Questions to Ask a Psychic Medium About Loved Ones Who Have Passed Away and What They Want to Say to Me
Questions for a reading where what you want is something addressed to you rather than to the family: your relationship with the person, what went unsaid between you, and what you have not forgiven yourself for. Includes what to do with an answer you cannot settle.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Do you get anything addressed to me, rather than to the family generally?
Why ask it
Worth pressing early. Much of what is said in a reading would fit any relative in the room, and asking for something meant for you alone narrows it to one particular relationship, which is considerably harder to guess at.
How do you know a message is meant for me?
Why ask it
Ask what makes them attribute it to you rather than to your sibling: a name, a shared detail, something they are shown. If the answer is only that it feels directed at you, take it as their impression rather than as an address.
If they have nothing to say to me today, will you tell me that?
Why ask it
Say this out loud before you start. It gives the practitioner an honorable way out of a quiet hour, and it stops the empty stretches being filled with material that could apply to anyone.
What do you say to someone who leaves disappointed?
Why ask it
The answer tells you a great deal. Someone who accepts that sittings are sometimes quiet is more trustworthy than someone who explains a blank session by saying that the sitter was closed, resistant, or not ready.
What do they call me?
Why ask it
Nicknames and family terms of address are specific, unguessable, and instantly recognizable. Ask plainly, offer no help at all, and note whether it comes whole or after a run through several letters.
What is the first thing they want to say to me?
Why ask it
The opening line sets the level for the whole hour, so listen to its shape rather than its warmth. A sentence in their own idiom means more than an affectionate summary that would suit any parent, partner, or child.
Is there anything about the last time we spoke?
Why ask it
Bring this one carefully, particularly if the last conversation was ordinary or bad. It is also among the safest questions for a practitioner to answer, since almost everyone carries something unfinished from a final exchange.
Is there anything they want to say about how I have been since?
Why ask it
You know what the past year has actually contained and the practitioner does not. Listen for whether something real is described, a particular struggle or a particular change, or whether you are told you have been strong.
What do they say about the part of our relationship that was hard?
Why ask it
Real relationships have friction in them, and a message with none is a portrait rather than a person. If they were difficult to be around, a reading that offers only warmth is comfort, and you can accept it as that.
Is there anything they want to thank me for, and for what exactly?
Why ask it
The exactness is the whole test. Gratitude for looking after them fits every carer who ever sat in that chair, while gratitude for one specific afternoon or one particular decision does not.
Is there something they think I got wrong about them?
Why ask it
An unusual direction to push in, and revealing because it cannot be answered with reassurance. It also tends to surface the thing you have privately suspected, so be ready for that rather than surprised by it.
Was there something they knew about me and never mentioned?
Why ask it
Most families have one of these, and you probably know what yours is. Watch whether the reply circles the actual subject without your having named it, or offers a general statement about being seen and loved.
Is there anything about something I have not forgiven myself for?
Why ask it
You know what it is and the practitioner does not, so the direction of the conversation matters more than the content. A reply that describes the shape of your guilt unprompted is worth something; a blanket absolution fits everyone.
Is there anything they want me to put down?
Why ask it
People arrive carrying a specific thing: a promise they broke, an unpaid debt, a decision made in a hospital corridor. Whether the answer names it, or stays at the level of letting go, is the difference between a message and a sentiment.
Do they have anything to say about something I did after they died?
Why ask it
A funeral choice, what happened to their belongings, an argument with a sibling. You can evaluate this one honestly, because you know the events and the practitioner does not, so notice whether an actual episode is described.
Do they mind that I came here today?
Why ask it
Worth asking if it has been weighing on you, especially where your family or your faith would disapprove. Bear in mind that the person answering has an obvious interest in the answer, so weigh it accordingly.
Is anything coming through as an instruction or a warning for me?
Why ask it
Instructions are where readings do real damage. Anything telling you to leave a job, end a relationship, move house, or stop a treatment needs weighing with people who know your life, and should not be acted on from an hour in a stranger's room.
Is there anything you are getting that does not fit us at all?
Why ask it
Asking for the misses is more useful than asking for the hits. A practitioner willing to say that something makes no sense is being straight with you, and the parts that do not fit are often the most interesting to think about later.
Would you write down the parts that were addressed to me?
Why ask it
Grief rewrites memory quickly, usually towards greater specificity than the session actually had. A written note in their handwriting, checked against your recording, is what you will want to look at in a year.
What do I do with a message I cannot make peace with?
Why ask it
Sometimes what you hear is worse than what you came in with. The answer to hope for is patience and someone to talk to, not a further appointment, and if it is troubling you weeks later that is a reason to speak to a bereavement counselor.
When you want something meant for you
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Work out beforehand what you are hoping for
Write down the one thing you want to hear, and the one thing you would rather not be told. Doing it in advance has two effects. It makes you notice if you are handed exactly what you were hoping for, which is easy to give and hard to evaluate. And it keeps you from asking a question you cannot un-ask, such as whether they forgive you or whether they were at peace, in a setting where a bad answer would stay with you for years. If you would not be able to bear the wrong answer, that is a reason to leave the question outside the room.
Guilt and the last conversation
- Almost everyone believes the last conversation should have gone differently. That feeling is close to universal and is not evidence that you did anything wrong.
- Do not name the thing you feel guilty about. If it is going to mean anything, it has to be described to you rather than confirmed by you.
- Absolution from a stranger tends to last a few days. Absolution from someone who knew you both, or from a counselor who lets you say the whole thing out loud, lasts longer.
- If the guilt concerns a medical decision, ask the clinical team what actually happened. Doctors and nurses will usually go through it with a family, and readings cannot establish facts.
- If you are being told that the person is unhappy with you, treat that as a reason to leave, not a reason to book again.
Keeping it honest in the room
- Give short answers. Yes, no, and "I would rather not say" are all sufficient.
- Do not supply the name, the relationship, or how they died, however long the pause runs.
- When a general statement suddenly becomes specific after you react, make a note of it in the moment.
- Ask for one detail at a time and let each one be finished before moving on.
- Record the session, and bring someone if you can, because they will remember what you told the room.
When a message becomes an instruction
- Anything about your health, a symptom, or a medication, whoever it is said to come from.
- Advice to leave or stay in a relationship, or to cut off a family member.
- Guidance on money, a will, or a property, particularly where a name is attached.
- A claim that the person cannot rest until you do something, followed by an offer to help for a fee.
- Being told the death was your fault, or someone else's, in a session that can establish nothing about it.
- Any suggestion that the message continues in the next appointment.
Afterwards
Give it a few days before deciding what you think, then listen to the recording. Keep what helped and let the rest sit unresolved, which is an acceptable place to leave it. Be careful about repeating messages to relatives who did not choose to be part of a reading and may hear them as instructions from the dead. If the hour left you needing another one soon, or if you find yourself spending money you cannot spare, that is worth treating gently as information about the grief. Bereavement support through a hospice, a charity, a place of worship, or your doctor runs for months rather than an afternoon, and none of it asks you to give up whatever the reading gave you.