Questions to Ask a Girl Over Text
For anyone texting a girl they like, whether she is a new number, a match or a classmate, and tired of threads that end on 'haha'. The 99 questions follow the life of a text conversation in six groups: Openers, Getting to know her, Funny, Flirty, Late night and Reviving a thread. Every one can be answered in a line or two, and each has a note on what to send next, when it reads badly on a screen and when to let the thread rest or move it to a call or a plan.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
Is today a good day, a long day or a weird one?
Why ask it
It does the job of 'how was your day' but can be answered in one word, and each word has an obvious next message: 'weird how?' or 'long because of what?'. Say which kind yours was when you follow up, so she has something to ask about too.
What are you supposed to be doing right now instead of answering this?
Why ask it
Almost everyone is avoiding something, so she gets to confess to the homework or the laundry. Own up to what you are avoiding, and if hers is due tomorrow, tell her to go and text you after. That costs you ten minutes of thread and earns you the next one.
I need a tiebreaker: does cereal count as dinner?
Why ask it
A tiny argument is the easiest thing to answer on a phone, because she only has to pick a side. Take the other side for two or three messages and then lose gracefully. Swap in whatever you were really arguing about with a friend, since a real dispute reads better than a staged one.
I just finished my show and have nothing to watch. What should I start tonight?
Why ask it
Asking for a recommendation gives her the easy job of being the expert. Watch one episode before you text her again and open with a line about it. That is a second conversation with no opener needed.
What's the last thing you took a photo of?
Why ask it
She can answer in four words or just send the picture, and most camera rolls end on something odd: a receipt, a dog, a page of notes. Ask for the story and have your own last photo ready to trade. Leave it at that one picture and do not ask to see more.
How did the rest of your night go after we talked?
Why ask it
Send it the same evening or the next morning to a number you got in person, with your name at the front if she might not have saved it. Bring up one thing she said when you met, like the ride she was waiting for or the shift she had the next day, and she has something exact to answer.
Okay, you have my number now. What did you save me as?
Why ask it
For the first message to a new number, when 'hey, it's me' would leave her nothing to answer. Expect your first name plus where you met, like 'Sam from the bus'. Whatever it is, it is a label you can joke about upgrading later, so do not push for a better one tonight.
What should I call you: full name, or is there a nickname I have to earn?
Why ask it
Good in the first day or two, when you may not even be sure how she spells her name. Use what she gives you. If the nickname is for close friends only, stick to her name and do not try the nickname as a joke.
What's the story behind your profile picture?
Why ask it
Made for a match or a number you got yesterday, since the picture is the one thing you can both see. Ask about the place, the day or the dog in it, and say nothing about how she looks. If the photo is only her face against a wall, skip this one, because there is no story to tell.
I need one new song for the ride home. What are you sending me?
Why ask it
A link is the quickest reply there is. Play it all the way through, then name the exact moment you liked, or admit it was not for you and ask for another try. 'Nice song' with nothing else tells her you did not listen.
What were you doing thirty seconds before this text showed up?
Why ask it
Far easier than 'wyd' because it asks for one small, exact thing: staring at a math problem, feeding the cat, lying on the floor. The detail is your follow-up. Send your own thirty seconds back even if they were dull, because dull and honest is funny.
Have you started the thing due Friday, or are we both ignoring it?
Why ask it
With a classmate, the shared deadline is the opener that never feels forced. Compare notes for a minute, complain a little, and then change the subject so the thread is not only about school.
Is this a good time, or did I catch you in the middle of something?
Why ask it
Plain manners, and useful before you start anything longer than two messages. 'Kind of busy' is a real answer: say 'no worries, later then' and mean tomorrow. If she is free, go straight to a question from Getting to know her and skip the second warm-up.
Guess where I am right now. Want a hint?
Why ask it
Only worth sending from somewhere with a story: a two-hour line, your grandmother's attic, a pet store you had no reason to enter. Give her two guesses, then the answer and a photo of the place. From your own couch it falls flat.
What's been the highlight of your week so far, even a small one?
Why ask it
'Even a small one' matters on a screen, because without it people type 'nothing really' and the thread dies. A good lunch or a canceled class counts. Ask one more thing about hers before you offer yours.
Are you a morning texter or a midnight texter?
Why ask it
Her answer is a schedule. Text a morning person early and expect a night owl to come alive after ten, and you will stop mistaking a slow reply for a cold one. Tell her which you are, so she knows your one-word answers at eleven are only sleepiness.
Where's the best place around here to get food after nine at night?
Why ask it
Local knowledge is easy to share and she will have an opinion. Whatever she names is a ready-made line for later: 'I still need to try that taco place you told me about'. Go there or bring it up again within a couple of weeks, or it was only a quiz.
Getting to know her
What do you do for fun that has nothing to do with your phone?
Why ask it
The plain 'what are your hobbies' gets 'idk, the usual' by text. Ruling out the phone steers her to one real thing: a sport, a sketchbook, baking at midnight. Ask how she got into it, and do not claim to love it too unless you do.
Is there a pet in your house, and am I allowed a photo?
Why ask it
A pet picture is the one photo it is always fine to ask for, and people tend to send three when asked for one. Ask the animal's name and one bad habit. If there is no pet, ask which one she would get if the decision were hers alone.
Do you have siblings, and are you the favorite?
Why ask it
The first half is a fact and the second half is a joke, which is the right mix for a text. Oldest, youngest and only children all have a speech ready. Keep the follow-up light, because family can be a sore subject and a screen hides the wince.
What's your drink order: coffee, tea or something with far too much sugar?
Why ask it
Small, concrete and typed in ten seconds. It is also the most useful answer in this group, since 'want to get one this week?' follows naturally once you know it. Hold that invitation until the thread has been warm for a few days.
Sweet or salty, and what's the exact snack?
Why ask it
A one-word choice and then a brand name, so nobody has to think. Remember the exact snack. Turning up with it one day costs two dollars and lands better than any message.
What's the last thing you watched that you couldn't stop talking about?
Why ask it
It can be a show, a movie or a forty-second video, so she always has an answer. If you have seen it, argue about one scene. If not, ask her to sell it to you in a single sentence, which is a fun thing to try to type.
Is there anything coming up this month that you're excited about?
Why ask it
Her answer is the most useful thing in this group to write down. Text her the morning of the concert or the day after the tryout to ask how it went, and that day needs no opener. If she says 'nothing', ask what she would put on the calendar if she could.
What did seven-year-old you want to be?
Why ask it
Vet, pop star, astronaut, cashier because of the scanner. It fits in three words and comes with a story if she feels like telling it. Ask what happened to the plan, and never tease her if a bit of it is still alive.
Beach, mountains or a big city: where are you going if the ticket is free?
Why ask it
Three options beat an open question on a phone, where 'anywhere' is too easy to send. Follow with 'and what do you do on the first day?'. If she picks the same one as you, plan the imaginary trip together for a few messages.
What could you beat me at without even trying?
Why ask it
She gets to brag, which is hard to do unprompted and easy when invited. Protest a little, then accept the challenge for a later date: bowling, a card game, spelling. A typed answer has just turned into something to do in person.
Which app gets most of your screen time, and are you proud of it?
Why ask it
Everyone has the number and nobody loves it, so it comes out as a confession. Trade yours. Do not ask for a screenshot of the whole report, since the rest of it is her business.
What's the rabbit hole you fell down most recently?
Why ask it
People light up about whatever they just spent three hours on, whether it was shipwrecks, a baking channel or the history of one celebrity feud, and her friends are probably tired of hearing about it. Ask for the single strangest thing she learned.
What do you and your friends do when nobody has any money?
Why ask it
You find out who her people are and what her town looks like to her: a parking lot, somebody's basement, a store they walk around without buying anything. It also shows what a low-key hangout means to her, which helps on the day you suggest one.
What's one food you refuse to eat, no matter who made it?
Why ask it
Dislikes are funnier to type than likes, and people defend them with real passion. Mushrooms and olives start long arguments. Keep the answer in mind so you never suggest the sushi place to someone who cannot stand fish.
What's the best gift you've ever gotten?
Why ask it
Listen for whether it was expensive, handmade or just well timed, because that is what she counts as thoughtful. Ask who gave it to her. The person is usually the better half of the story.
What were you like in middle school, in one sentence?
Why ask it
The one-sentence limit keeps it light and stops it turning into a history. 'Loud and obsessed with horses' is a typical answer. Offer yours right away, and make it at least as embarrassing as hers.
When's your birthday, and do you make a big deal of it?
Why ask it
The date takes two seconds to type, and the second half tells you whether she likes attention or dreads it. Put the date in your phone the moment she answers. A short 'happy birthday' months from now, with no reminder from her, will mean more than anything you send tonight.
What's one thing you'd like to pull off before the year ends?
Why ask it
A goal small enough to type: pass the driving test, see one concert, finish the book. Ask what is in the way. If it is something two people could do, do not invite yourself along tonight, and bring it up again when the date is closer.
Funny
Type 'I am' and let autocomplete finish the sentence. What did you get?
Why ask it
A game that only exists on a phone, and it takes five seconds. The results are nonsense with a grain of truth in them: 'I am going to be late'. Send yours at once, and try another starter like 'My favorite' if the first one gets a laugh.
Which emoji do you refuse to use, on principle?
Why ask it
Strong feelings about a tiny yellow face are funny by default. Whichever one she bans, use it exactly once later in the week and never again. If she bans the one you just sent her, apologize with a different one.
Reply with one GIF: how is your week going?
Why ask it
She can answer without typing a word, which suits a day when her replies have been short. A cartoon on fire means go easy and ask what happened, and a dancing one means ask for the good news. Send your own GIF back before you write anything.
How many unread messages do you have right now, and how did I get past them?
Why ask it
People are either at zero or at four thousand, and each camp thinks the other is unwell. The second half fishes a little, so do not send it to someone who took two days to reply. A screenshot of the red badge is the best answer you can get.
What's your typing style: full sentences, all lowercase or seventeen messages in a row?
Why ask it
You already know the answer from her last few texts, which is what makes it a tease. It also clears up tone, since someone who ends every message with a period is not necessarily annoyed. Describe your own style before she does it for you.
What do you actually reply when someone sends 'wyd' and the answer is nothing?
Why ask it
A joke about the laziest opener there is, so you had better not have sent it this week. 'Nothing, you?' is the honest reply, and the two of you can agree to retire it. Then ask what she is really doing, with a guess attached.
What's the most recent meme you saved? I'm judging your whole sense of humor on it.
Why ask it
She can answer by sending it, which is less work than typing. Laugh if it is funny and say 'I don't get it' if you do not, since a fake 'lol' shows. Send one back from your own folder, and pick one that would be fine on a classroom wall.
If animals could text, which one would leave you on read?
Why ask it
Cats, obviously, though she may make a case for owls or her own dog. It lets you joke about slow replies without complaining about hers. Ask which animal would send forty messages in a row, and decide together which of you that is.
This or that, no thinking allowed: pancakes or waffles?
Why ask it
The quickest game there is on a phone, because every answer is one word. Take turns and send one pair per message: window or aisle, sunrise or sunset, call or text. Stop after five or six pairs and ask about the answer that surprised you, since that is where the real conversation starts.
What would the title of your autobiography be?
Why ask it
She has to be funny about herself in six words or fewer, which suits a text perfectly. Expect something like 'Sorry I'm Late' or 'It Seemed Like a Good Idea'. Suggest a subtitle for hers, and keep it kind.
What's the worst movie you secretly love?
Why ask it
A guilty pleasure is easier to admit in writing, where nobody can see her face. Never bring it up in front of other people. If you love it too, that is a movie night neither of you has to pretend about.
What's the worst pickup line you've ever heard? I need to know what to avoid.
Why ask it
Typed pickup lines are bad in a way that is fun to collect, and she will have one. The second sentence quietly admits you would like to stay on her good side. Do not answer with a line of your own unless she asks for your worst.
Would you rather give up your phone for a week or text only in rhymes for a month?
Why ask it
Both halves are about the thing you are doing right now, so it lands better than a random would-you-rather. If she picks rhymes, the next three messages have to rhyme, and you go first. Drop the bit after that, before it gets tiring.
Which fictional character would be the worst person to text?
Why ask it
It works at any age because she picks from her own shows and books: the wizard who answers in riddles, the villain who sends a monologue. Then ask which character texts the way she does.
What's the dumbest thing you and a friend have ever argued about?
Why ask it
Pick a side and the old argument restarts right there in the thread, whether it was about how many holes a straw has or how to pronounce a word. Siding with her friend gets the bigger reaction.
What's the worst text you've ever sent to the wrong person?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone has one, and it tends to involve a parent or a teacher. Let her choose how much to tell and do not dig for names. Have yours ready, because she will ask.
Flirty
Has anyone told you today that you're fun to talk to, or do I get to be first?
Why ask it
A compliment about her company, which she can accept without having to answer for how she looks. Send it in the middle of a good run of messages, never as an opener. 'You're first' is all the reply you need, so do not stack a second compliment on top.
Are you this funny in person, or do you get time to edit over text?
Why ask it
It praises her and teases her in one line, and it quietly points at meeting up. 'Funnier in person' is an offer to prove it. Only someone who has made you laugh in the thread should get this, or it reads as sarcasm.
Be honest: do I text too much, too little or exactly the right amount?
Why ask it
A flirt with a practical purpose, since she is the only one who knows. Believe the answer and adjust. 'Too much' with a laughing face still means cut back.
Who texts first more often, you or me, and should we fix that?
Why ask it
Scroll up before you send it, because you need to know the real answer. If it is always you, this says so lightly, without sulking. Her starting the next conversation is a good sign, and nothing changing is a reason to slow down.
Good morning text or goodnight text: which one matters more to you?
Why ask it
You are asking permission without saying so. Whichever she picks, send it once or twice a week at first, since a daily message from someone new turns into a chore to answer. 'Neither' is a real answer too.
What's the best compliment you've ever gotten?
Why ask it
She is telling you what she likes to be noticed for, and it is rarely her looks. Do not repeat it back to her tonight. Wait until she does something that earns the same kind of praise, and say it in your own words.
What was your first impression of me? I can take it.
Why ask it
Easier to answer honestly in writing than face to face, and 'I can take it' gives her permission to tease. Expect something like 'quiet', 'loud' or 'I thought you were older', and laugh at whichever you get. If you met on an app, ask what made her answer your first message.
If I made you a playlist, what's the one song that has to be on it?
Why ask it
A playlist is an old-fashioned gift that still works, and this asks for the first track. If she answers, make it: eight or ten songs, sent within the week. Promising one and never sending it is worse than not asking.
Guess what I like most about you. You get three tries.
Why ask it
Her guesses show what she thinks her best points are, which is worth knowing. Have a true answer ready that is about how she is and not how she looks: her comebacks, the way she talks about her little brother. Give it after the third guess and do not make her beg.
Truth: do you ever reread our old messages, or is that only me?
Why ask it
Admitting it yourself is what makes it safe for her to answer. 'Only you' with a wink is teasing, not rejection. Mention one message of hers that you still remember, word for word if you can.
Would you rather I told you a secret or gave you a compliment?
Why ask it
Either way you owe her something good, so prepare both before you send it. The secret should be small and about you, like having rehearsed your first text to her. The compliment should be about something she said or did this week.
What's your type? You only get three words.
Why ask it
The limit keeps it playful and stops it becoming a checklist. Do not measure yourself against her words out loud, and do not ask 'so, like me?'. Answer with your own three, and choose words for a kind of person, not a body.
What's your idea of a perfect date: a big plan, or snacks and nowhere to be?
Why ask it
Two options spare her from writing an essay with her thumbs. The small one is the common pick, usually with a detail attached: a certain park, a dog, a specific kind of fries. Save the detail for an invitation next week, and do not follow this with 'so, when?'.
Do you have a crush on anyone right now, or is that classified?
Why ask it
'Classified' gives her a way out that still sounds fun. A yes with no name should be left alone for now, and 'maybe, do you?' is encouragement. Whatever she tells you here is never forwarded and never screenshotted.
Should I admit that I check my phone faster when it's you, or keep that to myself?
Why ask it
You have admitted it by asking, and that is the charm of it. Use it once, when she has been replying quickly and warmly for a while. To someone who answers every other day it will feel like pressure.
If we were hanging out right now instead of texting, what would we be doing?
Why ask it
She describes an evening, and you learn what she pictures when she pictures you in it: a walk to get food, a movie she picks, homework at the same table. Keep your own answer just as ordinary and just as public. When her picture is easy to arrange, say 'we could do that on Friday' once and let her take her time answering.
Pick one for us: arcade, mini golf or a long walk with snacks?
Why ask it
A choice among three is far easier to answer than 'want to hang out sometime?', and all three are cheap and public. When she picks, name a day in your very next message. If she will not choose, change the subject and do not send the list again.
I'd rather hear you laugh than read 'haha'. Are you free Saturday afternoon?
Why ask it
The step from thread to plan, for when the texting has been good for a week or two. A day and a time of day give her something real to answer. 'I can't Saturday' followed by another day is a yes, and 'I can't' on its own is a no you accept without asking why.
Late night
What's keeping you up tonight?
Why ask it
The natural question once it is past eleven and she is still replying. It can be answered with 'a show' or with something real, and she chooses which. If it is a worry, ask one gentle question and listen, and do not try to solve it by text.
What song sounds better after midnight?
Why ask it
The lightest question in this group, for a night when she is awake but not in the mood to confide. Play it while you keep talking and tell her which line got you. It is a good first one to send, to see whether she wants to go further.
What's the strangest dream you've never managed to forget?
Why ask it
Dreams are easy to type because they need no explaining and nobody can be wrong. Skip the amateur analysis of what it means. Ask what happened next and whether she woke up before the end.
What do you think about right before you fall asleep?
Why ask it
Personal without being heavy: tomorrow's list, an old embarrassment, a made-up story she continues every night. Share yours, and if hers is a worry, tell her you hope tonight is a quiet one.
Where do you feel completely calm?
Why ask it
A grandparent's porch, the pool at seven in the morning, the car with the radio on. She may send one word, and that is enough. 'What does it sound like there?' gets more out of her than 'why'.
What's the nicest thing anyone has done for you lately?
Why ask it
It ends the day on something good, which matters if the conversation has been about stress. Small answers are the common ones: a friend who saved her a seat, a teacher who gave her an extra day. Do not turn it into a hint about what you would do.
What's one day from when you were a kid that you'd happily live again?
Why ask it
A happy memory is the gentle way into a longer talk, because she chooses the day. Ask who else was there and what she can still picture. Trade one of yours of about the same size: a snow day for a snow day, not your whole childhood.
What do most people get wrong about you at first?
Why ask it
She gets to correct the record with you without anyone having accused her of anything, and 'quiet', 'stuck up' and 'always happy' are the usual charges. Tell her honestly what you thought at first and when it changed.
Are you the same person at home that you are at school?
Why ask it
Most people are louder in one place and quieter in the other, and they know exactly which. For anyone out of school, 'at work' does the same job. It suits someone you only ever see in one setting, because you are asking to meet the other version.
If everything went right, where would you be five years from now?
Why ask it
Asked at midnight, this gets the version she does not say in front of her friends. A city and a job is a full answer by text, so do not ask for the whole plan. Leave yourself out of her picture: 'what would the first step be?' is a better follow-up than 'is there room for me?'.
How are you really doing lately? The real answer, not the hallway one.
Why ask it
For someone you have been talking to for a while, on a night when the jokes have slowed down. A long reply deserves a real one from you, not an emoji. If she says 'fine', leave it there, because nobody can be coaxed through a screen.
What's something you wish you were braver about?
Why ask it
This needs a thread where she has already shared something a little personal. The answers tend to be ordinary: speaking up in class, trying out, telling someone no. Go first if she hesitates, and never push her to go and do the brave thing.
Who do you trust most in the world?
Why ask it
One name, and usually a reason. Ask what that person did to earn it. If she says she does not trust easily, do not volunteer for the job, because being steady for the next few months is the only way to make that case.
Do you find it easier to say real things over text or out loud?
Why ask it
Ask it just after she has told you something honest. If text is easier, you know not to spring a serious talk on her in the hallway. If out loud is easier, the kind move is to save the big subjects for when you are together.
Typing can't keep up with this. Can I call you for ten minutes?
Why ask it
When the messages have turned into paragraphs, a voice is faster and warmer. The ten minutes is a promise, so keep it unless she wants to stay on. 'Not tonight' is often about a sleeping house or a shared room, so say 'no problem' and keep typing.
Should we keep going, or is this a good place to say goodnight?
Why ask it
Ending while it is still good beats trailing off into one-word replies at two in the morning. It gives her the choice and shows you noticed the time. If she says goodnight, send one warm line and stop, with no 'one more thing'.
Reviving a thread
How did the thing you were dreading this week turn out?
Why ask it
The best restart is proof that you remember her last real message. Name the thing if you can: the presentation, the dentist, the talk with her coach. It needs no apology for the gap and no mention of the silence.
Did you ever finish that show you were telling me about?
Why ask it
A callback picks the thread up where it was warm, not where it died. If she finished it, ask about the ending. If she dropped it, ask what replaced it, and you have a new subject either way.
I think I owe you a reply from about four days ago. Can I still turn it in late?
Why ask it
For when you were the one who went quiet. One light line of apology is right, and a paragraph of excuses is too much. Then answer the message you left hanging, in full, so she can see you went back and read it.
Sending you this because it has your name all over it. Am I right?
Why ask it
Attach the thing: a video, a song, a picture of a dog that looks like hers. It asks for nothing more than a yes or a laugh, which is the right size after a quiet week. Make sure the comparison is flattering, and send one item, not five.
Did you hear what happened at lunch today, or do I get to be the one to tell you?
Why ask it
Shared news restarts a thread without either of you having to explain the silence. It needs someone from your school, team or workplace, and a story that is not unkind about a real person. If she missed it, tell it well, because the retelling is the conversation.
You won't believe what just happened. Short version or dramatic version?
Why ask it
She only has to type one word to restart the whole thing. The catch is that something has to have happened, even something small like a bird getting into the gym. The dramatic version should still fit in three or four messages.
I need a second opinion and you have good taste. Which of these two?
Why ask it
Send two photos: shoes, a jacket, haircut ideas, a gift for your sister. Asking for her judgment is flattering and takes one tap to answer. Take her advice if you can, and tell her afterward how it went.
Unrelated to anything: what's your pizza order?
Why ask it
A clean new subject is sometimes better than trying to revive the old one. The first three words make a joke of the fact that it comes from nowhere. Have a strong opinion about her toppings, and keep the order in mind for the day pizza is the plan.
What's one thing that's happened since we last talked that I'd want to hear about?
Why ask it
It skips the catch-up small talk and goes straight to the best part. Good after a break of a week or more, like a vacation or exam season. If she answers with real news, stay on it for a while before bringing up your own.
I finally took your recommendation. Do you want the honest review or the polite one?
Why ask it
It only works if you really watched the show, played the song or went to the taco place she named. It restarts the thread on her ground and shows that something she said two weeks ago stuck. Give the honest review in two lines and end on the part you liked, even if that was only the fries.
What are you up to this weekend? I'm trying to work out if mine is boring.
Why ask it
A Thursday question. The second sentence turns a routine line into a small joke and shows you are not about to demand her time. If her weekend has a gap and the thread warms up, suggest something short, and if it is full, ask her to report back on the best part.
We got cut off right when it was getting good. Where were we?
Why ask it
Use it when the last conversation ended because of a dead battery, a class or a parent calling her to dinner. Remind her of the topic in the same message so she does not have to scroll. A thread that faded out on 'haha' needs a fresh subject, not this.
Texting is clearly not our best format. Want to get a coffee or a smoothie this week?
Why ask it
Some people who are great company are flat on a screen, and saying so kindly can rescue things. This is for someone who is friendly in person and sends short replies. A yes means the short replies were about the phone, and a no or a dodge means stop trying for now.
No pressure to answer, but would you rather I kept texting or gave you some room?
Why ask it
The last message to send, once, after two restarts have gone nowhere. It hands her an easy and honest way out. 'Some room' and no reply at all both mean stop, and stopping politely leaves the door open in a way a fifth message never does.
How to text her so the conversation keeps going
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you send it
One question per message
Two questions in one text get one answer, and it is always the easier one. Send a single question, wait, and build the next message out of what she said. If you catch yourself typing a second question mark, delete everything after the first.
Make it answerable with one thumb
She may be reading on a bus, between classes or under a desk. Every question here can be answered in a line or two, and many offer two or three options so that a single word will do. Anything that needs a paragraph belongs on a call or in the same room.
Put your own answer in
A bare question makes her do all the work. Add your answer, or half of it, after the question: 'mine was a long one, the bus broke down'. Now she has something to ask about, and the thread stops being an interview.
Read it the way she will
She cannot hear your voice or see you grin. Before sending a tease, read it flat, as if a stranger had written it, and rewrite it if it could sting. Sarcasm, a 'lol' doing the work of a smile and jokes about how slowly she replies are the usual casualties.
Which group fits which moment
A new number or a new match
Start in Openers. For a number you got in person, the question about the rest of her night does the reintroducing for you. For a match, choose one that needs no shared history: the day check-in, the tiebreaker, the profile picture. Two or three exchanges are enough for a first night, and stopping while it is easy gives her a reason to answer tomorrow.
A classmate or someone you see most days
You have material that strangers lack: the assignment, what happened at lunch, the substitute who lost control of the room. Open with that, then use Getting to know her for the things school never shows you. What you learn by text, use in person, and the other way around.
When she is answering fast
Quick replies and questions back are the sign to try Funny and, after a few good evenings, one from Flirty. The Flirty group runs from mild to plain, so begin at the top. Keep it to one a night, with ordinary conversation on both sides of it.
After eleven at night
People say more late in the evening, which is what the Late night group is for. Use it with someone you have been texting for at least a couple of weeks. The group opens light, with a song and a dream, and gets more personal as it goes, so begin at the top and stop when her replies slow. Do not keep her up on a school night, and never turn something she told you at midnight into a joke the next day.
Pace, slow replies and silence
Follow her rhythm
Look at her last five messages. If they are one line each and an hour apart, three paragraphs sent in a minute will feel like a pile of homework. Stay near her length and her tempo, and let her be the one to speed things up.
What a slow reply does and does not mean
It may mean practice, a job, a phone that gets taken away at ten or a person who answers everything in batches. One slow reply tells you nothing. A steady pattern of shorter and later answers with no questions back is information, and the response is to text less, not more.
When the thread goes quiet
Wait a day or two, then send one item from Reviving a thread on a new subject, with no mention of the silence. If that gets nothing, one more try a week later is the limit. A lone question mark, 'hello?' and a message on a second app are all ways of making it worse.
Be the one who ends it sometimes
A conversation that stops at a high point is one she will want to pick up again. Say you have to go while it is still fun, and say when you will be around. The threads that get dragged on until both people are sending 'lol' are the ones that do not restart.
Getting it off the phone
When a call beats typing
If either of you is writing paragraphs, or a joke has needed explaining twice, voice will be faster. Ask first, give a length and keep to it. Plenty of people cannot talk freely at home, so a no to the call is seldom a no to you.
When to suggest a plan
A week or two of easy back-and-forth is enough. Much longer and the thread can become the whole thing, with each of you waiting for the other to say something. Build the plan from her own answers: the drink she ordered, the food place she named, the game she said she would beat you at.
Keep the plan small
Somewhere public, in daylight, with an end time: a coffee, a walk, a game half the school is going to. Offer a day and a time of day so she can answer yes, no or 'another day'. If a parent has to agree, or she would rather bring a friend, say that is fine and mean it.
If she says no, and what never to send
'No worries' is the whole reply, and you do not ask again unless she raises it. Whatever happens, do not ask for photos of her, do not send anything you would be embarrassed to see in a screenshot, and do not pass her messages around your friends. A thread that stayed respectful can go quiet and still be reopened later.