Dumbest Questions to Ask
The dumbest questions to ask are the ones nobody can settle: is water wet, is cereal a soup, does a straw have one hole or two. For anyone after dumb questions to ask a table, a group chat or a car with an hour still to go, this page starts with those classics, then moves through ones that turn out to have an answer, complaints about English, the dumbest questions people have really been asked, a few to put to one person, and questions with no possible answer, like how to fold a cloud.
Want questions from the whole vault instead? Try the random question generator.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Classics
Is water wet, or is it only the things it touches?
Why ask it
Nearly everybody has picked a side before you finish asking. Narrow it down: is a single drop wet on its own, or only once it lands on something? That smaller question tends to split each camp in two.
Does a hot dog count as a sandwich?
Why ask it
Ask what would have to change for it to count: slicing the bun all the way through, or swapping the sausage for ham? People find out they have a rule only when you start moving the parts around.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Why ask it
Best asked at breakfast, to someone holding the spoon. Make the yes voters say whether they would order it as a starter, which is where most of them back down.
Does a straw have one hole or two?
Why ask it
One long hole or an opening at each end: people choose in a second and then cannot believe the other side exists. Hand over a real straw if one is within reach, because everyone turns it over as though the answer were printed on it.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Why ask it
Probably the oldest dumb question still going around. The usual clever answer is the egg, since eggs existed long before chickens did, so ask whether it has to be a chicken's egg and watch the certainty go.
If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around, does it make a sound?
Why ask it
The whole fight is over one word. If sound means the air shaking, then yes; if it means somebody hearing it, then no. Get each person to say which meaning they are using and most of the argument disappears, to the annoyance of both sides.
Are there more doors or more wheels in the world?
Why ask it
Nobody can count either one, so the argument is really about what gets let in: cupboard doors, toy cars, the little wheels under an office chair. Settle the rules before the vote, or you will still be defining 'door' an hour later.
If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean or the soap dirty?
Why ask it
Both answers feel right for about four seconds each. The practical people will want to know whether the floor was wet, and that deserves to be taken exactly as seriously as they take it.
Punch your own arm and it hurts: does that make you strong or weak?
Why ask it
Both, obviously, and nobody accepts that. One camp credits the fist and the other blames the arm, so ask what it would prove if it had not hurt at all. Words only: no one needs to test it at the table.
If a tomato is a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Why ask it
The logic holds and the conclusion is revolting, the right ratio for this kind of question. It lands best straight after the cereal one, while the table is still arguing about categories.
Are eyebrows facial hair?
Why ask it
The instinct is no, and then nobody can say why not, since they are hair and they are on a face. Expect the definition to be redrawn around beards within a minute.
If it's 1 a.m. and you haven't gone to bed, is it still today?
Why ask it
Night owls say the day ends when you sleep, and early risers go by the clock. The split matters more than it should when those two people are agreeing what 'see you tomorrow' means.
Why does a round pizza come in a square box and get eaten in triangles?
Why ask it
Someone will explain, with real authority, that a square box is simpler to make. Let them finish, then ask who decided on triangles. Much better with a pizza on the table than without one.
Why do we press harder on the remote when the batteries are dying?
Why ask it
Nobody answers this one; they confess to it. Ask what else people do that cannot possibly help, like pushing an elevator button that is already lit.
How do you throw away a trash can?
Why ask it
A dumb question with a real problem inside it, and at least one person has fought this battle with a note taped to the lid. Go round and collect methods. They get more desperate as you go.
Has an Answer
Do fish get thirsty?
Why ask it
Living in a drink and still wanting one sounds impossible. Part of it can be answered: most sea fish swallow water and river fish mostly do not. Let whoever knows that have their moment, then ask how anyone would spot a thirsty fish.
Which weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks?
Why ask it
They weigh the same, and somebody still says bricks, usually whoever answers fastest. Be kind about it, then ask which pound you could fit in the trunk of a car.
Can you cry underwater?
Why ask it
Yes, though nobody would be able to tell, and that is the bit people enjoy. Save it for a pool or a beach day, where one person will insist on finding out.
Do penguins have knees?
Why ask it
They do, tucked up out of sight under the feathers, and hardly anyone guesses it. Ask for a show of hands before you say so, because the confident no voters are the fun part.
Is a zebra white with black stripes or black with white stripes?
Why ask it
The skin under the coat is dark all over, and the black-with-white-stripes side will take that as a win. The other side points at the pale belly and refuses to concede. Ask it before anyone has a phone out.
What color is a mirror itself?
Why ask it
People look around for the nearest one before they answer, and 'whatever is in front of it' is a fair try. An ordinary glass mirror is very slightly green. Point two at each other and you can watch the tunnel of reflections turn that color as it fades.
If you dug a hole straight through the Earth, where would you come out?
Why ask it
The cartoon answer is China. In fact the far side of the globe from most dry land is open sea, so for most people the honest answer is 'wet'. Take guesses before somebody checks where your own town comes out.
How far east can you travel before you start heading west?
Why ask it
It sounds like the north version, where crossing the pole turns you around, but east never runs out. Give people a minute with an imaginary globe before anybody says so.
Which got its name first, the orange or the color orange?
Why ask it
The fruit, in English at least, with the color taking the name afterwards. Say so only once the guesses are in, then ask what people called a sunset before that.
Wordplay
Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
Why ask it
The grandparent of all complaints about English, and most people have heard it. That makes it a good opener for this group: say it, then ask for another like it, since everyone keeps a pet example.
Why is it a pair of pants when there is only one of them?
Why ask it
Scissors, glasses and tweezers get dragged in straight away, and then somebody wonders what a single pant would be. Children find it far funnier than adults do, which counts in its favor.
Why do noses run and feet smell?
Why ask it
It only works out loud and only in English, since 'run' and 'smell' are each doing two jobs. The traditional reply is that you must have been built upside down, so leave a pause for whoever knows it.
If it's finished, why is it still called a building?
Why ask it
The complaint is that '-ing' ought to mean still in progress. Somebody will defend it with 'painting' and 'drawing', which are finished too, and now there is a list going.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Why ask it
A one-line joke, so do not wait for an answer. Its job is to get people listing other words that fail at their own meaning, and 'monosyllabic' tends to arrive first.
In the word 'scent', which letter is silent, the s or the c?
Why ask it
People say the word aloud several times, slowly, as if that will settle it. There is no winning side, so call time once the conversation reaches 'science'.
Why is W called double-u when it looks like a double v?
Why ask it
It was once written as two u's side by side, back when u and v were a single letter, and French still calls it a double v. Whoever knows that gets ten seconds of glory while everyone else draws it in the air.
Why isn't eleven called onety-one?
Why ask it
Children raise this in earnest, and it is a fair complaint. See whether anyone can count from onety-one to onety-nine without slipping back into the real names.
Why do 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?
Why ask it
One is sarcastic and one is literal, as somebody will point out, correctly, to no applause. The better game is finding more pairs like it: an alarm that goes off starts, and a light that goes off stops.
Is a couple always exactly two?
Why ask it
Strict people say two and nothing else, and loose people will stretch 'a couple of minutes' to about ten. Find out which kind each person is before you next ask them to bring a couple of chairs.
Can you daydream at night?
Why ask it
Yes if 'day' is about being awake, no if it is about the sun, and people are oddly firm about which. If anyone in the group works nights, they get the casting vote.
If you are waiting for the waiter, doesn't that make you the waiter?
Why ask it
Only works in a restaurant and only while the food is late, where it is perfect. Say it once, quietly, and let the groan arrive when it is ready.
When you clean a vacuum cleaner, are you the vacuum cleaner?
Why ask it
The waiter joke from the other direction, so use one or the other in an evening and not both. Whoever answers 'yes, and I always have been' has earned the next turn.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why ask it
Treat it as a real history question and make everyone nominate something. The wheel gets said early, and then the fight is over whether bread itself is allowed.
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Why ask it
Hold back the follow-up, 'is it because of the song?', until somebody attempts a serious answer. Nobody at the table will know the real reason, and as far as anyone can tell nobody else does either.
Asked for Real
What is the dumbest question anyone has ever asked you?
Why ask it
For a lot of people, 'dumbest questions' means exactly this: the ones they have been asked. Nearly everyone has a story loaded, so keep it kind by asking for the question and leaving out the name of whoever asked it.
What is the dumbest question you have ever asked out loud?
Why ask it
Go first with your own, because nobody volunteers one of these cold. The ones asked in a full classroom or a quiet meeting are remembered in painful detail.
Is there really no such thing as a stupid question?
Why ask it
Teachers say it and most people do not quite believe it. Ask for the exception: the question that had been answered twice already, or the one asked only to be heard asking. Tables tend to agree that the timing was dumb and the question was fine.
What did you ask as a kid that your family still brings up?
Why ask it
Parents and older siblings keep these on file for decades. If the family is in the room, let them tell it and give the accused a right of reply.
What is the strangest question a customer or a stranger has asked you at work?
Why ask it
Anyone who has worked a register, a front desk or a help line has a favorite. Ask what they said back, since keeping a straight face is half the story.
What question were you too embarrassed to ask, so you looked it up in private?
Why ask it
Usually it is something everybody is assumed to know by a certain age, like how a mortgage works or what a colleague's job title means. Hearing three of these in a row makes the next person much braver.
What 'dumb' question turned out to be the one everybody else was waiting for someone to ask?
Why ask it
A useful turn after a run of jokes, because it reminds the table why people ask things in the first place. Ask how the room reacted. Mostly it is relief.
What have you nodded along to for years without knowing what it means?
Why ask it
Acronyms at work and the rules of popular sports are common confessions. Hold off on explaining the thing unless the person asks, because a lecture is a poor reward for owning up.
What is the dumbest thing you have ever typed into a search engine?
Why ask it
Phones may come out, and reading the real wording aloud beats any retelling. Give people the option to pass, since search histories are private for a reason.
What question do visitors always ask about the place you live?
Why ask it
Locals hear the same two or three forever, and they answer this with real weariness. Follow with what they wish visitors would ask instead.
What is the best question a small child has ever asked you?
Why ask it
Small children ask half the questions on this page without knowing they are jokes. The follow-up worth having is what answer the adult came up with on the spot.
About You
Are you asleep?
Why ask it
Whispered across a dark room, it is the one question where 'yes' cannot be true. Children at sleepovers have always known this. The reply to hope for is a long pause and then 'no', in a voice that clearly was.
Can you lick your own elbow?
Why ask it
Most people cannot, a few can, and nearly everyone tries the moment they hear it. Ask it across a table and enjoy half a minute of adults straining toward their own arms.
What is your favorite dinosaur?
Why ask it
Most people had one at seven and never officially gave it up, so it works on a new colleague as well as on a child. Listen for whoever picks an obscure one on purpose: they have thought about this before.
Could you land a passenger plane if someone talked you through it over the radio?
Why ask it
Plenty of people say yes without blinking, mostly ones who have never sat in a cockpit. Ask what they would touch first, and whether the answer changes with their own family in row twelve.
If you were a traffic light, which color would you be stuck on?
Why ask it
'Stuck' is the word doing the work, because it rules out the flattering answer. Green people say they cannot stop, red people say they cannot start, and whoever picks amber tends to laugh before they finish explaining.
Which punctuation mark would other people say you are?
Why ask it
Put it as what others would say, because left to choose for themselves, people take the exclamation mark. If friends are present, let them answer for each other first. 'Semicolon' is rarely meant as a compliment.
What sound would your personality make?
Why ask it
You will get a noise, not a description, so ask it somewhere a noise is allowed. Naming a musical instrument is the flattering dodge, and the group is entitled to overrule it with a kettle or a smoke alarm.
Which piece of furniture in your house is the most judgmental?
Why ask it
People answer faster than they should be able to. It is often the exercise bike with clothes on it or the desk nobody sits at, and the follow-up is what, exactly, it has seen.
No Answer
What's the best way to fold a cloud?
Why ask it
The good answers treat it as a real technical problem and describe the equipment. Anyone who just says you cannot has opted out, so ask them to pretend they have already taken the job.
How would you weigh a shadow?
Why ask it
Somebody will start explaining light and mass in earnest, and the group has to decide whether to let them. The better answers skip the physics and argue over whether a long evening shadow weighs more than a short one at noon.
Where does the dark go when you turn the light on?
Why ask it
A four-year-old's question, and adult answers rarely satisfy one. Try explaining it as if to that child and notice how quickly you run out of road.
Where does your lap go when you stand up?
Why ask it
From the same family as where a fist goes when you open your hand. Watch for the glance down at their own legs before they answer; almost everybody does it.
What happens if Pinocchio says, 'My nose is about to grow'?
Why ask it
People work it through on a napkin: if it grows he told the truth, so it should not have grown, and round it goes. The way out most tables settle on is that Pinocchio would simply never say it.
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
Why ask it
The tidy answer is both, and the room will refuse it. Give two people opposite sides for one minute and then move on, because this one does not improve with time.
What's the flavor of the number four?
Why ask it
A few people really do link numbers with tastes or colors, and this question finds them. The rest of the room finds that far more unsettling than the nonsense.
What's the ninth color?
Why ask it
Sounds like it has an answer, so people count rainbows on their fingers before objecting. Whoever names a specific shade with confidence has understood the assignment.
What is the opposite of a banana?
Why ask it
There is no scale to reason along, so people have to invent one: shape, color, how it opens. An answer with a reason attached beats one that is only another fruit.
How would you measure a nap without using time?
Why ask it
People land on units like episodes missed, dreams, or how bad they feel afterwards. The depth of the pillow crease on a cheek is the one to beat.
But why?
Why ask it
Ask it after any answer on this page, then again after the answer to that. Most adults last about three rounds before they say 'because it just is', and every four-year-old knows that means they have won.
What's the last question anyone will ever ask?
Why ask it
A closer, and it gets either a punchline or a long pause. The punchlines are mostly along the lines of 'did I leave the oven on?' and 'are we there yet?', and it is fine to stop on either.
How to Ask a Dumb Question Well
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Opening a round
Answer the first one yourself, badly
A weak answer from whoever asks sets the standard low enough for everyone else to join. Asking a question like this and then sitting back to evaluate answers kills the round immediately.
Start with a side to take
The Classics are the easy way in, because is water wet and is cereal a soup only ask people to pick a side. How to fold a cloud asks for invention, and which punctuation mark you are asks for a judgment about your personality, which people are slower to volunteer to a group. Save those for later in the round.
Ask why once, then move on
One follow-up gets the reasoning, which is the funny part. Three follow-ups turn a joke into an interrogation and the next person will give a one-word answer.
Guess first, look it up second
The Has an Answer group can be settled: the penguin, the zebra, the hole through the Earth. A phone in the first ten seconds ends the fun, so take guesses or a show of hands first and let one person check afterwards.
Reading the group
Someone will try to solve them
In most groups one person answers the shadow question with actual physics. Let it happen for a minute, since it is usually interesting, then hand the round back to the next person.
Give the arguments a time limit
Water, hot dogs, straws and doors against wheels can run for an hour if nobody stops them. Set the rule before you ask: two minutes, a show of hands, and the losing side picks the next question.
Keep the real stories kind
The Asked for Real questions bring out stories about other people. Ask for the question and skip the name, and steer toward the stories people tell against themselves. A round that turns into mocking somebody who is not there stops being funny quickly.
Watch for the sincere answer
Every so often a dumb question gets a real answer, particularly the ones about what someone was too embarrassed to ask or has nodded along to for years. When that happens, do not immediately make a joke over the top of it.
Two or three people is a different game
In a small group these become a conversation and can run long. In a group of eight they need to move fast, one question and one answer each, or the people who are not answering check out.
Where these fit
- Dead time works best: waiting rooms, delayed trains, the half hour before food arrives.
- The Classics work on near strangers, because everyone already has a side. The About You and No Answer groups need people who already find each other funny.
- A group chat suits the Classics: post one with no context and leave it alone.
- With children the No Answer questions land better than with adults, and the answers are better too.
- In a work setting, stick to Classics, Has an Answer and Wordplay, and skip the personality questions in About You.
- Five or six in one sitting is the limit, whichever group they come from. No round survives a whole page in a row.