Questions to Ask to Build Rapport
For salespeople, managers, consultants, teachers and clinicians who have a few minutes with a client, a customer, a new report, a student or a patient before the business of the meeting starts. The questions are grouped by who you are with and when: openers that suit anyone, then clients and customers, your own team, students and patients, phone and video calls, and the second meeting onward. Each has a note on what a good or a worrying answer sounds like and what to do with it, and the guide says what is too personal for a working relationship.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
How did you get into this line of work?
Why ask it
Plenty of careers began with an accident or one person who took a chance, and the story is an easy one to tell. Listen for what they liked about the early years, because it is often what they still care about in the job. Your second question should be about that first boss or that first post, not the agenda.
What is keeping you busy outside of work at the moment?
Why ask it
It lets the other person choose how much of their private life to bring in. Whatever they name, whether a half marathon, a kitchen renovation or a teenager learning to drive, is a subject they have cleared you to ask about next time. Anything they did not name stays off the table until they do.
Are you from this area originally?
Why ask it
A yes opens the easy subject of the place you are both in: what has changed, where to eat, which side of town. A no usually arrives with the story of the move, which is better still. Take whichever answer you get and stop there, because pressing on to where someone's family is from is a different question and an unwelcome one.
What have you been working on lately that you are enjoying?
Why ask it
Asking about the enjoyable part gets a livelier answer than asking what they are working on, which gets a status report. Notice whether they pick something to do with people, numbers or making things, and lean your examples that way later. A long pause before 'honestly, not much' tells you the job is heavy at the moment, so keep your own requests light.
How has your week been so far?
Why ask it
Plain on purpose, because the rapport is in what you do with the reply. A good answer hands you a detail, such as a launch, a sick child or a trip, and one follow-up on that detail is worth more than a clever second question. When it comes back to you, answer in one sentence with something truer than 'fine'.
Am I saying your name right?
Why ask it
Ask it in the first ten seconds, before you have said it wrong three times. People with a name that is often mangled notice who bothers, and most will say it once slowly for you. Write it down the way it sounds and use it again before the meeting ends.
How do you know the person who introduced us?
Why ask it
A shared contact is borrowed trust, and this lets them tell you how much of it there is. A warm story about years of working together means the introduction carries weight. 'We met once at a conference' means you are starting closer to cold than you thought, so do not lean on the name.
I saw you started out in a different field. What brought you over?
Why ask it
Swap in whatever your two minutes of reading turned up: a previous employer, a talk they gave, a move across the country. One detail shows you prepared. Three starts to sound as if you have been through their whole profile, which unsettles people more than it flatters them.
Do you have anything good planned for the weekend?
Why ask it
Works from Thursday on; earlier in the week, ask how the last one went. The word 'good' lets them answer with 'nothing, thankfully', which is a fine answer to share a laugh over. Remember one name or place from the reply and you have your opening line for the next meeting.
Clients
What brought you in today?
Why ask it
For a counter, a showroom or a branch, where 'can I help you?' usually gets 'just looking'. A good answer comes with a story attached: the old one broke, a daughter is getting married, a lease is ending. Ask about the story before you show anything, because it tells you what the purchase is for.
How did this project end up with you?
Why ask it
You learn whether they asked for the project or had it dropped on them. Someone who chose it will want detail and a say in every step. Someone who says 'it landed on my desk' wants it to go away without embarrassing them, and the kindest thing you can do is make their part small.
What is going well for the business right now?
Why ask it
A supplier meeting usually opens with what is wrong. Letting them start with a win changes the mood, and the thing they choose to boast about shows what the company rewards. If they cannot think of anything, do not fill the gap with a compliment you cannot back up.
Is this a busy time of year for you, or a quieter one?
Why ask it
Most trades have a season, and asking shows you know that yours is not the only calendar. The answer also tells you when not to call: an accountant in the weeks before a filing deadline or a retailer in December will not thank you for a check-in. Put the busy months in your notes.
How long have you been in this industry, and what has changed the most?
Why ask it
It casts them as the one who knows, which is a comfortable seat to be offered by someone selling or advising. Long-timers will give you the history, and newcomers will tell you what surprised them coming in. Either way, resist correcting their account with your own.
What do you wish people in my job understood about yours?
Why ask it
It invites a gentle complaint, and the complaint is the instruction manual. You might hear that suppliers call at month end, send forty-page proposals, or talk over the junior staff who do the real work. Thank them and do not defend your profession; just avoid the thing they named.
How did you first hear about us?
Why ask it
An easy question that costs them nothing to answer. If it was a recommendation, ask what the person said, because that is the promise you are being measured against. If it was a search late at night, they are probably comparing a few of you, so be useful quickly.
How do you like to be contacted: a call, an email or a text?
Why ask it
A small courtesy that people remember when you then stick to it. Ask about the time of day as well, since someone who is on a sales floor or in a clinic until four cannot pick up. If you promise email and then phone, you have undone the question.
What does a good day at work look like for you?
Why ask it
The answer is their own description of what they are trying to protect: quiet hours, a full order book, no calls from headquarters. Anything you propose later lands better when you can tie it to that day in their words. If the good day sounds nothing like the job they have, do not point that out; it is not your observation to make in a first meeting.
Team
How are you finding it here so far?
Why ask it
For a new hire in the first weeks, asked somewhere other than your desk. A good answer has a complaint in it, even a small one about the laptop or the parking, because that means they trust you with one. 'All great' three weeks in usually means they do not yet, so ask what has surprised them.
What should I know about how you like to work?
Why ask it
Asked by a new manager, it tells a report that you intend to adapt and not only to be adapted to. Expect practical answers: mornings for thinking, no calls without a heads-up, instructions in writing. Offer your own two or three in return so it does not feel like an intake form.
What has a past manager done that helped you do your best work?
Why ask it
The useful answers are small habits you can copy: 'she told me the reason behind a deadline' or 'he never changed the brief on a Friday'. Copy it within the month and they will notice. Avoid asking about the worst manager in a first conversation; it invites a story they may regret telling the new boss.
When you have done something well, how do you like to hear about it?
Why ask it
Some people want it said in the team meeting and some would rather resign than be applauded there. Getting this wrong turns praise into a small punishment. If they shrug, ask about the last time someone thanked them in a way that stuck.
What part of your job do you wish you had more time for?
Why ask it
The answer shows what they would do if the urgent work stopped crowding it out, which is close to why they took the job. If you can clear even an hour a week for it, that does more for trust than any number of friendly chats. A reply of 'none of it' is worth a longer conversation on another day.
What is the most annoying thing in your week that I might be able to fix?
Why ask it
Keep it to annoyances and you will get real ones: a report nobody reads, an approval that takes four signatures, a meeting at school pickup time. Fix one small thing fast and say that you did. Do not ask unless you mean to, because a second 'I'll look into it' with nothing behind it costs more trust than never asking.
What are you hoping to get better at this year?
Why ask it
Friendlier than asking about weaknesses, and it covers the same ground. A specific answer, such as presenting to senior people or reading a balance sheet, gives you something to send their way. If they say they are happy as they are, believe them; not everyone wants a development plan from a new boss.
What is your team working on that the rest of us do not hear enough about?
Why ask it
For a colleague in another department, over coffee or while a meeting room fills up. Teams often feel unseen by the ones next door, so the question is a compliment in itself. Mention what you learned to someone else later, with credit, and word tends to get back.
What would you like to know about me?
Why ask it
Rapport with a report cannot run one way, and this hands them a turn. Many will ask nothing the first time, which is caution and not a lack of interest. Have two answers ready anyway, such as how you like to hear bad news and when you are slow to reply.
Students and patients
What would you like me to call you?
Why ask it
A student may go by a middle name or a nickname the roster does not show, and a patient may prefer a title to a first name or the other way around. Asking takes five seconds and guessing wrong can sour the whole hour. Where you note the answer so the next person sees it depends on your school or practice, so ask how that is done there.
What are you hoping we get to today?
Why ask it
Asked before you open the chart or the gradebook, it shows the person that the meeting is partly theirs. Patients and parents often arrive with one worry they rehearsed on the way in, and hearing it first lets them listen to the rest. If you cannot cover it today, say so at the start and say when you will.
What should I know about you that is not in my notes?
Why ask it
It tells a patient or a student that the file is not the whole of them. Good answers are short and human: 'I look after my mother', 'I play drums', 'I hate being late'. Let them choose the subject, and before you write any of it down, check what your employer's rules say about recording it.
How was the trip in today?
Why ask it
It sounds like filler and it is not. Someone who took two buses, left work early or had a neighbor drive them has told you what an appointment costs them, which matters when you suggest the next one. With a student, the same question about the morning shows who arrived already worn out.
What do you like doing when you are not at school?
Why ask it
Teachers and tutors can build a year of goodwill on this one answer. A student who names a game, a sport or a younger brother they look after has given you an example to use in a lesson and a thing to ask about on Monday. Plenty of students shrug the first time, so ask again in a week, away from the rest of the class.
What is something you are good at that school never asks about?
Why ask it
Aimed at the student who has decided they are bad at your subject. Fixing bikes, drawing, cooking for the family and winning arguments are all real answers, and each gives you a way to say 'then you can do this'. Do not turn it straight into a lesson, or they will hear the trick.
What does your child enjoy at home that I would never see in class?
Why ask it
For the first conversation with a parent, before any report on behavior or grades. It tells them you see a whole child, and it tells you what to mention to the child the next morning. A parent who cannot think of anything may be braced for bad news, so give them a piece of good news first.
Is there anything that would make today easier for you?
Why ask it
A patient might want the door left open, things written down, or a relative brought in from the waiting room; a student might want to sit where they can see the board. Small requests granted early buy a lot of trust. If what they ask for is not yours to give, say who decides and offer to ask.
On calls
Have I caught you at a bad time?
Why ask it
For any call the other person did not book. It hands them the decision, and 'I have two minutes' is an agreement you then have to keep to the second. If they say yes, it is a bad time, ask when would be better and hang up without squeezing the pitch in.
Where are you joining from today?
Why ask it
On a video or phone call you have no lobby and no walk to the meeting room, so this stands in for both. Home, the office and the car each tell you how much attention you have, and someone in a parking lot should be offered a shorter call. One follow-up about the place is plenty; you are not asking for an address.
How many calls like this have you had today?
Why ask it
Said with a smile, it admits that you are one more box on a crowded screen. If the answer is five or six, promise to finish early and then do, which is rarer than it should be. Save it for someone you have spoken to before, because from a stranger it can sound like a remark about their diary.
What is that on the shelf behind you? It looks like it has a story.
Why ask it
Ask only about things placed where the camera can see them: a guitar, a framed print, a trophy, a row of books. Leave alone the room itself, the laundry, the people who walk through and anything about how they look. A blurred or virtual background is a polite way of saying 'not this', so skip it.
Would you rather have cameras on or off for this one?
Why ask it
Giving the choice is the rapport. Some people think better without watching their own face, and others are in a kitchen they would rather not show. If they pick off, turn yours off as well or ask whether they mind you leaving it on, because sitting visible in front of a black square makes the call lopsided.
Is there anything you need to keep an eye on while we talk?
Why ask it
A delivery, a child home from school, a call from a boss that might come through. Naming it at the start means nobody has to apologize when it happens, and people relax once they have permission to be interrupted. It also tells you whether to put the important item first.
Later meetings
How did the thing you were getting ready for last time turn out?
Why ask it
The strongest question on the page, and the only one you cannot ask without notes. Straight after each meeting, write down one thing they mentioned: the audit, the house move, the school play. Get the detail right, because asking after the wrong child or the wrong city is worse than not asking.
What has changed for you since we last spoke?
Why ask it
Better than 'any news?' because it assumes something has moved. A new boss, a new target or a reorganization will change what they need from you, and it is far better to hear it in the first two minutes than in the last two. If nothing has changed, ask whether that is a relief or a frustration.
Did you manage to get any time off?
Why ask it
For the first meeting after the holidays or a long project. Take the answer at the length it is given: some people will show you photos, and some had a break that was not restful and will say 'a bit'. Never follow up with who they went with.
What have you read, watched or listened to lately that was worth the time?
Why ask it
By a third or fourth meeting this gives you a reason to get in touch that is not a request: an article, an episode, a book on the same subject. Send one thing, with one line on why you thought of them. If their taste is nothing like yours, ask what they like about it and do not pretend to share it.
Is there anything I could do differently that would make me easier to work with?
Why ask it
Once you have worked together for a while, a request for criticism does more than another round of small talk, provided you take the answer without arguing. A good reply is small and specific: shorter emails, fewer meetings, more warning. If you hear 'no, all good' twice running, name one thing yourself and ask whether it bothers them.
What have you got coming up before we next speak?
Why ask it
Ask it as the meeting winds down, not at the start. The answer, whether a board meeting, a week away or a move to a new office, is the line to write in your notes and the first thing to ask about next time. Wish them luck with it by name as you say goodbye.
How to build rapport with questions, and where to stop
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before the meeting
Do two minutes of homework
Look up one thing about the person and one about their organization: where they worked before, what the company announced last, the town they are in. That is enough for one opener that fits them and nobody else. More than that and the first minutes turn into a recital of their own profile.
Pick two questions, not ten
Rapport comes from following one answer properly. Choose one opener and one question from the group that matches the person, and keep a third in reserve in case the first falls flat. Working down a list is how a friendly start turns into a survey.
Decide how long the warm-up gets
In a half-hour meeting, two to four minutes is usually plenty, and on a call the other person did not book, one question is the limit. Some settings want more, such as a first meeting with a new report or with a family you will teach all year. Set the length before you walk in so that a pleasant chat does not eat the time the other person came for.
Keep one line of notes per person
After each meeting, write down one thing they told you that was not business: the dog's name, the marathon, the daughter starting college. The questions under Later meetings depend on it. Keep it to things they would be comfortable seeing written down, and put it where you will see it before the next conversation. If your notes live in a shared system, ask how your employer wants personal details handled there.
In the first minutes
Trade, do not interview
After they answer, give a sentence of your own before the next question. Three questions in a row with nothing offered back feels like an intake form. Keep your part shorter than theirs: the aim is to show you are a person too, not to match their story with a better one.
Follow the answer once
The second question should come from what they just said, not from this page. 'How did you get into this line of work?' followed by 'what was that first boss like?' is rapport. The same opener followed by an unrelated one is a script, and people can hear the difference.
Take the pace from them
Some people warm up through small talk and some find it a tax on their day. Short answers, a glance at the clock or 'so, what did you want to cover?' all mean the same thing: start. Getting to the point promptly for someone who wants that builds more trust with them than any question here.
Say the turn out loud
Moving from the weekend to the invoice without a signal feels abrupt, and never moving feels like stalling. A plain bridge does it: 'I could talk about this all morning, but I promised you thirty minutes. Shall we start with the proposal?' If something they said connects to the business, use that as the bridge instead.
On a call, do it faster and on purpose
In a building, rapport starts in the hallway. On a phone or video call it has to be done deliberately in the first minute, and it helps to open the line a little early for whoever arrives first. Use their name once and ask one question from On calls. In a group call, greet people by name as they join and save the longer questions for one-to-one conversations.
What is too personal for work
Subjects to leave until they raise them
Health, pregnancy and plans for children, relationships, religion, politics, money, age, immigration status and where someone is 'really' from. The same goes for anything about a person's body or looks, compliments included. None of these is needed for trust at work, and each can leave the other person wondering why you wanted to know.
When they bring it up themselves
If a client mentions a divorce or a patient mentions their faith, you have not been invited to interview them about it. Acknowledge it in a sentence, follow one step if they seem to want that, and let them decide whether there is a second. Next time, ask an open question such as how things have been and see whether they return to it.
If you manage people
A question from a boss is harder to decline than the same question from a peer, so a report may answer something they would rather not. Stay with how they like to work and what they want from the job. What an employer may ask about health, family or beliefs is set by laws and policies that differ from place to place, so ask your HR team how it works where you are before making any personal question routine.
If you teach or treat people
Clinicians and teachers ask personal things for professional reasons, and those questions belong to the work, not to the warm-up. Keep the two apart, and say why you are asking when you cross from one to the other. What you may ask, what you must record and what you have to pass on are set by your profession and your employer, so check how it works where you practice.
A quick test
Before asking, picture the question read aloud with the other person's boss, or your own, in the room. If it would need explaining, leave it out. A second test: would you be content to be asked it by someone you met five minutes ago who wants something from you?
Mistakes to avoid
Asking without listening
Typing while they answer, or moving on with 'great, so anyway', tells them the question was a technique. If you do not have time to hear the reply, skip the question and start the meeting warmly instead.
Capping their story with yours
They mention a trip to Lisbon and you describe yours for three minutes. A shared experience is worth one sentence, then a question that hands the story back.
Using what you learned as leverage
A detail offered in the first five minutes should never reappear as pressure in the last five. 'You said money is tight at home' or 'with a baby coming you will want this sorted' turns rapport into a reason not to trust you again.
The same opener for everyone
Colleagues compare notes, and a client who hears your question about the weekend word for word on every call stops answering it. Change the opener, and let the last conversation supply the next one.
Faking common ground
Claiming to love a team, a town or a band you know nothing about lasts until their first follow-up question. Curiosity does the same job honestly: 'I have never been. What should I see first?'