Questions to Ask a Psychic Medium About Loved Ones Who Have Passed Away and What They Want to Say
Questions focused on the messages themselves: what form they take, whose words they are, how to tell a specific message from a general reassurance, and what to do with one you did not expect. For anyone attending a reading after a death.
The questions
Open any question for the note
When you say you have a message, what does that look like from your side?
Why ask it
Practitioners describe words, images, physical sensations, or impressions they then translate into sentences. Knowing which you are getting lets you separate the raw material from the interpretation, and interpretation is where most of the error enters.
Are these their words, or your summary of them?
Why ask it
The distinction almost never gets made unless you ask for it. A phrase quoted directly can be measured against how the person actually spoke, while a paraphrase cannot, and paraphrase is what most of a reading turns out to consist of.
If nothing comes through today, will you tell me plainly?
Why ask it
Agreeing in advance that a blank session is an acceptable outcome takes the pressure off both of you to produce something. Without that agreement, an hour that has been paid for tends to get filled.
Do you ever decide not to pass something on?
Why ask it
Most practitioners edit, out of kindness or caution, and hearing them say so is useful. It means what reaches you is curated, and you can then ask directly whether anything is being held back.
Is this a message, or are you describing a presence?
Why ask it
These are two different claims and sessions slide between them easily. Asking makes the practitioner commit to one, and a commitment is the only thing you can weigh afterwards.
What is the first thing they want said?
Why ask it
The opening item is usually the strongest thing on offer, so it sets the level for the rest. Notice whether it is a particular sentence or a general reassurance, because reassurance is what fills the space when nothing specific is available.
Are they using a name, and can you say it before I do?
Why ask it
Names are the hardest detail to produce and the easiest to check, which is why they often arrive as an initial or as somebody beginning with a letter. Ask for it whole and unassisted, then note exactly what happens next.
Is there anything in the message I could not have told you myself?
Why ask it
This is the request that separates a reading from a conversation. What you are looking for is small and checkable: a phrase they overused, an object in a drawer, a running joke, rather than something that would fit most families.
Does it sound like them: their words, their bluntness, their humour?
Why ask it
The strongest test of a message is voice rather than content. A message that is uniformly gentle and warm fails it if the person was sharp or funny or difficult, even when the surrounding details are correct.
Is there something they wanted said at the time and never said?
Why ask it
This is what most people are really there for. Be aware before you ask that the answer may reflect what you need to hear more than anything else, and that this is precisely the question you will replay for months.
Is any of it an apology, and what for?
Why ask it
An apology is the most sought and most easily supplied message there is, because almost every relationship has something owed in it. Weigh it by whether the thing named is something only the two of you would have known about.
Is there anything they are asking us to stop doing?
Why ask it
Requests like this, about a grave, an argument, a house, or belongings, land on families with real force. Treat them as advice from the person sitting in front of you, and weigh them as you would advice from any stranger who met you an hour ago.
Is there anything practical or unfinished in what they are saying?
Why ask it
People hope for the location of a document, a password, an intention about money. A reading cannot establish any of these, and anything of the kind still has to be verified through paperwork, a lawyer, or the people involved.
Is any of this meant for someone other than me?
Why ask it
A message aimed at a relative who did not choose to be in the room can cause lasting trouble. Ask what the practitioner suggests, then decide for yourself, because you are under no obligation to carry anything to anybody.
Is there anything coming through that you find hard to tell me?
Why ask it
This gives permission for the unwelcome, and the response is informative either way. Someone who has been softening things usually says so when asked directly, and someone who insists everything is positive has told you something about the hour.
Is there anything you are picking up that you cannot make sense of?
Why ask it
Inviting the misses is the most useful move available to you. A practitioner willing to say that an image means nothing to them is being straight with you, and the fragments that do not fit are often more interesting than the ones that do.
Which parts of today are you confident about, and which are you not?
Why ask it
Practitioners who can grade their own confidence are considerably more useful than ones who deliver everything at the same pitch. A refusal to distinguish means you have to treat the whole hour as one undivided claim.
Would you write the exact words down before I leave?
Why ask it
Written phrasing is much harder to reinterpret later, and it stops a general remark from becoming a specific promise in your memory. It also gives you something to hold against the recording when you listen again.
Would you tell me if you thought I was hearing what I wanted to hear?
Why ask it
It is a fair question and the answer sets the tone. Someone who acknowledges that a grieving person will finish half-completed statements is being honest about how readings work in the room.
What should I do with a message I do not know how to take?
Why ask it
The answer worth having is to leave it alone for a while, talk it over with someone who knew the person, and not act on it while everything is raw. If the suggestion is another appointment, notice who that serves.
Weighing what you are told
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Judging a message
- Note whether each detail arrived before or after you reacted. Kept as two separate lists, that is the honest record of the session.
- Prefer voice over facts. A correct list of relatives proves less than one sentence that sounds unmistakably like the person.
- Watch for statements that cannot be wrong: that they are at peace, that they are proud of you, that they are nearby. These may be comforting and are not evidence of anything.
- Count the questions. If a lot of what you hear arrives as questions to you, the shape of the hour is a conversation rather than a reading.
- Write down anything specific enough to check, then check it with a relative who was not in the room.
If a message is for someone else
Think hard before delivering one. The relative concerned did not choose to be part of a reading, may hold quite different views about it, and may hear an ordinary sentence as an instruction from someone they are still mourning. If you do pass it on, say where it came from, quote it rather than summarizing, and offer it once without pressing. Messages about wills, money, blame, or an old family rift are the ones most likely to do damage, and the ones best kept to yourself unless the person has asked to be told.
Keeping the session honest
- Answer in as few words as possible, and let pauses stand.
- Say "that does not mean anything to me" when it does not, rather than hunting for a way to make it fit.
- Do not supply names, dates, causes of death, or relationships, even when the silence is uncomfortable.
- Ask one thing at a time. Compound questions leave room to answer only the easiest part.
- Keep a recording running, including through the parts that feel like preamble.
Messages that should worry you
- Anything about your health, your medication, or a symptom, whoever it is attributed to.
- Instructions about money, a will, or a property, particularly where a relative is named.
- A claim that the person is trapped, unsettled, or attached to you, followed by an offer to resolve it for a fee.
- A message that assigns blame for the death, in a setting that can establish nothing about it.
- Pressure to book again to hear the rest, or a message left deliberately unfinished.
In the weeks afterwards
Listen to the recording once the emotion has settled, and read your notes alongside it. Some of it will sound thinner than it did in the room, and occasionally something will sound stronger. Keep what helped and let the rest go without arguing with yourself about it. If you find you need another reading to get through the week, treat that as information about the grief rather than about the practitioner: bereavement support through a hospice, a charity, a place of worship, or your doctor runs for months at little or no cost, and using it does not require you to give up anything the reading gave you.