Questions to Ask Women in Tech
For moderators, students and employee group organizers with a women in tech panel, a guest speaker or a mentor in front of them. The questions follow the order such a conversation usually takes: getting in and starting out, life on an engineering team, promotion and pay, the choice between staying technical and managing, what employers and colleagues did that helped, and what to do next.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Starting out
What do you work on now, and what first got you into tech?
Why ask it
Take the two halves in that order, so the room meets an engineer before it hears a life story. The routes in will differ: a computer science degree, a bootcamp, a move across from support or design. On a panel, keep each answer to a minute, and note whose route sounds like yours, because that is the person to find afterwards.
What has been the hardest part of being a woman in tech, and what did you do about it?
Why ask it
Ask for one event, and roughly when it was. A useful answer has a moment, a decision and a result in it. If the reply stays general, 'when did that last happen?' usually brings the story, and if she says it has mostly been fine, take that at face value and move on.
What would you tell a woman starting her first engineering job this year?
Why ask it
Advice asked for in the open comes back as a slogan, so narrow it: the first week, the first code review, the first time she disagrees with a senior engineer. The answers to write down are the ones with a verb in them, such as 'ask to pair on the deploy' or 'read the last ten design docs'.
Have you ever felt you did not belong in a technical room, and what got you past it?
Why ask it
Much of the audience came for this one, so do not rush it. Steer toward what changed: a project that went well, a colleague who said something, a move to another team. What happened to her is more use to the room than a theory of confidence, and 'it never fully went away' is a fair answer too.
Who was the first woman engineer you worked alongside or looked up to, and what did that change?
Why ask it
Some speakers will name a tech lead two desks away, some a professor, and some will say there was nobody until they were senior themselves. If she had someone, get the one thing that person did or said that stuck. If she had no one, find out who filled the gap, since for many in the room the answer will not be a woman either.
What did your route into tech leave you short of, and how did you fill the gap?
Why ask it
A speaker who names the gap, such as never having worked in a large codebase or never having learned what the operating system underneath is doing, is also telling the room what to study. It matters most to anyone listening who is changing career or did not study computing. If she says her route left nothing out, a gentle 'nothing at all?' is fair.
What was on your resume or in your portfolio that got you your first interview?
Why ask it
For students this is the most practical question on the page. Listen for one concrete thing: a project someone could run, a contribution to an open source library, an internship, a referral. If the answer is a referral, ask how she came to know the person, since that is the step the audience can repeat.
How did you choose your specialty, such as back end, data, security or product engineering?
Why ask it
Plenty of engineers fall into a specialty through the first team that had an opening, and hearing that takes pressure off students who think they must choose now. Ask whether she has changed since, and how hard the change was. Someone who planned it from the start can say what she looked at to decide.
What has a technical interview told you about a team before you joined it?
Why ask it
An interview shows how a team treats someone who is stuck. In a good story the interviewer gave a hint and stayed curious, and in a worrying one the interviewer talked over her or went quiet and watched. The part to get is whether the job turned out the way the interview suggested.
What do you wish you had known in your first year as an engineer?
Why ask it
Ask what she did before she knew it, because the mistake is what people remember. 'Speak up more' deserves one follow-up: speak up where, and saying what? If the room is mostly students, ask for the first-year version and the first-month version separately.
On the team
Which piece of engineering are you proudest of, and what was your part in it?
Why ask it
Put this before the questions about being a woman on a team, so the room has heard what she builds. 'What was your part' is there because engineers tend to describe the team's work and leave themselves out. If she gets technical, let her run for a minute: students seldom hear a senior engineer explain a system she built.
Have you been the only woman on an engineering team, and what did that change about your day?
Why ask it
Ask about the day, and you get things an organizer can act on: who she ate lunch with, whether she was the default answer to every diversity request, whether anything changed when a second woman joined. Some speakers will say it changed little. Let that stand without pressing for a harder story.
How do you build technical credibility with a team that does not know you yet?
Why ask it
Speakers who have changed teams a few times tend to have a method: fix something annoying in the first two weeks, take the pager early, write up how a murky system works. The second question is whether she felt she had to show more, or sooner, than a man arriving at the same level. Her advice is worth having whichever way she answers.
How do you tell a tough code review from an unfair one?
Why ask it
Strong answers give a test anyone can run, such as whether the comments point at the code or at the author, or whether the same reviewer holds other people's changes to the same bar. Then ask what she did the last time a review failed that test, and whether she raised it with the reviewer or with her manager.
What do you do differently as a reviewer because of reviews you received?
Why ask it
This turns a complaint into a practice the whole room can borrow. Typical answers are small: say what is good before what is wrong, mark which comments are optional, offer to pair when the list gets long. If your group includes people who review code, this is the one to put on a slide afterwards.
When your technical judgment has been second-guessed in a design review, how did you settle it?
Why ask it
You want the mechanics: a benchmark, a prototype, a written proposal, a senior engineer brought in as a tiebreaker. Listen for whether she had to bring more evidence than the people around her, and ask it as a question if she does not say. A speaker who was simply wrong that day and says so is giving the room something too.
Who takes the notes, onboards the new hire and plans the team event where you work, and how is that decided?
Why ask it
This is about the work that keeps a team running and rarely appears in a promotion case. A rotation, or a manager who assigns it, is the healthy answer, and 'whoever volunteers' is the worrying one if the volunteer is always the same person. The line the audience can borrow is whatever she said the first time she declined.
What do people assume your job is when they first meet you at work or at a conference?
Why ask it
It gets a laugh, which helps a panel halfway through, and the stories are usually short. The useful part is the correction: what she says, in what tone, and whether it works. Skip it if an earlier answer already covered being mistaken for someone non-technical.
How do you ask a question in front of the team when you suspect everyone else already knows the answer?
Why ask it
This worry belongs to junior engineers of every kind, so the answer travels well beyond the women in the room. Hold out for actual wording, such as 'I want to check my understanding of the retry logic'. Senior speakers can add how often half the meeting turned out to be wondering the same thing.
How have on-call shifts, late incidents or work travel fitted around the rest of your life?
Why ask it
Leave 'the rest of your life' for her to define: it may be children, a parent, a sport or sleep. What she arranged with the team is the practical part, such as swapped shifts, a follow-the-sun rotation or time back after a bad night. Rotations and time off after a night call differ by employer, so ask how it works where you are applying.
When something at work was not acceptable, who did you tell, and what happened next?
Why ask it
Agree this one with the speaker beforehand, and leave it out if her current employer is in the room or the session is recorded. Whatever she describes is one account from one company. Reporting routes and protections depend on the employer and the place, so check how it works where you are before treating her path as yours.
Moving up
How did your first promotion happen: did you ask for it, or did someone put you forward?
Why ask it
If she asked, get the words she used and how long before the review cycle she said them. If she was put forward, the detail is who did it and what they had seen. 'It just happened' usually means a manager did work she did not see, and that is worth saying aloud.
What is the difference between a mentor and a sponsor in your experience, and how did you find each?
Why ask it
The usual split is that a mentor advises and a sponsor spends their own standing on you, but let her define it. What you need is the single act: the project she was named for, the room she was brought into. If she has had neither, ask what she did in their place, because much of the room is in that position.
How do you get onto the project that leads to promotion when you are not the first name people think of?
Why ask it
The answers worth having describe a move she made before the project was staffed: telling her manager which work she wanted, writing the proposal herself, asking the tech lead what the project lacked. If she says good work gets noticed on its own, probe a little: who noticed, and how did they come to see it?
How do you keep a record of what you shipped so it is there at review time?
Why ask it
A plain, copyable answer is the goal: a running document, a folder of pull request links, a note every Friday. Then ask who else sees it, and when. A record her manager has read before review season does a different job from one produced on the day.
What feedback have you been given that was about your manner and not your work?
Why ask it
Words such as 'abrasive', 'quiet' or 'not strategic enough' come up here. The follow-up is what she did with it: asked for an example, ignored it, changed something. A debate about whether such feedback is fair can eat the session, so move on to how she now writes feedback for other people.
What got your case for senior or staff engineer through, and what had held it up before?
Why ask it
A case can wait on scope, on a missing advocate in the calibration meeting, or on work nobody outside the team had seen, and each has a different fix. Find out which it was for her. A speaker who has since sat on a promotion committee can also say what makes her vote yes on a packet.
Did your biggest step up in level come from staying at a company or from moving to another one?
Why ask it
It is common advice among engineers that the quickest way up a level is to leave, and this tests it against one real career. If she moved, the useful details are how she got hired at the higher level and what she gave up by going. If she stayed, find out what her employer did that made staying the better deal.
How did you find out whether you were paid fairly, and what did you do once you knew?
Why ask it
People find out through a colleague, a published band, a recruiter's offer or a public salary site, and each carries a different risk. Whether colleagues may compare pay, and whether bands must be published, depends on the country, the state and the employer. Ask her how it worked at her company, then check your own.
What did you not understand about level or equity when you accepted your first offer?
Why ask it
Base salary is the number a new graduate looks at first. Ask whether the level she came in at ended up mattering more, and what she would put to a recruiter now. Vesting schedules, refresh grants and how equity is taxed vary by company and country, so use her answer as a list of things to ask about.
IC or manager
Did you stay on the technical track or move into management, and how did you decide?
Why ask it
With a mixed panel, ask one person from each track and let them answer each other. The reasons matter more than the choice: what she wanted more of, what she was tired of, who asked her. Someone who took management because it was the only way to a raise is describing her company's ladder, so ask whether a staff track existed.
Were you ever steered toward product, program or people work when you wanted to keep building?
Why ask it
Some speakers will say yes at once and some will say it never came up. For those who say yes, the lesson is in the reply she gave and whether it held. Ask how she could tell a real opportunity from being moved off the code, since the two can sound alike when offered.
What does a staff or principal engineer do all day that a senior engineer does not?
Why ask it
Students and junior engineers may never have worked near one, so ask for last week: how much of it was writing, reviewing, meeting and coding. Titles mean different things at different companies. Have her say what the level is called where she works and what the step below it is.
If you manage now, how much code do you still write, and what do you miss?
Why ask it
An honest answer is often 'almost none, and I miss finishing things', which helps anyone weighing the move because it names the trade plainly. What replaced the satisfaction of shipping is the natural follow-up. A manager who still codes most days should be asked how big her team is and who covers when a deadline lands.
Have you gone back from management to hands-on engineering, or watched someone do it well?
Why ask it
The point to draw out is that the move need not be one way. Ask what made the return possible: a company with matching levels on both ladders, skills kept warm, a manager who backed it. If nobody on the panel has seen it done, that is an answer about their workplaces and worth noting too.
How do you keep your technical skills current once the calendar fills with meetings?
Why ask it
Look for a habit with a time attached: a morning kept free for code, one small ticket a sprint, reviewing changes in an area she does not own. 'I read a lot' is thin. Ask what the last thing she built with her own hands was, and when.
What helped
What has an employer done that made a real difference to you, as opposed to what it announced?
Why ask it
This is the question an employee group should carry back to leadership. Useful answers are specific and often dull: published pay bands, a promotion committee with written criteria, interview panels that are not all men, a manager trained to run one-to-ones. If she can only name events and slogans, that tells you something as well.
Have you ever come close to leaving tech, and what kept you in it?
Why ask it
Send this one ahead, because the true answer may involve an employer she cannot name on stage. What kept her is the part to stay on: a new team, a different company, a stretch of leave, a change of specialty. A speaker who did leave for a while and came back has the most practical story of all, so give her room to tell it.
What can the men on an engineering team do this week that would help?
Why ask it
Men in the audience are waiting for something practical, so hold out for acts: credit the idea to the person who had it, take a turn at the notes, ask the quiet reviewer what she thinks before the decision is made. Close by asking which of these she has seen a colleague do without being asked.
What did a manager do that kept you at a company longer than you would have stayed?
Why ask it
The story shows what good management looks like at ground level: a hard project handed over with cover, a raise argued for unprompted, a blunt talk at the right moment. Managers in the room should write the act down. What she did when that manager left is the sequel, and often the more telling half.
Has a women-in-tech group or employee network helped you, and what did it do that was useful?
Why ask it
Organizers should ask this without fishing for praise. The strong answers name a function: introductions to senior engineers, a place to compare offers, a route for raising a problem with leadership. If she says the group was mostly lunches, ask what she would have had it do with the same budget.
How did taking leave, coming back or changing your hours go, and what made it workable?
Why ask it
Ask only if she has raised it herself or agreed to it beforehand, and keep it open to any kind of leave. The detail to gather is what the team did: a handover plan, a ramp back, projects held for her return. Leave entitlement and pay depend on the country, the state and the employer, so ask how it works where you are.
What do you check before accepting an offer to tell whether a company means what it says?
Why ask it
The answer to hope for is a short list the audience can use next month: who interviewed her, whether the senior women still write code or have all moved into coordination, how long they have stayed, what happened when she asked to speak to one. The story to get is the time one of those checks changed her mind about an offer.
Which well-meant program or policy did not help, and why?
Why ask it
Let her choose her own example, which might be a mandatory training, a one-day event or a mentoring scheme with no follow-up. The 'why' is what an organizer needs. Ask it a second time if the first reply is only that people did not turn up.
If our group could change one thing this quarter, what would you expect to matter most?
Why ask it
Tell her something about your company or campus first, or the answer will be generic, then hold her to one thing. On a panel, have each person name a single change and count the overlap. Whatever two speakers pick independently is your agenda for the next meeting.
Next steps
What should a student in this room do in the next month?
Why ask it
A deadline keeps the answer small enough to act on: one project to finish, one meetup to attend, one person to write to. If the room is working engineers, change 'student' to 'someone two years in'. Read the answers back at the end so people leave with a short list.
How should someone approach you, or an engineer like you, for mentoring?
Why ask it
Many in the audience want to ask and do not know how. Expect her to say that a specific question works better than 'will you be my mentor', and ask for an example of a message she answered. How often is reasonable, and what she expects the other person to bring, are the two details to leave with.
How is AI changing your own work, and what would you learn now if you were starting out?
Why ask it
Keep this to her job, because predictions about the industry are guesses and sound the same from everyone. What she delegates to a tool, what she still checks by hand and what she asks new hires to understand anyway are all things a student can act on. A good last follow-up is what she has changed her mind about in the past year.
What is easier for a woman entering tech now than when you started, and what is no easier?
Why ask it
With speakers of different ages this becomes the best exchange of the session, since their starting points are years apart. Ask each for one thing on each side. Treat the answers as what these people saw in their own workplaces, not as a verdict on the whole industry.
Which question are you asked at every women in tech event that you would retire, and what should we ask instead?
Why ask it
Use it near the end, when the speaker has relaxed. Do not be surprised if it is the one about balancing work and family, retired because the men on stage are not asked it. Whatever she offers in its place, ask it of her on the spot.
What still makes you glad you chose this work?
Why ask it
End here. After forty minutes on obstacles, a room of students needs to hear why she stayed: the problem she solved last month, the thing she built that people rely on, the pay and freedom it bought her. Ask for the most recent example she has, and let that be the last word.
How to run a women in tech panel, talk or mentor conversation
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before the session
Find out what each speaker does all day
An engineer who writes code, an engineering manager and a chief technology officer need different questions. Read each speaker's current title and last two roles, then mark which groups on this page fit her. IC or manager works only if someone on stage has faced that choice. On the team is strongest with people still close to the code.
Send the hard questions ahead
Anything about unacceptable behavior, pay, leave or nearly leaving the industry should reach the speaker a few days early with a plain note that she can decline. A speaker who has had time to choose her example gives a better answer than one caught cold, and she will know what her employer allows her to say in public.
Pick eight to ten and put them in order
Three panelists and an hour leave room for roughly eight questions once the audience has had its turn. Take two from Starting out to warm the room, spend the middle on the group your audience cares about most, and keep one from Next steps to close. Mark three spares in case a speaker answers two questions at once.
Ask the audience first
A short form sent with the invitation, asking what people most want to know, tells you whether the room is students looking for a first job or engineers stuck below senior. Those are different sessions. Collect a few questions that way too, for people who will not raise a hand.
During the conversation
Ask about the engineering as well
A speaker asked only about being a woman, and never about her work, has been shortchanged. The first question on this page starts with what she works on, and On the team opens with the piece of engineering she is proudest of. Come back to the work when you can: the audience came to see technical people, and it makes the later questions easier to ask.
Move from the principle to the week it happened
Asked in general terms, a question about unfair feedback or a stalled promotion invites a tidy rule. Add 'when did that last happen, and what did you say?' and the speaker has to name a team, a meeting and how it ended. Nearly everything under On the team and Moving up is better for it.
Direct each question to one person
A question thrown to the whole panel gets three polite versions of the same answer. Name one speaker, then ask a second whether her experience was different. Disagreement between panelists is the most useful thing a panel can produce, so invite it out loud.
Let a speaker pass
Say at the start that anyone may skip a question without giving a reason. Nobody owes a room a painful story, and a speaker who feels safe to decline one question is usually franker on the next. In a one-to-one with a mentor, say the same thing in your own words.
What to do with the answers
Separate her company from yours
How promotion committees work, what leave is offered, whether pay bands are published and how a complaint is handled all depend on the employer and the place. Treat each answer as an account of one workplace. The useful step is to turn it into a question and ask how it works where you are.
Write down acts, not attitudes
'Be confident' cannot be done on Monday. 'I sent my manager a list of what I had shipped a month before reviews' can. As you take notes, keep only the lines that describe something a person did, and read three of them back at the end of the session.
Carry the What helped answers upward
If you run an employee group, the answers about what an employer did are your material for leadership. Summarize them in a page, note where two or more speakers agreed, and ask for one change with an owner and a date. Thank the speakers by telling them what came of it.
Mistakes to avoid
Asking only about obstacles
An hour of difficulty sends students home discouraged and reduces accomplished engineers to their worst days. Balance each hard question with one about the work, the payoff or what went right. The Next steps group exists so the session ends on something people can do.
Asking one woman to speak for all women
'What do women in tech want?' has no answer. 'What did you want from your manager that year?' does. Keep every question about her own experience, and let the audience notice patterns across speakers for themselves.
Asking what you would not ask a man
Childcare, clothes and how she copes are worn-out subjects at these events. If a question about family matters to your audience, word it so it would suit any engineer on stage, and leave it to the speaker to bring her own life into it.
Running out of time before the room speaks
Keep the last fifteen minutes for the audience and say so at the start. If hands are slow, read out a question collected in advance. People who came with something to ask a senior woman engineer may not get another chance this year.