Questions to Ask a Psychic Medium About Loved Ones Who Have Passed
Questions for a sitting with a medium after a death, covering how the session runs, what to hold back, what to ask about the person you lost, and how to weigh what you are told afterwards.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How does a sitting with you work, and what should I expect from the time we have?
Why ask it
You want the shape of the hour before it starts: length, whether they use cards or a photograph or an object, whether they talk continuously or wait for you. A medium who cannot describe their own process plainly is improvising, and you will spend the session guessing at the rules.
Can I record it, and can I bring someone with me?
Why ask it
Recording matters more than people expect. Grief flattens recall, and most sitters remember one striking hit and forget the four things that missed. A refusal is not automatically suspicious, but the reason given tells you a lot, and a second person in the room gives you a witness to what was actually said.
How much would you rather I did not tell you before we begin?
Why ask it
This is the most useful question here. The less you hand over in advance, the more any specific detail is worth later. Someone who wants the full name, the cause of death, and a photograph before starting has narrowed the field for themselves, and you will never be able to untangle what they worked out from what they were given.
What happens if nobody comes through, or if what you get does not fit me?
Why ask it
The answer separates mediums who treat a blank sitting as a normal outcome, and will stop early or waive the fee, from those who will produce something regardless. Anyone who guarantees contact is promising an outcome they have no way to control.
Do you get names, pictures, or impressions, and which comes to you most easily?
Why ask it
This tells you how to read the rest of the hour. Someone who works in feeling and atmosphere will not hand you names, so it is unfair to hold a wrong name against them, and equally unfair to count a general mood as a hit. Set the standard before you need it.
Before I say who I am hoping to hear from, can you describe who you are getting?
Why ask it
Watch the level of detail. An older man, someone who went with something in the chest, a woman who worried about everyone: these fit most families and cost nothing to say. Unprompted specifics, an odd nickname or a particular habit, are the ones sitters find hard to explain away afterwards.
What did they do with their days, and what did they care about?
Why ask it
Occupation and routine are checkable in a way that being told they loved you very much is not. Notice whether you get something concrete, a shift pattern or a specific tool or an obsession with a garden, or a description that would suit almost anyone who has ever lived.
Is there something they knew about me that almost nobody else did?
Why ask it
This is the question that either lands or does not, so be strict with yourself about scoring it. Count only what you had not said aloud in the room and what a stranger could not have found in an obituary, a Facebook post, or a funeral notice.
How did they die, and were they aware of what was happening?
Why ask it
Answers here often arrive hedged, and it is worth noticing whether the manner of death is described first or only after you nod. Decide in advance whether you want to hear it at all. For some people this reopens the worst hours rather than settling them.
Were they frightened, or in pain, near the end?
Why ask it
Nearly every medium will say no, and it is what almost every sitter is hoping for, which is exactly why it carries little evidential weight. Take it as comfort if it helps. If what happened in those last hours genuinely troubles you, the people who can answer are the clinicians who were there and the medical records.
Is there anything they did not get to say?
Why ask it
This is often the real reason for the booking. Be ready for something general, and think beforehand about whether writing the words yourself, in a letter you never send, might do more for you than hearing them in someone else's voice.
Is there anything they want to say about how things were left between us?
Why ask it
Unfinished conflict is where a sitting does the most good and the most harm. Blanket absolution can quietly remove something you still needed to work through. A medium who has your dead parent voicing criticism has done real damage. Notice which of the two you are handed.
Do they know what has happened in the family since they died?
Why ask it
A practical test of whether the reading tracks facts. Do they arrive at the birth, the move, the diagnosis on their own, or do they wait for you to supply the news and then reflect it back with feeling attached?
Is any of this meant for someone else in the family rather than me?
Why ask it
Carrying a message to a sibling or a surviving parent puts you in a hard position, particularly if the wording implies blame or asks them to change something. Ask yourself whether they would want it before you deliver it, and consider saying nothing rather than handing on a burden.
Do they have anything to say about the decision I am weighing at the moment?
Why ask it
Watch carefully. A careful medium will decline to direct choices about treatment, money, or leaving a relationship, and will say plainly that this is not what a sitting is for. One who tells you your late mother wants you to accept the settlement, or to stop a course of treatment, has moved into advice nobody is accountable for.
Is there a place I go, or something I do, where they say I am closest to them?
Why ask it
Whatever you believe, this one leaves you with somewhere to go. A specific answer that already means something to you tends to turn into a habit you keep. A vague answer about feeling them everywhere gives you nothing to do on a bad Sunday.
Do they mind what I did with their things?
Why ask it
Guilt about clearing a house too fast, or not being able to touch it for two years, is one of the most common things sitters bring in without mentioning it. Whatever comes back, notice that the permission you are looking for is your own.
Was anyone with them, in whatever way you understand that?
Why ask it
Answers vary enormously depending on the tradition the medium works in: a reunion with relatives, a religious framework, or a straight refusal to speculate. What matters is whether the answer sits alongside what you already believe or contradicts it, because a contradiction can unsettle you for months.
Of everything you gave me today, what are you least sure about?
Why ask it
Hardly anyone asks this, and it sorts the honest from the rest faster than any other question. A medium who names their own misses is keeping track of what they actually said. One who insists every detail landed is not describing the hour you just sat through.
Do you think I should come back, and what do you say to people who want to sit with you every week?
Why ask it
The clearest test of motive in the whole set. Mediums who discourage frequent sittings, who mention bereavement counselling, or who tell you plainly that this should not become a routine are treating you as someone who will be all right without them.
Sitting with a medium after a death
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you book
Write down what you already know, and seal it
Before the sitting, write out the details you are hoping to hear: names, dates, the nickname, the thing left unsaid. Put it away and do not look at it until afterwards. Memory rewrites itself during an emotional hour, and this is the only reliable way to know later whether a detail was given to you or drawn out of you.
Decide in advance what you do not want to hear
Say it at the start: that you would rather not discuss the manner of death, or that you do not want predictions about your own health. Most mediums will work around a stated boundary without argument. Naming it beforehand is far easier than stopping someone mid-sentence.
Settle the fee, the length, and the cancellation terms in writing
Know what you are paying, how long you get, and what happens if you cannot face it on the day. Be wary of packages sold in blocks of sessions, of pressure to book a follow-up while you are still in the room, and of any suggestion that a larger payment produces a stronger connection.
Check whether you are in a fit state to go
In the first weeks after a death, a sitting can act less like comfort and more like a second shock. There is no deadline. If you are not sleeping or eating, a bereavement service or your doctor is the more useful first call, and the sitting will still be there in six months.
How to keep score without ruining the hour
- Answer yes, no, or I do not know. Resist explaining, correcting, or filling a silence, because that is where most of the detail leaks out.
- Do not offer names. If a name is close but wrong, say it is not right rather than supplying the correct one.
- Count only what was unprompted. A detail you volunteered thirty seconds earlier is not evidence, however striking it sounds when it comes back.
- Write the misses down as they happen. They are the first thing that vanishes from memory once something lands well.
- Notice questions dressed as statements. I am getting something about water, does that mean anything, is a request for information, not a message.
- You can stop at any point. Saying that you have had enough for today is a complete sentence, and a good medium will not push.
Afterwards
- Wait a day before you replay the recording. What felt overwhelming in the room usually reads differently once you have slept.
- Compare the recording against your sealed notes, and be honest about the ratio of hits to misses rather than about the best moment.
- Keep what helped. A sitting that gave you permission to stop feeling guilty is worth something regardless of how the evidence scored.
- If you left more distressed than you arrived, treat that as a reason to talk to a bereavement counsellor rather than to book again quickly.
- Watch for the pattern of needing another sitting to steady yourself. Repeat bookings that follow every low week are worth raising with someone outside the arrangement.
- Talk to people who actually knew them. Relatives and old friends hold details no reading can supply, and those conversations tend to last longer.