Questions to Ask a Surrogate
Sensitive and important questions for intended parents to ask potential surrogates to ensure compatibility, establish trust, and create a successful surrogacy journey together.
1What motivated you to become a surrogate?
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What motivated you to become a surrogate?
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Why this works
Reveals their personal reasons and values, helping you understand their motivation and ensuring their goals align with your needs and expectations.
2What are your expectations for the surrogacy process and relationship?
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What are your expectations for the surrogacy process and relationship?
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Why this works
Establishes their vision for the journey and helps you understand how they want to approach the relationship and process.
3How do you envision communication and contact during the pregnancy?
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How do you envision communication and contact during the pregnancy?
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Why this works
Clarifies their preferences for staying in touch and helps you understand how they want to maintain the relationship throughout the process.
4What's your approach to medical care and how do you want to handle appointments?
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What's your approach to medical care and how do you want to handle appointments?
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Why this works
Reveals their approach to healthcare and helps you understand how they want to manage medical appointments and decisions.
5How do you handle stress and what support systems do you have in place?
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How do you handle stress and what support systems do you have in place?
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Why this works
Shows their coping strategies and reveals their support network, helping you understand how they manage challenges and stress.
6What are your thoughts on different types of birth plans and delivery preferences?
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What are your thoughts on different types of birth plans and delivery preferences?
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Why this works
Reveals their approach to childbirth and helps you understand their preferences for delivery and birth planning.
7How do you want to handle different types of decisions and what role do you want me to play?
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How do you want to handle different types of decisions and what role do you want me to play?
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Why this works
Establishes decision-making processes and helps you understand how you'll work together on important choices throughout the pregnancy.
8What are your thoughts on different types of testing and screening?
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What are your thoughts on different types of testing and screening?
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Why this works
Reveals their approach to prenatal testing and helps you understand their preferences for different types of screening and testing.
9How do you want to handle different types of situations and what's your approach to problem-solving?
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How do you want to handle different types of situations and what's your approach to problem-solving?
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Why this works
Shows their problem-solving approach and helps you understand how they handle different types of situations and challenges.
10What are your thoughts on different types of support and how do you want to be supported?
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What are your thoughts on different types of support and how do you want to be supported?
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Why this works
Reveals their support needs and helps you understand how you can best support them throughout the surrogacy journey.
11How do you want to handle different types of communication and what's your preferred approach?
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How do you want to handle different types of communication and what's your preferred approach?
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Why this works
Establishes communication preferences and helps you understand how they want to stay in touch and share information.
12What are your thoughts on different types of relationships and how do you want to maintain boundaries?
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What are your thoughts on different types of relationships and how do you want to maintain boundaries?
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Why this works
Reveals their approach to relationships and helps you understand how they want to maintain appropriate boundaries throughout the process.
13How do you want to handle different types of decisions and what's your approach to decision-making?
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How do you want to handle different types of decisions and what's your approach to decision-making?
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Why this works
Shows their decision-making process and helps you understand how you'll work together on important choices and decisions.
14What are your thoughts on different types of support and how do you want to be supported?
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What are your thoughts on different types of support and how do you want to be supported?
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Why this works
Reveals their support needs and helps you understand how you can best support them throughout the surrogacy journey.
15How do you want to handle different types of situations and what's your approach to problem-solving?
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How do you want to handle different types of situations and what's your approach to problem-solving?
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Why this works
Shows their problem-solving approach and helps you understand how they handle different types of situations and challenges.
16What are your thoughts on different types of relationships and how do you want to maintain boundaries?
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What are your thoughts on different types of relationships and how do you want to maintain boundaries?
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Why this works
Reveals their approach to relationships and helps you understand how they want to maintain appropriate boundaries throughout the process.
17How do you want to handle different types of decisions and what's your approach to decision-making?
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How do you want to handle different types of decisions and what's your approach to decision-making?
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Why this works
Shows their decision-making process and helps you understand how you'll work together on important choices and decisions.
18What are your thoughts on different types of support and how do you want to be supported?
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What are your thoughts on different types of support and how do you want to be supported?
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Why this works
Reveals their support needs and helps you understand how you can best support them throughout the surrogacy journey.
19How do you want to handle different types of situations and what's your approach to problem-solving?
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How do you want to handle different types of situations and what's your approach to problem-solving?
Click to see why this works
Why this works
Shows their problem-solving approach and helps you understand how they handle different types of situations and challenges.
20What are your thoughts on different types of relationships and how do you want to maintain boundaries?
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What are your thoughts on different types of relationships and how do you want to maintain boundaries?
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Why this works
Reveals their approach to relationships and helps you understand how they want to maintain appropriate boundaries throughout the process.
Best Practices for Surrogate Conversations
Expert tips and techniques for getting the most out of these questions.
Best Practices
Show Genuine Respect for Their Decision
Surrogacy is a deeply personal and often emotional decision. Show respect for their choice and demonstrate understanding of the commitment and sacrifice involved.
Be Open About Your Own Needs and Expectations
While asking about their needs, also be prepared to discuss your own needs, expectations, and concerns. This creates a foundation for honest communication.
Focus on Building Trust and Understanding
Surrogacy requires a strong foundation of trust and mutual understanding. Ask questions that help you build this foundation and ensure you're compatible partners.
Question Sequences
The Motivation and Expectations Sequence
The Support and Care Flow
Common Pitfalls
Don't Focus Only on Your Own Needs
While it's important to discuss your needs, focus primarily on understanding their needs and how you can best support them throughout the surrogacy journey.
Avoid Being Overly Controlling or Demanding
Surrogacy is a partnership. Show respect for their autonomy and decision-making while maintaining appropriate boundaries and expectations.
Don't Ignore the Emotional and Psychological Aspects
Surrogacy involves significant emotional and psychological considerations. Ask about their emotional wellbeing and how they plan to handle the emotional aspects of the journey.