Questions to Ask Your Little
For a sorority or fraternity big in the first days and weeks after reveal, with a new little you barely know yet. The 50 questions run in the order the pairing usually does: Getting started for the first coffee, Favorites for baskets and gifts, Funny for a first dinner, Classes and life for everything outside the chapter, and Big and chapter for what they want from you. Most also work for a mentor matched with a Little in a mentoring program, and each question comes with a note on what to listen for and how to use the answer.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Getting started
What's your hometown like, and what would you show me first if I visited?
Why ask it
What they would show you first, a diner, a lake, the field behind the high school, is what they miss, and it is easier to say than 'I am homesick'. Remember it, because something small from home means more in a basket than one more thing with letters on it.
Which conversation during recruitment made you want to end up here?
Why ask it
If they can name the member and what was said, tell that member this week, since people who work recruitment rarely find out which conversation counted. If nothing stands out, ask what they noticed about the chapter before anyone spoke to them.
Before reveal, what were you hoping your big would be like?
Why ask it
Listen for the particulars: someone in their major, someone funny, someone who will not drag them out every weekend. Say plainly which of those you are and which you are not, and they will trust the rest of what you tell them. If they hoped for nothing in particular, ask which pair in the chapter they have watched and liked.
What does a really good weekend look like for you?
Why ask it
Plan your first outing from this answer and not from your own taste. A little who describes a hike and an early night will not thank you for a loud dinner for twelve, however kindly it was meant.
What could you talk about for an hour without running out of things to say?
Why ask it
Let them go for a few minutes, even if it is a video game or a baseball team you know nothing about. New members tend to show a trimmed version of themselves in the first month, and this is usually the part that got trimmed.
Who are your people back home, and how often do you talk to them?
Why ask it
You learn who is in their corner without asking about family directly, which matters because not everyone has an easy one. A little who calls home every night and one who never mentions home will want different things from a big.
Are you a morning person or a night owl, and when is it safe to text you?
Why ask it
The answer decides whether your plans are breakfast before an early class or a food run at midnight, and when a good-luck text gets read instead of waking them up. If your hours are opposite, lunch is the meal that works for both.
When is your birthday, and do you like a big deal made of it or would you rather keep it quiet?
Why ask it
Add it to your calendar with a reminder a week ahead, which is when you will need it. What you do with the date depends on the second answer: a little who hates being sung to in a dining hall will remember that you asked.
Favorites
What's your coffee or drink order, down to the last detail?
Why ask it
Get the size, the milk, how sweet and whether it is hot or iced, and save it in their contact card. The morning of their first big exam is the time to use it: one cup, handed over on the walk to class.
Which snack do you always buy, and which candy would you never touch?
Why ask it
Learn the candy they would never touch as carefully as the snack they love, since a basket filled by guesswork gets shared out down the hall. If they name something hard to find, hunt that one down.
Is there anything you can't eat, or anything you're allergic to?
Why ask it
Ask it before you buy a single snack, and ask about lotions and scented things in the same breath. Take whatever they tell you at face value and shop around it without asking them to explain.
Which colors do you wear most, and which do you avoid?
Why ask it
Asking what they wear beats asking for a favorite, because plenty of people love a color they would never put on. The chapter's colors are already decided, so use this for the blanket, the cup and the wrapping.
What size T-shirt do you like, and do you wear them fitted or oversized?
Why ask it
Shirts and sweatshirts go into a lot of baskets, and a wrong guess stays in a drawer. Some people would rather not say a size out loud at a table, so this is a good one to send by text or to ask their roommate.
Which stores do you wander into even when you don't need anything?
Why ask it
A store shows their taste better than a list of favorite things does: walk in, look at what sits near the register, and you have three small gifts. A gift card from there is the safe choice in a week that leaves you no time to shop.
Which teams do you follow, and whose gear should I never buy you?
Why ask it
A hat or a jersey for the right team is a gift a little will wear outside the chapter too. Get the rival as well, since school colors and hometown loyalties do not always agree. If they follow no one, drop the sports theme and do not ask twice.
Which artists or songs have you had on repeat this month?
Why ask it
Ask them to send you one song after you part, which gives the two of you an easy first text exchange. Later the list becomes a playlist for a drive or a reason to watch for tour dates together.
What show or movie do you put on after a bad day?
Why ask it
A comfort pick hands you a theme for a card or a mug, and a ready plan for the week things go wrong: that show, their food order and no questions. Do not tease the choice, even if it is a cartoon made for eight-year-olds.
Do you like flowers, candles and scented things, or do strong scents bother you?
Why ask it
Baskets lean hard on candles and body sprays, and for some people those go straight into a closet. If they do like them, ask for one scent by name and check whether candles are allowed where they live.
What do you order at the place near campus where you eat most?
Why ask it
Their answer picks the place for your first dinner and spares you both the where-do-you-want-to-go back-and-forth. Note what they ask to have left off, because getting that detail right is what makes food left at their door in a hard week feel personal.
Would you rather be given something handmade, something useful or something to eat?
Why ask it
Settle this before you lose a weekend to painting canvases. A little who says useful is not being ungrateful, so give them a long phone charger and a handwritten note. Ask your chapter whether it sets a spending limit or other gift rules, because that differs from one chapter to the next.
What do you already own far too many of?
Why ask it
Water bottles, tote bags and fuzzy socks get confessed a lot, and they are standard basket fillers too. Cross whatever they name off your list and put that money toward something they mentioned earlier.
Is there an animal, character or theme you have loved since you were a kid?
Why ask it
Frogs, a cartoon from when they were six, anything with strawberries: the answer is a ready theme for a birthday or the next round of gifts. It keeps for years, long after the reveal crafts are gone.
Funny
Who was your worst guess for your big, and what made you so sure?
Why ask it
This only works where the pairing stayed secret until reveal, so skip it if your chapter does things differently. Own up to which of your clues were meant to mislead, and settle whether the person they guessed should ever be told.
What did the movies tell you Greek life would be like, and what has been the biggest letdown?
Why ask it
Expect something about choreographed dances or a house with a grand staircase. Laugh, then listen for a real disappointment tucked inside the joke, such as hoping to have made closer friends by now.
What would your roommate say is your most annoying habit?
Why ask it
Answering through the roommate lets them confess without quite confessing. Alarms snoozed six times and dishes left to soak come up a lot; trade one of your own so it stays even.
If we wore matching costumes to the next themed event, what would we go as?
Why ask it
You find out in one answer whether they love dressing up or dread it. An instant detailed pitch means start planning tonight, and a groan means agreeing on something that amounts to a T-shirt and a hat.
What did you pack for college that you have not touched once?
Why ask it
An iron, three pairs of dress shoes, a ukulele. It is a gentle way to hear who they thought they would be here, and if it is the ukulele, ask for one song before the year is out.
What nickname does your family use that you hope never follows you here?
Why ask it
They will tell you, and then the secret is yours to keep. Use it only if they laugh when they say it, and never in the chapter group chat without asking first.
What's the last photo in your camera roll that you'd be willing to show me?
Why ask it
The words 'willing to show' keep it safe, since they choose the photo. Show one of yours first. It tends to be a screenshot of a schedule or a blurry picture of someone's dog, and that is funnier than anything posed.
Which of us is going to be the late one?
Why ask it
Compare habits now, while it is still a joke: the one who is always ten minutes behind and the one who waits in the car. Whoever claims to be on time drives to the first event, and the clock settles it.
Classes and life
What are you majoring in, and how sure are you about it?
Why ask it
Not very sure is a normal answer in a first year, so do not treat it as a problem to fix. If it is your field, offer your old notes; if not, find a member in that major and introduce the two of them this week.
Which class is worrying you most this semester?
Why ask it
Find out whether the worry is the workload, the professor or a subject they have always found hard, because each needs a different kind of help. Someone in the chapter has probably taken it. If they say none, ask again after the first round of exams.
What does a normal week hold for you: classes, a job, practice, all of it?
Why ask it
A job or a team changes what you can reasonably ask of their time. Fit your standing plan into a gap they already have, and take note if every hour is spoken for and they keep apologizing for it.
Where do you study best, and do you want company or silence?
Why ask it
A shared study session is the easiest regular plan a big and little can keep. For the ones who want company, sit across the table; for the ones who want silence, text an offer of a snack and stay away.
What else are you part of on campus, or would like to be?
Why ask it
A good answer has something in it that is not the chapter. If the chapter is their whole list, nudge them toward one other thing, so a rough week in the chapter is not a rough week everywhere.
Who have you gotten close to here so far, in the chapter or outside it?
Why ask it
Names from their own new member class are the best thing you can hear. If no names come after several weeks, start inviting them to small things with their classmates and not only to things with you.
How is it going where you live: the roommate, the hall, the noise?
Why ask it
Roommate trouble usually reaches a big before it reaches anyone who could fix it. Offer a quiet place to study or a couch for an afternoon before you offer advice, and for anything serious ask what the residence staff on your campus can do.
Are you going home for the breaks, or staying here?
Why ask it
Some littles cannot get home for a short break, and a campus empties fast. If they are staying and so are you, plan one meal; if you are leaving, find out who else in the chapter will be around and tell both of them.
What would you regret not doing before you graduate?
Why ask it
Write the answer down, whether it is study abroad, a research job or walking on to a team, and bring it up once a semester. A first-year goal fades fast when nobody else remembers it was said.
Big and chapter
What do you want most from a big: a friend, a guide, a study partner or someone who checks in?
Why ask it
Most littles say all four, so ask which one matters this semester. If they do not know yet, tell them what your own big did that worked and what you wished had gone differently.
Would you rather have a standing weekly plan with me, or keep it loose and text when we're free?
Why ask it
Bigs tend to picture a weekly dinner and assume the little does too, which is how pairs go quiet by spring. If they choose loose, agree on a floor, such as one meal every two weeks, and put the first two on the calendar before you leave the table.
What did someone do during recruitment or your first weeks that made you feel welcome?
Why ask it
Whatever it was, a saved seat or a remembered name, it shows what kind of attention reaches this person. Do the same thing yourself within the week, before they have forgotten telling you.
What about the chapter has nobody really explained to you yet?
Why ask it
Points, dues, ritual and attendance rules get nodded through by new members who are afraid to look lost. Explain what you can. For money and requirements do not guess: take them to the officer who handles it, because every chapter runs these its own way.
Which parts of chapter life are you looking forward to, and which would you happily skip?
Why ask it
Do not argue them into liking the part they would skip, whether that is a formal, a philanthropy day or intramurals. Offer to walk in with them the first time, which is often all it takes.
Is the time or the money turning out heavier than you expected?
Why ask it
Much easier to admit to a big over coffee than to an officer in a meeting. Promise nothing you cannot deliver; find out what your chapter offers, such as payment plans or excused absences, and offer to go along when they ask.
Has anyone asked you to do something as a new member that you didn't want to do?
Why ask it
Save it for a time when it is only the two of you and nobody is rushing off. If the answer is yes, thank them, ask what they want to happen next, and find out who takes that kind of report in your chapter and at your school. Do not sit on it if someone could get hurt.
Do you see yourself running for a position one day, or would you rather just show up?
Why ask it
Just showing up is a complete answer, and members like that hold a chapter together. If they name a role, introduce them to whoever holds it now, and do it before elections make the conversation awkward.
What should I never do as your big?
Why ask it
Posting photos without asking, public surprises and five texts in a row all come up. Say it back to them so they know you heard, then keep to it, especially the first time it is inconvenient.
When something is wrong, do you want me to ask, or to wait until you bring it up?
Why ask it
People split on this, and guessing wrong feels like either prying or not caring. Agree on a signal if they are the waiting kind, even one as small as a single emoji that means come find me.
A year from now, what would make you glad we were paired?
Why ask it
Keep this for the end of a conversation that has gone well. Their answer is your job description for the year, and it is worth asking again when they take a little of their own.
How to use these with a new little
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Pacing the first weeks
One group per meeting
Working through the whole page in one sitting turns a coffee into an interview. Take three or four from Getting started the first time you meet, text the Favorites over a few days, keep Funny for a dinner, and leave Big and chapter until you have met at least twice.
Answer everything you ask
A big who only asks sounds like an intake form. Give your own answer to each question, briefly, and let your little ask theirs back. They are trying to work out who you are too.
Keep one note on your phone
Write the favorites, the sizes, the birthday and the food they cannot eat into a single note the same day, while you still remember the exact drink order. Tell them you are doing it: being written down is flattering, and it explains why you are asking about candy.
Send the awkward ones by text
Shirt size, allergies and anything about money are easier to answer in a message than across a table. A short text saying you are shopping and need three facts gets a faster and more honest reply.
Putting the answers to work
A basket from five answers
Drink order, the snack they always buy, the colors they wear, a shirt in the right size and fit, and the theme they have loved since childhood. Those five make a basket that looks chosen instead of bought in bulk, and the store they wander into covers anything you still need. Check your chapter's spending limit and gift rules before you shop.
The hard-week drop-off
Use the class that worries them, the show they put on after a bad day and their order from the place near campus. The night before that exam, leave the food at their door with a one-line note and no request to hang out.
A standing plan
Combine the answers about their week, where they study and whether they are up early or up late. One fixed slot, the same table every other Tuesday, survives a busy semester far better than a promise to get dinner soon. If they asked to keep it loose, make the slot an open invitation and not an obligation.
Three introductions
The major, the worrying class and the position they have an eye on each point to another member. Making those introductions in the first month does more for a little than a big who tries to be the answer to everything.
When it is not clicking
One-word answers
Some littles are shy and some are still deciding whether they trust you. Drop the deeper questions, go back to Favorites and Funny, and do something side by side, such as a drive or a craft night, where talking is optional.
You have little in common
A big and a little do not need to be best friends for the pairing to work. Use Big and chapter to find the one thing they want from you, do that reliably, and let the friendship be whatever size it turns out to be.
Something serious comes up
If an answer points to hazing, to harm, or to a little who is not coping, you are not expected to handle it alone. Listen, do not promise secrecy you cannot keep, and find out who in your chapter and on your campus is the right person to bring it to. If someone is in danger right now, call for emergency help first.
A Little in a mentoring program
Most of Getting started, Favorites, Funny and Classes and life work for a mentor matched with a younger Little. Leave out the chapter questions and adjust the wording for their age. Programs set their own rules on gifts, contact and photos, so ask your match coordinator how it works in yours before you act on an answer.