Questions to Ask on a Lie Detector Test for Infidelity

The questions

Open any question to see why it works.

1. 1

   How many questions about the affair can one exam actually hold?

   This is the first thing to establish, because most people arrive with a list of twenty. A single exam covers a small number of relevant questions, so the work before the appointment is deciding which two or three matter more than the rest.

2. 2

   Will we both see every question in advance?

   Reviewing each question word for word before the test is standard practice, and there are no surprise questions. If an examiner suggests otherwise, that is a reason to ask more about how they run an exam.

3. 3

   Which of my questions will you refuse to run, and why?

   Examiners routinely reject questions that ask about two things at once, questions with vague words, and questions about what someone was thinking. Hearing which of yours get cut is the fastest lesson in how these tests are actually built.

4. 4

   Does every question have to be answerable with a plain yes or no?

   It does, which rules out anything starting with why, how many, or who. People are often surprised that the question they most want answered is the one the format cannot carry.

5. 5

   How specific does the time frame need to be?

   There is a real difference between ever and since a named date. A dated window is cleaner to test and harder to argue with afterwards, and picking the date is a decision the two of you should make before you arrive, not in the room.

6. 6

   How do we agree on what the words mean before the test rather than after?

   Sexual contact, cheating, and relationship all mean different things to different people, and an unresolved definition is what turns a result into a second argument. Ask the examiner to write the definition into the pretest discussion.

7. 7

   Where can this result be used outside this room?

   Ask about your own jurisdiction and circumstances rather than relying on what you have read. Courts, employers, and family proceedings all treat these differently, and it is worth knowing before a written report exists with your name on it.

8. 8

   What can make a result inconclusive, and what happens then?

   Inconclusive is a common outcome and it is not a soft failure. Ask what causes it, whether a retest is included in the fee, and how long you would need to wait.

9. 9

   What happens in the room if the chart indicates deception?

   Examiners handle this differently. Some conduct a post-test interview alone with the examinee, some bring the partner back in. Knowing the sequence in advance means neither of you is making a decision in the first ten minutes after bad news.

10. 10

    Do you speak to each of us separately first?

    The pretest interview shapes everything that follows. Ask how long it takes, whether the accusing partner is present, and what the examiner does if the two of you disagree about the wording once you are there.

11. 11

    Since we were married, have you had sexual contact with anyone other than me?

    The broad version of the central question. It is the one most people want and the weakest to test, because it covers a long window and a wide term. If you use it, the definition of sexual contact has to be settled first.

12. 12

    Have you had sexual contact with this person?

    Naming one person makes the question narrow and testable, which is the shape these exams handle best. It only works when you have a name, and it does not answer anything about anyone else.

13. 13

    Since that date, have you met this person anywhere outside work?

    A step below sexual contact, and worth including when the argument is about whether a friendship is a relationship. It also catches the case where the line being defended is physical and everything else has already happened.

14. 14

    Since that date, have you sent sexual messages or images to anyone other than me?

    Needs to be asked separately because a good number of people do not count this as an affair and will answer the physical question truthfully while this one stays hidden. Decide in advance whether it belongs on the test or in a conversation.

15. 15

    Since that date, have you paid anyone for sex?

    A distinct question rather than a subset of the others, and one people commonly assume is covered by a general question when it is not. Only include it if it is a real concern rather than a way to make a point.

16. 16

    Do you have a phone, an account, or a card that I do not know about?

    This asks about concealment rather than sex, which is often the thing that has actually damaged the relationship. It is also easier to define precisely, which makes it a cleaner question than most on this list.

17. 17

    Did you lie to me about where you were that night?

    Anchoring to the one specific incident that started all of this is usually more useful than a general question about the whole marriage. It is narrow, dated, and both of you already know exactly what it refers to.

18. 18

    Are you in a romantic relationship with someone other than me right now?

    Present tense, which matters if the point of the exam is deciding what happens next rather than settling the past. Ask the examiner how they would word this, since anything about intention or feeling is generally treated as untestable.

19. 19

    What are we each going to do if it says deception, and what are we going to do if it does not?

    The question to answer between the two of you before you book anything. If a clear result would not restore trust and a bad one would not change the decision, the exam is standing in for a conversation neither of you has had yet.

20. 20

    Before we go in there, is there anything you want to tell me?

    Ask this once, plainly, and then stop talking. Whatever comes back, silence, an admission, or a steady no, tells you something about the next hour, and it is asked more usefully at the kitchen table than in a waiting room.