Questions to Ask Mormon Missionaries
Good questions to ask Mormon missionaries, whether they knocked on your door or you invited them in. The list starts with easy openers, then moves through mission life (the schedule, the rules, companions, money and homesickness), what Latter-day Saints believe, what joining would ask of you, and the harder subjects of doubt, pressure and history.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
How long have you been out, and how long do you have left?
Why ask it
The most useful opener, because everything else depends on it. Six weeks in and eighteen months in produce entirely different answers about rules, language, and doubt.
Where are you from, and how different is it from here?
Why ask it
Most missionaries are young and a long way from home, and this treats them as people before treating them as representatives. It also tells you whether the local culture is foreign to them too.
Should I say Mormon, and what do I call the two of you?
Why ask it
The church asks to be called by its full name, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and few missionaries will take offense at Mormon from a stranger. They go by Elder or Sister and a surname, so asking saves you guessing for the rest of the visit.
Why did you decide to serve a mission, and was it your idea or your family's?
Why ask it
Young men in the church grow up hearing that a mission is expected of them, so family hopes are part of nearly every answer, and many will say so when the question carries no judgment. Listen for the difference between a decision someone describes making and one they describe accepting.
Are you allowed to come in, or is the doorstep easier?
Why ask it
Their rules about entering a home depend on who is in it: two elders will generally stay outside when a woman is home alone, and sisters do the same with a man. Asking first means a refusal reads as policy and not as coldness, and the porch works fine.
Did you have to learn a language for this, and how did that go?
Why ask it
Languages are assigned along with the place, never chosen, and the training lasts weeks. If they are serving in their own language, ask which one they were half hoping for. Those who did learn one have an early mistake they still wince at, and telling it is where the visit stops being formal.
How did you find out where you were being sent, and what did you think when you read it?
Why ask it
The assignment arrives from church headquarters, and many families gather to watch it being opened. Ask where they had hoped to go. The gap between that and the place they got is usually told as a joke by now.
What were you doing before this, and what did you put on hold to come?
Why ask it
A first year of college, a job, a spot on a team. The thing they paused shows what the mission cost them, and it hands you a subject that has nothing to do with church for when the talk needs a rest.
Mission life
What does your day look like, start to finish?
Why ask it
The day is laid out for them: an early alarm, study alone and with the companion, then out until evening with planning fitted in. Ask what time the alarm goes off and when they are allowed to stop. Once you have heard it, a knock on your door looks less like a choice of house and more like an item on a plan.
What are the rules you live by out here, and which one is hardest?
Why ask it
The rules reach music, screens, how far they may travel and never being out of a companion's sight, and every missionary has one that chafes. A laughing, specific answer, such as no naps or no favorite band, means they trust you a little. A speech on why each rule is a blessing means they do not yet.
What was the training like before you came out?
Why ask it
New missionaries get a few weeks of training, at a center or partly online from home, and longer when there is a language to learn. For many it is the first stretch of life away from their parents, and the stories are about classrooms, cafeteria food and being overwhelmed.
How were you paired with your companion, and what's it like being with one person all day?
Why ask it
Companions are assigned by the mission's leaders and reshuffled every few weeks, and the two are meant to stay within sight of each other all day. The other one is standing right there, so expect tact. Asking what each has learned from the other gets a truer answer than asking how they get along.
How often do you get moved, and how much notice do you get?
Why ask it
Missionaries call these transfers. They come round every six weeks or so, the decision is made above them, and one phone call can mean a different town within days. Ask how many areas they have worked so far and which one they would go back to.
How much of your week is knocking on doors, and how much is something else?
Why ask it
Door knocking is the picture everyone has, and in many missions it is now the smaller part. Visits arranged by members, messages online and volunteer hours fill much of the week, and hearing the mix tells you whether your doorstep was a plan or a spare hour.
What do you do when someone is rude to you?
Why ask it
Closed doors and worse are part of every week, and the first answer will be the cheerful one they were trained to give. Ask which one stayed with them. Often it is not the shouting but something quiet and contemptuous, and they may be glad to say so to a stranger who is being decent.
What's the strangest conversation you've had at a door?
Why ask it
This invites a story rather than a message, and nearly everyone has one ready. It also levels the exchange, which is what makes the harder questions possible later.
Is the offer to help with yard work real, and what is the oddest job you have been given?
Why ask it
It is real. Most missions set aside hours for unpaid service, and moving furniture or raking leaves is a welcome change from being turned away. You can take the help without agreeing to lessons, as long as you say that is the arrangement.
What do you do on your day off?
Why ask it
There is one a week, called preparation day, and much of it goes on laundry, groceries and messages home. Whatever is left is the only free time they have, so you find out what they are like when nobody is being taught: basketball, a museum, a long sleep.
Who feeds you, and what do you cook when nobody does?
Why ask it
In some areas church members sign up to give them dinner, and in others they live on a small allowance and their own cooking. Two young people describing what they manage in one pan is the lightest moment you will get.
Who pays for your mission, and do you get paid anything?
Why ask it
They are volunteers. The money generally comes from the missionary's own savings, the family and sometimes the home congregation, and the arrangement differs from one household to the next. The summers spent saving up for it are worth a question of their own.
How often can you contact your family, and what's that like?
Why ask it
For decades it was letters, email and a phone call at Christmas and on Mother's Day. Weekly calls and video chats home have been allowed since 2019, on preparation day. Ask who they talk to first and what they leave out so nobody at home worries.
What do you miss most from home?
Why ask it
Expect something small: a dog, a truck, a mother's cooking, music played loud. Homesickness is easier to admit through an object than as a feeling, so take the object seriously and ask about it.
Is anyone waiting for you at home, and are you allowed to write to them?
Why ask it
Dating is off the table for the length of a mission, though some leave a girlfriend or boyfriend behind and keep in touch by message. It is a tender subject at nineteen. If the answer is that it ended while they were away, sympathize and move along.
Is a mission different for sisters than for elders?
Why ask it
Young men are expected to go, from eighteen, and the usual term is two years. For young women it is optional, from nineteen, and the term is eighteen months. Ask a sister what made her decide, and ask elders what the sisters do better: both answers tend to be candid.
Beliefs
If you only had two minutes, what is the message you came to share?
Why ask it
Let them give it first and whole. They have practiced it, they relax once it is said, and it is the reason they are standing there. Every later question about belief goes better when you have heard the outline and can point back to a part of it.
What do you believe about Jesus, and do you count yourselves as Christians?
Why ask it
Yes, firmly: his name is in the name of the church. The detail is where it gets interesting, since they describe God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Ghost as three separate beings and not the one God in three persons that most churches teach. That is the point other Christians object to, so hold your reply until they have finished.
Why does your church send missionaries to places that are already Christian?
Why ask it
A fair question that is seldom asked politely. The answer rests on a claim that Christ's original church and its authority were lost and then restored in the 1800s. You do not have to accept that to follow it, and it explains nearly everything else they will say.
Who was Joseph Smith, and why does so much rest on him?
Why ask it
The church starts from his account of a vision he had as a teenager in upstate New York in 1820, and missionaries tell that story early because the rest is built on it. How they came to believe it is a different question from whether it happened, and an easier one to talk about.
Where do you say the Book of Mormon came from, and what is actually in it?
Why ask it
The account is that Joseph Smith translated it from ancient metal plates and published it in 1830, and that it records peoples in the ancient Americas and a visit from the risen Christ. Most visitors only ask about the origin. Ask for the story inside the book too.
Do you read the Bible as well, and do you trust it as much as the Book of Mormon?
Why ask it
They do read it, usually the King James Version in English, and their articles of faith accept it as far as it is translated correctly. That qualifier is where Bible-reading visitors tend to push. A better follow-up is what it means in practice: which passages, and who decides.
How do you know it is true, and what would you say to someone who prayed and felt nothing?
Why ask it
The first answer will be a feeling that followed prayer, and they will invite you to try the same thing. The second half is the real question, because some people do try and report nothing. A missionary who can stay with that, and not only say to try again, has thought about it.
What does it mean that your church has a living prophet?
Why ask it
The president of the church is regarded as a prophet in the same sense as the biblical ones, and members hear from him at a conference held twice a year. Ask what he has said lately that changed something they do. It shows whether the idea is working belief or a line in a lesson.
What do you believe happens after we die?
Why ask it
Longer and more detailed than most visitors expect: a spirit world, more than one degree of heaven, and families that continue. If you have lost someone recently, decide beforehand whether you want this answer today, because it will be offered warmly and at length.
Are people saved by grace, by what they do, or both?
Why ask it
Evangelical neighbors ask this a great deal, often as a trap. Missionaries will speak of grace alongside baptism, the commandments and staying the course, and two companions may weight those differently. If their answers do not match, that is a good moment and not a point scored.
Is it true your church teaches that people can become like God?
Why ask it
It is, usually put as children growing up to be like their Father, and it sits well past the first lessons. Asked as a gotcha it gets a short answer and a change of subject. Asked from curiosity, it opens what they think a life is for, which is where their belief differs most from the church down the road.
Why no coffee, tea or alcohol?
Why ask it
The rule is a health code called the Word of Wisdom, which also rules out tobacco. They have been explaining the why since childhood, so add a second question: what they order when everyone else has coffee, and, for a convert, what was hardest to give up.
What happens in a temple, and why can't visitors go in?
Why ask it
The Sunday buildings are open to anyone, while a temple, once dedicated, is for members in good standing. Missionaries will describe what it is for, marriages and ceremonies on behalf of ancestors, and not the detail. A new temple holds a public open house first, so ask if one is coming near you.
Is there a verse you keep going back to for yourself?
Why ask it
This gets past assigned reading to private reading. A particular verse with a reason attached, a bad week or a grandmother who quoted it, is a real answer. Praise for the whole book is the practiced one, so try again more gently: which page of their copy is the most worn?
Joining
What will you ask me to do if we keep meeting?
Why ask it
The lessons come with invitations, and the usual sequence is to read from the Book of Mormon, pray about it, come to church and then set a date for baptism. Knowing the order in advance lets you say yes to one step without it being taken as a yes to the next.
What do the lessons cover, and can I read them beforehand?
Why ask it
They teach from a manual called Preach My Gospel, which the church publishes openly. Reading a lesson in advance turns the visit from a presentation into a discussion, and you arrive with your questions already written down.
Can I take a copy of the Book of Mormon without signing up for lessons?
Why ask it
Yes. Copies are free and they carry spares for this. They will probably mark a passage for you to start with, so ask why that one. If a phone number is requested in exchange, you can say no and still keep the book.
If I came on a Sunday only to watch, what would I walk into?
Why ask it
Visitors are welcome at regular services, and there is no collection plate. Find out how long it lasts, what people wear and whether the missionaries will sit with you. Going once commits you to nothing, and you can say exactly that before you go.
What would being a member ask of me in an ordinary week?
Why ask it
Sunday meetings, a tenth of income, the health code, and usually an unpaid job in the congregation. Press for hours and specifics. Missionaries who are honest about the size of the commitment are doing you a favor, and a vague answer here is a reason to slow down.
How does tithing work, and when does it come up with someone who is thinking of joining?
Why ask it
Members give ten percent of their income to the church. It is part of what is taught before baptism, but it is seldom the first thing mentioned. Raise it yourself, early, and judge the answer by how direct it is.
How long do people usually take between a first visit and baptism?
Why ask it
It can be a matter of weeks, and missionaries are taught to invite people toward a specific date. If one is suggested sooner than you are ready for, say so. Their reaction to hearing that it is too soon tells you whether you are being taught or hurried.
I was baptized in another church. Would that count?
Why ask it
No. Converts are baptized again whatever their background, because the church holds that the authority to baptize was restored to it alone. It is an uncomfortable thing for a guest to say in your living room, and how gently they manage it is worth watching.
Who looks after a new member once the two of you have been moved on?
Why ask it
Missionaries rotate out, sometimes within weeks of a baptism, and the person who taught you may be in another town by the time your real questions arrive. A good answer names local members and a bishop, ideally people you have already met.
Harder ones
What do you think people get wrong about your church?
Why ask it
You will hear a familiar set of corrections, which is useful in itself. It also shows what they get asked most, which says something about the neighborhood you both live in.
How do you handle a question you can't answer?
Why ask it
Missionaries are trained young and without much formal theology, so admitting a gap takes some nerve. Whether they promise to find out, redirect to feeling, or simply say they do not know is the informative part.
Is there a part of the lesson you would put differently if it were up to you?
Why ask it
There is the taught version and there is what a person thinks, and most missionaries can feel the seam. Invite the second without mocking the first. What comes back is often shorter and plainer than the manual, and more persuasive for it.
What did you believe before your mission that you see differently now?
Why ask it
Months of repetition and rejection change people, including what they think. Answers tend to concern grace, judging others, or how little of the training survived contact with real doorsteps.
How do you decide when to stop visiting someone who keeps saying maybe?
Why ask it
Every hour with a polite maybe is an hour not spent elsewhere, and they are encouraged to put their time into people who are acting on the invitations. How they make that call tells you how your own maybes are being read. It also suggests that a clear no costs them less than you fear.
Do you report numbers to anyone, and what happens in a slow month?
Why ask it
In most missions weekly figures go up the line: lessons taught, people at church, baptisms. Find out who sees them and what gets said when they are low. It is the plainest way to learn how much of the eagerness on your doorstep is their own.
What do you do on a day when you really do not want to go out?
Why ask it
Everyone has those days, and the schedule does not bend much for them. A missionary who can describe a bad Tuesday and what got them through it is telling you the truth about the work. If all you hear is that prayer fixes it, leave it there.
What happens when a missionary needs to go home early?
Why ask it
It happens, for health, family or a change of heart, and coming home ahead of schedule can be hard in a community where the full term is expected. Put it as a question about missionaries in general. If one of them goes quiet, change the subject and do not return to it.
What part of your church's history do you find hardest?
Why ask it
Difficult history is discussed openly in church publications and awkwardly on doorsteps. Ask once, take whatever comes, and do not press for a concession: this is where a good conversation most often turns into an argument.
How often does polygamy come up, and what is your short answer?
Why ask it
It comes up at a great many doors. The church officially gave up the practice in 1890, and the groups that live it today are not part of it. Asking how often they hear it is kinder than asking them to defend the past, and you get the answer anyway.
Why were Black men kept from the priesthood in your church until 1978?
Why ask it
The restriction ended in 1978, and the church has since said it disavows the explanations once given for it. Missionaries born a generation later may never have had to answer this, and some will not know the history. If they don't, leave it as something to look up, and do not make two twenty-year-olds answer for it.
What does your church say to someone who is gay, and what do you think yourself?
Why ask it
The church teaches that marriage is between a man and a woman and holds its gay members to that teaching. For plenty of households that ends the visit, which is a fair place to end it. Missionaries did not write the teaching and often have a friend or sibling it touches, so if you ask, listen to the second half as closely as the first.
Closers
What has been your best day out here so far?
Why ask it
Balance for the hard questions, and often the best story of the visit. Notice whether the day they pick is a baptism, a companion or a stranger who was kind. That choice shows what the mission is giving them.
What do you think you'll do differently when you go home?
Why ask it
Going home is abrupt: one flight, and the schedule, the companion and the name tag are gone. Those near the end have a plan for school or work and a private worry about dating again. Someone with a year left may say they try not to think about it, and that is an answer too.
What would you want me to understand, even if I never join?
Why ask it
This makes clear you are not a prospect, which takes pressure off both sides. What someone says once conversion is off the table is usually the most sincere thing they will offer.
If I am not interested, how do I come off the list without being rude?
Why ask it
Missionaries keep notes on the homes they visit, and those notes usually pass to whoever replaces them. Asking them to record that you would prefer no more calls is normal and works better than not answering the door. Say it kindly, and say it once.
Before you go, can I get you water or something to eat?
Why ask it
Many are on foot or on bikes for hours and seldom ask for anything. A cold drink or a sandwich is what gets remembered from a street of closed doors, and it commits you to nothing. If they are due somewhere, hand them something they can carry.
Is there anything you'd like to ask me?
Why ask it
They almost always want to and are usually waiting to be invited. Ending here keeps the exchange mutual instead of leaving them interviewed.
Talking with missionaries at the door
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Setting it up honestly
Decide what you want before you open the door
A short friendly exchange, a long conversation, or a polite no are all reasonable, and all three go better for having been chosen. Missionaries would far rather hear a clear no than an ambiguous maybe.
Offer a chair if you want the real conversation
Ten minutes on a doorstep produces the presentation. A seat, a glass of water, and no obvious time limit produce a person.
Say where you stand
Telling them plainly that you are curious rather than considering joining changes what they are trying to do. Without it, every question you ask is heard as interest and a return visit gets scheduled.
Use their names
They are introduced by title and surname and spend most of the day being addressed that way or not at all. Use the name they give you. If you ask for a first name as well, take it if it is offered and do not push if it is not.
Working through the list
Openers and Mission life suit a first visit and need no knowledge of the church. Beliefs is the part they came to talk about, so give it room and ask one thing at a time. Joining is for anyone weighing a second visit, and it is fair to ask those questions before you agree to one. Keep Harder ones for when there is some ease in the room, choose two or three, and end on a Closer. The full page is a menu, and far too much for one evening.
The questions missionaries will ask you
The conversation runs both ways, and their side is fairly predictable. Expect to be asked whether you believe in God, what your own background is and what you already know about their church. Over one or more visits come the invitations: will you read a passage from the Book of Mormon, will you pray about it, will you come to a Sunday service, and in time, will you be baptized. They may also ask when they can come back and whether you know anyone else who would welcome a visit. You can say yes to some and no to others, and a plain answer to each is easier on everyone than a soft maybe.
What goes wrong
Trying to win
They are young, working from training, and far from home. Beating them in an argument settles nothing and ends the part of the conversation that was worth having.
Leading with polygamy or 1978
They hear the history questions constantly, and the answer is ready before you finish asking. Opened with, they set the visit up as a debate. Raise them later, if at all, once there is something real underneath the conversation, and one at a time.
Agreeing to a return visit you do not want
Saying yes to be pleasant costs them a wasted appointment and costs you an awkward second conversation. A direct no is kinder and they are entirely used to it.
Treating the visit as fieldwork
Observing people as specimens is easy to detect and closes them down. Ask questions you would be willing to answer about your own life.
Small things that change the conversation
- Offer water, especially if they have been walking in heat
- Ask where they are from before asking what they believe
- Let them ask you something in return
- Say once that you disagree, then move on rather than circling
- Ask what they have eaten today if the conversation stalls
- If you want them to stop calling, say so plainly rather than avoiding the door