Questions to Ask at a Business Dinner
For anyone seated at a dinner with clients, a boss, senior colleagues or interviewers and wondering what to ask the people at the table. The questions follow the meal: openers while everyone sits down, what a host and a guest ask each other, the other person's work and company, subjects away from work that stay clear of private life, then a few for raising business and for saying goodnight. Each has a note on what a good or a worrying answer sounds like and what to do with it, and the guide covers what to leave alone over a meal.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
Have you been to this restaurant before?
Why ask it
Anyone at the table can answer it, and both answers lead somewhere: a regular tells you what is good, and a first-timer reads the menu with you. If the person turns out to have picked the place, ask what made them choose it and let them enjoy the credit.
How was your trip in?
Why ask it
A two-minute story about a delayed flight or a crawl across town is all this needs to produce while people settle. Listen for how tired the person is. Someone who landed an hour ago will probably be glad of a shorter evening than the one you had planned, so offer it.
How long have you all worked together?
Why ask it
For the newcomer at a table of people from one company. The answer maps the room: who has shared an office for ten years, who joined last spring, and who is also meeting everyone tonight. Hold on to the names as they come, because you will need them by the main course.
How long have you been with the company?
Why ask it
A fact, quick to give, and two months and twenty years both make good answers. Ask next what brought them in or what has kept them. Do not do the arithmetic out loud to guess anyone's age.
What is keeping you busy at the moment?
Why ask it
The wording lets the other person choose between work and everything else, and the choice is the answer. A product launch means they are happy to talk shop. A kitchen renovation or a half marathon means they would like an hour off from it, so stay there.
Did you grow up around here, or did work bring you to the city?
Why ask it
Asked this way it is about the move, which most people tell as a story. Take a short answer as the whole answer and go on to something else. Pressing anyone on where they are 'really' from is how a friendly opener turns sour.
Which side of the business are you on?
Why ask it
For the neighbor whose name you caught and nothing more. It assumes nothing about rank, which matters: guessing that someone is the assistant and being wrong is hard to recover from. A partner who came along with a colleague will simply say so, and then you ask about their own work.
Host and guest
Where would you like me to sit?
Why ask it
Many hosts have a plan for the table, often with the main guest beside them and their own people spread among the visitors. Asking saves you from taking the chair meant for the client. When the host says anywhere, leave the places next to them free and sit where you can talk to someone you have not met.
What do you usually order here?
Why ask it
The most practical thing a guest can ask a host. The reply shows how many courses and what kind of price they have in mind, and ordering inside that is the safe course. A host who waves it away and tells you to have anything has left you guessing, so choose from the middle of the menu.
Is tonight purely social, or is there something you would like us to talk through?
Why ask it
Put it to the host quietly, before or just after sitting down, when you honestly cannot tell. Customs about business at the table differ between countries and between companies, so a guess can go wrong either way. Follow whatever they say, and let the host be the one to open the subject.
Who here should I make sure I talk to before the evening ends?
Why ask it
For a long table where you will only reach the people beside you. The host knows who came hoping to meet whom, and a name gives you a reason to change seats over coffee. Ask what the two of you have in common so you do not arrive with nothing to say.
Does the team get together like this often?
Why ask it
Useful for a new hire, or for a candidate at an interview dinner. A team that eats together a few times a year and talks about it fondly is telling you something good. If this is the first in a long while, ask what the occasion is and leave it there.
Is there anything you do not eat that I should mention to the kitchen?
Why ask it
A host's question, best asked with the invitation and quietly at the table if that was missed. Take the answer as given and never ask the reason. Diet, faith and health are all behind that door, and none of them is dinner conversation unless the guest opens it.
Have you met everyone at the table?
Why ask it
The host's first job, and a guest can ask it on behalf of a late arrival. Follow it with introductions that carry one useful fact each: a name, a role, and something the two people share. A bare list of names is forgotten before the bread arrives.
Is the hotel treating you well, and is there anything you need while you are in town?
Why ask it
A visiting guest often has a small problem they would never raise unprompted: a charger left at home, a quiet room for a call, a ride to the airport. Fixing it costs little and is remembered longer than the meal. Even a plain 'all fine' leaves the guest knowing that you thought about their week and not only your own.
What time do you need to head out tonight?
Why ask it
A kindness from a host, asked early and lightly. It lets a guest with a dawn flight or a family waiting leave without inventing an excuse, and it tells you how to pace the courses. Then hold to it: ask for the check before the hour they named.
Is there anything in the city you would like to see while you are here?
Why ask it
You find out whether the guest wants looking after or wants an evening alone, and both are fine. When they name something, offer one concrete thing, such as a route to walk or a booking you can make. A guest who plans to be in the hotel working has answered too, and should not be pushed.
Their work
How did you get started in this business?
Why ask it
Few people at a work dinner mind telling this one, and most know the story by heart. Expect an accident somewhere in it: a summer job that stuck, a degree in another subject, a favor for an uncle. Pick the turn that interests you and ask what they would be doing now if it had gone the other way.
What do you like most about where you work?
Why ask it
The candidate's best question at an interview dinner, and it works on a client too. Listen for whether the reply comes quickly and names something particular: one boss, the kind of problem, being trusted to get on with it. Three colleagues giving three different reasons says more for a place than one line they all repeat.
What was the company like when you started?
Why ask it
Long-serving people light up at this, and newer ones at the table learn something too. Pride in the telling is a good sign. Regret for how things used to be is worth noting quietly, and is not something to draw out over dinner.
What is the company putting its energy into this year?
Why ask it
Expect the public version, which is all a dinner table is owed. Do not press for figures, dates or anything the person would have to lower their voice to say. When several colleagues answer and each names something different, a client or a candidate has learned a good deal.
Which part of the job do you still like to do yourself?
Why ask it
Senior people have usually been promoted away from the work that drew them in, and many keep one piece of it. What they kept shows what they respect, which helps if you report to them or sell to them. Someone who misses all of it may talk happily for ten minutes.
What are your customers asking for now that they were not a few years ago?
Why ask it
It lets a client or a senior colleague be the expert on their own market, and it is safely general. A thoughtful answer names a real shift and gives an example. A supplier who hears an opening in the reply should hold it for the next meeting and not pitch across the bread basket.
Who on your team has done something lately that impressed you?
Why ask it
People in charge of teams like praising them, and the qualities they pick out tend to be the ones they reward. A candidate or a new report should listen closely for those. When the person praised is sitting at the table, say so to them directly before the subject moves on.
What are you looking forward to at work over the next few months?
Why ask it
Forward and positive, so it is safe with anyone from a client to your manager's manager. The good answers are specific: an opening, a new hire, a trip. A long pause followed by 'getting through the quarter' means the person is tired, and the kind thing is to move to something lighter.
How did our two companies first start working together?
Why ask it
One for a client dinner, and best from the newest person on either side. Somebody at the table was there at the beginning and will enjoy telling it, and the story often explains why the account is run the way it is. Put it to the client, not to your own boss, so that the version you hear is theirs.
How does your office do things differently from ours?
Why ask it
For a senior colleague visiting from another site, or one whose site you are visiting. People notice the differences on the first morning and are seldom asked about them: who eats lunch together, how early the place fills up, where decisions really get made. Keep it curious and not competitive, and take home the one habit worth copying.
What is the best advice someone gave you early in your career?
Why ask it
A good one for a boss or a senior colleague, who are seldom asked and often have an answer ready. It sits between work and life, so it can lead in either direction afterwards. Ask who said it. The person behind the advice is usually the better story.
Off work
Do you have any travel coming up, for work or for yourself?
Why ask it
Travel is neutral ground between work and private life, and 'for yourself' lets them pick the side. It asks nothing about who they travel with, so the person decides how much of home to bring in. If they mention family, you may follow. If they do not, do not go looking.
Do you have anything planned for the weekend?
Why ask it
The plainest question on the page, and useful for that reason: nobody has to think. On a Monday it gets a shrug, so save it for the second half of the week. A tournament, a drive to see parents, or a firm 'absolutely nothing' each tells you how much of their own life this person likes to bring to a work table.
What is the best meal you have ever had on a work trip?
Why ask it
It suits the setting, and nearly everyone who travels has one, often from a place nobody expected. Stories about a roadside lunch or a tiny counter abroad go around a table easily, so ask the next person for theirs. Steer it away from a contest about expensive restaurants.
What do you do to switch off at the end of a week?
Why ask it
This finds the hobby without a string of guesses about golf or children. Running, a choir, a vegetable garden, bad television: whatever comes, ask one more thing about it. With a client it also tells you what they might enjoy the next time you host.
Are you reading, watching or listening to anything good at the moment?
Why ask it
Three options, so that nobody is caught out for not reading. Common ground turns up quickly, and a recommendation gives you something to mention when you write the next day. If a political book or a news show comes up, nod and ask about something else on their list.
What should a visitor to your city not miss?
Why ask it
People enjoy being the local expert, and their choices say something about them: the museum, the market or the stadium. If you are the visitor, write the answer down after dinner and tell them later that you went. That second conversation is worth more than the first.
Do you follow a team, or is there something else you never miss?
Why ask it
Sports talk fills a table quickly when people share a team and empties it when they do not. The second half rescues the person who has no team and would sooner talk about a bike race, a game show or a music festival. Keep any rivalry friendly, above all with a client.
What was your very first job, long before this one?
Why ask it
Paper routes, washing dishes, a summer on a farm. Everyone has one, the senior people included, and for a few minutes the table has no ranks. It goes well around the whole table in turn, starting with whoever looks most relaxed.
Do you cook much at home, and is there a dish you are known for?
Why ask it
Food is the one subject everyone at a dinner already has in front of them. Keen cooks will give you a recipe, and those who never cook usually have a funny reason. Comment on what people say, never on what is on their plate or how much of it.
Business
Would this be a good moment to talk about the project, or would you prefer to save it for tomorrow?
Why ask it
Asking permission is the point. It is usually the host or the senior person who opens business, so a guest asks this only when the evening is nearly over and something has to be settled. An answer of 'tomorrow' deserves instant agreement and a suggested time.
What would you most like to see from us over the next few months?
Why ask it
For a client, once the subject of work is open. Listen and do not sell: the meal is for hearing it, and your reply belongs in a proper meeting. Make your notes after you leave the table, not on a phone in front of them.
Is there anything about the way we work together that you would change?
Why ask it
Ask only if the mood is good and you are ready for a real answer. A small request is easy: say you will fix it, and do. If a serious complaint comes out, thank them, do not defend yourself over dessert, and propose a call that week.
What would make this a good year for your team?
Why ask it
Broad enough for a table and still useful, because the measure people choose is usually the one they are judged on. A client who says 'no surprises' wants reliability from you more than ideas. Keep your response to a sentence and return to it when you next meet.
What should I know about working here that an interview would not show me?
Why ask it
For a candidate at an interview dinner, where the answers are looser than in the office. Good replies are concrete and a little unflattering: the busy months, the old software, the long-running joke. You are still being assessed, so ask it with curiosity and without a notebook.
From where you sit, what should I be paying more attention to?
Why ask it
One question for a dinner with your boss or a senior colleague, asked once and with no list behind it. A useful answer names a person to know or a part of the business to learn. Do not follow it with a request about pay or promotion. That conversation needs an office and a calendar invitation.
Closing
What has been the highlight of your visit so far?
Why ask it
A warm way to start winding down with a guest from out of town. Whatever they name, the site tour or the afternoon off, is what to repeat on their next visit. A highlight that had nothing to do with your company is no verdict on it, so enjoy the story.
What is the best way to reach you after tonight?
Why ask it
Better than assuming an address from a business card. Some people want a message, some want their assistant copied, and a few will tell you plainly not to write for a week. Then use it within a day or two, with one line about something they said at dinner.
Is there someone at your company I should meet next?
Why ask it
Save it for a client or a new contact once the evening has clearly gone well. A name offered freely is an introduction you can mention when you write. If they hesitate, let it pass, since pushing for contacts at the end of a meal spoils the hour before it.
What happens next on your side?
Why ask it
At an interview dinner, put this to the recruiter or the host on the way out, not across the table. With a client, it only fits when business has already been discussed. A clear answer has a person and a date in it. After a vague one, follow up politely in a week.
How are you getting back tonight, and can I call you a car?
Why ask it
The host's last duty, and a considerate thing for any colleague to ask. It makes sure nobody is left on the sidewalk working out a strange city alone. Wait until the guest's ride has come before you leave yourself.
Should we do this again the next time you are in town?
Why ask it
Say it only if you mean it, because a client will remember the invitation. A warm yes with a rough month attached is the sign of a good evening. A polite 'let us see' is no slight. Send the thank-you note all the same.
How to handle the conversation at a business dinner
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you sit down
Find out what kind of dinner it is
A dinner to thank a client, a team dinner with the boss and a dinner that is part of an interview all look alike on a calendar and run differently. Ask whoever organized it who will be there, whether business is expected to come up, and how people will dress. Customs on all three differ by country and by company, so ask someone who has been to one of these dinners with these people.
Learn the names and one thing about each person
Get the guest list if there is one and look up each person's role. One fact per person is enough: the office they run, the project you share, the city they flew in from. It gives you a first question for every seat, and it saves you from asking a managing director what they do.
Bring a handful of questions, not the list
Nobody can consult a list at a table. Pick one question from each group on this page that you could ask this particular table, and have your own short answer ready for each. The rest of the evening is following up on what people say.
Settle the practical things beforehand
Who pays, what may be put on expenses, and whether a gift is welcome or even allowed depend on the employers and the country involved. Ask how it works at your company, and if you are hosting a client, ask how it works at theirs. Sorting it out in advance keeps money off the table, where it does not belong.
At the table
Let the questions follow the meal
Openers carry the table until the order is taken. Questions about the other person's work fit the first course, and subjects away from work fit the main course, once people have relaxed. Business, if it comes up at all, usually waits until the host raises it, often over coffee. That order is a habit and not a rule, so watch what the senior person does and go with it.
Talk to both sides
At a long table you have two neighbors, and each should get a fair share of the evening. If you have spent the first course turned one way, turn the other with the next. When someone across the table has gone quiet, a question from Off work asked by name brings them back in.
Answer your own question
A run of questions with nothing given in return feels like an interview. After the other person answers, offer a short answer of your own, then ask about something they said. Two sentences from you is about right. More, and you have stopped asking.
Order so that you can talk
Follow the host on the number of courses and on drinks, and choose something you can eat with a fork between sentences. Nobody owes the table a reason for skipping a drink or a dish. Put the phone away for the whole meal. If you must take a call, say so beforehand and step outside.
Leave room for silence
People are eating. A pause while everyone attends to a plate is normal and does not need a question thrown into it. Keep one easy question in reserve for a lull that goes on too long, and let the short ones pass.
Host, guest, candidate, junior
If you are the host
The questions under Host and guest that look after people are yours: where they sit, what they eat, who they have met, when they need to leave. So is the one under Closing about how they are getting back. You also decide whether business is discussed and when. Arrange payment out of the guest's sight where you can, so that the end of the evening is a goodbye and not a transaction.
If you are the guest
Take your lead from the host on seating, ordering, pace and topic, and ask about their choices: the restaurant, the dish they recommend, the people at the table. Thank them when you leave and again in writing the next day, with one detail from the conversation.
If the dinner is part of an interview
It is still the interview, however friendly it feels. Questions from Their work show interest without turning the table into a panel, and how you treat the staff and the quietest person present tends to be noticed. Save anything about pay, offers and timing for the recruiter, away from the table.
If you are the most junior person there
Ask more than you tell. Senior people are seldom asked about their first job, the advice they were given or the part of the work they still love, and they tend to remember who asked. Do not hold on to the boss all evening. One good exchange is plenty, and the colleagues beside you matter too.
What to leave alone over a meal
Politics, religion and the argument of the week
You do not know where everyone at a business table stands, and nobody can walk away from a dinner halfway through. If someone else brings one of these up, listen, say little, and ask the table something from Off work. Winning the point is never worth what it costs the evening.
Family, age, health and what is on someone's plate
Do not ask whether someone is married, has children or plans to, how old they are, or why they are not eating or drinking something. If the other person raises their family, follow with interest and no further than they went. At an interview dinner this applies in both directions. What an interviewer may ask depends on where you are, so if a question makes you uneasy, give a light answer, move on, and raise it with the recruiter afterwards.
Money, gossip and the competition
Salaries, the cost of the dinner, what someone's house or car is worth and the size of a deal are all poor table talk. So are stories about colleagues who are not present and unkind remarks about a competitor. The client across from you may have worked there, or may wonder what you say about them.
Confidential details in a public room
Restaurant tables are close together and voices carry. Keep figures, client names and plans that have not been announced out of the conversation, even when the host is relaxed about it. If the business cannot be discussed in general terms, it should wait for an office.
Bad news and big requests
A meal is the wrong place to announce a price increase, raise a serious complaint, ask for a raise or press for a signature. The other person cannot leave, cannot check anything, and has to keep eating in front of you. Use the dinner to agree on a time for that conversation, and have it there.