Questions to Ask at the End of a Retreat
For the facilitator, pastor, youth leader or team lead who runs the closing session and wants more out of it than a round of 'It was great'. These are questions to ask participants at the end of a retreat, spoken aloud in the last circle and grouped in the order a good closing runs: looking back, what shifted, what goes home, next steps, what to do better next time, and last of all, words for the group. Take one or two from each part to suit a team offsite, a church or youth weekend, or a wellness retreat.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Looking back
What is one moment from this retreat you expect to still remember a year from now?
Why ask it
A good opener for the last circle because everyone has an answer and no answer is wrong. Listen for the moments that come up twice: those are the parts of the program that did the work, and they are often not the ones you spent longest planning.
What one word describes how you arrived, and what one word describes how you are leaving?
Why ask it
Two words each keeps a large circle to a few minutes. If you ran a one-word round on the first day, hold up that list so people can see their arrival word next to the new one. Take the pair without asking for reasons, since the distance between the two words is the answer.
What did you come here hoping for, and how much of it did you get?
Why ask it
If you collected hopes on the first day, read a few back before people answer. Someone who says they got something other than what they wanted is not complaining, so ask what turned up in its place.
What surprised you most over these days?
Why ask it
Surprise marks the spot where a person's picture of the group, or of themselves, turned out to be off. Follow with 'What had you expected?' and you hear the before and the after in one answer.
What was the hardest part of the retreat for you?
Why ask it
Ask it only if the group has already been honest with one another, and take whatever comes without defending the schedule. An answer about the program is feedback to note down. An answer about the person is theirs, and a thank-you is enough.
What is one thing you did here that you had never done before?
Why ask it
Teenagers answer this fast because it asks for an event and not a feeling: the high ropes, reading aloud in front of the group, two days without a phone. Ask what it took to say yes, and whether they would do it again at home.
Which conversation here will you keep thinking about?
Why ask it
Much of a retreat happens at meals and on walks, and this is how that part gets into the room. Tell people they can name the conversation without repeating what the other person said in it.
Where did you laugh the hardest?
Why ask it
Use it to lift the room after a heavy round, or to open a youth group's closing before the serious questions. The stories retold here become the group's shorthand for the whole retreat, so let them run a little.
What shifted
What do you see differently now than you did on the first day?
Why ask it
This is the plain way to ask what shifted, and it works for a staff team, a congregation or a yoga group alike. If someone answers in generalities, ask what they saw or heard here that moved it.
What did you learn about yourself here that you did not expect to?
Why ask it
Give a minute of silence or writing first, because the first thing people say aloud is usually the safest thing. Do not interpret the answer for them. Repeat back the phrase they used and go on to the next person.
What did you learn about someone here that you will remember the next time you see them?
Why ask it
On a team retreat this is often the most useful answer of the day, since it names something that will be different in the next meeting. Ask the speaker to say it to the person, not about them.
How is this group different from the one that arrived on the first day?
Why ask it
A question about the whole group, which a team or a youth group that goes home together needs to hear answered. Listen for specifics, such as who now sits with whom or what people will say in front of each other, and ask when it turned.
What did you put down while you were here that you do not plan to pick back up?
Why ask it
People name a grudge, a habit, a phone, a worry about work. Nobody has to explain why. At a wellness or faith retreat it pairs well with a small act, such as writing it on paper and leaving the paper behind.
What question are you leaving with that you did not arrive with?
Why ask it
Good for a group that distrusts tidy conclusions. A retreat that sends someone home with a better question has done its job, so resist answering it for them in the circle.
What did the time away from your phone and your usual routine show you?
Why ask it
Skip it if the retreat was busy from breakfast to bedtime. Where there was real silence or a break from screens, the answers tend to be about what fills that space at home, so ask next which part of that the person wants to change.
Where did you sense God at work over these days?
Why ask it
For a church or youth group retreat, and worded for people who share that language, so change it to fit your tradition. Leave room for 'I am not sure I did', which is an honest answer and should be received as one.
Taking home
What is the one thing you are taking home from this retreat?
Why ask it
The classic closing question, and the limit of one is the point: it forces a choice among a dozen good moments. Write the answers on a sheet as they come, photograph it, and send it around the following week.
When someone at home asks how it was, what will you say?
Why ask it
Everyone will be asked this within hours, and 'good, tiring' is what comes out unless they have tried something better first. Have people test their two sentences on a partner before the full circle hears them.
Which practice from this retreat do you want to keep, and where does it fit in an ordinary week?
Why ask it
The second half matters more than the first. 'Morning silence' is a wish, and 'ten minutes before the kids are up, on weekdays' is a plan. Push gently for the day and the time.
What will Monday morning look like if this retreat made a difference?
Why ask it
It pulls the answer out of the abstract and onto a calendar. Listen for something another person could observe, such as a meeting run differently or a phone left in another room, and ask for that if it is missing.
What will be hardest to hold on to once you are back in your routine?
Why ask it
The days after a retreat can feel flat, and saying so in the circle means nobody is caught off guard by it on Tuesday. Follow with 'What would help?' and let the group, not you, offer the ideas.
Who needs to hear about what happened here, and what will you tell them?
Why ask it
For a team, this is how colleagues who stayed behind learn what was decided before rumor tells them. If the retreat produced decisions, agree on the wording together. After a personal retreat the answer is more often a spouse, a parent or a friend.
Which decision or idea from this retreat do you most want to see survive?
Why ask it
Flip-chart pages do not travel well, and this tells you which of them people care about. Count the mentions: the idea named most often should have an owner before anyone gets in a car.
Next steps
What is one thing you will do in the first 48 hours after you get home?
Why ask it
The energy of a retreat thins out once the inbox opens, so a short deadline helps. Ask for something small and finishable, such as sending one message or booking one meeting, and let the bigger intentions wait for later in the round.
What is one commitment small enough that you are sure you will keep it?
Why ask it
People leave retreats promising to change everything. Shrink the promise until the person laughs at how easy it is, and you have probably found the one with the best chance of lasting the month.
What will you stop doing because of what you saw here?
Why ask it
Most closing rounds only add. The hours for a new commitment have to come from somewhere, so ask for one thing given up for each thing taken on.
What did we decide here, and what did we leave open?
Why ask it
The closing question a team, board or committee retreat cannot skip. Have two or three people answer before anyone compares notes: if their versions differ, the decision is not made yet, and this is a better place to learn that than the first meeting back. Put a name beside each open item so that someone brings it back.
What will we, as a group, have done 30 days from now?
Why ask it
Put the answers on a flip chart as they come. Do not accept an item without a name and a date beside it, and read the list back aloud before closing so that nobody learns on Monday that they own something.
What might get in the way, and what will you do when it does?
Why ask it
'When' is deliberate, not 'if': it treats the obstacle as normal. Ask for the plan in one sentence, such as 'If I miss a morning, I start again the next day', so that it has been said aloud once before the bad week arrives.
Who will you ask to check in on that commitment, and when?
Why ask it
Have people turn and ask that person on the spot, and put a date in both phones. On a youth retreat the adult leaders can do the following up, in whatever way your organization's rules on contacting young people allow.
What do you need from the people in this room to follow through?
Why ask it
It turns private resolutions into requests the group can say yes or no to. Have the speaker name who they are asking, and let that person reply before the round goes on.
What conversation do you need to have when you get back?
Why ask it
Time away often makes clear that something needs saying to a manager, a spouse, a co-leader or a friend. People do not have to say who or what. A nod that they know which conversation it is can be enough.
What do you want to tell yourself in a letter you will open three months from now?
Why ask it
Hand out paper and envelopes, give ten quiet minutes, and collect the sealed letters to mail later. It suits people who will not speak in the circle, and the retreat reaches them a second time after the glow has gone.
When will we look at these commitments again?
Why ask it
Set the date before anyone leaves: a slot on a staff meeting agenda, a reunion dinner, a group call. A commitment round with no follow-up date teaches the group that the closing was a ritual and nothing more.
Next time
What should we keep exactly as it was?
Why ask it
Ask this before asking for changes, or next year's committee will plan the good parts away. The answers are often small things, such as the long lunch or the afternoon with nothing on it.
What would you change about the schedule or the pace?
Why ask it
Spoken answers tend to be about sleep, free time and how full the days were. Ask for a show of hands on 'too full', 'about right' and 'too loose' so that the loudest voice does not stand for the room.
What did we not make enough time for?
Why ask it
It shows what people wanted more of, which is not the same as what they would rate highly. If the answer is 'each other', next year's plan needs fewer sessions, not better ones.
Which session or activity could we have dropped?
Why ask it
Hard to answer honestly when the person who led that session is sitting in the circle. Take this one on index cards handed in at the door, and ask it aloud only if you ran every session yourself.
What would have helped you settle in faster on the first day?
Why ask it
First-timers answer this best, so ask them directly. You tend to hear about the arrival: not knowing where to go, who was sharing a room, or what the first evening would involve.
Who was missing that should be here next time?
Why ask it
For a team it shows whose absence was felt in the decisions. For a church or community retreat it becomes an invitation list, and you can ask each person who they will bring.
What would you tell someone who is unsure about coming next year?
Why ask it
The answers are the truest description of the retreat you will get, in the participants' own words. With permission, write a few down for next year's invitation, and leave names off unless the speaker agrees.
Was there a point when you felt left out, or pushed further than you wanted to go?
Why ask it
Do not ask it in the circle. Put it on a card or ask it one on one afterward, and read the answers before you plan another retreat, above all the ones about activities that involved touch, personal sharing or a physical challenge.
To the group
Who here do you want to thank, and for what exactly?
Why ask it
'Exactly' is the working word: 'thanks for staying up with me on Friday' lands where 'thanks, everyone' slides off. Notice who has not been named by the end, the cooks and drivers included, and thank them yourself.
What did you see in someone here that they may not see in themselves?
Why ask it
Best in a group small enough that each person hears something. In a larger one, do it on paper: a sheet per person goes around the circle, and each person takes their own home.
What do you want this group to know about you before we leave?
Why ask it
People use it to correct an impression: 'I was quiet because I was tired, not because I did not care.' It earns its place with groups that will keep meeting, since the answer goes back with them to the office or the congregation.
Is there anything unsaid that you would rather not carry home?
Why ask it
Ask it with enough time left to respond, never as the final question. An apology or a cleared-up misunderstanding fits here. If an answer reopens a debate from an earlier session, say when it will be picked up, and offer a private conversation for anything that sounds like a serious grievance.
How do we want to stay in touch, and who will set it up?
Why ask it
'We should keep in touch' usually produces a group chat nobody starts. Get one name and one date. With a youth group, stay inside the channels your organization permits, and ask what those are if you do not know.
What do you hope for the person sitting on your left?
Why ask it
Each person speaks to one neighbor, so everyone gives and everyone receives. With teenagers, allow thirty seconds to think and offer the starter 'I hope you', so that nobody is handed a joke at their own expense.
What would you like this group to pray for as you go home?
Why ask it
Written for a church or youth retreat. One sentence is enough and no backstory is owed. If your tradition prays aloud, the person to the right can pray for it on the spot, and in any other setting 'What would you like us to keep in mind for you?' asks the same thing.
What one sentence do you want to leave in this room?
Why ask it
A last round with no discussion and no replies: one sentence, a breath of quiet, then the next voice. End the retreat on the final speaker, and make the announcements about keys and luggage before this round begins.
How to run the closing session of a retreat
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Planning the last session
Put the closing on the schedule, and guard it
The final session is the first thing to shrink when breakfast runs late and people have a drive ahead of them. Give it a fixed start, tell the group on the first day that it is coming, and move packing and room checkout ahead of it so that nobody sits in the circle thinking about a suitcase. An hour is comfortable for a dozen people. A larger group needs either more time or a format in which not everyone speaks to everyone.
Choose five or six questions, one from each part
The list has six parts because a closing has six jobs: remember, notice the change, decide what goes home, commit, tell the organizers what to do better, and speak to one another. One question from each part fills a session. If time is short, keep Taking home, Next steps and To the group, and collect Next time on paper.
Fit the questions to the kind of retreat
A staff or board retreat leans on Next steps: decisions, owners and dates. A church or youth retreat gives more room to What shifted and To the group, and the two questions about God and prayer belong there and nowhere else. A wellness or silent retreat usually wants fewer questions and longer pauses, with the practice people mean to keep at the center. With teenagers, pick the concrete questions, allow writing before speaking, and keep the round moving.
Decide what is spoken and what is written
Spoken questions are for meaning and for the group. Ratings of the food, the beds and the speakers belong on a form sent afterward, where people can be blunt without an audience. Mixing the two turns a closing circle into a customer survey with witnesses.
Running the circle
Say the rules in three sentences
Before the first question, tell people how long a turn is, that anyone may pass and be come back to, and that nobody responds to or fixes what another person says. Add what will happen to anything you write down. Groups speak more freely when they know their answers will not turn up in the newsletter.
A minute with a pen before each big question
Hand out cards and let people jot an answer before anyone speaks. It stops the fifth person from borrowing the first person's answer, it gives slower thinkers an equal start, and the cards can be collected, with consent, as your record of the retreat.
Let the leader answer last
When the pastor, the director or the founder goes first, everyone after them adjusts. Have the most senior person in the room speak at the end, briefly, and as a participant: one thing they are taking home, not a summary of what the others said.
In a large group, use pairs and a single line each
Past twenty people, a full round on every question takes the whole morning. Put people in pairs or threes for the longer questions, then bring the circle back together for one sentence per person on a single question. Everyone is heard once by the whole group, and everyone has had a real conversation as well.
Finish on people, then stop
Next time comes before To the group in the list for a reason: the last thing said in the room should be a thank-you or a parting sentence, not a remark about the mattresses. Make the practical announcements before the final round. When the last person has spoken, close with a word, a blessing, a song or a shared silence, whichever belongs to your group, and let people go.
When an answer needs more than the circle
Tears are not an emergency
People cry at closings, from gratitude or tiredness as often as from pain. Leave a pause, thank the person, and move to the next speaker without rushing a tissue across the room or asking the group to gather around. Check on them quietly once the session is over.
Know what you will do with a serious disclosure
Now and then a reflective question brings out something about harm, safety or a crisis at home. A closing circle is not the place to work through it, and a facilitator is not a counselor. Thank the person, speak with them privately afterward, and follow the reporting and safeguarding procedures of the organization running the retreat. Those differ from one organization and one place to the next, and with minors there may be duties you are required to follow, so ask what applies to you before the retreat starts, not after.
Park a conflict where everyone can see it
If a question about what was left unsaid brings back an argument from the second day, name it, say when and with whom it will be picked up, and write that on the wall chart. Twenty minutes before departure is too little time to settle it and plenty of time to make it worse.
Agree on what leaves the room
Before people go, settle what may be repeated outside the group. One workable rule: each person may tell their own story and share what they learned, and nobody tells anyone else's. For a workplace retreat, say plainly whether anything from the closing goes into a report, and who will read it.
After the retreat
Send the commitments back within a week
Type up the group's commitments and the list of what each person is taking home, and send them while the retreat is still fresh. For a team, include owners and dates. For a personal or faith retreat, send only what people agreed to share, or let each person keep their own.
Hold the check-in you promised
If the group set a date to look at its commitments again, put it in calendars before the cars leave the parking lot, and do not let it slide. Fifteen minutes at the start of a regular meeting, with the question 'What have you kept, and what slipped?', is enough to show that the closing meant something.
Mail the letters
If people wrote letters to themselves, mail them on the date you said you would. Set a reminder you cannot ignore, because a box of sealed envelopes forgotten in a cupboard is how this exercise tends to end.
Read the Next time answers before you book again
Sort what you heard aloud and what came in on cards into keep, change and drop, and pass that summary to whoever plans the next retreat. Then tell the participants one or two things you are changing because of what they said. People answer the closing questions more honestly the following year when they have seen the last answers go somewhere.