Questions to Ask for Marriage
Essential questions to ask your partner before getting married, covering important topics like values, goals, finances, family, and expectations to help you build a strong foundation for your marriage.
1What are your core values and beliefs, and how do they align with mine?
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What are your core values and beliefs, and how do they align with mine?
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Why this works
Reveals fundamental values and beliefs that will shape your marriage, helping you understand if you're compatible on the most important aspects of life.
2What are your long-term goals and aspirations, and how do they fit with mine?
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What are your long-term goals and aspirations, and how do they fit with mine?
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Why this works
Explores future aspirations and helps you understand if your goals are compatible and if you can support each other's dreams and ambitions.
3How do you handle conflict and disagreements, and what's your approach to resolving them?
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How do you handle conflict and disagreements, and what's your approach to resolving them?
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Why this works
Reveals their conflict resolution style and helps you understand how you'll navigate disagreements and challenges in your marriage.
4What are your expectations about marriage, and what does a successful marriage look like to you?
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What are your expectations about marriage, and what does a successful marriage look like to you?
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Why this works
Clarifies expectations about marriage and helps you understand what each person considers important for a successful relationship.
5How do you think about money and financial planning, and what are your financial goals?
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How do you think about money and financial planning, and what are your financial goals?
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Why this works
Explores financial values and goals, which are crucial for understanding how you'll manage money together and plan for your future.
6What are your thoughts on having children, and how do you envision raising them?
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What are your thoughts on having children, and how do you envision raising them?
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Why this works
Addresses one of the most important decisions in marriage and helps you understand if you're aligned on family planning and parenting approaches.
7How do you handle stress and difficult emotions, and what support do you need?
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How do you handle stress and difficult emotions, and what support do you need?
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Why this works
Reveals their emotional coping mechanisms and helps you understand how to support each other during challenging times.
8What are your expectations about household responsibilities and domestic life?
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What are your expectations about household responsibilities and domestic life?
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Why this works
Clarifies expectations about domestic duties and helps you understand how you'll share responsibilities and manage daily life together.
9How do you think about family relationships, and what role do you expect family to play?
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How do you think about family relationships, and what role do you expect family to play?
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Why this works
Explores family dynamics and helps you understand how you'll navigate relationships with extended family and in-laws.
10What are your thoughts on religion and spirituality, and how important are they to you?
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What are your thoughts on religion and spirituality, and how important are they to you?
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Why this works
Addresses spiritual and religious beliefs, which can be important for understanding how you'll approach faith and spirituality in your marriage.
11How do you handle differences in opinions and values, and what's your approach to compromise?
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How do you handle differences in opinions and values, and what's your approach to compromise?
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Why this works
Reveals their approach to handling differences and helps you understand how you'll navigate disagreements and find common ground.
12What are your expectations about intimacy and physical affection in marriage?
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What are your expectations about intimacy and physical affection in marriage?
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Why this works
Addresses physical intimacy expectations and helps you understand how you'll maintain connection and affection in your marriage.
13How do you think about personal growth and self-improvement, and what support do you need?
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How do you think about personal growth and self-improvement, and what support do you need?
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Why this works
Explores their approach to personal development and helps you understand how you'll support each other's growth and self-improvement.
14What are your thoughts on career and work-life balance, and how do you prioritize them?
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What are your thoughts on career and work-life balance, and how do you prioritize them?
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Why this works
Addresses career priorities and helps you understand how you'll balance work and personal life in your marriage.
15How do you handle past relationships and what have you learned from them?
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How do you handle past relationships and what have you learned from them?
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Why this works
Reveals their ability to reflect on past experiences and helps you understand how they've grown and what they've learned from previous relationships.
16What are your expectations about communication and how often do you want to talk about important issues?
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What are your expectations about communication and how often do you want to talk about important issues?
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Why this works
Clarifies communication expectations and helps you understand how you'll maintain open and honest communication in your marriage.
17How do you think about social life and friendships, and what role do they play in your life?
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How do you think about social life and friendships, and what role do they play in your life?
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Why this works
Explores their approach to social relationships and helps you understand how you'll balance individual friendships with your marriage.
18What are your thoughts on travel and adventure, and how do you envision spending time together?
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What are your thoughts on travel and adventure, and how do you envision spending time together?
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Why this works
Addresses lifestyle preferences and helps you understand how you'll spend quality time together and what activities you enjoy.
19How do you handle change and uncertainty, and what support do you need during transitions?
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How do you handle change and uncertainty, and what support do you need during transitions?
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Why this works
Reveals their approach to handling change and helps you understand how you'll support each other during life transitions and challenges.
20What are your expectations about the future, and how do you envision your life together in 10, 20, and 30 years?
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What are your expectations about the future, and how do you envision your life together in 10, 20, and 30 years?
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Why this works
Explores long-term vision and helps you understand if you have compatible visions for your future together and what you want to achieve.
How to Have Important Pre-Marriage Conversations
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
Best Practices
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Use questions that encourage detailed responses and give both partners room to share their thoughts and feelings openly.
Listen Without Judgment
Create a safe space for honest answers by listening without judgment and being open to different perspectives and values.
Discuss Differences Constructively
Approach differences as opportunities to understand each other better rather than as problems that need to be solved immediately.
Question Sequences
The Values and Goals Sequence
The Communication and Conflict Sequence
Common Pitfalls
Don't Avoid Difficult Topics
Address important topics like finances, children, and values even if they're uncomfortable or difficult to discuss.
Don't Assume Compatibility
Don't assume you're compatible on important issues without having open and honest conversations about them.
Don't Rush the Process
Take time to have these conversations thoroughly rather than rushing through them or avoiding difficult topics.