Questions to Ask to Get Referrals
These questions are for anyone whose next client is most likely to come from a current one: salespeople, real estate and insurance agents, financial advisors, freelancers and small business owners. They run in the order the conversation does: finding out whether the client is happy enough to be asked, the request itself with the person you want to meet described in it, ways to make the introduction easy, what to offer when they hesitate, a group for other professionals who serve the same clients, and following up. Most are put to the client, and the last group has a few for the person you were introduced to.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Setting up
What has been the most valuable part of working together so far?
Why ask it
Ask this before anything else, because the answer is likely to be the sentence they use when they recommend you. If it comes quickly and with a specific result, the door is open. If they have to search for something, hold the referral request for another day and find out what is missing.
Is there anything you would like me to do differently?
Why ask it
A client who is sitting on a complaint may agree to introduce you and then quietly never do it. Deal with the complaint first, fix what you can, and ask for the introduction at a later meeting once they have seen the change.
Would you be comfortable recommending me to someone you know?
Why ask it
A plain yes is your opening. A yes with a condition attached, such as 'for a small job' or 'if they are not in a hurry', tells you what they would warn a friend about, so ask about the condition before you ask for a name.
How would you describe what I do to someone who has never heard of me?
Why ask it
People can only refer what they can explain. If the description is narrower than your real work, such as 'she does my taxes' when you also advise on selling a business, fill in the gap now, or the wrong introductions will come and the right ones will not.
Most of my work comes through introductions. Would it be all right if I asked for your help with that?
Why ask it
Asking permission first gives the client a moment to prepare, and a yes here makes the request that follows feel invited. Say it only if it is true of your business. A flat or distracted 'sure' means keep the request small: one name, not a list.
Has anyone asked you about the work we did together?
Why ask it
A neighbor who admired the new deck or a colleague who noticed the cleaner reports is a referral already half made. Ask who it was and whether they would mind you getting in touch, or offer something the client can pass along.
How has everything held up since we finished?
Why ask it
This is the way back in with a client you have not spoken to for months. A request for names in the first message after a long silence reads as only wanting something, so let them answer this first. If something has gone wrong since, sort that out and leave the introduction for another exchange.
What was going on when you first decided to look for help?
Why ask it
Their trigger, whether a new baby, a lost contract or a boss asking for numbers, is the same event to listen for in the people they know. Write it down in their words and hand it back later: 'Who else do you know who has just taken on a second location?'
How did you first hear about me?
Why ask it
Someone who arrived through a recommendation already knows how it works and is usually glad to pass it on. It also reminds you to thank whoever sent them, which is the easiest follow-up on this page to forget.
If I do a good job for you, would you be open to introducing me to one or two people later on?
Why ask it
This one belongs at the start of the work, not the end. It costs the client nothing to agree to, and it lets you open the later conversation with 'you kindly said at the start' in place of a cold request. Only come back to it once the good job is plainly done.
The ask
Who do you know who is in the situation you were in when we started?
Why ask it
'Who' assumes there is someone, where 'do you know anyone' invites a quick no. Describe the situation out loud as you ask, using what they told you about their own starting point, so a face comes to mind instead of a category.
I am hoping to meet two or three owners of businesses about your size. Does anyone come to mind?
Why ask it
Swap in your own target: first-time buyers, dentists opening a practice, families with a child heading to college. A number and a description give the client a small, finishable task. Leave a real silence afterwards, since people need several seconds to go through the names they know.
Is there one person you think I could help right now?
Why ask it
One is easier to produce than several, and 'help' keeps the request about their friend and off your pipeline. When a name comes, ask what made them think of that person before you ask for contact details. The reason is what you will open with.
Which of your colleagues has complained about the same thing you hired me to fix?
Why ask it
A complaint someone made over lunch is easier to recall than their job title, so asking about the grumble can find names that 'who needs a bookkeeper' would miss. It works best with a client whose problem is now gone and who still remembers how annoying it was.
Who do you know who has recently moved, changed jobs, had a baby or retired?
Why ask it
For agents, advisors and insurers the need follows a life event, and clients hear about those events long before you could. Choose the two events that matter in your line of work and name only those. Reading out a long list sounds like a script.
Who else at your company runs into this problem?
Why ask it
In business-to-business work the nearest introduction is often down the hall: another department, another office, a sister company. Ask your contact how purchases are handled there before assuming their approval carries over, because the other team may have its own budget and its own supplier.
Who do you know in the same role at another company?
Why ask it
Peers trade notes at conferences, in group chats and over lunches with old colleagues, and a word from someone who does the same job is heard differently from a brochure. If they belong to a trade association or an alumni group, ask whether a short talk or a mention there would be welcome.
I noticed you are connected to someone I have been hoping to meet. How well do you know them?
Why ask it
Name the person when you ask. Checking how close they are comes first because a shared connection online may be a stranger, and a client asked to introduce a stranger feels put on the spot. If they know them well, ask whether an introduction would be comfortable. If not, thank them and let it go.
If you were in my position, who would you talk to next?
Why ask it
Good for a mentor, a former colleague or a contact who has never been a client and so cannot vouch for your work. It asks for advice, which people give freely, and the advice usually arrives with a name attached. Follow with 'would you mind if I said you suggested it?'
Do you know someone who is not ready to hire anyone yet but has questions I could answer?
Why ask it
This lowers the stakes for a client who is afraid of setting a salesperson on a friend. Mean it: if the friend only wants twenty minutes of answers, give them and ask for nothing. The client will hear how you behaved, and that decides whether a second name ever follows.
Making it easy
Would you prefer to introduce us yourself, or should I get in touch and mention your name?
Why ask it
A message from the client tends to get opened where one from a stranger may not, so offer that route first, but let them choose. Some would rather hand over a number and be done. If they pick the second route, confirm exactly what you may say about how you know them.
Would it help if I wrote a few lines you could forward?
Why ask it
An agreed introduction often stalls because the client has to compose it. Send two or three sentences the same day: who you are, the kind of problem you solve, and a line saying there is no obligation. Write it in their voice, plain enough that they can send it without editing.
What is the best way to reach them: email, a call, or a message from you first?
Why ask it
The client knows whether their friend ignores unknown numbers or never opens email. Ask too whether there is a bad time, such as tax season for an accountant or school pickup for a parent, and follow the answer even if it means waiting a week.
What should I know about them before I get in touch?
Why ask it
You are after two things: what the person is dealing with, and what the client has already said about you. Both shape the first line of your message. It is also the moment a client mentions that the friend had a bad experience with someone in your trade, which is worth knowing beforehand.
Is there anything about our work together that you would rather I kept to myself?
Why ask it
Clients of advisors, lawyers, accountants and coaches may not want a friend to learn what they hired you for, let alone the figures. Settle it before you write, and when in doubt say only that the two of you have worked together. If your profession has confidentiality rules, those come first.
What would you like their first conversation with me to be like?
Why ask it
The fear behind much hesitation is that a friend will be given a hard sell and blame the person who made the introduction. Letting the client set the terms, perhaps 'just answer her questions' or 'do not quote a price yet', removes that fear. Then keep to the terms exactly.
When do you think you will get a chance to mention it, and may I check back after that?
Why ask it
A kind 'I will see who comes to mind' has no date and usually fades. This puts a day on it without pressure, and gives you permission to follow up once. If the day passes and a single reminder brings nothing, treat that as the answer and do not ask a third time.
Would it be easier to bring them along to something than to introduce us?
Why ask it
A workshop, an open house, a client lunch or a free review day gives the client something to offer a friend, which feels different from handing over a name. It only works if the event is useful to someone who never buys, so plan it that way.
If they hesitate
Would it help if I described the kind of person I am best placed to help?
Why ask it
'I cannot think of anyone' is often true in the moment, because 'anyone' is too wide to search. Give one tight picture, perhaps a recent client with the details removed, then stop talking. If still nothing comes, say you will leave the thought with them and move on.
Is there something about the work that makes you unsure about recommending it?
Why ask it
Ask it gently and only when the hesitation seems to be about you and not about them. You may hear a small thing that never came up, such as slow replies or a bill that surprised them. Thank them, fix it, and do not ask for the introduction again in the same meeting.
What would worry you about putting a friend in touch with me?
Why ask it
This suits the client who likes your work but guards their friendships. The usual worries are that you will chase, repeat something said in confidence, or sell to a person you cannot really help. Answer each with what you will do and promise only that, since the client will hear how it went either way.
Would it be better to come back to this once you have seen the results?
Why ask it
Sometimes the request is simply early: the kitchen is half built, the campaign has not run, the return has not been filed. Name the milestone you will wait for and raise it once at that point. A client who suggests the later date themselves has more or less agreed.
If an introduction is not comfortable, would you be open to writing a short review?
Why ask it
A review asks them to vouch for you in public without volunteering a friend, and plenty of people who dislike the first will do the second. Send the link and offer two or three prompts so they are not facing a blank box. If your field restricts testimonials, check what is allowed before you ask.
Would you be willing to speak to a prospective client who wants to hear from someone I have worked with?
Why ask it
Acting as a reference is a smaller favor than an introduction, since the other person is already interested and the client only has to answer honestly. Agree how often you may call on them, and give notice each time so they are never surprised by a stranger on the phone.
May I send you something you can pass on if it ever comes up?
Why ask it
A link, a one-page summary or a couple of cards lets the client refer you on their own schedule, with no promise made today. Make whatever you send useful by itself, such as a checklist or a short guide, so that handing it over does a friend a favor.
Would you rather I did not bring this up again?
Why ask it
Some people keep business and friendships apart as a rule, and no wording changes that. Offering the way out plainly protects the relationship you already have, and a client who takes it should not hear the request again. Make a note so that a colleague, or you in a year's time, does not repeat it.
Partners
Who is your ideal client, so I know who to send your way?
Why ask it
With another professional who serves the same people, such as an accountant, a lender, a builder or a web designer, start by asking what they want. Take notes and repeat the description back. A partner who has received a good introduction from you needs far less persuading than one who has only heard your pitch.
When your clients need what I do, who do you send them to now?
Why ask it
It tells you whether there is a gap or an incumbent. If they have someone they are happy with, do not try to displace that person. Ask instead what kind of case falls outside that person's range, since overflow and odd cases are how a second name gets onto the list.
What would you need to see from me before you felt comfortable sending a client?
Why ask it
Their reputation rides on every name they give out, so expect a real list: proof of licensing or insurance, sample work, a client they can call, a trial on a small job. Deliver each item without being chased. How you handle that list is the first evidence they get.
What do your clients tend to ask you about just before they need someone like me?
Why ask it
A mortgage broker hears 'we are thinking of moving' months before an agent does, and a bookkeeper sees the growth that calls for a payroll service. Learning the early signal lets the partner spot the moment, and gives you a line they can use: 'when someone says that, I am the person to call'.
When you send someone to me, what would you like to hear back?
Why ask it
Partners stop referring when names vanish into silence. Some want a note that contact was made, others want to know the outcome. Agree it now, and be clear that you will share only what the client has allowed, because their duty of confidentiality and yours may differ.
Are there rules in your profession about referral fees or gifts that I should know about?
Why ask it
Paying or being paid for an introduction is restricted or must be disclosed in some licensed fields, and the rules differ by place, profession and employer. Ask the partner how it works for them, check your own side with your regulator, broker or compliance contact, and put any arrangement in writing.
Would it be worth meeting every few months to compare who each of us is looking for?
Why ask it
A partnership kept alive by one coffee fades. A short regular meeting, with each of you bringing one situation where the other might help, keeps the names moving in both directions. If after two or three meetings only one side is sending anyone, say so kindly and adjust.
Following up
Would you like me to let you know how it goes?
Why ask it
Put this to the person who made the introduction. A yes means you owe them a short message once you have spoken to their contact, whatever the outcome. Keep it to the fact that you connected unless the new person has agreed to more.
What did our mutual contact tell you about why we should talk?
Why ask it
This is an opener for the person you were introduced to. It shows what they expect, which may be more or less than you offer, and lets you correct it in the first minute. Use the referrer's name, and say something true and warm about them before turning to business.
Is this something you are working on now, or did you mostly agree to talk because a friend asked?
Why ask it
Asked lightly, it gives the new contact permission to be honest, and both answers are fine. Someone who is only being polite should get a short, useful conversation and an easy exit. Turning a favor into a sales meeting is what makes clients stop introducing you.
I have not managed to reach them. Would you rather give them a nudge, or should I leave it?
Why ask it
Go back to the referrer after two or three unanswered attempts, not ten. They may know the person is traveling or has changed their mind, and they can say so without embarrassment. If the answer is to leave it, do, and thank them for the introduction all the same.
Would it be all right if I told the person who introduced us that we have spoken?
Why ask it
The new contact has a say in what goes back, and may not want a friend or colleague to know whether they hired you or what you discussed. Ask before reporting anything beyond 'we were in touch'. In regulated work, follow your own confidentiality rules first.
Is there someone I could introduce you to in return?
Why ask it
For the referrer, after the introduction has happened. A thank-you note is the minimum, and a returned introduction tends to mean more to a business owner than a gift. Ask what kind of customer or contact they are looking for, write it down, and act on it when you meet one.
Now that you have seen how that went, is there anyone else I should meet?
Why ask it
The best time for a second request is just after the first introduction turned out well and the client has heard so from their friend. Report the good news first and let them enjoy it. If the first one went nowhere, skip this and ask what you could have done differently.
How to ask for a referral without making it awkward
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Choosing the moment
Ask after a result, not after an invoice
The request lands best just after the client has said something good: the house sold, the audit passed, the site went live and the phone rang. A request attached to a bill reads as one more thing you want from them. If no natural moment arrives, a scheduled review meeting is the next best place, once the review itself is finished.
Plant it at the start
Tell new clients in the first meeting that you grow by introductions and will ask later if they are pleased. Nothing is requested that day. When the time comes you are returning to something they already agreed to, which is easier for both of you than a surprise.
Clear any complaint first
The first few Setting up questions exist to find out whether the client is happy enough to vouch for you. If one of them turns up a problem, the meeting has a new purpose. Fix the problem, show that it is fixed, and save the introduction for another day.
Past clients are not off limits
Someone you finished with a year ago can still be asked, just not in the first line of the first message. Reopen with a question about how the work has held up, deal with whatever comes back, and raise introductions in a later exchange. A client who replies warmly after a long gap is often easier to ask than one in the middle of a project.
One request per conversation
Pick a single question from The ask and let it stand. Stacking three in a row, or returning to the subject at the end of the meeting after a no, turns a favor into a campaign. A client who was asked once and treated well is still there to ask next year.
Wording the request
Describe a person, not a market
'Anyone who might need insurance' brings no face to mind. 'Someone who has just bought a first home' does. Before the meeting, write one sentence describing who you want to meet, using an event or a complaint the client would recognize from their own circle.
Say why you are asking them
A short, true reason makes the request personal: you enjoyed the work, they are the kind of client you want more of, or they know the trade you are trying to reach. Skip flattery you do not mean. People can tell, and it makes the request feel like a technique.
Use your own words
The questions on this page are starting points. Read your chosen one aloud, change anything you would never say, and practice it until it comes out at normal speed. A request that sounds recited makes the client wonder who else has heard it.
Then stay quiet
Recalling names takes longer than answering a question about oneself. Count to eight in your head before adding anything. Filling the silence with 'no worries if not' answers the question for them.
By email or message
When you cannot ask in person, keep the note short: one line on the result they got, one line describing who you hope to meet, and an offer to send words they can forward. A message that can be answered with a name in a single reply is easier to deal with than a form.
After they say yes
Do the writing for them
Send the forwardable note the same day, while the client still remembers agreeing. Three sentences are enough: who you are, the situation you help with, and that a short conversation commits nobody to anything. Leave out prices and attachments.
Contact the new person promptly
Once the introduction is made, reply within a day or two, mention the referrer in the first line, and propose something small such as a fifteen-minute call. Waiting a week tells both people the introduction was not valued.
Thank for the introduction, not the sale
Send thanks when the introduction is made, before you know whether it leads anywhere. That rewards the act you want repeated and avoids the impression that their friend was a commission. A handwritten note or a returned introduction suits most relationships.
Check the rules before offering a reward
Discounts, gift cards and referral fees are common in some trades and restricted or subject to disclosure in others, particularly licensed ones such as real estate, financial advice, insurance and law. What is allowed depends on where you work, your license and your employer's policy, so ask your regulator, broker or compliance contact before promising anything.
Keep a simple record
Note who introduced whom, the date, what you sent, and whether you reported back. It stops you asking the same client twice in a month, reminds you who is owed a thank-you, and shows over a year which clients and partners your new work really comes from.
Where referral requests go wrong
Asking 'do you know anyone?'
It is the most familiar wording and the easiest to decline, because the honest quick answer is 'not off the top of my head'. Replace it with a 'who' question and a description of the person you mean.
Asking before you have earned it
A request made in the first week, before any result, asks the client to stake their name on a promise. The only version that fits that early is the one that asks permission to raise it later.
Pressing after a hesitation
A pause, a change of subject or 'let me think about it' is a soft no for today. The questions under If they hesitate each offer one alternative. Offer one, accept the answer, and go back to the client's own business.
Treating the referred person as already sold
They agreed to a conversation, usually out of regard for a friend. Opening with a proposal, or adding them to a mailing list without asking, spends the referrer's goodwill as well as your own.
Going silent on the referrer
The person who made the introduction is wondering whether it was welcome. Hearing nothing, they assume it went badly or that you did not care, and a second introduction becomes unlikely. A two-line update, within what the new contact has agreed to share, closes the loop.
Passing on details without permission
Do not take a phone number from a client and call as though you were expected, and do not tell the new contact what the client hired you for. Privacy and marketing-contact rules vary by place and industry. When unsure, have the client make the first contact, and ask how the rules apply where you work.