Questions to Ask Your Intuition
Good questions to ask your intuition when you're facing a decision or can't shake an uneasy feeling, to work through in a journal or in ten quiet minutes alone. They follow the order a decision usually takes: tuning in, a specific choice, a person or a place, telling a gut feeling from fear or wishful thinking, checking your hunches against their track record, and what to do with the answer. Every question has a note on what a clear or a worrying answer sounds like, or what to do next.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Tuning in
What is my gut telling me about this?
Why ask it
Write the first sentence that comes, before you reach for reasons. A usable answer is short and a little blunt, like 'not this one' or 'go'. If what arrives is a paragraph with a 'because' in it, that is thinking, which is useful but is a different exercise.
What do I already know that I haven't said out loud?
Why ask it
The test is how the sentence feels once it exists. Say it to an empty room, or write it and read it back: relief suggests it was true before today. If nothing comes at all, you may honestly not know yet, which is different from knowing and not saying.
What feels off, even though I can't explain it yet?
Why ask it
The why can wait. Where and when are easier and more useful: which room, which conversation, which line of the contract. A feeling you can pin to a moment gives you something to check, and one that hangs over the whole week may be about the week and not about this.
What does my body do when I picture saying yes?
Why ask it
Imagine the yes as already given and stay with it for half a minute. Shoulders dropping and an easier breath read differently from a tight jaw or a sinking stomach. Then run the same picture with no, since a nervous body can tense at both.
What question am I really asking?
Why ask it
'Should I take the job' is often standing in for 'am I allowed to leave' or 'will I be good enough there'. Rewrite the question until it stings a little. The version that stings is the one to put to your gut.
What was my first reaction, before I started reasoning?
Why ask it
Go back to the actual moment: the email opening, the offer being made, the person walking in. A flicker of dread or a lift in the chest that lasted one second counts. Record it without ruling yet on whether it was right.
What thought keeps coming back, however often I wave it off?
Why ask it
Think of the small thought that turns up on the drive home, in the shower and again at three in the afternoon. Note how many times this week, and whether the wording stays the same. Worry returns as well, though it tends to grow and pick up new details, where this kind of thought stays the same size.
What am I hoping the answer will be?
Why ask it
Hope and intuition can sound alike, so get the hope on paper first, under its own name. If one result would crush you, that tells you what you want, and wanting is allowed. It only causes trouble when it gets passed off as a hunch.
Am I calm enough right now to hear a quiet answer?
Why ask it
Hungry, short on sleep or fresh from an argument, most people get noise. An honest no here is a reason to walk, eat or sleep and ask again tomorrow. If someone insists the decision can't wait one night, that pressure deserves a question of its own.
The choice
If I had to decide in the next ten seconds, which way would I go?
Why ask it
Count down for real and say the answer at zero. The snap choice isn't binding; it shows which way you were already leaning. Pay attention to the second after: settled, or an urge to take it back.
Which option feels lighter, and which feels heavier?
Why ask it
The words lighter and heavier skip the list of pros and cons, which is the point of using them. Heavy can mean wrong, or it can mean big and worth doing. Ask which kind it is: a weight you'd carry gladly, or one you'd resent by spring.
If I flipped a coin, which side would I hope for while it was in the air?
Why ask it
Flip an actual coin, with the sides assigned first. The coin decides nothing. The relief or the sinking feeling when it lands is your reading, and wanting best of three tells you just as much.
If nobody ever found out which I chose, what would I pick?
Why ask it
This takes away the audience: the parent who'd be proud, the friends who'd be impressed. If the answer changes when no one is watching, the first lean was about how the choice looks. You get to decide how much that should count.
Which choice would I be relieved to have taken off the table?
Why ask it
Picture a message saying one option is gone: the house sold, the position filled. Relief means you were keeping it alive out of duty. Disappointment that surprises you means it mattered more than your list admitted.
What would I tell a close friend standing exactly where I am?
Why ask it
People are usually clearer and kinder about a friend's situation than their own, which is the whole use of this one. Put the advice in a short note addressed to them. If the note says something you would never say to yourself, go with the note.
What more am I waiting to find out, and would it change my mind?
Why ask it
Some missing facts could tip you and some couldn't. List them and write beside each which way it would push; the ones that could tip you are worth chasing this week. The rest are a polite way of putting off a decision already made.
Which option am I arguing for the hardest?
Why ask it
A long, polished case can mean you're trying to talk a reluctant part of yourself round. Count the reasons you've collected on each side, and how often you've recited them to other people. The side that needed no speech deserves a second look.
If I lived one whole day as though I'd chosen this, how would the day feel?
Why ask it
Tell no one, and spend a day as if it's settled: plan the commute, rehearse the conversation, look at the calendar. Give the other option the next day. Whichever day felt like wearing your own clothes is the better guide.
Which would I choose if I knew both would be hard?
Why ask it
Every option has its bad Tuesday. Choosing between two difficulties shows which one you think is worth the trouble, something that hoping for the best never reveals. A fast answer here deserves weight.
What part of me is voting no, and what is it protecting?
Why ask it
Give the objector a hearing instead of overruling it. It may be guarding your sleep, your savings, a friendship or your pride, and some of those deserve a veto. Once you know what it wants, you can often meet that need inside the yes.
Is this a no, or a not like this?
Why ask it
Timing, price and company are the usual conditions, so change one at a time and ask again. If the feeling turns to yes under one change, you have something to negotiate. If it stays no however you arrange it, stop rearranging.
People and places
Do I trust this person, and with what exactly?
Why ask it
Trust comes in kinds. You can rely on someone's kindness and not their timekeeping, or their work and not their discretion. A gut no gets more useful once you can say which kind it is about, and whether that is the kind this decision depends on.
What did I notice about this person in the first five minutes?
Why ask it
Write it as plain observations: what they did, what they said, how they treated the waiter. First impressions pick up real things, and they also pick up clothes, accents and a resemblance to someone else. Ask whether you'd read the same act the same way in another person.
What do I do differently when this person is around?
Why ask it
Your behavior is harder to argue with than your opinion. Rehearsing sentences, checking their mood before you speak, or laughing when it isn't funny are all answers. So is finding that you talk more freely than usual.
What has this person said that their actions haven't matched?
Why ask it
A hunch about someone is often your memory keeping count of small mismatches. Try to list two or three with dates: the promise, then what happened. If an honest try produces no examples, the unease may be coming from somewhere else.
Who does this person remind me of?
Why ask it
An uneasy feeling about a new boss can be an old boss in a similar jacket. If a name comes up, ask what the two share beyond a voice or a manner. Sometimes the resemblance is the warning, and sometimes it is the whole of the feeling.
Do I feel safe here?
Why ask it
The one question on the page where you act first and examine afterward. If the answer is no, leave, move toward other people or call someone, and work out later whether you overreacted. Being wrong costs an awkward moment.
What am I explaining away about this situation?
Why ask it
Listen for 'they're just', 'it's only' and 'everyone does'. Each phrase marks a spot where you saw something and filed it. Strip the excuses off and read the bare facts once, in order.
What is not being said in this room?
Why ask it
For after a meeting, a family dinner or an interview where everything was pleasant and you left uneasy. Think of the subject people steered around, or the question that got a joke for an answer. Then decide whether you can simply ask it.
What does this place feel like when I stop talking myself into it?
Why ask it
This is for an apartment, an office, a school or a town. Stand in it for five minutes with nobody selling it to you, at the hour you'd really be there. A flat 'fine' is an answer, and so is not wanting to leave.
Am I reading this person, or reading my own mood?
Why ask it
Check what you were carrying before they walked in: a bad call, a late train, an argument at home. A sour mood finds something sour in whoever arrives next. If you meet them again on an ordinary day and the impression is the same, it belongs to them.
What would I need to see from them to feel at ease?
Why ask it
A good answer is something you could observe within a set time: the money back by Friday, an introduction to their friends, a straight reply to one question. If one thing would settle you, ask for it. If nothing they could do would, you may have decided already.
Gut or fear
Is this a quiet knowing, or a loud worry?
Why ask it
Many people describe a hunch as calm, brief and oddly neutral, and fear as fast, repetitive and full of what-ifs. Listen to the tone as much as the words. It's a rule of thumb and not a law, so check it against how your own past hunches sounded.
Do I get the same answer when I ask again on a different day?
Why ask it
Put the same question to yourself at three different times: a good morning, a tired evening, after a walk. Write the date and hour beside each answer. A read that holds across all three counts for more than one that only shows up at two in the morning.
What exactly am I afraid will happen?
Why ask it
Finish the sentence with an event: 'they will say no', 'I will be out of money by June'. A fear that can name its event can be planned for. One that only repeats 'something bad' is better treated as nerves until it says more.
Am I calling it intuition because it's what I want to hear?
Why ask it
Wishful thinking tends to arrive with a story attached: how it turns out, who is impressed, what you'd say. A hunch more often comes bare, and sometimes it is unwelcome. Be most suspicious of a gut feeling that agrees with you on every point.
Is this feeling about now, or about something that happened before?
Why ask it
Ask how old the feeling is. If the dread at a slow reply is the same dread from a relationship five years ago, you are remembering more than sensing. It may still be right, but it needs present-day evidence before it gets a vote.
Is the urgency coming from the situation or from me?
Why ask it
Real deadlines have a date and a person who set it. 'Decide tonight or lose everything', with no date behind it, usually comes from anxiety or from someone selling. Ask what honestly changes if you wait until Thursday.
What would I choose if I weren't afraid?
Why ask it
Take the fear out for a minute: suppose the money was covered, or you knew nobody would laugh. If your answer flips, fear was the obstacle, and the work is dealing with the fear. If it stays the same, the fear was only keeping the real reason company.
Am I moving toward something, or only getting away from something?
Why ask it
Describe where you're headed in as much detail as what you're leaving. A vivid picture of the exit and a blank where the destination should be means the pull is escape. Leaving can still be right, but then there is no need to rush through this particular door.
Is this wrong for me, or only new?
Why ask it
New things and wrong things can both feel bad in the first week. Remember the last unfamiliar thing that turned out well, and how its early days felt. If today's feeling matches that one, give it time; if it is a different kind of bad, write down how.
Whose worry is this?
Why ask it
Sometimes the alarm belongs to a parent, a partner or a cautious friend, and you have been carrying it for them. Try saying the worry in their voice and see whether it fits better there. If it does, set it to one side and ask what your own read is.
Track record
When was the last time I had a feeling like this, and what happened?
Why ask it
Find one real occasion and write down how it ended. A match with a past hunch that proved right is some evidence. Just as useful is discovering that the last three times this feeling came, nothing followed.
When did I override my gut and regret it?
Why ask it
Most people can name one quickly: the roommate, the job, the used car. Recall where the ignored feeling sat in your body and what words it used. That is your reference sample for how the real thing shows up in you.
When was my gut flat wrong?
Why ask it
Harder to answer, which is why it belongs here. The person you distrusted who became a friend, the sure thing that wasn't. Look for what the misses share: were you tired, smitten, flattered, in a hurry?
In which parts of my life are my hunches usually good?
Why ask it
It's reasonable to expect better hunches where you've had years of practice and quick feedback, and patchier ones elsewhere. You might read people well and money badly, or the reverse. Lean on a hunch on home ground and ask for more evidence off it.
What reliably fools my gut?
Why ask it
Attraction, flattery and a bargain can each produce a strong yes that feels like knowing. A snap judgment built on someone's age, accent or looks does the same in the other direction. Name your two usual culprits, and get a second opinion whenever one of them is in play.
What have I predicted lately, and how did it turn out?
Why ask it
If you can't say, start keeping score. Write the hunch, the date and what you expect to happen, then check back in a month. Ten entries will tell you more about your intuition than any amount of wondering whether to trust it.
How does a hunch that turned out right usually show up for me?
Why ask it
For some it's a sentence, for others a drop in the stomach, a picture, or simply losing interest in an option. Use the occasions you just recalled to describe yours in a line or two. Once you can describe your own signal, the tuning-in questions take half the time.
What now
What is the smallest step that would test this feeling?
Why ask it
A hunch about a job can be tested over coffee with someone who works there; one about a person, with a single direct question. Choose a step you can undo. A feeling that grows stronger on real information has earned a bigger move.
What could I check this week that would back this up or knock it down?
Why ask it
Decide what counts as evidence before you go looking, or you will find whatever you hoped for. It might be an inspection report, a bank statement, a reference or a second opinion. For anything touching a contract, your health or the law, ask someone qualified how it works where you live before the hunch gets the final word.
Who could I talk this over with who has nothing riding on it?
Why ask it
The right person won't gain or lose by your choice and has disagreed with you before. Give them the hunch and the facts separately. What you want from them is whether the two look connected from the outside.
How long can I let this sit before I have to answer?
Why ask it
There is usually a real deadline, and it is often later than it feels. Find it, then set a date of your own a little ahead of it: a feeling unchanged after three nights of sleep is steadier than one from this afternoon. Letting your date pass is itself a decision, so call it one.
What would acting on this cost if I'm wrong, and what would ignoring it cost?
Why ask it
Put a rough size on each outcome. A hunch that is cheap to follow and costly to ignore, like leaving a party early, needs almost no proof. One that is expensive to follow and hard to reverse needs the track record and the outside check first.
Could I stand behind this choice even if it turns out badly?
Why ask it
A decision made for reasons you can state is easier to carry than a lucky one you can't explain. Write two dated sentences on why you chose, for your later self to read. If you can't write them yet, you aren't finished deciding.
What is the one thing I'll do about this by the end of the week?
Why ask it
End on a verb and a day: call, ask, sign, decline, book the viewing. Keep it to one. A sitting that closes on a feeling alone tends to need repeating the following week.
How to ask your intuition and read the answer
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Before you ask
Bring one decision or one feeling
Write it across the top of the page in a single line: 'the offer from the Denver office', 'the knot in my stomach about the lease'. The questions say 'this' throughout, and they only work when 'this' is one thing. Two decisions in one sitting blur into a general mood.
Wording a question of your own
Short, about one thing and in the present works best: 'Is the Maple Street apartment right for us?' gets a cleaner reply than 'What should I do about moving?'. Leave out 'why', which invites an essay, and avoid an 'or' in the middle, where a yes could mean either half. If you want a yes or a no, ask so that one word can answer.
On paper or sitting quietly
On paper, write the question out, then write for three minutes without lifting the pen and underline the first line afterward, since it is usually the least edited one. In silence, ask once, keep to the same words and wait a minute or two. Either way, note what came before you judge it.
Ask once
Rephrasing a question until it gives the reply you like is steering. Put each question once, take what comes, including 'nothing' or 'I don't know', and move on. You can ask again another day, and comparing the two days is useful in itself.
Pick your moment
Late at night, in the hour after an argument or with a salesperson waiting, most of what you'll hear is alarm. If you can, choose a time when you've eaten and slept and nothing is due in the next hour. Ten quiet minutes in a parked car will do.
Finding your way around the groups
Start in Tuning in, every time
The first group gets the unedited reaction down on paper before analysis reaches it. Two or three of those questions are enough. Do them even when you think you know what you feel, because that first line is what the later groups test.
Then go where your subject is
A decision between options belongs in The choice. Unease about someone, or about a house, a workplace or a room you just left, belongs in People and places. Most sittings need only one of the two.
Run the two checks
Gut or fear asks what kind of feeling this is; Track record asks how feelings like it have done before. Neither takes long, and together they separate a hunch you can lean on from a mood. When the stakes are small, one question from each is plenty.
Finish in What now
Close every sitting with one question from the last group, so you leave with a step, a date or a person to call. A whole decision rarely takes more than eight or ten questions from the page. The rest are there for other days and other choices.
Reading what comes back
What an answer can look like
It may be a word, a flat 'no', a picture of a particular kitchen, a tightening under the ribs, or a sudden loss of interest in one option. It does not have to be dramatic and it rarely explains itself. Write it down in the form it came, without tidying it into a reason.
Hunch, fear and wish, side by side
Take a job offer. A hunch might sound like 'Not this team', said once and calmly. Fear sounds like 'What if I fail, what if they find out, what if I can't go back', on repeat. A wish sounds like the first day going wonderfully, complete with what you'll wear. These are common descriptions and yours may differ, which is what the Track record group is for.
When nothing comes
Silence is common and it is not a failure. Often it means you need a fact you don't have, or the choice isn't ripe, or both options are honestly close. Write 'nothing yet', pick a question from What now about what to find out, and come back in a day or two.
When the answer changes from day to day
Keep the dated pages and look at them together after a week. If the answer follows your sleep or your mood, it is telling you about those. If one reply keeps returning underneath the swings, that is the one to take seriously.
Where a hunch is not enough
Safety is the exception that runs the other way
When a place or a person feels unsafe, you don't owe the feeling an investigation first. Leave, get near other people or call someone, and do the questions afterward. Every other hunch on this page can wait for evidence; this one doesn't have to.
Money, health and anything you sign
Your intuition can tell you what you want and what worries you. It can't tell you what a contract says, what a symptom means or what the rules are where you live, and those differ from place to place. Ask someone qualified how it works there, then bring what you learn back to the questions.
Quick reads of people
A fast dislike or a fast liking can be built from someone's looks, age or accent, or from a likeness to somebody else. Before acting on it, look for something they actually did or said. Be most careful when you are deciding about someone else's chances, such as hiring, renting or choosing a team.
When the questions go round in circles
If you've asked about the same decision for weeks, more asking won't settle it; a conversation or a small test usually will. And if nearly every question brings back dread, whatever the subject, the page isn't the right tool for that. Talk it over with someone you trust, or with a doctor or counselor.