Questions to Ask a Vegan
Questions to ask a vegan, for a friend, relative, date, host or student who is curious and doesn't want it to sound like a cross-examination. The 48 questions run in five groups, in the order the conversation tends to go: Going vegan, Food, Shared tables, Health and cost, and The usual ones, which are the questions vegans hear constantly, reworded so they come across as interest.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Going vegan
What made you decide to go vegan?
Why ask it
Open with 'what made you' and not 'why would you': the first asks for a story and the second for a defense. Most answers start with animals, the environment, health or some mix, and whichever they name first tells you which later questions will interest them.
Was there one moment that tipped it, or did it build slowly?
Why ask it
A documentary, a book, a pet or a visit to a farm makes a story you can ask more about. If it was gradual, ask what left the plate first and what held out longest.
Were you vegetarian first, or did you go straight to vegan?
Why ask it
Plenty of people get there in steps, dropping meat years before dairy and eggs, and a few change everything in a weekend. The route tells you what to ask next: a long slow shift, or one very strange grocery trip.
How long has it been, and what were the first few weeks like?
Why ask it
Someone three months in is still reading every label, and someone ten years in has forgotten it was ever hard. Knowing which you're talking to keeps you from asking a veteran beginner questions.
What turned out to be the hardest part, and was it the food at all?
Why ask it
The answer is often social: explaining it at every meal, or being the reason a group changes restaurants. If they do name a food, take that at face value and find out what they eat in its place.
How did your family and friends take it at first?
Why ask it
Listen for who came around and who still slides the cheese plate over. If the answer is tense, don't take a side: ask what the first holiday meal was like and let them decide how much to tell.
Has your main reason changed since you started?
Why ask it
Some people begin for their health and stay for the animals, or the other way around. A reason that has shifted is a sign they've kept thinking about it, and the shift is usually the more interesting half of the story.
Is it only about food for you, or does it reach clothes, cosmetics and the rest?
Why ask it
Leather, wool, honey and secondhand goods are where vegans draw different lines, and some who keep it to the plate prefer to say plant-based. Ask where their line sits and how they settled on it, and resist pointing at their shoes.
What did you think of vegans before you became one?
Why ask it
Usually gets a laugh and an admission that they used to roll their eyes too. It also shows they remember the view from your side of the table, which makes everything after it easier to ask.
Who or what helped most when you were starting out?
Why ask it
The answer tends to be something you can look up afterward: a cookbook, a friend who went first, one restaurant, an online group. A student, or anyone thinking of trying it, should write the name down before the talk moves on.
Food
What does a normal day of eating look like for you?
Why ask it
Ask for yesterday specifically and you get oatmeal, leftovers and a burrito in place of a theory. It is the fastest cure for imagining that every meal is a salad.
What's the best vegan meal you've ever had, and who made it?
Why ask it
A restaurant gives you somewhere to book and a home cook gives you a person to hear about. Stay on it for a while if they light up: someone who is forever quizzed on what they gave up rarely gets asked what they love.
What would you cook for someone who is sure they'd hate vegan food?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone has a dish they use to win people over, and they'll describe it with some pride. Ask them to make it, or for the recipe, and the conversation turns into a dinner.
Is there anything you still miss?
Why ask it
Cheese comes up a lot, and so does one particular family recipe. Take it as plain honesty and not as a crack in the argument: 'so why not just have some' ends the conversation.
Which substitutes are worth buying, and which one was a letdown?
Why ask it
You'll get brand names and firm opinions on oat milk, plant-based burgers and vegan cheese. Some vegans skip the imitations and would rather a vegetable taste like itself, which is worth knowing before you buy fake sausages for their visit.
What food surprised you by being vegan all along?
Why ask it
Well-known cookies, chips and bakery staples turn up here, though recipes differ by country, so read the label where you live before you repeat it. A cheerful one for a classroom or a party, because everyone can guess.
What ingredient did you only start cooking with because you went vegan?
Why ask it
The telling answers describe a kitchen that got wider, not narrower: a new spice shelf, tofu done properly, a bean they had never bought before. Get the name of the shop and what they do with it, since that is a dish you can try without changing anything else you eat.
Which cuisines make it easiest for you?
Why ask it
Whatever they answer is your shortlist the next time you choose a restaurant together. Ask what they order there, since a cuisine can be friendly on paper and still put fish sauce or butter in the dish they want.
What do you check a label for, and which ingredient hides best?
Why ask it
Milk powder, whey, gelatin and egg are the usual suspects, and the hiding places are the fun part. A host should listen closely, because this is the list that catches a well-meant dish.
Would you rather I make one dish everyone eats, or something separate for you?
Why ask it
Plenty of guests would rather not have a special plate carried out to them, but ask and don't assume. If they say 'don't go to any trouble', name a dish you have in mind and watch whether they brighten.
Do you like bringing a dish of your own, or would you rather not have to?
Why ask it
Some vegans bring food everywhere out of habit and are glad to; others are tired of catering their own invitations. Let them choose, and if they do bring something, set it on the table with everything else instead of beside their plate.
Where do you stand on a shared grill, a shared fryer or a trace of butter?
Why ask it
For some this is a firm line and for others it is past the point of practical. It isn't your place to judge the answer either way, only to know it before you light the grill.
How do you choose a restaurant when the rest of the group isn't vegan?
Why ask it
Notice how much quiet work goes into it: reading menus ahead, calling, eating beforehand just in case. Once you know, you can do the menu check yourself the next time you book.
What do you do when a host has cooked something you don't eat?
Why ask it
Most will describe filling up on sides and saying nothing. If that has happened at your own table, here is your opening to say sorry and find out what would have worked.
How do holidays and big family dinners go these days?
Why ask it
The warm version is a relative who learned one dish and makes it every year. If you hear about the same argument each December, just listen: you can't fix their family, and they aren't asking you to.
Does it bother you when the people you're eating with order meat?
Why ask it
Ask before the menus open, not with a fork in the air. Some don't mind at all and some would rather not share plates, and either answer spares a date or a dinner a quiet awkwardness.
What's the worst 'vegan option' a restaurant or a host has ever given you?
Why ask it
Expect the undressed salad, the plate of plain sides or the fruit cup for dessert, told as comedy. Laugh along, and quietly note what not to serve.
When you travel, do you research ahead or work it out when you land?
Why ask it
Good for anyone planning a trip with them. Ask which place was a pleasant surprise and which was hard going, and remember it is one person's trip and not a rating of a country.
Health and cost
Did you notice any change in how you felt after you switched?
Why ask it
Whatever they report, whether more energy, no difference or a rough first month, is one person's experience and not a result to expect for yourself. Ask what else changed at the same time, since people often start cooking more or exercising in the same season.
Do you take any supplements, and how did you work out what you needed?
Why ask it
Expect vitamin B12 to come up. The reassuring answer has a doctor, a dietitian or a blood test somewhere in it, and if you're thinking of eating this way yourself, that is who to ask about your own needs.
Is it costing you more or less than the way you ate before?
Why ask it
It depends heavily on where they live and what goes in the cart: dried beans and rice make one bill, specialty cheeses and ready meals another. Ask what a week of groceries comes to for them, not what the diet costs in general.
Where do you shop, and what is in the cart every single week?
Why ask it
A list of six or seven staples is the most practical thing a curious person can take home. Hosts and new roommates should ask which store as well, because the answer saves a wasted trip.
Is it easy to eat this way where you live, or would it be harder somewhere else?
Why ask it
A city with three vegan cafes and a town with one supermarket are different lives, and that accounts for much of how hard or easy they find it. It also stops you from measuring their answer against what your own shops stock.
What's the cheapest good meal you make?
Why ask it
The answers are rarely glamorous, a lentil soup or a chili or fried rice, and nearly always something a student could afford. Get the rough steps while they're talking, because people forget to send recipes.
How much extra time does it take, between the planning, the cooking and the label reading?
Why ask it
Newer vegans will say a lot and long-timers will say none, and both are telling the truth. If you're weighing it up for yourself, the first three months are the part to hear about.
How does it fit with sports, training or a physical job?
Why ask it
Skip this unless they train or work on their feet, or it sounds like doubt in disguise. If they do, ask what they eat before and after, and treat it as their routine and not a plan for your own body.
What would you tell someone who wants to try it for a month?
Why ask it
The advice worth having starts small: meals you already like, one swap at a time, a word with your doctor first if you have a health condition. Be wary of 'it's easy, just do it', which skips everything they found hard at the start.
The usual ones
Which question about being vegan are you most tired of hearing?
Why ask it
Ask it before any of the classics and let them name it, then don't ask it. Protein, bacon and desert islands tend to make the list, and hearing them said with a groan shows you where the line is.
I know everyone asks about protein, so what's the short answer you give by now?
Why ask it
Admitting it is the cliche changes the tone from a challenge to a shared joke. They will probably list beans, lentils, tofu and nuts in one breath; take the list and don't start counting grams at them.
Do you ever make exceptions, and how do you decide?
Why ask it
The kind version of 'do you ever cheat'. A grandmother's cake, a mislabeled dish, a trip where there was nothing else: the stories are human ones. Don't keep score, and don't bring it up at the next dinner.
Do you wish the people close to you ate this way too, or is that their own business?
Why ask it
What you're really asking is whether they judge you, and it is fairer to ask out loud than to guess. If the answer is 'I'd love it, but I won't push', take it at face value and don't go looking for the lecture.
Could you date or live with someone who isn't vegan?
Why ask it
On a date, ask it lightly and early instead of finding out in month six. The practical answers matter more than the principle: a shared fridge, shared pans, who cooks, and what gets cooked when they're home.
Do you see yourself eating this way for good?
Why ask it
'Would you ever go back' treats the whole thing as a phase, and this wording doesn't. 'I can't imagine otherwise' and 'for now, yes' are both fine answers, and neither one is a bet for you to offer odds on.
If meat could be grown without an animal, would you eat it?
Why ask it
A hypothetical with no trap in it, unlike the desert island. The answer shows whether it is about the animal, the taste or the habit: one person would order it tomorrow and another has lost the appetite for meat altogether.
What do people assume about you when they hear you're vegan?
Why ask it
They'll pick the stereotype that stings most, whether that is preachy, sickly, rich or joyless. Follow up with whether they've ever met that vegan in person: many have a story, and telling it lets them laugh at their own side.
If you have pets, how do you think about what they eat?
Why ask it
Asked with curiosity it is a fair question; asked as a trap it is an old one. What an animal should be fed is a matter for a vet, so hear their thinking and leave the ruling out of it.
What do you wish people would ask you instead?
Why ask it
It hands them the floor, and the answer is often about food they love and never get to talk about. Then ask exactly that, and let them go on as long as they like.
How to ask a vegan without starting a debate
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you ask
Check why you're asking
If you want to know, ask. If you want to win, don't. Most vegans have been cross-examined at enough dinners to hear the difference within a few words, and a question that is really an objection gets a tired, rehearsed answer instead of a real one.
Pick the moment
One to one works best: on a walk, while cooking together, over coffee. Avoid asking across a full table, where every answer becomes a performance for the room, and avoid asking while they're eating the only thing on the menu they could order.
Ask about them, not about veganism
'What do you eat on a normal day' gets a person. 'What do vegans eat' appoints them spokesperson for a great many people who disagree with each other about honey. Keep every question in the second person and you'll get stories in place of position statements.
Follow the order of the groups
Going vegan and Food are easy ground and come first. Shared tables is the practical middle, Health and cost needs a little trust, and The usual ones only work once they know you're asking in good faith. A host with a dinner on Saturday can go straight to Shared tables.
Wording that reads as interest
Trade 'why' for 'what' and 'how'
'Why don't you eat honey' asks for a justification. 'How did you decide about honey' asks for a story, and gets the same information with none of the edge. The same swap works on nearly every question that has ever annoyed a vegan.
Leave your own plate out of it
'I could never give up cheese' is not a question, and neither is a list of the reasons you eat meat. They didn't ask you to defend your dinner. If you want to share something, share what you're curious about.
Ask one thing, then listen
'But what about' is the sound of a debate starting. Let the answer finish, ask a follow-up built on something they said, and save your next topic until the first one has run out on its own.
Say what the answer is for
'I'm having you over next week', 'I'm writing a paper on food choices' and 'I've been thinking about eating less meat' each tell them how much detail to give. People answer more generously when they know the question has a use.
By who is asking
If you're hosting
Ask a few days ahead by message, not at the door. Cover what to leave out, whether they'd like to bring something, and how they feel about shared pans or grills. Then keep a label or two from anything packaged, so they can check for themselves without having to quiz you.
If you're on a date
Let them bring it up or ask once, lightly, and then talk about something else. Being vegan is one fact about them, and a first evening spent entirely on it feels like an interview. Choosing a place where they can order more than one thing says more than any question.
If you're family
The questions that help most are the practical ones: what to cook, what to buy, which old recipe could be adapted. Leave the worried questions about health for a calm moment in private, ask them once, and accept the answer as a grown adult's.
If you're a student or doing an interview
Say up front what the project is and how long you need. Ask whether you can quote them, start with Going vegan and Food, and treat what they say about health as their own experience. One vegan is a case study, not a survey.
When it turns into a debate
You hear yourself arguing
Stop mid-sentence if you have to. 'Sorry, I asked because I was curious, not to argue' resets it, and going back to a concrete question about food, a recipe or a restaurant gives you both somewhere to land.
They start to preach
It happens, especially with people who are new to it and full of what they've just learned. You're allowed to say 'I'm glad it matters to you, and I'm not looking to be persuaded tonight'. Said kindly, that keeps the friendship and the conversation both.
Health claims, in either direction
Neither of you is the other's dietitian. If they say it cured something, or you're tempted to tell them they must be short of something, let it pass. Questions about what one particular body needs belong with a doctor or a registered dietitian, who can look at the actual person.
End on food
Finish by asking for a recipe, a restaurant or the name of the oat milk they like. Then follow through: cook the dish, book the place, and tell them how it went. That is what shows the questions were interest all along.