Questions to Ask Your Subconscious Mind
Questions to ask your subconscious mind when you want to see what is running underneath: the beliefs you never chose, the patterns that repeat, the subjects you steer around. They are for a notebook and a quiet half hour, and they follow the order of a sitting: a few to open with, then beliefs, patterns, fear and self-sabotage, what you already know, and a last group to take to bed. No spiritual frame is needed; 'subconscious' here just means the thinking you don't usually watch.
Want questions from the whole vault instead? Try the random question generator.
The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Opening
What is sitting just under the surface that I haven't looked at yet?
Why ask it
Write the question at the top of a page, then keep the pen moving for three minutes without rereading. Whatever turns up twice in those lines is your subject for the rest of the sitting.
What have you been trying to get my attention about?
Why ask it
This one is put straight to the part of you that works out of sight, so write 'you' and mean it. Then list what has been nagging lately, such as a dream that comes back or a name that keeps coming to mind, without interpreting any of it. Read the list once and see whether the items point the same way.
What do I actually want, underneath what I think I should want?
Why ask it
Answer twice. The first answer is usually the respectable one, so write it, draw a line under it and ask again. If the second is smaller or odder than the first, like a quieter job or a year of not being in charge of anything, give it the benefit of the doubt.
Which topic makes me change the subject, even inside my own head?
Why ask it
You'll recognize it by the swerve: a sudden urge to check the phone, tidy the desk or find a snack. Write the topic in three words and stop there. Naming it is the whole job on a first pass, and the looking can wait for a day when you have more nerve.
What was I thinking about the last time my mind wandered?
Why ask it
Where a mind goes when nothing is asked of it is a fair sample of what it is working on. Catch the next drift, in the shower or at a red light, and write down the subject before you judge it.
What would I write if I knew I'd tear the page up afterward?
Why ask it
Then do tear it up, at least the first time. Knowing that nobody will read it, your later self included, quiets the part of you that edits. Notice which sentence you were sorry to destroy.
When has an answer come to me out of nowhere, and what was I doing at the time?
Why ask it
For a lot of people it is a walk, the drive home, washing up or the edge of sleep, and rarely the desk. Wherever yours is, carry the next question there instead of waiting at the notebook.
Beliefs
Which belief is holding me back the most right now?
Why ask it
Come at it through something you want and haven't gone after. Finish the sentence 'I can't, because I'm' three different ways without pausing. The ending that came fastest is the one to copy onto a fresh page and question.
What do I believe about myself that I have never actually checked?
Why ask it
Write five sentences that begin 'I'm the kind of person who'. Beside each, put where the evidence comes from and how old it is. A belief resting on one afternoon in ninth grade is due a second look.
What rule am I following that nobody ever said out loud?
Why ask it
The quickest way to find an unspoken rule is to notice what irritates you when other people do it freely. If someone asking for help at full volume makes you wince, 'don't need anything' may be a rule you grew up inside.
What did I learn about money before I was old enough to earn any?
Why ask it
Recall the sentences said in the house: 'we can't afford that', 'money doesn't grow on trees', 'people like us don't'. Then take one recent money decision and ask which sentence made it.
What do I assume people think when I walk into a room?
Why ask it
The assumption is yours, so it describes your picture of yourself more than it describes the room. Write the exact sentence you imagine in their heads, then ask who first said something like it to you.
What do I think I have to do to deserve rest?
Why ask it
The answer tends to arrive as a condition that starts with 'once', as in 'once the inbox is empty'. Check whether that condition has ever actually been met. If it never has, the finish line moves each time you get near it.
Which compliment do I always wave away, and what would it mean if it were true?
Why ask it
The deflection is automatic, which is what makes it useful here. Accepting the compliment would probably contradict something you hold about yourself, so try to name that something. Next time, say 'thank you' and nothing after it.
What do I expect to happen when things are going well?
Why ask it
Some people brace for the bill. If your answer is that trouble must be on its way, find the first time in your own history that good news was followed by bad, and ask whether one sequence has been standing in as a law.
What would I have to stop believing in order to ask for what I want?
Why ask it
Bring one specific want, such as a weekend alone. The belief that surfaces is usually about what asking would make you, and 'difficult' is a common answer. Test it with one small request this week and write down what the other person actually said.
Patterns
What keeps turning up in my life with a different face each time?
Why ask it
Three is the number to look for: three bosses who 'didn't listen', three friendships that cooled the same way. Set the three stories side by side and underline the sentence that appears in all of them.
What do I do every time I get close to finishing something?
Why ask it
Go back to the last three things that stalled and write what you were doing the week each one did. If a brand-new project shows up in two of those weeks, starting things may be how you leave them. Watch for that move near the end of the next one.
What kind of person do I keep choosing, and what do they have in common?
Why ask it
List the friends and partners you were drawn to quickly and give each three adjectives without stopping to think. Shared adjectives show the template. Whether the template is good for you comes second; seeing it comes first.
What do I reach for before I've even noticed I'm uncomfortable?
Why ask it
It might be the phone or the fridge. Either way the reach is the clue, because it comes before the feeling has a name. Ask what happened in the five minutes before it; a paper tally kept for three days tends to show the trigger.
Which argument do I keep having, whoever the other person is?
Why ask it
If the same fight turns up with a partner, a sibling and a coworker, the common element is in your chair. Write your opening line in each version. It is often one sentence, and it is usually a defense.
What time of day, or time of year, do I reliably come apart a little?
Why ask it
Look at an old calendar or your message history before answering from memory. A dip every Sunday at five or every November has a cause you can go looking for, and it may be as plain as the thought of Monday. Rule out the dull explanations, like a skipped lunch, before reaching for a deep one.
What role do I slip into in every group I join?
Why ask it
Maybe you're the fixer, or the one who always organizes the gift. Ask what the role gets you and where you first played it; the family dinner table is a common answer. Leaving the role empty for a single meeting is a cheap experiment, and somebody else may pick it up.
What do I always say I'll do differently next time?
Why ask it
The promise is the pattern. Count how many next times there have been, then trade the promise for one change to the setup, such as a person who will ask you about it on Friday.
What am I doing now that I swore I never would?
Why ask it
Often it is something a parent did, down to the tone of voice. Go easy, because spotting it is not a verdict on you. Follow with what that behavior was solving for them, and what it solves for you.
Fear and sabotage
What am I getting out of staying stuck?
Why ask it
An uncomfortable one, so ask it without scorn. Staying put can buy safety, sympathy, a ready excuse, or freedom from being judged on a real attempt. With the payoff named, you can look for a less expensive way to get it.
What am I putting off, and what am I afraid would happen if I did it?
Why ask it
Pick one task that has sat on your list for more than a month. Finish 'if I did it, then' and keep writing past the first practical answer. The second or third ending is more often about being judged, refused or found out than about the task.
What was this habit protecting me from the first time I used it?
Why ask it
Bring one thing you call self-sabotage, such as quitting before you can be dropped. At some point it probably worked, and kept you out of trouble or out of sight. A habit you understand is easier to retire than one you only despise.
If I got what I say I want, what would I lose?
Why ask it
Getting there has costs that rarely make the list, like a friend who would feel left behind or a comfortable identity as the underdog. Write the losses out in full. A goal you keep missing sometimes has one of them standing in front of it.
What do I do to make sure I can't be blamed if it fails?
Why ask it
Starting late is the classic, and so is announcing beforehand that you barely tried. Both are insurance against hearing 'you gave it everything and it wasn't enough'. Choose one thing this month to do at full effort and find out what that verdict is actually like.
What am I afraid people would see if they looked closely?
Why ask it
Keep this page private. On paper the feared thing is often smaller and more ordinary than it is at two in the morning. If it turns out to be heavy, one trusted person or a counselor is a better place for it than a notebook.
Which feeling am I least willing to feel?
Why ask it
Plenty of people grew up with one feeling that was not welcome in the house, and anger is a common one. Look at what shows up in its place. If you go tired or busy at the moments other people get angry, the tiredness may be a stand-in.
What do I keep 'forgetting' to do?
Why ask it
You remember every other appointment and still never book this one. Forgetting that selective deserves a look, so ask what the forgotten thing would start, end or expose. If the honest answer is 'nothing, I'm just busy', put it in the calendar and move on.
Already known
What have I already decided and not yet admitted?
Why ask it
The giveaways are in what you do. You've stopped buying things for the apartment, or you read job listings 'for fun'. List what you have quietly stopped doing; admitting a decision is not acting on it, so there is no hurry once it's written.
If a friend read my last month back to me, what would be obvious to them?
Why ask it
Describe the month in the third person, as a report on someone else, sticking to where they went and what they put off. The distance does the work of a second opinion. The obvious thing is usually in the first few lines.
What do I say when I'm too tired to be careful?
Why ask it
Late at night or at the end of a hard week, lines come out unfiltered: 'I can't stand this job', 'I miss her', 'I don't want to go'. The people around you may remember them better than you do. Collect two or three and ask whether you meant them.
What advice do I give other people over and over?
Why ask it
The advice you repeat is frequently the advice you need. Write your stock line down, whether it is 'just tell him' or 'you should rest', and address it to yourself by name. If it stings a little, it found its target.
What am I jealous of, and what does that say I want?
Why ask it
Envy is unpleasant company and a precise pointer. Be exact about the object: not her whole life, only that she paints on weekday mornings. That detail is the want, and it may be closer to hand than the envy made it look.
What have I been looking up late at night?
Why ask it
A search history is a diary nobody means to keep. Go through the last two weeks and group the entries by subject. If apartments in another city come up five times, you already hold a view on moving, whatever you have been telling people.
What question am I hoping this list won't ask?
Why ask it
You probably thought of it just now. Put it into your own words and write it at the top of tomorrow's page. It doesn't need an answer tonight, since getting it written is the hard part.
What part of my life would I refuse to trade with anyone?
Why ask it
Not everything out of sight is a problem. Self-inquiry tilts toward what's wrong, so this one looks for what works and has gone unnoticed. Keep the answer where you can see it, because the harder answers have to fit around it.
Before sleep
What problem do I want to hand over tonight?
Why ask it
Put it as one question on paper by the bed, as narrowly as you can: 'how should the second chapter open' beats 'what about my career'. Then stop working on it. In the morning, write whatever is there before you look at a screen.
What from today is still unfinished in my head?
Why ask it
Run the loose ends down a column, the unsent email next to the remark that stung. Beside each, write when you'll deal with it, and 'not tonight' is a fair entry for a worry you can't touch before Monday. Tonight's job is only to move them from your head to a page with a time attached.
What moment today got a bigger reaction out of me than it called for?
Why ask it
An outsized reaction suggests the day touched something older. Describe the moment in two lines and stop there. Tomorrow, ask what it reminded you of; the link is often easier to see after a night away from it.
What do I want to understand about the dream I keep having?
Why ask it
Skip this one unless a dream really does repeat. Write it in the present tense and circle the feeling in it, being late, say, or unprepared, and leave the plot alone. Then ask where in your waking week that same feeling lives, which no dream dictionary can tell you.
What would I like to feel when I wake up tomorrow?
Why ask it
A softer one for nights when digging is the wrong idea. Name the feeling, then do one thing before lights out that gives it a chance. For 'unhurried', that might be clothes laid out and the alarm set ten minutes earlier.
What did I do today that the person I'm trying to become would have done?
Why ask it
This closes the day on evidence in place of a resolution. One small thing counts, even leaving work on time. Kept as a dated list, these entries give you something to hold an old belief up against.
How to ask your subconscious a question and wait for the answer
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Putting the question
What 'subconscious' means on this page
Nothing mystical and nothing clinical. It is shorthand for the thinking you don't usually watch: habits, assumptions, the reaction that arrives before the reasoning. You are not contacting a second person. You are giving the quieter part of your own mind a turn to speak.
One question, in ink
Choose a single question and copy it out by hand at the top of a blank page. Copying slows you down enough to hear it, and one question gets a real answer where six get a skim. If the wording doesn't fit your life, change it until it does, and address it to 'you' if 'I' feels like talking to a mirror.
Ask what, not why
No question on this page begins with why. 'Why do I always do this?' tends to get a verdict, and 'what was I protecting?' tends to get information. If you write questions of your own, turn each why into a what before you put it to yourself.
Write past the presentable answers
The first three or four lines are what you would tell an acquaintance. Keep the pen moving anyway. The line that surprises you, or that you want to cross out, tends to come once the tidy answers are used up.
Then leave it alone
Put the notebook away and do something that occupies your hands: dishes, a walk, a shower. Many people find the useful reply turns up hours later or the next morning, and not while they were staring at the page. Keep a card or a phone note for catching it.
What counts as an answer
A sentence, a memory you hadn't thought of in years, a face, a flat refusal to think about it, a yawn. Take all of it down as it came. 'Nothing came' is a result too: date it and put the same question again in a week.
Moving through the six groups
Two openers are plenty
The Opening group is a warm-up and a way of finding tonight's subject, so two of its questions will do. If one of them hands you a topic you didn't expect, drop your plan and follow that.
Pair a belief with a pattern
Beliefs and Patterns check each other. When a belief surfaces, look for where it shows up in what you do; when a pattern surfaces, ask what you would have to believe for it to make sense. One question from each group, on the same subject, is a full sitting.
Take Fear and sabotage slowly
These are the bluntest questions here, so pick one, on a day when you are rested, and ask it in the tone you would use with a friend. A sneer gets you a defense, not an answer. If a question makes you want to shut the notebook, mark it and come back another day.
Use Already known when you are overthinking
If you have been circling one subject for weeks, skip the digging and go to the fifth group. Its questions look at what you do, say and search for, which is harder to argue with than what you feel.
The before-sleep version
Five minutes, lights still on
Pick one question from the last group, write it on paper next to the bed, add two or three lines if they come, and put the pen down on the page. Do it before the phone goes on the charger, not after a last scroll. The paper is there so that nothing has to be held in your head.
The first minute awake
Before you speak, check the time or pick up a screen, write whatever is there: a word, a scrap of dream, a plain 'do the taxes first'. Most mornings it will be nothing much. Now and then it is the missing piece, and it fades quickly if you wait until after coffee.
Keep the heavy questions for daylight
Beliefs, Patterns and Fear and sabotage can stir things up, and stirred up is a poor state to fall asleep in. If a bedtime question starts your mind racing, write 'tomorrow, 10 a.m.' under it and switch to the one about how you'd like to feel on waking.
On dreams
A dream is raw material, not a message in code. Record it plainly, note the main feeling, and ask yourself where that feeling turns up while you're awake. Skip the symbol lists. Only you know what a flooded kitchen or a missed train is likely to mean in your life.
What to do with an answer, and when to stop
Treat it as a lead
What you write at eleven at night is a hypothesis about yourself. Check it against the next two weeks: if you wrote that you avoid being seen trying, watch for the moments you hold back. An answer that matches what you observe is worth acting on, and one that doesn't can be crossed out.
Change one small thing
Insight with no change attached becomes a hobby. For each answer you trust, pick an action small enough to do by the weekend: one request made, one compliment accepted, one task finished to the last step. Write the result under the original answer.
Be wary of big promises
You will find pages claiming that the right question, repeated at bedtime, will bring money, love or a cure. This list promises much less: a clearer view of what you already think and do. That view is useful, and what you change because of it is still up to you.
When the notebook is not enough
If these questions bring up memories that swamp you, or your sleep or mood gets worse and stays worse, stop the practice and talk to a doctor or a licensed counselor. How to reach one, and what it costs, differs from place to place, so ask locally or ask someone you trust to help you find out.