Questions to Ask Gamers
Questions for talking to someone who plays games, from what is currently installed to the games they have hundreds of hours in, the ones they gave up on, and the ones tied to a particular period of their life.
The questions
Open any question for the note
What are you playing at the moment?
Why ask it
The right opener because it needs no preamble and the answer is always available. It also tells you which conversation you are in: someone six weeks into a new release talks very differently from someone still on a game from 2016.
What was the last game you actually finished, and did the ending land?
Why ask it
Most people do not finish most games, so this quietly asks what held them to the end. Endings are also where opinions are strongest and least rehearsed, since almost nobody has been asked about one.
What have you got the most hours in, and do you regret any of them?
Why ask it
Every platform shows a total, so the number is usually known to the hour. The second half is the interesting one and gets an honest answer surprisingly often, because most long-term players have one game they think of as time they would like back.
What did you grow up playing on?
Why ask it
Hardware dates people accurately and without asking their age, and it explains later taste better than genre does. Someone who spent their childhood on a family PC has a different set of reference points from someone with a console in their bedroom.
What was the first game that felt like yours rather than the family's?
Why ask it
This locates a specific moment rather than asking for nostalgia in general. The answer is usually attached to a place, a shared television, or a sibling, and it opens up much more than asking what they played as a kid.
What is a game everyone loves that you bounced off?
Why ask it
More revealing than a favourite, because it forces them to describe what they cannot get on with: pace, difficulty, tone, or a hundred hours of setup. It also gives them permission to disagree with a consensus, which most players enjoy considerably.
What do you keep recommending that nobody ever plays?
Why ask it
Every player has one, and this is the question they have been waiting for. You will get genuine enthusiasm rather than the safe answer, and usually an explanation of why it is a hard sell.
Do you play to switch off, or to compete?
Why ask it
These are close to different hobbies that happen to share hardware, and mixing them up is why most conversations about games go nowhere. Knowing which one you are talking to tells you whether to ask about ranks or about atmosphere.
Do you finish games, or drift off about two thirds through?
Why ask it
Drifting off is the norm and admitting it is oddly relieving. The reasons people give, a difficulty spike, a new release, an open world that stopped offering anything, are more interesting than any list of favourites.
What is the hardest thing you have beaten, and did you look up how?
Why ask it
The second clause is what makes it a real question. Some players treat a guide as cheating and others as reading the manual, and the answer tells you how they relate to being stuck, in games and often elsewhere.
Have you ever rage-quit something and come back to it years later?
Why ask it
Often produces the best story in the whole conversation, because it comes with a specific boss, a specific evening, and usually an admission. It also gets past the curated version of someone's taste into what actually happened.
Which game did you play with someone, and are you still in touch?
Why ask it
Shifts the subject from games to people, which is where the real material is. Answers frequently involve a friendship that only existed inside one game, a sibling, or a guild that dissolved, and most players have never told anyone about it.
What is the worst thing you have done to another player?
Why ask it
Asked lightly, this reliably gets a confession and a laugh, because everyone who has played online has one. It is also a fast read on whether they find griefing funny or embarrassing in retrospect.
Have you ever spent money in a game and felt bad about it afterwards?
Why ask it
Nearly universal now and rarely discussed honestly. The answers range from a skin bought at two in the morning to a running total someone has deliberately never added up, and the reflection is usually sharper than any critic's.
Is there a game world you would just walk around in if there was nothing to do?
Why ask it
Separates people who play for challenge from people who play for a place to be, a distinction most players feel but have never had a word for. The answers are specific and often unexpected.
What is something games do well that you wish more of them copied?
Why ask it
Invites a real opinion about design rather than a preference. Answers tend to be small and precise, such as a save system, a way of handling failure, or a map, and they tell you what this person is actually paying attention to.
Is there a game you cannot go back to because of what was happening when you played it?
Why ask it
The most searching question here, and it lands because games occupy long stretches of time in ways films do not. Answers involve illness, unemployment, a lockdown, a breakup. Ask it late in a conversation, not early.
Which game changed what you thought games could do?
Why ask it
Different from a favourite, and most players can name one immediately. What follows is usually the clearest account you will get of what they want from the medium, and it does not require you to have played it.
Do you play more or less than you did five years ago, and how do you feel about it?
Why ask it
Playing time drops with work, children, and attention, and many players are quietly unsure whether they mind. This gets a more thoughtful answer than any question about favourites, and it is the one people keep talking about.
If you could wipe your memory of one game and play it fresh, which?
Why ask it
A good closing question because it asks what someone valued most about an experience rather than which game was best. The choice is almost never the game they earlier named as their favourite, which is worth pointing out to them.
Talking to someone about games
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
What works
Ask about hours, not favourites
Playtime is recorded and specific, and it points straight at what someone actually cares about. Favourites get you a rehearsed answer they have given before.
You do not need to have played it
Saying you have never played it and asking what it is like is better than nodding along. Players are used to being talked over and rarely get asked to explain anything.
Follow the why, not the what
The title tells you nothing. Whether they liked it for the difficulty, the people, the quiet, or the story is the actual content of the conversation.
Better still, play something with them
An hour of co-op tells you more about a person than an hour of questions, and it puts you both on the same side. Ask them to pick something forgiving.
What to avoid
Testing their knowledge
Quizzing someone on developers, release years, or a franchise they have not played turns a conversation into an exam. Nobody has played everything and most players are tired of being told they have gaps.
Asking how much time they waste on it
Even phrased kindly, this reads as a judgement and closes the subject immediately. If you are curious about their playing time, ask what it replaced or what it gives them.
Starting a platform argument
Asking which console is better invites a script rather than an opinion. Asking what they grew up playing on gets you the same information and a better story.
Treating games as one hobby
A competitive shooter player, a strategy player, and someone who plays farming games for forty minutes before bed have almost nothing in common. Find out which one you are talking to before generalising.