Questions to Ask About Discipleship
These questions to ask about discipleship are for a Christian who meets a newer believer one to one or leads a discipleship group of three or four, and for the person being discipled who wants to know what will come up. They run in the order the relationship usually takes: starting out, Scripture and prayer, sin and accountability, relationships, sharing faith, and the point where the disciple begins discipling someone else.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Starting out
How did you come to faith, and what has changed in you since?
Why ask it
Ask it at the first meeting and listen for people and dates more than doctrine. A story that stops on the day of conversion shows you where the work starts: with what following Jesus has looked like in the months after.
What do you think it means to be a disciple of Jesus?
Why ask it
A first answer is often a list of activities: church, reading, trying to be good. Set it beside Luke 9:23, where Jesus speaks of denying yourself, taking up a cross daily and following him, and ask which of the three sounds hardest. Put the question again when your agreed term ends and compare the two answers.
What do you hope will be different in you a year from now?
Why ask it
Write the answer down and bring it back at the six-month mark. If it is "know the Bible better," ask what they would be doing on an ordinary Tuesday if that came true, so the two of you have something you can see.
Who has helped you grow so far, and what did they actually do?
Why ask it
The second half tells you which kind of help lands with this person: a book handed over, a standing breakfast, someone who asked hard things. Borrow what worked. If the answer is nobody, you now know how new all of this is.
Which part of the Christian faith do you have the most questions or doubts about?
Why ask it
Better heard in week one than discovered in month eight. You do not have to answer on the spot: say you will look into it together and name the week you will do it, so the doubt is not quietly shelved.
What does your week look like: work, sleep, family, and the hours that are really your own?
Why ask it
A reading plan tends to fail on the calendar before it fails on motive. A night-shift nurse and a college sophomore need different plans, and you only find the mornings that are really free by asking about the shifts, the commute and the kids.
Have you been baptized, and what did it mean to you at the time?
Why ask it
Baptism sits inside the instruction to make disciples in Matthew 28:19, so it belongs in an early meeting. Churches differ on who is baptized, when and how. If the answer is no, the next step is a conversation with your pastor, not a date the two of you pick.
When I see something in your life that worries me, do I have your permission to say so?
Why ask it
Permission given in advance turns a later correction into a kept promise. Ask for the same in return, because a discipler who cannot be questioned is teaching the wrong lesson about authority.
What stays between the two of us, and who would we bring in if something were serious?
Why ask it
Settle it before anything heavy has been said. Churches, and in some places the law, decide what a leader must pass on when someone is at risk of harm, so find out what applies to you and tell the disciple that limit in plain words.
How often can we meet, where, and for how long before we review it?
Why ask it
Name an end point, three months or six, and decide then whether to carry on. An arrangement with no review tends to thin out without either person saying so, and a set date gives you both a reason to take stock.
Scripture and prayer
What did you read in the Bible this week, and what stayed with you?
Why ask it
The standing question of most meetings, and "stayed with you" keeps it from turning into a tally of chapters. When nothing was read, skip the lecture: ask which day it fell apart, then read a short passage together at the table.
What do you think God has been teaching you lately?
Why ask it
A standard discipleship question, and a vague one unless you pin it down. Follow by asking where it came from: a passage, something that happened, a remark from a friend. If nothing ever comes, suggest stopping after each reading to write one sentence about what the passage asks of them.
When and where do you read, and is that time working?
Why ask it
Guilt about not reading is often a scheduling problem in disguise. A phone on the same nightstand or a toddler who wakes at six can be solved by moving the reading to a lunch break, which no pep talk will do.
What did you read that you did not understand, or did not like?
Why ask it
Left alone, a disciple reports the agreeable verses. Asking for the hard one tells them honest reading is welcome here. Work on one passage together, and say so when you do not know.
How comfortable are you finding your way around the Bible?
Why ask it
Someone new to it may be too embarrassed to admit they cannot find Philippians. Twenty minutes with the contents page (where the Gospels are, what a psalm is, who wrote the letters) spares them months of quiet confusion. Leave it out for anyone raised on Sunday school.
What do you actually say when you pray?
Why ask it
Most people have never had to describe their own prayers. The description shows whether prayer is a request list, a recital or a conversation, and it hands you one small next step: add thanks, add confession, or pray a psalm aloud.
What have you been asking God for, and have you seen any answer?
Why ask it
Keep the requests dated in a notebook you both look at. Three months of entries read back in one sitting teaches more about prayer than an explanation would, and it leaves honest room for "no" and "not yet."
When prayer feels dry or God feels far away, what do you do?
Why ask it
A newer believer tends to read a dry stretch as failure, or as a sign that none of it was real. Describe one of your own before you suggest anything, then pick a psalm of complaint such as Psalm 13 and read it together.
Is there a verse you are trying to memorize, and can you say it to me now?
Why ask it
Reciting in front of another person is what makes a verse stick, and stumbling through it is fine. Choose verses that speak to what this disciple is facing, the temptation or the worry, over a stock list.
Would you pray for us before we go?
Why ask it
People learn to pray by hearing it done, so keep your own prayers short and plain enough to copy. Never spring this on someone shy: trade single sentences for the first few weeks and let them take the closing prayer when they are ready.
Sin and accountability
Where were you tempted most this week, and what did you do?
Why ask it
Stay longest on "what did you do." Left the room, prayed, texted someone, gave in: each answer leads somewhere different, and a temptation resisted deserves as much of the meeting as one that won.
Is there anything you need to confess that you have been carrying alone?
Why ask it
Ask, then wait longer than feels comfortable. Your first sentence afterward matters most: thank them for saying it and turn to the promise of forgiveness in 1 John 1:9. The plan for next time can wait ten minutes.
Which sin do you keep coming back to, and what usually happens just before?
Why ask it
The hour before tells you more than the count. Tired, an argument at home, payday, late and alone with a phone: walk back one step from the fall and put the guard there, where it is still easy to choose differently.
What have you been telling yourself to make it seem smaller than it is?
Why ask it
"Everybody does it." "Nobody is hurt." "I have been under pressure." An excuse said aloud to another person usually loses most of its pull. Ask without sarcasm, since you keep a list of your own.
Is there something you already know God wants you to do that you keep putting off?
Why ask it
Questions about temptation miss the things left undone. The answer is usually specific and already known: a phone call, a habit to start, a conversation with a parent. James 1:22 warns about hearing the word without doing it, so agree on the first step and the day for it.
How are you handling money: what you give, what you owe, and what you would not want me to see?
Why ask it
Money is asked about so rarely that a good deal hides there. Stay with generosity and honesty, which are yours to raise, and point real debt trouble toward someone qualified to advise on it.
What are you watching, scrolling and listening to, and what is it doing to you?
Why ask it
Aim at the effect and leave the list of forbidden titles alone. A disciple who notices that a show leaves them envious or restless has done the discerning themselves, and that habit goes home with them.
Reading the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, which one is hardest for you right now?
Why ask it
Read Galatians 5:22-23 aloud first: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Nine words let a disciple name a gap in character as well as a sin, and "patience, with the kids at bedtime" is something you can pray about by name. Tell them which one is yours.
After you fall, how do you talk to God, or do you stay away from him?
Why ask it
This shows whether grace is believed at the moment it is needed. A week of hiding after a failure deserves more attention than the failure, and Peter's restoration in John 21 is a good chapter to open at that point.
What should I ask you next time, and do you want a text from me midweek?
Why ask it
A question the disciple wrote is one they are far likelier to answer straight. Then ask it without fail. Forgetting once teaches them that none of it was serious.
Is any of this more than you and I should be handling by ourselves?
Why ask it
Addiction, abuse, thoughts of self-harm, or anything that puts a person in danger is more than a weekly coffee can carry. Say that kindly, bring in a pastor, and help with the first call to a doctor, a counselor or, in an emergency, the local emergency number. Then keep meeting.
Relationships
How are things at home, with the people who see you at your worst?
Why ask it
A spouse, a parent or a roommate knows whether the growth is real. With a married disciple, ask what their husband or wife would say has changed this year; with a student, ask the same about a parent.
Has following Jesus cost you anything with your family or friends?
Why ask it
A new faith can strain a marriage, a family dinner table or an old group of friends, and a disciple may be carrying that in silence. Jesus says in Luke 14 that following him has a cost, so hear theirs before you offer advice. If nothing comes to mind, ask whether the people closest to them know they believe.
Who do you need to forgive, and what is making that hard?
Why ask it
Hear what happened before you say anything about what they ought to do. Forgiving someone and returning to closeness with them are not the same thing, and where there has been abuse, involve a pastor before you advise any contact.
Is there someone you owe an apology, and when will you make it?
Why ask it
The "when" is the real question. Help them draft two sentences that say what they did and contain no "but," and open the next meeting by asking how it went.
Who are your closest friends, and do they pull you toward Christ or away from him?
Why ask it
This is no cue to drop friends who do not believe: they are the people a disciple is best placed to tell. You are asking who sets the tone, and whether the disciple has even one friend they could pray with.
How are you connected to the church beyond Sunday morning and our meetings?
Why ask it
Meeting with you was never supposed to stand in for a congregation. If you turn out to be their only Christian contact, the next step is a small group or a serving team, and you can walk in beside them the first night.
If you are dating someone, or hoping to, how does your faith shape that?
Why ask it
For a single disciple, raise it early and unhurried. Let them say what they are looking for and where their lines are before you offer a word, and do not ask for more detail than they volunteer.
In a conflict, do you go quiet, blow up, or go around the person?
Why ask it
Everybody has a default, and most can name theirs at once. Take a real disagreement from the past month and walk through what going straight to the person, as Matthew 18:15 puts it, would have involved.
Where are you serving someone who cannot pay you back?
Why ask it
Study with no service produces a well-informed spectator. Start small and specific: a ride to an appointment, a meal for a new parent, the crew that stacks chairs after the service.
What is it like to be a Christian at your work or school?
Why ask it
This is where the disciple spends most waking hours. Listen for the integrity questions, the padded timesheet or the shared homework, before you listen for chances to speak about faith.
Sharing faith
Who in your life does not know Jesus, and are you praying for them by name?
Why ask it
Write three to five names on a card together. From then on you can ask about one person at a time, which is easier to answer than a question about evangelism in general.
Could you tell your own story in two minutes, without church words?
Why ask it
Have them practice on you first. Flag every word a coworker would not know (saved, testimony, convicted, fellowship) and ask for a second run. The second run is nearly always better.
If a friend asked what the gospel is, what would you say?
Why ask it
Make them say it aloud instead of nodding along to your version. The gaps show quickly: often it comes out as good advice with no cross and no resurrection in it. The summary in 1 Corinthians 15:3-4 is short enough to build from.
What question about Christianity are you most afraid of being asked?
Why ask it
Suffering, science, other religions and hypocrisy in the church are common ones. Whichever one they name becomes the study for the next few weeks, and "I don't know, let me find out" is a perfectly good thing to say to a friend in the meantime.
Did a conversation about faith come up this week, and how did it go?
Why ask it
Praise the attempt and leave the outcome out of it. When it went badly, replay it line by line and ask what they would say on a second try, with no grade given.
What holds you back from speaking: fear of the reaction, not knowing enough, or something else?
Why ask it
Each calls for a different response. Fear tends to shrink after one small step, such as mentioning church when a colleague asks about the weekend, and a lack of answers shrinks with practice in a room where being wrong costs nothing.
Who could you invite to something this month, and what would be the easiest thing to invite them to?
Why ask it
A dinner at your table is often an easier yes than a church service. Offer to host or to come along, because a first invitation made with company is less lonely than one made alone.
Multiplying
What have you learned in our time together that you could pass on to someone else?
Why ask it
Disciples nearly always underrate this. Put three things on paper. Someone who can show a newer believer how to read a passage and how to pray already has enough to begin.
Who is a step or two behind you in the faith that you could start meeting with?
Why ask it
There is usually a name already: a younger sibling, the newest person in the small group, a friend who has just come to faith. One step ahead is all the distance required.
What makes you feel you are not ready to disciple someone?
Why ask it
Sort the answers into two piles. "I still struggle" describes every discipler there has ever been. Sin that is hidden and unaddressed, or a faith only a few weeks old, is a fair reason to wait a while.
If you asked someone to meet with you, what would you say, and what would you do the first time?
Why ask it
Rehearse the invitation itself. "Would you read Mark with me for six weeks?" is easier to say, and easier to accept, than "Can I disciple you?"
Would you lead our time together next week?
Why ask it
Hand over a part before the whole: the opening prayer one week, the passage the next, then the full hour. Afterward name one thing that went well and one to change, and stop there.
What would you copy from how we have met, and what would you change?
Why ask it
This is free feedback on your own discipling. Take it without defending yourself, and expect to hear that you talked more than you realized.
Does your pastor or group leader know you want to start discipling someone?
Why ask it
Churches arrange this differently. Some pair people formally, and some require training or safeguarding checks, particularly where anyone under eighteen is involved. Find out how yours works before the first meeting is set.
What will you still need from me once you are discipling someone?
Why ask it
Sending someone out does not finish your part. A monthly conversation about how it is going, with the other person's confidences kept, gives a first-time discipler somewhere to take what they do not know how to handle.
How will we know that our regular meetings have done their job?
Why ask it
Agree on the signs: reading and praying without being chased, confessing quickly, having told somebody the gospel, investing in another person. When they are there, end on purpose with thanks and prayer instead of letting the meetings trail off.
Running a discipleship meeting with these questions
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Setting it up
Agree on a term and a text
Pick a book of the Bible short enough to finish (Mark, Philippians and James are common choices for a first run) and a number of weeks. Starting out is written for that first meeting or two. A disciple who knows the arrangement ends in twelve weeks will tell you more in week three than one who suspects it has no end.
Who meets with whom
Many churches pair men with men and women with women, ask that meetings happen somewhere public, and have a safeguarding policy for anyone discipling a teenager. Your church's practice is the one that counts, so ask a pastor or ministry leader what is expected before you invite anyone.
One to one or a group
A pair gets furthest on Sin and accountability, because there is nobody else to perform for. A group of three or four is easier to sustain when someone travels, and it lets a disciple hear that other people fight the same things. In a group, give the confession questions a clear rule: each person answers for themselves and nobody comments on another's answer.
A shape for the hour
Four parts in sixty minutes
Catch up on the week for ten minutes, spend twenty on what was read, twenty on one of the other groups, and ten in prayer. The Scripture and prayer questions are the weekly staples: use two or three of them every time and rotate the remaining groups, so that over a month you have touched sin, relationships and sharing faith once each.
Fewer questions, followed further
One question followed properly fills fifteen minutes. Choose your two or three beforehand, write them on a card, and let the disciple's answer decide the follow-up. A meeting that covers the page has covered nothing.
When to open the last group
Multiplying belongs after the habits in the earlier groups have held for some months, not on a fixed date. A reasonable sign is that the disciple has started answering before you ask. Raise the first of those questions lightly, well ahead of time, so that being sent to disciple someone else never arrives as a surprise.
If you are the one being discipled
What to bring
A Bible, a notebook, the passage already read, and one honest thing: a verse that confused you, a sin you would prefer not to mention, or a conversation that went wrong. The disciple who arrives with a question gets a different meeting from the one who waits to be asked.
Questions to put to your discipler
You may ask as well as answer. Good ones: What are you reading yourself at the moment? What did you get wrong when you were where I am? Who do you confess to? What do you see in me that I cannot see? How did you learn to pray? A discipler worth having will be glad of all five.
If it is not working
Say so at the review point you agreed at the start. A mismatch of schedules or temperament is nobody's fault, and asking a pastor to suggest another person is an ordinary thing to do. If a discipler tries to control your decisions, cuts you off from other Christians, or asks you to keep the meetings secret, take that to a church leader you trust.
Where discipling goes wrong
The interview
Asking every question and answering none turns a friendship into an inspection. Answer the accountability questions yourself, briefly and truthfully, on the same day you ask them.
Fixing before listening
The verse and the three-step plan arrive too early when they arrive in the first minute. Ask one more question than feels natural before you open the Bible to a remedy, and you will usually find the remedy was needed somewhere else.
Standing in the middle
A disciple who cannot read, pray or decide without checking with you has been attached to the wrong person. Keep pointing past yourself, to Scripture, to prayer and to the wider church, and count it a success when they need you less.
Never letting go
Meeting for years with no thought of the disciple passing anything on is pleasant and falls short of the pattern in 2 Timothy 2:2, where what is received is entrusted to people who will teach others. The Multiplying questions exist so that the handover is planned and not postponed.