20 Questions

Questions to Ask a Divorced Man

Thoughtful questions to ask a divorced man when dating, helping you understand his past, learn from his experiences, and assess compatibility.

1

What did you learn from your marriage and divorce?

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Why this works

Reveals his growth while providing insight into whether he's reflected on the experience and learned valuable lessons.

2

How long have you been divorced and where are you in the healing process?

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Why this works

Shows his readiness while revealing whether he's had sufficient time to process the divorce and move forward.

3

What role did you play in the end of your marriage?

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Why this works

Reveals his accountability while providing insight into his willingness to take responsibility rather than blaming his ex.

4

What is your co-parenting relationship like?

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Why this works

Shows his family dynamics while revealing how he navigates shared parenting responsibilities with his ex-spouse.

5

How do you handle the challenges of being a divorced parent?

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Why this works

Reveals his parenting approach while providing insight into how he balances his children's needs with dating and relationships.

6

What are you looking for in your next relationship?

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Why this works

Shows his intentions while revealing whether his goals and expectations align with what you're seeking.

7

How do you think your past marriage will affect future relationships?

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Why this works

Reveals his self-awareness while providing insight into how his history might impact your potential relationship.

8

What boundaries exist with your ex-spouse?

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Why this works

Shows his current situation while revealing the level of contact and involvement his ex still has in his life.

9

How do you plan to introduce someone new to your children?

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Why this works

Reveals his family priorities while providing insight into his approach to blending relationships with parenting.

10

What financial obligations do you have from your previous marriage?

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Why this works

Shows his practical situation while revealing alimony, child support, or other financial commitments that might affect a relationship.

11

How have you changed since your divorce?

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Why this works

Reveals his personal growth while providing insight into the ways he's evolved and developed since the marriage ended.

12

What would you do differently if you could go back?

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Why this works

Shows his reflection while revealing whether he's learned from mistakes and would make different choices.

13

How do you handle holidays and special occasions with your children?

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Why this works

Reveals his family logistics while providing insight into shared custody arrangements and family commitments.

14

What are the biggest challenges you face as a divorced man?

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Why this works

Shows his struggles while revealing the obstacles he's navigating and how they might affect a new relationship.

15

How long were you married and how long were you together total?

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Why this works

Reveals his relationship history while providing context for understanding the significance of his previous marriage.

16

What does your ideal relationship look like now?

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Why this works

Shows his relationship vision while revealing whether his expectations have changed since his divorce.

17

How do you handle communication with your ex-spouse?

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Why this works

Reveals his maturity while providing insight into whether he maintains healthy boundaries and respectful communication.

18

What role are you hoping a new partner would play in your children's lives?

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Why this works

Shows his family expectations while revealing what involvement he envisions for a new partner with his kids.

19

How has divorce changed your perspective on marriage and commitment?

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Why this works

Reveals his relationship views while providing insight into whether he's still open to serious commitment and marriage.

20

What support system do you have as you navigate this new chapter?

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Why this works

Shows his resources while revealing whether he has friends, family, or professional support to help him move forward healthily.

Best Practices for Dating Divorced Men

Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.

Best Practices

Approach with Sensitivity and Openness

Ask questions with genuine curiosity rather than judgment, recognizing that divorce is a difficult experience.

Look for Signs of Growth and Healing

Assess whether he's processed the divorce, learned from it, and is emotionally ready for a new relationship.

Be Patient with the Process

Understand that dating someone with a past marriage involves navigating ex-spouses, children, and emotional complexity.

Question Sequences

The Growth Assessment

1
What did you learn from your marriage and divorce?
2
What role did you play in the end of your marriage?
3
How have you changed since your divorce?
4
What would you do differently if you could go back?

The Practical Considerations

1
What is your co-parenting relationship like?
2
What boundaries exist with your ex-spouse?
3
What financial obligations do you have from your previous marriage?
4
How do you handle holidays and special occasions with your children?

Common Pitfalls

Don't Compete with His Ex

Avoid comparing yourself to his ex-wife or trying to prove you're better. Focus on building your own relationship.

Avoid Rushing Into Seriousness

Take time to understand his situation and ensure he's truly ready for a new relationship before deepening commitment.

Don't Ignore Red Flags

Pay attention to signs he hasn't healed, constantly criticizes his ex, or isn't taking responsibility for his role in the divorce.

Conversation Templates

The Growth Explorer

1
Step 1: Start with: "What did you learn from your marriage and divorce?"
2
Step 2: Follow with: "What role did you play in the end of your marriage?"
3
Step 3: Explore with: "How have you changed since your divorce?"

The Future Focus

1
Step 1: Begin with: "What are you looking for in your next relationship?"
2
Step 2: Probe with: "What does your ideal relationship look like now?"
3
Step 3: Clarify with: "How has divorce changed your perspective on marriage and commitment?"

Further Reading

"Dating After Divorce" by Deb Cohen
"The Smart Girl's Guide to Getting What You Want" by Jenna Birch
"Loving Someone Who Has Children" by Ron L. Deal

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