20 Questions

Questions to Ask Your Spouse on Your Anniversary

Meaningful questions to celebrate your anniversary, reflect on your journey together, and deepen your marital connection.

1

What's your favorite memory from this past year of our marriage?

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Why this works

Highlights positive moments and shows you what has meant the most to your partner.

2

How have I grown as a person since we got married?

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Why this works

Reveals how your partner sees your personal evolution and the impact of your relationship.

3

What's one thing I do that makes you feel most loved?

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Why this works

Clarifies your partner's love language so you can continue expressing affection effectively.

4

What challenges did we overcome together this year?

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Why this works

Acknowledges difficulties you've navigated as a team and reinforces your resilience.

5

What are you most grateful for about our relationship?

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Why this works

Encourages gratitude and appreciation, which strengthens emotional connection.

6

What dream or goal do you want us to pursue together in the coming year?

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Why this works

Aligns future vision and creates shared purpose moving forward.

7

How can I be a better partner to you?

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Why this works

Invites constructive feedback and shows commitment to continuous improvement.

8

What surprised you most about marriage this year?

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Why this works

Reveals unexpected lessons or realizations from the marital journey.

9

What tradition or ritual do you want to start or continue in our marriage?

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Why this works

Builds intentional practices that strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.

10

When did you feel most connected to me this year?

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Why this works

Identifies moments of deep intimacy that you can recreate and prioritize.

11

What's one thing you want us to do more of together?

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Why this works

Highlights areas where your partner craves more quality time or shared experiences.

12

How have we changed as a couple since we first met?

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Why this works

Reflects on your evolution together and the journey you've traveled.

13

What's something I don't say enough that you wish I would?

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Why this works

Uncovers unspoken needs for verbal affirmation or appreciation.

14

What makes you most proud of us as a couple?

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Why this works

Celebrates your strengths and what you've built together.

15

If you could relive one moment from our relationship, which would it be?

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Why this works

Identifies cherished memories that hold special meaning for your partner.

16

What do you think is our greatest strength as a couple?

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Why this works

Reinforces what works well and should be maintained or amplified.

17

How do you want to celebrate future anniversaries?

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Why this works

Sets expectations and creates anticipation for how you'll honor your relationship.

18

What's one fear or worry you have about our future together?

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Why this works

Opens space for vulnerability and allows you to address concerns together.

19

What have you learned about love from being married to me?

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Why this works

Reveals how your relationship has shaped your partner's understanding of love.

20

What promise or commitment do you want to make to each other for the year ahead?

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Why this works

Creates intentional vows or goals that guide your relationship forward.

Best Practices for Anniversary Conversations

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Create a Special Setting

Choose a romantic, distraction-free environment where you can focus entirely on each other.

Balance Reflection and Vision

Spend time celebrating what you've built while also dreaming about the future together.

Be Open to Feedback

Receive your partner's input with grace and appreciation, even if it includes areas for growth.

Express Gratitude

Lead with appreciation for your partner and your relationship before addressing challenges.

Conversation Sequences

The Reflection Sequence

1
What's your favorite memory from this past year of our marriage?
2
What challenges did we overcome together this year?
3
How have we changed as a couple since we first met?

The Appreciation Sequence

1
What are you most grateful for about our relationship?
2
What's one thing I do that makes you feel most loved?
3
What makes you most proud of us as a couple?

The Future Planning Sequence

1
What dream or goal do you want us to pursue together in the coming year?
2
What tradition or ritual do you want to start or continue in our marriage?
3
What promise or commitment do you want to make for the year ahead?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Turn It Into a Complaint Session

Anniversaries are for celebration. Save heavy problem-solving for another time.

Don't Compare Your Relationship to Others

Focus on your unique journey together rather than external benchmarks.

Don't Rush the Conversation

Give each other space to think deeply and share vulnerably without time pressure.

Don't Dismiss Small Gestures

What seems minor to you might be deeply meaningful to your partner—honor their perspective.

Conversation Templates

The Anniversary Check-In

1
Step 1: Start with: 'I'm so grateful for another year with you. What's been your favorite part?'
2
Step 2: Follow with: 'What have we done well together this year?'
3
Step 3: Deepen with: 'How can we make next year even better?'
4
Step 4: Close with: 'I love you, and I'm excited for everything ahead'

The Gratitude Exchange

1
Step 1: Start with: 'I want to tell you three things I'm grateful for about you'
2
Step 2: Share yours: [List three specific things]
3
Step 3: Invite reciprocity: 'What are you grateful for about us?'
4
Step 4: Close with: 'Thank you for choosing me every day'

Further Reading

"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman
"Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson
"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

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