something racist without meaning to?
Why ask it
The room usually divides between intent and effect. Try a plain comparison: if you step on someone's foot by accident it still hurts, and you still move your foot. A worrying answer is that it does not count unless it was meant, so ask who gets to say whether it counted.
Where do you see racism today: in the news, online or in your own week?
Why ask it
Sort the answers into two columns as they come: far away, and close to home. A room that fills only the first has told you where to go slowly. If someone says racism is mostly over, hold the argument, ask what they would expect to see if it were not, and come back to it after the Experience questions.
What did the adults around you say about race when you were younger, and what did they never mention?
Why ask it
'Nothing' comes up a lot, and it is worth a follow-up: what does a child conclude about a subject no adult will touch? Listen for people who were given a careful talk about staying safe sitting next to people who were given none, and let them hear each other.
Is race a fact of biology, or an idea people came up with and then built rules around?
Why ask it
Keep your own answer back and give the group something to check: how official forms, such as your country's census, have sorted people in different decades, and whether the boxes stayed the same. Wherever the group lands, finish on the practical point that an idea can shape real lives whether or not it describes a real difference.
Is being 'colorblind' about race a good goal? What does it help, and what does it miss?
Why ask it
Many people were raised to give this as the polite answer, so do not treat it as a mistake. Ask what happens to a person's account of their own life when the listener says they do not see race, and whether treating people equally requires not noticing.
Where do stereotypes about a group come from, and how do they reach someone who has never met anyone from that group?
Why ask it
Steer toward sources, such as shows, jokes, family talk and old textbooks, and away from a list of the stereotypes themselves. Reciting them repeats them at whoever in the room they are about, and the list teaches less than the question of who passed them on.
Experience
Has anyone ever assumed something about you before they knew you? How did you find out?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone has an answer here, about age, accent, clothes or a surname, which makes it a safe first step onto personal ground. Then ask what is different when the assumption is about race and cannot be changed by Monday. If someone concludes that everyone has it the same, ask how often it happens and what it costs.
Have you ever been treated differently because of your race, or seen it happen to someone else? What happened?
Why ask it
The second half is there so that nobody has to choose between disclosing and sitting silent. Thank the person, and do not analyze the story or ask whether they are sure. If it names someone in the building, stop there and pick it up in private.
What is a comment about race that is meant as a compliment or an innocent question and still stings?
Why ask it
'Where are you really from?' and surprise at how well someone speaks are two that come up, and the group will have its own. Ask what the first one weighs and what the fortieth weighs. People who have said these things should get a turn too: what were they trying to say, and how else could they have said it?
When are you most aware of your race, and when do you not think about it at all?
Why ask it
Some people will say they never think about it, and others that they always do. Neither is a wrong answer. Put the two side by side and ask what makes each possible, which gets to advantage without anyone having been accused of it.
What do people get wrong about your background, your family or where you come from?
Why ask it
Put it to the whole circle so that each person answers for one life and nobody is the exhibit. If only one person in the room has a given background, do not look at them when you ask. Letting people write an answer first gives quieter members a way in.
Have you ever changed how you speak, dress or act so that people would treat you better?
Why ask it
Adults talk about work, and teenagers about school versus home. Ask what the change cost and who in the room has never had to make it. Skip it with a group that met an hour ago, since it needs some trust.
Has someone ever gotten your name wrong, shortened it or joked about it? What did you do?
Why ask it
A small, concrete way in that works from about age eight up and in mixed groups. Follow with what they would have liked the person to do, and you usually end with a rule the group can adopt on the spot: ask once, practice, get it right.
Have you ever said or believed something about a group of people that you would take back now?
Why ask it
Answer it yourself first. A leader with no example makes everyone else's confession unsafe. The answers to dwell on name what changed the person's mind, and the group's job is to listen, not to grade.
When someone has told you about racism they faced, what was your first reaction?
Why ask it
Honest answers include doubt, a wish to explain it away and a rush to apologize for things the listener did not do. Say that these are common, then ask what the person telling the story needed in that minute. Usually it was to be believed.
Who was the first person of a different race you knew well, and how did you meet?
Why ask it
Some will name a childhood neighbor, some will say college or a first job, and a few will say they are not sure they have. Do not shame that last answer. Ask what it says about the streets and schools people grew up in, which leads into the next group of questions.
Where do you see people who look like you in books, shows, classrooms and leadership, and where do you not?
Why ask it
With children, make it a count: pull ten books off the shelf and tally who the main characters are. With adults, ask about the first time they saw someone like themselves in a job they wanted. An answer of 'everywhere, I never thought about it' is information too.
History and systems
What were you taught in school about the history of racism in this country, and what did you learn only later?
Why ask it
The gap between the two lists is the subject. Ask where the later learning came from, such as a relative, a film or a trip, and who decides what goes into the school version. Curricula are set differently from place to place, so find out how it is decided where you are before you state it.
What is the difference between one person treating someone unfairly and a rule or a system doing it?
Why ask it
Ask the group to invent a rule that would be unfair even if every person enforcing it were kind, such as a team that only practices at an hour some families cannot manage. Once they can build one, they can spot one. If the answers stay on bad individuals, come back to this before going on.
How could you tell whether a school, a company or a town treats people differently by race if nobody in it ever says anything racist?
Why ask it
Strong answers name things that can be counted: who is hired and promoted, who is disciplined, who is in the advanced classes, who sits on the board. Then find out whether your own school or town publishes any of it, since what is collected and released differs from place to place. When a gap turns up, ask for three possible explanations before anyone settles on one.
What laws or official rules once treated people differently by race where we live, and when did they end?
Why ask it
Do the reading beforehand, because the answer depends on the country, the state and sometimes the town, and an example borrowed from elsewhere may not be true of yours. A local librarian or archive is the place to ask. Some families in the room may have lived under those rules, so let that be offered, never requested.
If an unfair rule ended fifty years ago, could it still affect families today? How?
Why ask it
Good answers trace a mechanism: a house that could or could not be bought, a school, savings passed down, a trade someone was kept out of. When the answer is that it was a long time ago, ask what gets handed down in families and how long it lasts.
Why are many neighborhoods and schools still mostly one race, even where no law requires it?
Why ask it
Hand out the question and not the answer. The reasons differ from town to town, so have the group look up how its own area came to look the way it does: old rules, prices, where people felt welcome. Watch for 'people just prefer their own' offered as the whole story, and ask what the preference was built on.
Which stories of people resisting racism do you know, beyond the two or three famous names?
Why ask it
Without this question, the history becomes only a list of things done to people. If the room goes quiet, that is the assignment: each person brings back one name next time, ideally someone local. Check any story you plan to tell yourself, since the well-known versions are often simplified.
Does racism look the same in every country, or does it change with the place?
Why ask it
Groups with members who have lived elsewhere get the most from this, because who is targeted changes from country to country, and that suggests it was made, not given. Each person speaks from what they saw. Nobody is the spokesperson for a nation.
How might a person benefit from racism without ever doing anything racist?
Why ask it
This is the question most likely to make someone defensive, so frame advantage as something received, not something done. A list titled 'things I have never had to think about' works better than the word privilege. If someone says they worked hard for everything, agree, and add that both can be true.
Is someone today responsible for racism that began before they were born?
Why ask it
Help the group pull apart blame and responsibility. The strongest answers say something like 'not my fault, still partly mine to fix', the way a new owner deals with a leak they did not cause. Let the disagreement run, because this one does not need a verdict.
Speaking up
Think of a time someone said something racist in front of you. What did you do, and what do you wish you had done?
Why ask it
Say before anyone answers that the honest reply is often 'nothing', yours included. That takes the shame out and makes the second half a rehearsal. Pair people up for this one, since it is easier to admit to one person than to twenty.
What makes it hard to speak up in the moment when you hear something racist?
Why ask it
List the barriers as they come: not being sure it was racist, fear of losing a friend, the speaker being older or in charge, freezing. Keep the list visible, because each one needs its own tactic and the next few questions supply them.
What could you say when a friend makes a racist joke, in words you would really use?
Why ask it
Have each person write one sentence and read it aloud. 'I don't get it, explain it to me' and 'not funny' survive the test, and lines that sound like a poster do not get said at a lunch table. Never ask for the joke itself as an example.
Is speaking up different when the person who said it is a relative, a teacher or a boss? What changes?
Why ask it
Power changes the options, and the group should hear that a private word afterward, or telling someone else with authority, is a real response. For children, the question becomes which adult they would tell. Do not leave anyone thinking they must confront every person every time.
What would you do about a racist post or message in a group chat or a comment thread you are part of?
Why ask it
Lay out the choices, which are not the same as in a hallway: answer in the thread, message the person it was aimed at, report it, leave the chat, or show a trusted adult. A chat full of friends is harder than a thread full of strangers, and teenagers will say so. Platforms and schools each handle reports their own way, so look up how it works on the ones your group uses, and never put the post itself on a screen.
When a racist remark is aimed at someone else, what can you do for that person, both in the moment and afterward?
Why ask it
The first instinct is to answer the offender. Listen for the answers that turn to the person targeted: standing next to them, changing the subject to get them out, checking in later. The best ones ask what the person wants before acting for them.
When is it better to step in on the spot, and when is it better to wait or get help?
Why ask it
Compare a classmate's remark with a stranger shouting on a bus. Safety comes first, and for young people fetching an adult counts as acting. How to report an incident differs between schools and workplaces, so find out the procedure at yours before the session and tell the group.
What should a person do when they are told that something they said was racist?
Why ask it
It turns the group around, since everyone will be on this side one day. Good answers start with listening and a specific apology and end with doing it differently. The worrying one opens with 'what I meant was'. Have pairs act it out, twenty seconds each way.
When you stand up for someone, how do you keep it from becoming about you?
Why ask it
For older teens and adults. Ask for an example of help nobody saw and one that was mostly for show, and what told them apart. A fair test that groups often reach: who asked for it, and who got the credit.
What changes
What has changed about racism since your grandparents were young, and what has not?
Why ask it
In a group of mixed ages, let the oldest go first. You want both columns filled. When someone says nothing has changed, or that it is over, ask them for one entry in the other column.
Is it enough to not be racist yourself, or does being anti-racist ask for more?
Why ask it
The distinction usually drawn is between keeping your own conduct clean and acting when the problem is someone else's or is written into a rule. Ask for one example of each from a single setting, a lunchroom or a hiring panel. If the term is new or loaded for your group, drop it and ask only the first half. Expect disagreement, and do not hurry to end it.
What actually changes a person's mind about race?
Why ask it
Ask people about their own minds first. More often than not the answer is a person, a friendship or a story, and seldom an argument they lost. That is useful to hear for anyone who came hoping to win a debate at the next family dinner.
What is one thing in this school, group or workplace that could be fairer, and who decides it?
Why ask it
The second half turns a complaint into a plan, because it names who to talk to. Only ask if you are prepared to carry the answers somewhere. Inviting ideas and then doing nothing teaches a group that these talks are for show.
What would a place with less racism look like on an ordinary Tuesday?
Why ask it
It forces ideals into things you could see: who sits together at lunch, who gets called on, whose name gets said right, who is in charge. Vague answers about respect are a cue to ask 'and what would I notice if I walked in?'
What do you want to learn more about before we talk again?
Why ask it
Write the list down and give each item to someone, yourself included. It tells the group this was one conversation of several, and it shows you where they are still unsure. Resist finishing with a neat summary of what everyone learned.
What is one thing you will do differently this week because of this conversation?
Why ask it
Small and checkable is the standard. 'Learn to say a classmate's name correctly' or 'ask my grandmother what she remembers' beats 'fight racism'. Open the next meeting by asking how it went, or the question loses its force.
What are you feeling as we finish, and is there anything you need from this group?
Why ask it
A closing round, one sentence each, passing allowed. People who live with racism may be tired and others may feel guilty, so say that neither tiredness nor guilt was the point. Tell everyone where they can find you afterward.
Younger children
What do you notice about how people look different from each other, and how are they the same?
Why ask it
For ages three to seven or so. Small children point out skin color loudly and in public, and a calm, plain reply ('yes, her skin is darker than yours') tells them it can be talked about. Hushing them tells them it cannot.
Why do you think people have different skin colors?
Why ask it
Hear the child's theory first, because it tells you what to correct. Then give a short true answer: skin has something in it called melanin, more of it makes skin darker, and how much each person has is passed down from the parents they were born to, the way eye color is. Add that it says nothing about what a person is like.
Has anyone at school talked about racism? What did they say it is?
Why ask it
For a child of about six and up who has sat through an assembly, caught the news or listened to older kids. What comes back tends to be part right and part playground rumor, so fix one thing and leave the rest for another day. A shrug is an answer too: drop it and try again after the next book or show that gives you an opening.
How would it feel to be left out of a game because of the color of your skin?
Why ask it
Fairness is the way in at this age, and every child knows being left out. Start from a time it happened to them for any reason, then make the link. In a class, do not have the one child it may really have happened to act it out for the others.
Is it fair to decide what someone is like before you know them?
Why ask it
Tie it to a character in a book you have just read together, and ask what the others got wrong about them. Children will say no at once. The follow-up is 'have you ever done it?', asked gently and answered by you first.
Have you ever heard someone say something mean about a person's skin, hair, food or the way they talk? What happened next?
Why ask it
Listen for whether it happened to your child. Keep your face calm whatever you hear, because how you react decides whether you are told next time. If it happened at school, ask the school how it handles such things there before promising the child an outcome.
What could you do if you saw a kid being teased about how they look or where their family is from?
Why ask it
Give three choices a child can manage: say 'stop, that is not kind', go and stand with the kid, or tell a grown-up. Practice with toys or by taking turns. A child who has said the words once at home has them ready on the playground.
What can a kid do about racism, and what is the grown-ups' job?
Why ask it
The point is to take weight off. A child's part is being fair, speaking up and telling an adult, and fixing the rules belongs to grown-ups. If your child leaves the talk believing it is theirs to solve, say this part again.
What questions do you have that you were not sure you were allowed to ask?
Why ask it
Say out loud that every question is allowed here, then wait longer than is comfortable. What comes out shows what the child has already picked up. If you do not know an answer, say so and look it up together.
Leading a conversation about racism without putting anyone on the spot
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you start
Know who will be in the room
Count before you plan. A group where one or two people are of a given race is a different session from one that is evenly mixed or all of one background, and the Experience questions change most. Where someone would be the only one, tell them in advance what is coming and that they will not be asked to explain anything.
Agree on how to talk
Two or three agreements are enough: speak for yourself, personal stories stay in the room, and anyone may pass. With children or students, say the one exception at the start: if it sounds as though someone is being hurt, you will have to tell another adult. Draw the rest from the group's own answers to the question about what makes this hard, then keep them where everyone can see.
Choose by age
Under eight or so, stay with the Younger children group and keep it to ten minutes tied to a book or to something that happened. From about nine to twelve, add Defining it and Speaking up. History and systems and most of Experience suit teenagers and adults, who can hold a pattern and a person in mind at once.
Answer the list yourself first
Go through the questions alone before you put them to anyone. The ones that make you uneasy are the ones you will rush in the room, and a leader with a ready answer to the question about taking something back makes it easier for everyone else.
Check the rules where you are
Schools, districts and employers have their own policies on teaching or discussing race, and in some places there are laws about it. They differ widely, so ask your principal, organizer or HR contact how it works there, and let families know ahead of a classroom session.
While it is happening
Go from wide to personal
Open with two or three from Defining it, where nobody has to disclose anything, and move to Experience only when people are talking to each other and not to you. For a single session, six to eight questions is plenty. Finish with one from What changes so nobody leaves in the middle of the hardest part.
Write first, then talk
Give a minute to write before any personal question. It puts an answer in the hands of slower thinkers and lets people decide how much to share. Pairs before the whole circle does the same job.
Nobody speaks for a group
Never turn to a person and ask what their community thinks. Ask the whole room, take volunteers, and when someone does share, thank them for their own story without widening it to everyone who looks like them. Say this rule aloud at the start so the group can hold you to it.
When something hurtful is said
Stop, and respond to the remark and not the person: 'I want to go back to that, because here is how it can land.' Then check in privately with whoever it landed on. Letting it go by tells them the agreements were decoration.
When someone cries, bristles or goes silent
Name it without fuss and offer a break. Do not hand the group's attention to the person who is upset for the rest of the hour, particularly if they are upset at having been challenged. Whoever was hurt in the first place still comes first.
One child, at home
Skip the sit-down talk. Ask a single question in the car or after a book or a show, follow the child's answer for a few minutes and stop when they do. Coming back to it next week matters more than covering ground.
What goes wrong
Making one person the lesson
The fastest way to lose a group is to let the one member of a minority in it become the teacher for everyone else. If the room keeps turning to them, turn it back: 'What do the rest of us think?'
Debating whether it happened
When someone tells what happened to them, the group's work is to listen. Questions like 'are you sure it was about race?' put the teller on trial. Save argument for the questions that are built for it, such as the one about responsibility for the past.
Ending on guilt
Guilt can feel like progress while nothing changes. If the mood sinks there, move to the Speaking up group, which is about what to do next, and close with the question about one thing to do this week.
Treating it as one talk
A single session opens the subject and cannot settle it. Say when the next one is and pick it up from the list of what people wanted to learn. With a child, expect the best questions to arrive days later, at bedtime.
Promising what you cannot deliver
If a child or a group member tells you about an incident, do not promise an outcome or secrecy on the spot. Find out beforehand what your school or organization requires you to do with a report, and tell the person plainly what happens next.