Hard Questions to Ask a Christian
Twenty direct questions about suffering, unanswered prayer, hell and those who never heard, difficult passages, the age of the earth, other religions, disagreement between Christians, and the church's own record. Written for honest conversation rather than for scoring points, with notes on how each one tends to be answered.
The questions
Open any question for the note
How did you come to believe it? Was there a moment, or was it always there?
Why ask it
Starting with biography rather than argument lowers the temperature and gives you something specific to return to later. Someone raised in it often says there was no moment, which is worth knowing before you ask them to justify anything.
Which part of your own faith do you find hardest to defend?
Why ask it
Asking what they find difficult invites candor and signals that you are not hunting for a weak point. Most thoughtful believers can name one straight away, and it is usually not the one you would have chosen.
How much of what you believe do you think comes down to where you were born?
Why ask it
Almost everyone's religion matches their birthplace, and honest believers concede it. What matters is what they do with the fact: some argue it says nothing about whether it is true, others admit it unsettles them, and a flat denial ends the usefulness of the conversation.
Why do you think God is not more obvious?
Why ask it
Theologians call this divine hiddenness, but the plain wording works better. Answers range from free will needing room to the claim that God is obvious enough already. The second reply usually means they have not met many people who looked sincerely and found nothing.
When you have prayed for something and nothing happened, what did you conclude?
Why ask it
Pushes past the general problem of prayer to what they concluded in their own case. Listen for whether God is described as declining, delaying, or answering differently, because each is a distinct position reached under real pressure.
Why would a loving God let a child die of a disease?
Why ask it
Ask about the specific case rather than about evil in general, since the general version has a prepared answer and this does not. Expect free will and character-building replies, and notice whether they survive an example where the sufferer could not have chosen anything.
What do you do with the passages where God orders killing?
Why ask it
Every tradition handles these somehow: as historically conditioned, as misread, or as justified. Which route they take tells you far more about their real view of scripture than any statement about inspiration.
How do you decide which commands still apply and which belonged to that time?
Why ask it
The practical form of the question about biblical authority, and much harder to deflect. If the answer is that moral commands stand while ritual ones do not, the fair follow-up is who decided which is which.
How old do you think the earth is, and how did you settle on that?
Why ask it
Not a trap if asked plainly. The second half carries the weight: whether the figure came from their church, from their own reading, or from never having looked into it.
Do you think most people end up in hell?
Why ask it
Many Christians have never stated their own view on this out loud, because congregations tend to avoid the arithmetic. Watch for the gap between what they were taught and what they actually believe, which is often wide.
What happens to someone who never heard of Jesus?
Why ask it
The oldest fairness objection to exclusive salvation, and there are serious Christian answers, including inclusivism and general revelation. Someone who has never considered it is telling you something about how their church teaches.
Do you think I am going to hell?
Why ask it
Only ask if you can hear the answer without it damaging the friendship, and only of someone who knows you well. Their discomfort is not evasion: most believers find this question genuinely painful, and how they handle that reveals more than the doctrine does.
If God commanded something that looked cruel to you, would you still call it good?
Why ask it
An old dilemma in plain words, and it divides believers sharply. Some hold that God's commands define goodness; others that God's nature is good and would not issue such a command. The first answer has consequences worth exploring calmly.
Someone in another religion describes an experience of God much like yours. How do you tell them apart?
Why ask it
Turns religious experience into a comparison rather than an abstraction. Notice whether they offer a criterion or admit they have none, because the honest admission is the stronger position of the two.
Why do sincere Christians reading the same book disagree so completely?
Why ask it
Internal disagreement troubles many believers more than any outside objection. A distinction between core and secondary matters is a fair answer, so the useful follow-up is which category hell, baptism or women preaching falls into.
How do you account for the church's own record on things like slavery and abuse?
Why ask it
Ask about the institution rather than individuals, and leave room, because most believers are angrier about this than you are. What separates a serious answer from an evasion is whether they identify something structural rather than blaming a few bad people.
Has anything you were taught with certainty turned out to be wrong?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone raised in a church has quietly dropped something they were told was settled. Naming it admits that other things might also be wrong, which is what makes this the most productive question on the list.
What would it take to convince you this is not true?
Why ask it
The falsifiability question, and it cuts both ways, so be ready to answer it about your own position. Nothing could is an honest reply and worth hearing, but it also means the conversation is not really about evidence.
Is there a question about your faith you have never found a good answer to?
Why ask it
Invites them to take you to the weakest point voluntarily, which is far better than being caught out. What they name is often practical rather than theological, such as one person they cannot reconcile with what they were taught about God.
If you were wrong, would you want to know?
Why ask it
A good closing question because it is about character rather than doctrine. Nearly everyone says yes, which makes it fair for them to put the same question to you, and that exchange is usually worth more than the previous nineteen answers.
How to ask these without starting an argument
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you start
Decide what you want out of it
There are two conversations available here: understanding how someone thinks, and testing whether their position holds. Both are legitimate, but they need different tones and cannot be run at the same time. Say which one you are after and the whole exchange gets easier.
One question, not twenty
A list asked in sequence is a cross-examination, and people answer cross-examinations defensively and briefly. Pick the one you genuinely want to know about, ask it, and follow it for as long as it stays interesting.
Know that answers exist
Every question here has been discussed for centuries and has developed replies. Going in believing you have found something nobody has considered guarantees you will hear the beginner version of the answer, because that is what your framing invited.
Be ready to answer the same questions
What would change your mind, where your own moral standards come from, how much of your view depends on where you grew up: these apply to you too. Answering them when they come back is the difference between a conversation and an interrogation.
During the conversation
Ask for their view, not the official one
Many people can recite what their tradition holds and have never said what they personally think. What does your church teach and what do you actually believe are two different questions, and the second is the one worth asking.
Let the first answer be incomplete
The initial reply is often the version they have heard from a pulpit. Say nothing for a few seconds and the second, more careful answer usually arrives, and that is the one that reflects their own thinking.
Do not treat I do not know as a win
On suffering and on hell, an admission of not knowing is the most honest answer available. Responding as though it settles something ends the conversation and confirms that you were keeping score.
When not to ask
- Not to someone in the middle of a loss. The questions about suffering and unanswered prayer are abstractions for you and not for a person who has just buried someone.
- Not in front of an audience. Asked with other people listening, these become a performance, and nobody changes their mind or admits uncertainty with a crowd watching.
- Not to a teenager still living with religious parents. They may be working things out with real consequences attached, and a pointed question puts them in a position they did not ask for.
- Not if you already know what you think of the answer. If the reply cannot change anything for you, you are rehearsing rather than asking, and it will be obvious within two exchanges.
- Not past the point where it stops being enjoyable for both of you. Almost nothing is gained once one person starts repeating themselves, and something is usually lost.