Questions to Ask a Medium
Questions for anyone booking a reading with a spiritual medium. Some cover how the medium works, fees, recording, and what they decline to do. The rest are for the sitting itself: sample questions to ask a medium in a reading, to adapt to the person you came for. Written plainly for people who are grieving and want to go in clear-headed.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
How do you work: do you want a name, a photograph, or an object, or would you rather be told nothing?
Why ask it
Practices genuinely differ, and neither preference is a warning sign by itself. What matters is that they state it before you book, because a medium who asks for a great deal of detail in advance and then repeats it back has left you no way to judge the reading.
What do you charge, how long is the session, and what happens if nothing comes through?
Why ask it
Get the refund or reschedule policy in words before you pay. Practitioners who acknowledge that a sitting sometimes produces nothing are describing the work honestly; a guarantee of contact is a sales promise, not a description of the work.
May I record the session?
Why ask it
Grief makes memory unreliable, and most people forget large parts of a reading within a day. A refusal to allow any recording is worth asking about, since a recording is also the only way to check later how much was said and how much was supplied by you.
Do you read for people who have been bereaved recently, or do you ask them to wait?
Why ask it
Some mediums decline sittings in the first months, and some grief counsellors advise the same. Whatever their answer, it tells you whether they think about the effect of a reading on someone in acute grief or simply take the booking.
Is there anything you will not do in a reading?
Why ask it
Responsible practitioners rule things out: diagnosing illness, predicting a death, advising on medication, legal matters, or investments, reading for children without a parent present. An answer of nothing at all is the answer to be careful with.
How much do you want me to tell you before we start?
Why ask it
Pay attention to whether they want less rather than more. Detailed pre-session questionnaires make the reading harder to evaluate, and a medium who prefers to know little is inviting a stricter test of their own work.
During the sitting, do you want me to confirm what fits, or stay quiet until the end?
Why ask it
Both approaches exist. Knowing the format in advance stops you from filling silences with names, dates, and details, which is the most common way sitters end up hearing their own information returned to them.
What happens if I do not recognise what you are describing?
Why ask it
The useful answer is that they will note it, move on, and let you check with family later. Pushing the sitter to make an unrecognised detail fit, or suggesting you are blocking the connection, shifts responsibility for the reading onto you.
How would you describe what you actually experience: pictures, words, physical sensations?
Why ask it
A specific, unglamorous description of their own perception tends to come from someone with a settled practice. Grand claims about direct conversation, with no account of how the information arrives, are harder to place any weight on.
Do you encourage people to come back, and how often?
Why ask it
This is the money question in a different form. Regular repeat sittings, escalating packages, or the suggestion that further work is needed to complete the connection are the pattern to watch for, particularly when you are grieving and would pay almost anything.
Have you ever told someone you could not read for them? What made you say that?
Why ask it
A practitioner with limits has usually turned someone away: too soon after a death, expecting an answer only the police could give, or hoping to be told a decision. The reasons they give describe their ethics better than any statement of belief.
Is there anyone here who wants to speak with me?
Why ask it
The open version, offered without you naming anyone. It puts the burden of specificity where you can assess it, and it is the point at which you learn whether details are being described or guessed at.
Can you describe what they were like to be around?
Why ask it
Manner, humour, temperament, and the way someone occupied a room are harder to arrive at by guesswork than facts like initials or hair colour. This is also the part sitters tend to find most comforting to hear described.
Is there something they would say that only the two of us would understand?
Why ask it
Asks for the private detail rather than the general reassurance. Be ready for nothing to come, and resist offering the phrase yourself, because once you have said it the answer is no longer evidence of anything.
What do they say about how their last months were?
Why ask it
For many people this is the real reason for the sitting: whether there was pain, fear, or awareness at the end. Ask it plainly, and be prepared for it to be the hardest few minutes of the hour.
Was anything left unsaid between us?
Why ask it
Almost every bereavement contains something unfinished, and the answer often reflects what you already suspect. That is worth knowing about yourself, whatever you conclude about the source.
Is there something they would want me to stop carrying?
Why ask it
Guilt about a missed visit, a decision about care, or a last argument is common and rarely proportionate. However you understand the reply, hearing the thing named out loud by someone else is often the part that stays with people.
Do they mention anyone who is still living, and what do they say about them?
Why ask it
Ask this carefully. Messages about other people's health, marriages, or choices can cause real damage if repeated as instruction, and a careful medium will hesitate before passing on anything of that kind.
Is there something practical they want me to attend to?
Why ask it
Sometimes the answer is mundane: a document, a debt, a promise to someone. Mundane answers are worth more than sweeping ones here, though anything touching money or legal matters should be checked with a professional rather than acted on directly.
What would they want me to do with the coming year?
Why ask it
Turns the sitting toward your own life rather than the past, which is usually where it is most use. Notice whether the answer is specific to what they knew about you or a general encouragement that would suit anyone.
Is there anything I should have asked and did not?
Why ask it
A closing question that hands the shape of the session back to the practitioner. It also surfaces anything they held back, either out of care or because they were not sure how you would take it.
How did you come to do this work, and did you train with anyone?
Why ask it
Useful for calibrating rather than credentialing, since there is no licensing here. Named teachers, a development circle, or years of unpaid practice tell you more than a description of a childhood gift.
Do you belong to any organisation with a code of conduct, and what does it require of you?
Why ask it
Membership is voluntary and not a guarantee, but a code usually covers fees, confidentiality, and refusing to read for minors. The important part is whether they can tell you what it says and whether there is anywhere to complain.
What is your cancellation and refund policy?
Why ask it
Get this in writing before you pay a deposit. Grief makes plans change, and a policy that keeps the full fee for any cancellation tells you how the practice is run as a business.
Do you sell anything else: further sessions, courses, objects, clearing or protection work?
Why ask it
The pattern to watch for is a reading that reveals a problem only a paid follow-up can solve. Any mention of a curse, an attachment, or trapped energy that requires additional payment is the point to stop and leave.
How do you keep what comes up in a reading private?
Why ask it
Ask specifically about notes, recordings, and social media, including whether readings are ever discussed as examples or used in teaching. People disclose a great deal in these sessions and rarely ask where it goes.
Do you give guidance on health, money, or legal decisions?
Why ask it
This is the most consequential question on the list. A careful medium declines and refers you elsewhere. Anyone willing to advise you on treatment, a will, or a dispute is operating well outside what the setting can support.
How do you tell the difference between your own thoughts and what you take to be a message?
Why ask it
The honest answers acknowledge that the line is not always clear. Someone who says they are certain every time has stopped examining their own process, and certainty is the thing least warranted here.
How often are you wrong, and what do you do when a detail lands nowhere?
Why ask it
Watch for whether the mistake stays a mistake. Reframing a miss as something you will understand later, or as a message for someone else in your family, is the mechanism by which a reading becomes impossible to get wrong.
What do you say to someone who thinks this is cold reading?
Why ask it
You are testing composure rather than looking for a debate. Thoughtful practitioners have considered the objection and can engage with it; a defensive or dismissive reaction tells you how any doubt of yours will be received during the session.
Can you describe who you are getting before I give you a name?
Why ask it
This keeps you from doing the medium's work for them. Say as little as you can, and let the details arrive first. If what comes back is broad enough to fit several people you have lost, that is worth noting quietly rather than helping it along.
Can we stay with one person, or does it not work that way?
Why ask it
Useful to ask early if there is one person you came for. Some mediums say they cannot direct it, which is a fair answer. What matters is whether the session drifts towards whoever you are most willing to talk about, which is a different thing from who you asked for.
Can you tell me how they would have said that, rather than what it means?
Why ask it
Manner is harder to guess than sentiment. Asking for the phrasing, the tone or the particular word someone always used moves the reading away from general comfort and towards the specific person, which is the only part that will mean anything to you later.
There is something I never said to them. Can I say it here?
Why ask it
Many people go to a reading for this rather than for information. Saying the thing out loud, in a room where it is being received, does something that thinking it does not, and a decent medium will make space for it without filling the silence.
Which parts of what you have said are you confident about, and which are you unsure of?
Why ask it
An honest practitioner will separate the two, and many will say plainly that some of it is unclear. A reading delivered with complete certainty throughout is the one to be most careful with, whatever you believe about how it works.
Is there anything you picked up that you decided not to tell me?
Why ask it
Worth asking near the end. Some mediums hold back things they think will distress you, and you are entitled to know that a decision was made on your behalf. Note whether the answer creates a reason to book again.
If I leave the reading upset, what do you suggest I do?
Why ask it
A responsible answer involves people rather than more sessions: someone to call, a bereavement service, a suggestion not to make decisions that day. It also shows they have thought about what happens when the hour ends.
Do you think I should be talking to someone else about this as well?
Why ask it
A medium who suggests a bereavement counsellor, a support group or your doctor is not undercutting their own work. Someone who positions themselves as the only person who can help, or who advises against professional support, is doing something else entirely.
Before, during, and after a sitting
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you book
Decide what you are hoping for
Comfort, a sense of continued connection, and a specific factual answer are different hopes, and only the first two are within reach of a sitting. Writing this down beforehand makes it easier to notice afterwards what you actually got.
Keep your details to yourself
Social media accounts, obituaries, and online memorials are public. If you want the reading to mean something to you, avoid supplying names, dates, and circumstances in advance and in the room.
Set a budget and hold to it
Agree the fee, the length, and whether anything is added afterwards. Grief is expensive to be sold to, and deciding your limit while calm protects you from a decision made mid-session.
Bring someone if you can
A friend who sits quietly can drive you home, remember what was said, and notice things you will not. Ask the medium in advance whether an observer is permitted.
During the sitting
- Answer with yes, no, or I do not know. Long explanations hand over material that then comes back to you as information.
- Write down anything you cannot place. Family members can sometimes confirm or rule it out later.
- It is fine to say that a line of the reading is not welcome, and to ask them to move on.
- You may end a session early. A practitioner who makes that difficult has told you something useful.
- Notice the difference between a detail offered to you and one you were led toward. Recordings make this much easier to review.
Afterwards
Wait before acting on anything
Give it several days before making a decision that came out of a reading, especially one involving money, a relationship, or medical care. Nothing said in a sitting needs to be acted on that week.
Keep medical and legal questions where they belong
A reading is not a diagnosis, a prognosis, or advice about a will, an estate, or a police matter. If a sitting raised any of those, take the question to a doctor, a solicitor, or the relevant authority.
Consider ordinary grief support too
Bereavement groups, hospice aftercare services, and counsellors are usually low cost or free, and they do the part of this work that continues after the hour ends.
What to watch for
Pressure to return
Sessions that end with a reason to book another, or with the suggestion that something remains unresolved, follow a commercial pattern rather than a caring one.
Fear introduced and then relieved
A warning about a curse, an attachment, a blockage, or a threat to your family, followed by an offer to remove it for a fee, is the oldest structure there is. Leave.
Blame placed on you
Being told the connection failed because of your doubt, your energy, or your grief moves the burden onto the person who is already carrying the most.
Requests for large or unusual payments
Cash only, transfers to a personal account, gifts, or fees that rise as the sitting continues are all reasons to stop and leave without arguing.