Questions to Ask Sorority Sisters
For a potential new member talking with chapter members during sorority recruitment, and for a new member getting to know her sisters once bid day is over. The 52 questions follow the order the decision runs in: First rounds, Day to day, Time and money, Grades and housing, Why this chapter and After bid day. Each one carries a note on what a good answer sounds like, what a worrying one sounds like, or what to do with it.
Want questions from the whole vault instead? Try the random question generator.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
First rounds
What made you choose this chapter over the others you visited?
Why ask it
Every member expects this one, so the test is whether her answer could only be true of this chapter: a named sister, one conversation, a moment in her own recruitment. If you hear 'everyone was so genuine' at each house, ask what happened that made her think so.
What has surprised you most since you joined?
Why ask it
A useful answer admits she had something wrong beforehand, such as how much time it took or who she ended up close to. When nothing surprised her, you are hearing the recruitment version, so try 'what do you wish someone had told you before bid day?' instead.
What does a normal week in the chapter look like for you?
Why ask it
Listen for days and hours: which night chapter meets, how many events she went to, what she skipped. 'It is whatever you make of it' is not an answer, and asking what she did last week usually gets you the real one.
What is your favorite memory with your sisters so far?
Why ask it
The setting of the story matters more than the story. A memory from a formal or a big event tells you about the calendar, while one from a kitchen at midnight or a drive to the airport tells you about the friendships.
What are you involved in on campus outside the sorority?
Why ask it
A member with a team, a job or a lab bench elsewhere is evidence that the chapter leaves room for a life beside it. Follow up by asking whether any sisters do the thing you plan to keep doing, whether that is marching band or a nursing program.
What are you studying, and are there other sisters in your major?
Why ask it
Easy to answer in a loud room, and the follow-up about other sisters pays off later. Older members in your program can say which professors to take, and they will understand why you disappear before exams.
What were you most nervous about when you were in my seat?
Why ask it
It turns the conversation from a pitch into two people comparing notes, which is a relief for both of you by the third house. Whatever she names, ask whether it turned out to be worth worrying about.
Which chapter event do you look forward to all year?
Why ask it
The pick tells you what the chapter is proudest of: a philanthropy week, a parents' weekend, a formal, a retreat. If every event she names is a social with another group, ask what the sisters do when it is only them.
Day to day
How would you describe the sisters to a friend back home who has never met them?
Why ask it
Framing it for an outsider strips out the recruitment vocabulary. Three adjectives are a script; a description of how different two particular sisters are from each other is someone thinking about real people.
Who in the chapter do you spend the most time with, and how did you get close?
Why ask it
Friendships that started through a committee, a shared class or a room assignment suggest the chapter mixes people on purpose. If everyone she names arrived with her and knew each other from high school, ask how someone who comes in alone finds her people.
What do sisters do together when nothing is on the calendar?
Why ask it
Unscheduled time is where a sisterhood either exists or does not. Good answers are small and repeatable, like a standing dinner, a show watched in someone's room or a walk to class, and a long pause before answering is information too.
How do members who live off campus or commute stay part of things?
Why ask it
Her answer shows how much of the chapter happens only inside the house, which matters in the years you live out as much as the one you live in. Listen for particulars, such as meals open to members who live out or a group chat people really answer.
How do sisters who joined as sophomores or transfer students settle in?
Why ask it
Necessary if you are not a first-year, and telling even if you are. A chapter that takes older new members regularly will have one nearby, so ask to be introduced. If she struggles to name anyone, ask your recruitment counselor how common it is on this campus.
How does big and little pairing work here?
Why ask it
The process differs from chapter to chapter, so ask who has a say, when it happens and what a big is expected to do afterward. A reassuring answer explains how both sides give their preferences and what happens for someone who does not click with her match.
What happens when two sisters stop getting along?
Why ask it
Any group this size has fallings-out, so 'that never happens here' is the worrying answer. Look for a plain account of how it gets handled, whether that is an officer whose job it is or simply older members who step in early.
How do the quieter sisters fit in here?
Why ask it
Ask it even if you are not quiet, because the answer shows whether there is more than one way to belong. Hearing about a member who skips the big socials and still holds an office is better than being told everyone comes out of her shell eventually.
What do you actually do for your philanthropy during the year?
Why ask it
Every chapter can name its cause, so ask for the verbs: what members did, how often, and whether she went. One afternoon described in detail, with who was there and what they did, means service is more than a line on a banner.
How do sisters show up for each other during a bad week?
Why ask it
You are asking for one example, and most members have one ready: soup left at a door, a ride home, someone sitting with her before an exam. If the example is from her own bad week, thank her and do not press for details in a recruitment room.
Time and money
How many hours a week does membership take in the first semester, and how many after that?
Why ask it
Push for a number, then ask what fills it. The new member period often asks for more than the semesters that follow, but how much more differs by chapter. If she counts it out night by night, trust the total; 'not that much' with no count behind it is a guess.
Which events are required, and what happens if I miss one for class or work?
Why ask it
Some chapters excuse absences for academics and jobs, and some fine members or run a points system, so ask how it works here. The detail to get is whether she has been excused herself, and how much fuss it took.
What does the new member period involve from week to week, and how long does it last?
Why ask it
A good answer sounds like a syllabus: meetings, things to learn, a date it ends. Ritual may be kept private, but what new members are asked to do and how many hours it takes should not be. Treat 'you will find out' as a reason to raise it with your recruitment counselor or the campus sorority life office.
What are the dues each term, and what do they cover?
Why ask it
Some campuses ask that money stay out of the early rounds and hand out a financial sheet instead, so check with your recruitment counselor how it is handled where you are. Wherever you get the figure, you want it in writing, with the list of what it pays for.
What costs come on top of dues that nobody mentions up front?
Why ask it
Most members can reel these off: shirts, formal tickets, gifts for a little, photos, travel to a retreat. Ask her to guess what she spent last semester beyond the bill, and treat a shrug as a sign to ask someone in a different year.
Is the first semester more expensive than the ones after it?
Why ask it
One-time charges such as a new member fee, a badge or an initiation fee can make the first bill the biggest, and the amounts are set chapter by chapter. Get both numbers, the first term and a typical later one, before you compare houses.
Are there payment plans or scholarships, and who would I talk to about them?
Why ask it
What you want is a name or an office: often a treasurer or finance officer, though titles differ. Notice how she answers as well. An easy reply at normal volume suggests payment plans are ordinary here, and a flustered one suggests nobody talks about them.
Do sisters who skip a lot of the social events still feel like part of the chapter?
Why ask it
Asked about other members, it does not sound as if you are planning your absences. Listen for whether belonging runs through the weekend events or through the meetings, meals and committees that happen in daylight.
What happens to my membership if I study abroad or take an internship semester?
Why ask it
Policies on time away, and on what you pay during it, are set by each organization and chapter, so ask for this chapter's rule and where it is written down. A sister who has gone abroad herself is the person to be introduced to.
Grades and housing
How do you keep up with classes in the weeks when the chapter calendar is full?
Why ask it
Everyone says it is manageable, so ask about one particular week: a big chapter event with midterms on top. What she dropped, and whether anyone minded, shows how the chapter treats school when the two collide.
Is there a GPA requirement to join and to stay in good standing?
Why ask it
The number is a fact you can check, so the follow-up is what matters: what happens to a member who falls below it. Support and a plan is one kind of chapter; losing privileges with no help offered is another.
What does the chapter do when a sister is struggling in a class?
Why ask it
Strong answers are concrete: a list of who has taken which course, a scholarship chair who checks in, older members who tutor. 'We are all really supportive' needs one more question, which is what that looked like the last time it happened.
Are there study hours, and are they required or just available?
Why ask it
Required hours suit some people and feel like detention to others, so decide which you are before you ask. Find out whether the requirement eases once your grades are established, and where the hours are held.
Are members expected to live in the house, and in which year?
Why ask it
Not every chapter has a house, and those that do set their own rules about who must live in and for how long. Ask early, because a live-in requirement can decide your lease and your budget a year or more ahead.
What is living in the house like on an ordinary Tuesday night?
Why ask it
Naming a dull weeknight keeps her away from the highlights. You are listening for noise, where people study, whether dinner is eaten together and how many people are home at all.
How are rooms and roommates decided?
Why ask it
Seniority, points, grades or a lottery: each chapter has its own system, and members usually have opinions about it. Whether she thinks it is fair tells you more than the method does.
What does living in cost compared with a dorm or an apartment near campus?
Why ask it
Ask what the figure includes, since meals, utilities and parking change the comparison a great deal. She may only know her own bill, in which case ask who could give you the full sheet.
What are the house rules on guests, quiet hours and meals?
Why ask it
These are written down somewhere, so the interesting part is how she talks about them. Mild grumbling is normal. Rules that members openly ignore, or rules she cannot give a reason for, are worth a second question.
Why this chapter
What has this chapter given you that you could not have found elsewhere on campus?
Why ask it
It asks her to separate the sorority from college in general, which is harder than it sounds. Friends and fun are available in plenty of places. Wait for the thing a club or a dorm floor would not have handed her, such as an older mentor or a push to run for an office.
Which of the chapter's values do you see most in the sisters day to day?
Why ask it
She can probably recite the list, so the part to wait for is the example: a sister who did something that matched the word. On many campuses a later round is built around values, and having heard one real story at each house makes those conversations easier to compare.
What would you change about the chapter if you were president for a semester?
Why ask it
Members who love a place can still list its faults, and being able to do so in front of a stranger is a good sign. Small, practical changes are reassuring. Be more careful if she will not name anything, or names something large and then changes the subject.
What kind of person is happiest here, and who tends to drift away?
Why ask it
Hold the description of the happy member up against yourself on an average day, not your best one. The drifting half is rarely answered fully in a recruitment round, but even a partial answer, such as members who wanted less structure, is useful.
What leadership roles are open to newer members, and how soon?
Why ask it
If you want responsibility, ask what a sophomore has held recently and how she got it. Committees and assistant roles in the first year suggest a chapter that hands things over; a long wait suggests seniority counts for more.
What does membership look like after graduation?
Why ask it
Ask whether she has met alumnae herself and what the contact was: an internship lead, a visit at homecoming, a card at finals. Any chapter can say its network is large. One alumna she can name, and what that alumna did for her, counts for more.
What do you hope this new member class brings that the chapter is missing?
Why ask it
Save it for a later round, when the conversation is longer and both sides are deciding. Her answer shows where the chapter knows it is thin, and whether there is room for you to add something instead of fitting a mold.
After bid day
What do you wish you had done in your first month as a new member?
Why ask it
Ask several sisters and keep a list, because the answers repeat: say yes to the small invitations, learn names early, visit the house when nothing is happening. Then do the one you heard most.
Who is in your big and little family, and what is it known for?
Why ask it
Family lines come with reputations, inside jokes and sometimes a handed-down object. It is a friendly way to learn the chapter's map before pairing, and a sister who lights up describing hers is showing you what a good match feels like.
Where does everyone end up after chapter, and what do you order there?
Why ask it
A small question with a practical use: you learn where the chapter gathers and have a reason to go along. Remembering her order later, and turning up with it during her exam week, is how a lot of these friendships start.
When you are stressed, do you want company, food or to be left alone?
Why ask it
The best single question for a big and little pair, asked in both directions. Write the answer down, since the point of knowing is doing the right thing in week ten without having to ask again.
Which tradition confused you at first and makes sense now?
Why ask it
New members often feel they are the only ones not in on something. Hearing an older sister admit she felt the same takes the pressure off, and her explanation is usually clearer than the official one.
Which sister should I get to know that I have not talked to yet, and why her?
Why ask it
Get the reason as well as the name so you have an opening line. The suggestion only counts if you act on it: find that sister within the week and tell her who sent you.
What was your hardest semester here, and what got you through it?
Why ask it
One for a retreat or a long car ride, not a crowded room, and only with someone you have already talked to a few times. If the answer involves the chapter, you learn what help looks like here; if it does not, that is worth knowing too.
What do you want to be known for in this chapter by the time you graduate?
Why ask it
Works in a retreat circle, where each answer gives the next person a bit more courage. Seniors tend to answer in the past tense, which can be moving, and a new member who answers now can be asked again in a year.
What should we do together before the semester ends?
Why ask it
Ends the conversation with a plan. Pick a date before you part, because 'we should get coffee sometime' between a new member and an older sister tends to stay exactly that.
How to ask sisters these, in recruitment and after
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Asking during recruitment
Two questions a conversation
Early rounds are short and the member is steering. Bring two questions, one easy and one you care about, and let her answers take the rest of the time. A list recited at speed reads as an interview and leaves you remembering nothing.
Match the question to the round
First rounds suit the opening group and a few from Day to day. Time and money and Grades and housing fit the middle rounds, when chapters tend to talk about themselves in more detail. Keep Why this chapter for the last round, when conversations are longer and more personal. Round names and formats differ by campus, so ask your recruitment counselor, whatever your campus calls that role, what each day is for.
Ask one question at every house
Pick one question, a normal week or the hours in the first semester, and ask it everywhere. Identical questions make the chapters comparable in a way that general impressions never are.
Find out how your campus handles money talk
Some campuses give every potential new member a printed or online sheet with each chapter's costs and ask that the subject stay out of early conversations. Others leave it to you to ask. Check before the first round, and if there is a sheet, read it first so your questions are about what it leaves out.
Write it down between houses
By the fourth chapter the conversations blur. Use the walk or the wait between rounds to note one fact and one feeling for the house you just left, with the name of the member you spoke to.
Reading the answers
Specifics beat adjectives
Genuine, supportive, driven and fun are said at every chapter. What separates them is detail: a night of the week, a sister's name, a dollar figure, a rule. When you get an adjective, ask for the last time it was true.
A member who does not know is not hiding anything
A sophomore may never have seen the housing contract or the full budget. 'I am not sure, but our treasurer would know' is a good answer. Ask who to follow up with, or take the question to your recruitment counselor.
What privacy should and should not cover
Chapters keep their ritual private, and that is normal. Schedules, costs, requirements and what new members are asked to do are a different matter, and you can expect clear answers on them. If you cannot get one, take it to the campus office that oversees sororities.
One conversation is not the chapter
You may be matched with a tired member at the end of a long day, or a wonderful one who is nothing like the rest. Weigh what you heard across several rounds, and notice the sisters in the background as well as the one talking to you.
After bid day
Coffee with an older sister
Bring three questions from After bid day and one from Why this chapter. Ask, then answer the same question yourself, so it is a trade and not a quiz. Finish with the one about what to do together, and set the date there.
Big and little, before and after pairing
Before pairing, the family line question and the stress question tell you most about how a match would go. Afterward, ask them again properly and write the answers down. A little who remembers the coffee order and a big who remembers the exam date have done most of the work.
A retreat circle
Choose one question for the whole circle and go around, with passing allowed and no reasons required. The first month question, the tradition question and the one about what you want to be known for all work with a large group. Keep the hardest semester for pairs.
Meeting the whole chapter
Ask each sister which member you should meet next, and follow the chain. Two short conversations a week add up faster than one big effort at a crowded event, and each one starts with an introduction instead of a cold approach.
What to leave out
Other chapters
Do not ask a member what she thinks of another sorority, and do not repeat what you heard down the row. She cannot answer well, and it tells her how you would talk about her chapter elsewhere.
Your chances
Members generally cannot tell you whether you will be invited back or offered a bid, and on many campuses the recruitment rules do not let them. Asking puts them in a bad spot. If you are worried about how the process works, that is a question for your recruitment counselor.
Parties and reputation
Many campuses set rules about what may be discussed during recruitment, and the social scene is often on that list. Ask your counselor what applies where you are. Asking what sisters do on a weeknight tells you more in any case.
Her own money, grades and friendships
Questions on these subjects are fair when they are about how the chapter works and intrusive when they are about her. Ask what the chapter charges, not what her family pays, and what happens when grades slip, not what hers are.