Best Questions to Ask a Medium
What to ask before and during a mediumship reading. The questions cover how the medium works, cost and recording, how to bring up the person you have lost, what to ask about things left unsaid, and what to do afterwards if none of it fits.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How do you work, and what happens during a session?
Why ask it
Practice varies widely: some mediums talk continuously for an hour, others want questions from you, others use cards or objects. Knowing the format in advance means you are not spending the first ten minutes working out whether you are supposed to be speaking.
Do you want any details from me beforehand, or would you rather I bring nothing?
Why ask it
Both answers are common. What is worth noticing is what they do with what you send. A medium who asks for names, dates and photographs in advance, and then repeats those details back to you as evidence, has told you nothing you did not already know.
What does it cost, how long does it last, and what happens if nothing comes through?
Why ask it
Get this settled before you are emotionally invested. Clear answers, a fixed length and a stated policy for a session that does not work are the marks of someone running a straightforward practice. Reluctance to discuss money plainly is worth taking seriously.
Can I record the session, or take notes?
Why ask it
You will not remember much afterwards, because grief and adrenaline both interfere with memory. A recording also lets you check later what was actually said rather than what you filled in. Most mediums allow it; a refusal is worth asking about.
Do you read for people who have been bereaved recently, and is there a point where you would say it is too soon?
Why ask it
Some mediums decline to read in the first months, or when someone is in acute grief, and that judgment is a reasonable sign of care. A practitioner who says any time is fine, and who encourages repeat sessions, is answering as a business rather than as a person.
Are there subjects you will not read on?
Why ask it
Look for clear limits: no diagnoses, no predictions of death, nothing about missing people, nothing for children. Someone willing to read on anything, including medical or legal matters, is the person most likely to say something you will find hard to put down afterwards.
If I ask about a medical or legal question, what will you tell me?
Why ask it
The answer you want involves being referred to a doctor or a solicitor. Any reading that touches on treatment decisions, or that suggests stopping a course of care, should be set aside entirely and taken to the professional responsible for it.
Can you describe who you are getting before I give you a name?
Why ask it
This keeps you from doing the medium's work for them. Say as little as you can, and let the details arrive first. If what comes back is broad enough to fit several people you have lost, that is worth noting quietly rather than helping it along.
Can we stay with one person, or does it not work that way?
Why ask it
Useful to ask early if there is one person you came for. Some mediums say they cannot direct it, which is a fair answer. What matters is whether the session drifts towards whoever you are most willing to talk about, which is a different thing from who you asked for.
Is there something about them you can tell me that I have never told anyone?
Why ask it
The one request that cannot be met by reading you in the room. Ask for something small and specific rather than something profound: a habit, a phrase, an object. Broad answers about a strong personality or a good sense of humour fit almost everyone.
What do you get about the last stretch of their life?
Why ask it
Ask this only if you want to be there. For many people the final weeks are the hardest part of the memory, and a reading can bring it back with unexpected force. It can also be the part someone most needs to hear addressed, which is why it belongs on the list.
Is there anything about how things were left between us?
Why ask it
Most relationships end mid-sentence, with something unresolved. Whatever comes back, the useful thing is often your own reaction to it: what you were hoping to hear tells you what you have been carrying, and that stays true whatever you conclude about the reading itself.
There is something I never said to them. Can I say it here?
Why ask it
Many people go to a reading for this rather than for information. Saying the thing out loud, in a room where it is being received, does something that thinking it does not, and a decent medium will make space for it without filling the silence.
I have been carrying a decision I made about their care. Can you speak to that?
Why ask it
Guilt about a hospital decision, a delayed visit or a treatment choice is one of the most common reasons people book a reading. Be careful with what you accept as absolution, and be careful with anyone who offers it too easily or attaches a further session to it.
Are there people they would want mentioned that I have not thought of?
Why ask it
Opens the reading out to a wider family, and it sometimes prompts you to make a phone call you have been putting off. It is also a question that resists a general answer, since it requires naming someone rather than describing a feeling.
Can you tell me how they would have said that, rather than what it means?
Why ask it
Manner is harder to guess than sentiment. Asking for the phrasing, the tone or the particular word someone always used moves the reading away from general comfort and towards the specific person, which is the only part that will mean anything to you later.
Which parts of what you have said are you confident about, and which are you unsure of?
Why ask it
An honest practitioner will separate the two, and many will say plainly that some of it is unclear. A reading delivered with complete certainty throughout is the one to be most careful with, whatever you believe about how it works.
Is there anything you picked up that you decided not to tell me?
Why ask it
Worth asking near the end. Some mediums hold back things they think will distress you, and you are entitled to know that a decision was made on your behalf. Note whether the answer creates a reason to book again.
What do you say to someone when none of it fits?
Why ask it
The answer tells you a great deal about the person you are sitting with. Some will say the connection was poor and offer your money back; others will explain that you are blocking it, which places the failure with you and is a pattern worth recognising.
Do you think I should be talking to someone else about this as well?
Why ask it
A medium who suggests a bereavement counsellor, a support group or your doctor is not undercutting their own work. Someone who positions themselves as the only person who can help, or who advises against professional support, is doing something else entirely.
How to use these questions
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you book
Ask the practical questions in writing
Cost, length, cancellation, recording and whether they want information in advance can all be settled by email. It costs nothing, and how someone answers a plain question about money tells you most of what you need to know.
Decide what you are going for
There is a difference between wanting information, wanting to say something you never said, and wanting to feel less alone for an hour. Being clear with yourself makes the session easier to steer and much easier to make sense of afterwards.
Set a limit before you go in
Decide in advance what you will spend and whether you intend to book again. Grief makes people agreeable, and the decision is easier made at your kitchen table than at the end of an emotional hour.
Consider taking someone with you
Another person will remember what was said, notice what you fed in without meaning to, and be there afterwards. If the medium will not allow a second person in the room, ask why.
During the reading
- Say as little as possible early on. Yes, no, and "can you say more about that" are enough.
- Avoid supplying names, dates and relationships until they have been offered to you.
- Note the difference between something specific and something that would fit most families.
- It is fine to say a detail does not fit. Watch what happens next: a reframe, a correction, or an explanation that puts it on you.
- If you become distressed, you can stop. A reading is not a course of treatment and there is nothing to finish.
- Write down, or record, the two or three things that struck you most, before you leave the room.
Afterwards
Wait a few days before deciding what it meant
The hour immediately after a reading is the worst time to judge it, in either direction. Listen back to the recording later in the week, when you are calmer, and see which parts still hold.
Be careful about acting on it
Readings sometimes touch on health, money, wills or family conflict. Any decision in those areas belongs with a doctor, an accountant or a solicitor, and nothing said in a reading should be the reason you change a treatment or a legal arrangement.
Notice if you want to book again straight away
The urge to go back is common, particularly if the session felt like contact. It is worth waiting, and worth asking yourself whether you are looking for information or for the feeling of being close to someone again.
If grief is not easing, say so to someone
A reading can sit alongside bereavement counselling, a support group, or a conversation with your doctor, and none of those rule the others out. If you are struggling to eat, sleep or get through the day, start there rather than with another session.
If nothing comes through, or none of it fits
You have not done anything wrong
Being told that you blocked the connection, or that your scepticism prevented contact, moves the responsibility onto you for something you paid for. You are allowed to leave a session unconvinced without explaining yourself.
Ask what their policy is, once
Some practitioners will end early, refund, or offer another appointment. Ask plainly, accept the answer, and do not negotiate from inside the grief.
The question you brought is still worth keeping
The thing you wanted to say, or the guilt you wanted to put down, does not depend on the reading having worked. Those are worth taking to a letter, a grave, a friend or a counsellor, where they tend to do more.