Questions to Ask a Mormon
Questions for a real conversation with a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: Sunday practice, missions, temples, tithing, family, and the history members get asked about most. Written for friends, neighbors, and colleagues who would rather ask than assume.
The questions
Open any question for the note
Do you prefer Mormon, LDS, or Latter-day Saint?
Why ask it
Worth settling first. The church has asked members and others to use Latter-day Saint, plenty of members still say Mormon about themselves, and getting it agreed removes a small friction from everything that follows.
Were you raised in the church, or did you come to it later?
Why ask it
Converts have a decision to narrate and lifelong members have a family and a congregation. The answer tells you which of your other questions will land and which will sound odd.
What does a normal Sunday look like for you?
Why ask it
Easy to answer and unexpectedly informative. You learn about the meeting block, who speaks, and how much of the week the church actually occupies.
What is your calling at the moment, and how did you get it?
Why ask it
Callings are unpaid assignments handed out by local leaders, and most active members have one. The answer shows how a congregation staffs itself with no paid clergy.
How do you use the Book of Mormon alongside the Bible?
Why ask it
Members read both and hold them together in different ways. Whether they treat it primarily as history, as scripture, or as both will shape most of the answers that come after.
How does the Word of Wisdom work in practice?
Why ask it
The health code is the part outsiders think they already understand. Answers differ on caffeine and on how members handle a bar or a coffee meeting, which is more interesting than the rule.
How do you understand the relationship between God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost?
Why ask it
This is where Latter-day Saint belief clearly departs from Nicene Christianity, and most members are glad to explain it. Avoid the word Trinity, which is not the term they use for their own view.
What happened on your mission, if you served one?
Why ask it
Two years at nineteen, mostly somewhere they did not choose. Missions produce the stories people actually want to tell, including the ones about doors closing in their face.
What can you tell me about the temple?
Why ask it
Temple ordinances are not discussed in detail outside the temple. Framing it as what they can say respects that line and still gets you a full answer about what the building is for.
How do tithing and fast offerings work for you?
Why ask it
Ten percent of income, plus a separate offering that funds local welfare. Ask how the figure is calculated and who sees it, which is more specific than a question about church finances.
What do you believe happens after death?
Why ask it
The teaching here is unusually detailed, including degrees of glory and family relationships continuing. Expect a longer answer than the question seems to ask for, and let it run.
How does your family fit into your faith?
Why ask it
Sealing, family history, and a set evening at home are doctrinal rather than cultural habits. This is usually the answer that explains why genealogy matters so much.
What do you find hard about being a member?
Why ask it
Gives permission to say something real. Common answers involve the time the church asks for, the expectations of a small congregation, or living among people who assume things.
What is it like when somebody brings up polygamy?
Why ask it
It comes up constantly, and the church ended the practice in 1890. Asking directly is less awkward for both of you than circling the subject for an hour.
How do you handle a question the church has not answered to your satisfaction?
Why ask it
Many members have one. Whether they set it aside, went looking, or took it to a leader tells you how belief and doubt sit together for them in practice.
What do people get wrong about your church?
Why ask it
Lets them correct the thing that actually bothers them rather than the thing you happened to have heard, which is often not the same.
How do church teachings shape how you think about public questions?
Why ask it
The church takes positions on some issues and stays out of others, and members disagree with each other. Expect variety and resist treating one answer as the official line.
What do you make of the church's history around race and the priesthood?
Why ask it
Black men were not ordained until 1978, and members answer with a mix of history, discomfort, and their own reading. Ask it calmly and do not fill the pause.
How do you talk with family members who have left?
Why ask it
Leaving affects families deeply on both sides. This answer tends to say more about the person in front of you than any question about doctrine will.
What would you want me to understand that I have not asked about?
Why ask it
Leaves room for the thing they came in wanting to say, which is rarely the thing you prepared for.
Having the conversation well
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Terms and small courtesies
Names
The full name is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Members are Latter-day Saints, congregations are wards, and the local leader is a bishop who has a day job. Getting these right signals that you did some reading.
One member is not the church
Practice varies by family, country, and generation, and members disagree with each other on plenty. Treat every answer as one person's account rather than an official position.
Say what you are after
Missionary conversations and curious ones look similar from the outside. Saying you are interested rather than considering joining spares both of you a misunderstanding.
What tends to go wrong
- Opening with polygamy or garments. Both are fair to raise later, and both read as a gotcha in the first five minutes.
- Quoting something you found online and asking them to defend it. Ask what they think instead and let them bring the source.
- Debating the Book of Mormon's origins when you asked how they read it. Those are two different conversations.
- Treating their answers as evidence about all members, or as an argument to be won rather than a person to be understood.
If the conversation goes well
The questions that reliably open up are the practical ones: what a calling involves week to week, how a mission was assigned, how tithing is calculated, what family history research actually looks like. Ask about those before the theology, and the theology tends to come out on its own.