Deep Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend
Deep questions to ask your girlfriend when you want a real conversation and not another round of 'how was your day': 99 of them in six groups. They start with her and her past, move through feelings, the two of you, trust and conflict and the future, and end with the serious ones that need a quiet night. The notes say when to ask each one, how to listen without fixing, and what to say when it's your turn.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Her story
What's a moment from before we met that you wish I could have been there for?
Why ask it
It might be a graduation, a hard winter or the night she was at her funniest. Ask her to tell it as though you had been in the room, then offer one of yours so the trade is even.
Who was the first person who made you feel completely understood?
Why ask it
Find out what that person actually did, because it tends to be small and repeatable: remembering details, never rushing her, taking her seriously at nine years old. A grandparent or a teacher managed it without trying, so you can manage it on purpose.
Whose house did you love going to as a kid, and what was different there?
Why ask it
What she liked there, a loud kitchen or a grandmother's calm or a neighbor who fed everyone, is often what her own home was short of and what she wants in the one she builds. Ask whether she's ever been back.
What's the kindest thing anyone has done for you that they probably don't remember doing?
Why ask it
Her answer describes the kind of kindness that reaches her, a ride home or a sentence said at the right moment, and that is more useful than any list of gift ideas. Have your own ready, since she'll ask.
What are you quietly better at than most people you know?
Why ask it
Plenty of people learn early to wave their strengths away. Let her finish without teasing, back it up with a time you saw it happen, and then add one she left off.
What did you want to be at ten, and how much of that girl is still in there?
Why ask it
The job itself rarely survives, but the reason behind it does: animals, an audience, being in charge. Tell her where you can still see the vet or the pop star in her.
What place from your past would you like to take me to, and what would you show me first?
Why ask it
If the place is within reach, put a date on the trip before the evening ends. Standing at her old school gate or on her grandmother's street will tell you things she wouldn't think to mention, like how small the yard really was.
What were you in the middle of during the year before we met?
Why ask it
The person you met was partway through something: a new city, a breakup, a job she was about to leave. Knowing what she had just come out of explains a good deal about your first few months together.
What did you figure out alone that most people get taught?
Why ask it
Admire the work first. Whether it was cooking, handling money or learning to rest, she managed it alone, and offering to take over the lesson now would miss the point.
What do you still want to do that you've told almost nobody about?
Why ask it
Ambitions stay secret because the first person told might laugh, so your whole job is to not be that person. Ask what the first small step would be and save the pep talk for another day.
What were you raised to think that you've since changed your mind about?
Why ask it
Notice how she carries the disagreement with her family, out loud or in silence, whether the subject is faith, money or how children should be raised. That is how she handles difference with people she loves, you included.
What do you hope you got from your mother, and what do you hope you didn't?
Why ask it
Swap in her father, grandmother or whoever raised her if that fits better. The second half usually comes out quietly. Hold off on 'you're nothing like her' and ask what she does to steer away from it.
Which lost friend do you still miss, and what happened?
Why ask it
Losing a friend gets less sympathy than a breakup and can ache for just as long. Don't take her side so hard that you insult someone she still misses. A better follow-up is what she'd say to that friend today.
Which decision would you make differently now, and what didn't you know back then?
Why ask it
The second half keeps it from turning into self-blame, because she chose with what she had at the time. Skip 'but then we wouldn't have met.' It's a sweet line and it ends her story early, so hold it until she has finished.
How are you different in this relationship from the way you were in your last one?
Why ask it
Ask out of interest in her, not in the ex. She may say she speaks up sooner, or trusts more slowly, or laughs more. Leave comparisons alone and find out what made the change possible.
What responsibility landed on you earlier than it should have?
Why ask it
Ask when there's time for a long answer, not in the car five minutes from dinner. If a parent is part of the story, listen without passing a verdict on anyone in it. Sympathy is welcome. Your opinion of her parents is not.
Which chapter of your life do you talk about least, and is that by choice?
Why ask it
The second half is her exit. If she says it's by choice, leave it there and tell her the door stays open. A chapter she offers in six months is worth more than one pulled out of her tonight.
Feelings
How are you really doing, compared with what you'd tell someone who asked in passing?
Why ask it
Small enough to use every week. It works best in motion, on a walk or over a pan of onions, and you should give your own honest answer second.
What are you happier about than you let people see?
Why ask it
Joy gets hidden too, out of superstition or a fear of bragging. Give her room to be openly pleased, and be pleased with her before you ask a single practical question.
When do you feel most alive, and how often has that happened lately?
Why ask it
The first half is fun to answer and the second half is the real question. If it has been a while, don't draw up a plan for her. Ask what gets in the way, and listen for anything that is yours to move.
What feeling from when you were a kid would you love to have again?
Why ask it
You can't hand it back to her, but you can get close. Whether it's the last day of school or being carried in from the car half asleep, the one she misses tells you what kind of surprise would land.
Where do you go, in your head or in real life, when you need to feel calm?
Why ask it
Learn the details, whether it's a real lake or a cabin that exists only in her imagination. On a rough day you can drive her to the real one, or ask whether she wants to go to the other for a while and leave her to it.
What's the first sign, in your body or your mood, that you're not okay?
Why ask it
Someone who can answer this, with tight shoulders or a lost appetite or a sharp tone over nothing, knows her own early warning, and now you know it as well. Describe yours so she can read you the same way.
What comforts you on a sad day, however odd it would sound to request it?
Why ask it
A blanket, one particular movie, being left alone for exactly an hour, somebody to sit on the bathroom floor with her. None of it is odd. Keep the list somewhere you'll find it when you need it.
Is it easier for you to cry alone or with someone there?
Why ask it
There's no better answer, only hers. If it's alone, don't take the closed door personally. Ask what she'd like from you afterward: a knock, a cup of tea, or no mention of it at all.
Which feeling was not welcome in your house when you were a kid?
Why ask it
In many homes it was anger or sadness, and the rule arrived without words, through a look or a closed door. Ask whether she still follows it around you, then say which feeling you were told to put away.
What do you wish you didn't care about as much as you do?
Why ask it
She already knows it isn't logical to mind a sibling's success or a number on a screen, so drop the argument that it shouldn't matter. Admit the thing you care about too much, so she isn't the only one who said it out loud.
What do you feel guilty about, even though you suspect you shouldn't?
Why ask it
'Don't feel guilty' has never worked on anyone. If it's about resting, saying no or living far from home, ask whose voice the guilt speaks in. That's the thread worth pulling.
What keeps you awake on the nights you can't sleep?
Why ask it
Raise it in daylight, not at midnight when the worry is at full size. You aren't being asked to solve it. Say it back so she knows you heard, and ask whether she wants help or only a witness.
Who do you compare yourself to, even though you know it isn't a fair contest?
Why ask it
Reassurance that she comes out ahead keeps the contest going. Whether it's a sister, a coworker or a stranger she follows online, ask what she believes that person has that she doesn't. That is the real subject.
Which fear has the most say in your decisions?
Why ask it
This is the reasoning behind choices that may have puzzled you, whether the fear is failing, being a burden or ending up like someone she knows. Arguing it down won't help. Asking when it first showed up might.
Which feeling do you wish I showed more of?
Why ask it
You may hear that you go blank when things get hard, or that she never sees you excited. It stings a bit. Thank her, and ask what it would look like on a normal day so you have something to try.
The two of us
What was happening at the moment you realized you loved me?
Why ask it
It's hardly ever the big date. Expect something like you asleep on a train or losing an argument with a self-checkout. Tell her your moment too, even if it came weeks before or after hers.
Do you think we were meant to meet, or did we get lucky and then put in the work?
Why ask it
Neither answer is the cold one. Someone who believes in fate is telling you she feels chosen, and someone who believes in luck and work is telling you she plans to keep choosing. If you land on different sides, enjoy the argument.
What are we usually doing when you feel closest to me?
Why ask it
People brace for 'our anniversary' and get 'the dishes, when you tell me about your day.' Whatever she names, make more of it. That's the entire use of the answer.
Which makes you feel most loved: being told, being helped, being given time, or being held?
Why ask it
Four options, so she can point at one without making a speech. It's easy to give love in the form you'd want it yourself, so say which is yours and check whether you've each been sending the other the wrong kind.
What do you think I love most about you?
Why ask it
Her guess shows whether your affection lands where you aim it. If she says her cooking and you'd have said her nerve, you have some telling to do, in detail.
What do I bring out in you that nobody else does?
Why ask it
She may name something she likes, such as silliness or nerve, or something she doesn't, such as impatience. For the first kind, ask what you do that invites it. For the second, give it ten quiet minutes and no defense.
What makes you proud to be with me?
Why ask it
It can sound like fishing, so pick a day when you aren't low and needing a boost. You'll learn which of your qualities she counts on. Answer it about her before she has to ask.
Which problem did we solve together that neither of us could have managed alone?
Why ask it
It counts whether it was a family emergency or a bookshelf with forty screws. Work out who led and who steadied that time, and borrow the arrangement for the next hard thing.
Which ritual of ours, however small, would you fight to keep?
Why ask it
Couples rarely notice their rituals until one lapses. If hers is Friday takeout or the walk after dinner, protect it in the busy weeks, when it's the first thing to go, and tell her which one you'd defend.
What part of your world do you wish I took more interest in?
Why ask it
Defending your record gets you nowhere. Ask for a starting point in her work, her faith, her sport or that group chat with her cousins: a person to meet, a game to watch. Then show up.
How have I changed since we met, as far as you can tell?
Why ask it
A report from the person with the best view. Hear the unflattering parts without explaining them away, and ask which change she'd least like to see undone.
Where are we most alike, and has that ever been a problem?
Why ask it
Two planners fight over the plan, and two avoiders never have the fight at all. Likeness feels like harmony until you both need the other one to be the calm one. Find out which shared trait she'd turn down a notch.
What do you think holds us together when things are hard?
Why ask it
Write your answers down separately before you compare. Humor, stubbornness, shared faith, the fact that one of you always reaches out first: once the glue has a name, it's easier to reach for on purpose.
How would you describe a healthy relationship to a younger sister or friend?
Why ask it
Advice for someone younger draws out what she believes with the hedging removed. Afterward, ask gently which parts of that description the two of you already manage and which are still in progress.
What do you understand about me that I don't seem to see in myself?
Why ask it
Brace a little and ask anyway. Partners see patterns from the outside, like how you go quiet after calls with your dad or undersell your own work. 'Thank you' comes before any other reply.
Which conversation do you think we keep putting off?
Why ask it
She'll likely name it in under three seconds, which tells you how long it has been waiting. It doesn't have to happen tonight. Agree on a day for it and keep the appointment.
If you could give me one instruction for loving you well, what would it be?
Why ask it
One, so she has to choose. It might be 'ask twice' or 'don't go silent' or 'tell me when you're proud of me.' Give her yours, and check in a month whether either of you followed it.
Trust and conflict
What small thing tells you a person can be trusted?
Why ask it
Grand gestures rarely make the list. It's the friend who didn't repeat a story, or the person who said 'I was wrong' without being cornered. Whatever her tell is, check honestly whether you do it.
Which promise matters more to you than it would to most people?
Why ask it
Small promises can carry old weight. If hers is being on time, calling when you said you would or never joking about leaving, there is usually a story behind it. Hear the story, then keep the promise to the letter.
How did the adults in your house make up after a disagreement, if they did?
Why ask it
Some homes had a spoken apology, some a peace offering of tea, and some carried on as if nothing had happened. Whichever she watched is the ending she now expects or dreads. Describe how it went in your house too.
When we argue, do you need to settle it right away or step back first?
Why ask it
Mismatched timing can do more damage than the fight did, with one person chasing and the other retreating. If she needs twenty minutes or a night's sleep, settle on a phrase that means 'I'm coming back, just not yet.'
What do you do when you're hurt but don't want to say so?
Why ask it
Short replies, sudden cleaning, deep interest in her phone. She's handing you the decoder. Decide together what you should do when you spot it: ask once, ask twice, or wait.
What's the worst thing someone can say to you in the middle of an argument?
Why ask it
'You're overreacting' and 'you sound like your mother' are frequent winners. Once she tells you, that sentence is retired for good, including on the days you're certain it's true.
When you're angry with me, what do you wish I understood right then?
Why ask it
Often that she's hurt underneath, or scared, or needs you to stay in the room. That's hard to remember mid-argument, so ask for one short sentence you can hold onto.
Which of our arguments is really about something else?
Why ask it
Dishes tend to be about fairness, lateness about respect, the phone about attention. If she can name the real subject, have that argument next time. It's usually the shorter one.
What would fighting fair look like for the two of us?
Why ask it
Build the list together: no name-calling, no dragging in last year, no leaving without saying when you'll be back. Put your own worst habit on it first. Three rules you both keep beat ten you forget.
What should I never joke about, even gently?
Why ask it
Teasing is affection until it lands on a bruise: her weight, her family, the thing she keeps trying and failing at. Take the list without calling her sensitive, and hand over your own.
What sets off jealousy in you, and what settles it again?
Why ask it
Choose a calm, ordinary day, never the hour after it has happened. Jealousy that gets admitted is easier to live with than jealousy that gets acted out, so don't laugh off the first half. The second half tells you what helps, and you can say honestly which of it you're able to give.
What reassurance do you need that feels too needy to ask for?
Why ask it
Whatever it is will likely cost you a few seconds: a text when you get home, or hearing after a disagreement that the two of you are fine. Give it before she has to ask a second time, and admit which reassurance you'd like and have never requested.
What are your honest rules about exes: friends, polite strangers or no contact?
Why ask it
Couples assume they agree on this until a message arrives. State your own rule plainly as well. If the two differ, a calm evening is the time to work out a version you can both live with.
Where does cheating start for you: a hidden chat, a crush someone keeps feeding, or later than that?
Why ask it
People draw this line in different places, and plenty of couples only learn that theirs differ by accident. Get hers in plain words, down to the lunch nobody mentioned, and give yours the same way. Ask it as a rule for the future, never as an accusation about last week.
What is fine for a partner to keep private, and what would feel like hiding?
Why ask it
A diary is private and a hidden debt is a secret, and most things sit in between: old messages, a friend's confidence, a surprise purchase. Walk through a few examples and see where each of you files them.
What makes it hard to be honest with me, on the occasions when it is hard?
Why ask it
Maybe you go quiet, or look wounded, or start solving. You've asked for a review of yourself as a listener, and the worst possible reply is the very reaction she just described.
What have I apologized for that you're not sure I understood?
Why ask it
An apology can be sincere and still miss the point. Let her explain what the injury really was, and hold off on saying sorry again until you can put it in your own words.
What would be hardest for you to forgive?
Why ask it
Keep it general and don't test her with scenarios. The answer marks the edge of the map, and it often traces back to something she lived through, which she may or may not want to tell tonight.
The future
Which plan do we keep talking about that you'd like us to finally make real?
Why ask it
Every couple has a 'we should' that never gets a date: the trip, the class, the dog. Give it one before the conversation ends, even if it's only a booking, a deposit or a first Saturday.
Picture us five years from now on a day when nothing special happens. What do you see?
Why ask it
An ordinary day is harder to fake than a wedding. Listen for where you live, who's in the kitchen and what time anyone gets home, then describe yours and see which rooms match.
If we shared a home, what would you want a visitor to notice first?
Why ask it
She's describing a mood more than furniture: loud and full of people, or calm with one good lamp. It probably echoes a home she loved or one she couldn't wait to leave, so ask which.
What would you want to accomplish on your own before we build more of a life together?
Why ask it
Wanting a degree, a year in her own apartment or a trip alone first is not a vote against you. Ask how you can protect it, and be honest if the timeline worries you.
How do you want work to fit into your life ten years from now?
Why ask it
Some people want the big title, some want to be home by four, and many want both without having admitted the conflict. Keep your own preference to yourself until she's finished. Her ambition is the subject here.
What did you learn about money growing up that you'd keep, and what would you unlearn?
Why ask it
Money habits are handed down long before anyone earns a paycheck. A house where it was never mentioned and a house where it was fought over turn out different adults. Swap stories before either of you says the word budget.
How close do you want to live to your family in the long run?
Why ask it
Ten minutes away and a two-hour flight are different lives. The answer often tightens once children or aging parents enter the picture, so find out what would change it.
How long could you do long distance, and what would make it bearable?
Why ask it
School, work and family can all pull two people apart for a stretch. Her limit might be three months or three years, and it's kinder to learn it as a hypothetical than in week six.
What would being serious about each other include for you right now?
Why ask it
The word means one thing at nineteen and another at thirty: exclusive, living together, engaged, or simply showing up every week. Give your own definition after hers. If the two differ, tonight is a better time to hear it than the day one of you assumes.
What does getting married add to a relationship, in your view?
Why ask it
To some it's a promise made before family or God, to others it's paperwork, to others something their parents did badly. Say up front that you're curious and not hinting, or she'll spend the whole answer wondering where this is going.
How do you feel about having children: sure, unsure or sure not?
Why ask it
Three options, so 'I don't know yet' counts as a real answer. Make no attempt to move her an inch tonight. If your answers differ, that deserves a conversation of its own, on another day.
What part do you want faith or spirituality to play in your life from here on?
Why ask it
Even where neither of you is religious there's usually something: a tradition kept for a grandparent, a habit of gratitude. Listen for what she'd want to share with you and what she'd keep as her own.
Which parts of the future should we decide together, and which are yours alone to decide?
Why ask it
Her career, her body, her friendships and her beliefs may be hers alone, while where to live and what to do with shared money probably are not. Drawing the line early prevents a fight later about who gets a vote.
What kind of old woman do you want to be?
Why ask it
Lighter than it sounds, and it shows what she's building toward, whether that's the one with the garden or the one who says exactly what she thinks. Describe the old person you plan to be and see whether the two would get along.
What life could you imagine living that looks nothing like the one we're heading toward?
Why ask it
Mostly it's a daydream, a farm or a boat or a year abroad, and fun to hear. Now and then a real wish is tucked inside, so ask which piece she'd keep if she could have only one.
What are you afraid might change between us as the years go by?
Why ask it
A promise that it will never happen is worth little. If she names running out of things to say, or being taken for granted, agree on what the first warning sign would be and that either of you may point it out.
Serious ones
Are you happy with your life right now, apart from us?
Why ask it
'Apart from us' frees her to talk about work, family and her own head without it sounding like a complaint about you. A flat 'I'm fine' is your cue to ask, kindly, what fine is covering for.
What do you think I take for granted about you?
Why ask it
You'll want to protest. Whether it's the planning she does, her patience or the fact that she always picks up, say back what you heard and start noticing it out loud during the week.
What have you been waiting for me to say?
Why ask it
Sorry, thank you, I'm proud of you, I'm in this. If she tells you, say it only if it's true, and say it tonight. If it isn't true yet, be honest about what stands in the way.
Where do you think you rank among the things I give my time to?
Why ask it
She'll answer from evidence: your calendar, your phone, your Saturdays. Don't dispute her count. If the ranking surprises you, ask which one visible change would move it.
When do you feel alone in this relationship?
Why ask it
Explanations can wait. Ask her to describe the most recent time, maybe a family event where you drifted off or a night spent behind separate screens, and what would have made it different.
What have you given up or put on hold for us, and how do you feel about it now?
Why ask it
Sacrifices nobody acknowledges turn sour. If she names a city, a friendship that faded or evenings that used to be hers, thank her for that specific thing and ask whether any of it could be handed back.
Is there a habit of mine that worries you, as opposed to one that just annoys you?
Why ask it
Annoying is socks on the floor. Worrying is how you handle stress, money, your temper or your health. She has probably rehearsed this in her head, so let her reach the end before you say a word.
Is there something you've been unhappy about for a while and haven't found the moment to raise?
Why ask it
Pick a private evening with nothing scheduled after it. Then stay quiet longer than is comfortable, because the first answer is often 'no, nothing' and the real one comes after the pause.
What do you think is our biggest weakness as a couple?
Why ask it
Answer first so it doesn't feel like a trap. If you both name the same weakness, you've already agreed on what to work on. If you name different ones, each of you has learned what the other has been watching.
What does your family honestly think of me, and how much does their opinion count with you?
Why ask it
You asked for honest, so take it without sulking and without arguing your case through her. The second half matters more: someone who needs her family's blessing and someone who has made peace with going without it are in different positions. Nobody has to pick a side tonight.
On which big question do you suspect we'd give different answers?
Why ask it
Guessing is worse than asking here. If she names children, where to live or how fast to move, you now have a difference with a name, and those can be talked through. The unnamed kind waits a couple of years and arrives all at once.
What's a dealbreaker for you that I should hear plainly?
Why ask it
This is not a threat. Whether she says dishonesty, cruelty or a different answer on children, she's showing you where the walls are. You owe her yours in the same plain way, without drama.
Have you ever doubted us, and what brought you back?
Why ask it
Plenty of people in a steady relationship have had the thought, and admitting it is not a confession of anything. The second half is the one to treasure, since it names what she stays for. Own up to your own wobble if you had one.
What have you lived through that you'd like me to understand, in as much detail as you choose?
Why ask it
The closing phrase hands her the controls. She may give you a headline and stop, and that's a complete answer. No digging, no comparing it to your own worst year. Thank her for whatever she chose to share.
If we ever broke up, what do you think the reason would be?
Why ask it
Ask it once, and only when things are good. Her guess points at the crack she watches most closely. Read it as a maintenance report and not a prediction, and keep it well away from any argument.
If you could ask me one question and be sure of a completely honest answer, what would it be?
Why ask it
She gets to steer, and the question she chooses tells you what she's been wondering about. You've just promised her the truth, so mean it before you offer this.
Turning a deep question into a real conversation
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Setting it up
Leave the evening open
The answer to a good question can run forty minutes, so don't start one with a movie about to begin or an alarm set for six. Late afternoon on a day off is ideal. If one of you is worn out, ask something from the lighter end and keep the rest for the weekend.
Give her the reason first
Asked cold, 'what are you afraid of?' sounds like trouble. Before the first question, tell her what's going on: you'd like to know her better, you came across a list, and she can veto anything on it. It's easier to answer honestly when you know what a conversation is for.
Give your hands something to do
These conversations go better with a task alongside: a walk, a drive, chopping vegetables, a jigsaw. A pause while you both look at the road is comfortable. The same pause across a restaurant table feels like a spotlight.
A few questions, not the whole list
Choose a small handful in advance and expect to use fewer. One question that leads to an hour of talking has done its job better than twelve answered in a sentence each. The tangents count, so follow them.
Working through the groups
Begin with her, not with the two of you
Her story and Feelings ask for memories and for what's going on inside her, and nothing in them requires her to grade the relationship. That makes them right for a newer couple or a first attempt. Inside each group the early questions are the gentlest.
Earn the later groups
The two of us, Trust and conflict, The future and Serious ones ask for her verdict on things you're part of. They work once she has seen you take an honest answer calmly. A couple a few weeks in can leave most of Serious ones alone for now.
Read the month you're in
In the middle of exams, a deadline or a family crisis, stay with Feelings and leave doubts and weaknesses for later. After a good trip or an anniversary, The future comes up naturally. The same question can be welcome in one season and an ambush in another.
Hand her the page
Ask which three she'd like to be asked, and which three she'd like to put to you. Her picks show what she's ready to talk about and what she's curious about in you, and choosing makes it her conversation too.
Listening without fixing
Wait out the pause
After a real question there's often a silence while she decides how much to say. Count to five in your head. Jumping in with a joke or a reworded question tends to get you the shorter, safer answer.
Ask before you advise
When she describes something painful, a solution will form in your head within seconds. Leave it there. 'Do you want ideas, or would you like me to just listen?' is the most useful sentence on this page, and the answer is listening more often than you'd guess.
Say back what you heard
'So it felt like nobody noticed' does more than 'that's awful.' It shows you were following, and it lets her correct you if you got it wrong. Then ask one more thing about her answer before you bring in a story of your own.
If she cries or goes quiet
Neither means you've done something wrong. Stay where you are, lower your voice, and ask whether she wants to keep going or stop. If she says stop, stop completely, and don't circle back later that night.
Your turn, and afterward
Answer at her depth
Every question here goes both ways, and she'll notice if she handed you a childhood memory and got a shrug back. Go first to set the level, or second to show that hers was safe to give. The one thing you can't do is only ask.
Don't take over her answer
When her story reminds you of yours, hold yours until hers is finished and followed up. 'That happened to me too' in the middle of her sentence moves the spotlight. The same story told five minutes later is a gift.
Guard what she tells you
Her answers are not material for your friends, and they are never evidence in a later disagreement. Quoting her own fear back at her in a fight would cost you every future conversation like this one.
Let one answer show up in what you do
Pick a single answer and act on it quietly: the text when you get home, a visit to her old street, the joke you no longer make. Don't point it out. She'll notice, and that's what makes her willing to answer the next question.
Know what a list can't do
A few answers will be bigger than a page of questions: something that happened to her, or something she's still struggling with. You're her partner, not her counselor. Stay close, thank her for trusting you, and if she wants more support than you can give, offer to help her find it.