Stupid Questions to Ask Your Friends
Stupid questions to ask your friends, whether that is one best friend or the whole group chat. The list runs from pointless debates such as whether cereal is a soup, through would you rathers, absurd what-ifs and shower thoughts, to questions about the group and the dumb stories everyone has.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Debates
Is cereal a soup, and if it isn't, what is it?
Why ask it
The second half is the trap. Anyone can say no, but the moment they try to name what cereal is instead, they have signed up for an argument about what counts as broth. Start here when a group needs something to disagree about.
Is a hot dog a sandwich, a taco, or its own thing?
Why ask it
Adding the taco stops people from repeating the argument they have had before. Whoever proposes a rule about how many sides the bread covers should be asked about a sub straight away.
Is water wet, or does it only make other things wet?
Why ask it
Hardly anyone changes sides on this, so agree a time limit before you ask. It earns its place for the friend who opens with 'well, technically' and then has nothing to follow it.
How many holes does a straw have: one, two or none?
Why ask it
Take a show of hands before anyone explains, because people defend a number much harder once they have voted for it. When it dies down, ask how many holes a T-shirt has and watch it start again.
If you punch yourself and it hurts, are you strong or weak?
Why ask it
Both answers are right, which is unbearable for the friend who normally settles things. Ask them directly, then give them a full minute of silence to work on it.
Should the toilet paper hang over the roll or under it?
Why ask it
One of the few stupid questions with household consequences. Somebody in the room has quietly turned a roll around in another person's bathroom, and this is how you find out who.
Is a Pop-Tart a ravioli?
Why ask it
Filling sealed inside a pocket of dough is the whole case, and it is annoyingly hard to knock down. Save it for straight after the hot dog question, when the group has just invented rules it now has to live by.
Does pineapple belong on pizza, and would you say so to someone who is eating it?
Why ask it
Everybody arrives with a speech already written, so the first half is over quickly. The second half is where it gets good: strong opinions shrink when the slice belongs to a friend sitting across the table.
Do you wet the toothbrush before the toothpaste goes on, after, or both?
Why ask it
People are startled to learn there is more than one way, having done it their own way since they were small. 'Both' is the answer that gets a person stared at, and they will defend it calmly, which makes it worse.
How many fingers do you have: eight or ten?
Why ask it
A sideways route into whether a thumb counts as a finger. Most people say ten at once, look down at their hands, and start to doubt themselves a few seconds later.
Do you put on both socks and then both shoes, or one sock and one shoe at a time?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone goes socks first, so the entertainment is the one person who finishes a whole foot at a time and sees nothing odd about it. Ask what happens if the doorbell rings halfway through.
What color is a tennis ball: yellow or green?
Why ask it
Each side is certain, and each is baffled that the other side exists. A photo settles nothing, because both camps look at the same ball and feel vindicated.
Is a zebra white with black stripes or black with white stripes?
Why ask it
Each friend offers a different part of the zebra as proof: the belly, the nose, the legs. People who study zebras do have an answer, so keep the phones away until the table has voted.
Does 'next Friday' mean the Friday that's coming or the one after?
Why ask it
Stupid right up until it has cost someone a plan, and in plenty of friend groups it has. Asking it tends to reveal who has been turning up a week out all these years.
Would you rather
Would you rather take on one duck the size of a horse or a hundred horses the size of ducks?
Why ask it
The best-known question of its kind, and it still turns into a talk about tactics. The single duck tends to get the early votes, until somebody describes a beak at that height and the tiny horses start to look manageable.
Would you rather have fingers as long as your legs or legs as short as your fingers?
Why ask it
Answers come fast and are regretted the moment people picture getting dressed. Make each person walk through one ordinary morning with the body they chose.
Would you rather shout everything you say or whisper it, for the rest of your life?
Why ask it
Whisperers think they picked the polite option until someone asks how they would order in a noisy cafe. For the next round, everyone has to speak in the voice they chose.
Would you rather have spaghetti for hair or sweat gravy?
Why ask it
Both options are revolting, and that is the appeal. Someone practical will ask whether the spaghetti is cooked, and whatever you rule at that point decides the vote.
Would you rather have a pebble in your shoe forever or one sleeve that is always slightly wet?
Why ask it
Small miseries are easier to argue about than big ones, since everybody has felt both. Whoever answers with no pause at all has clearly been thinking about this in private.
Would you rather have hiccups for the rest of your life or a sneeze that never quite arrives?
Why ask it
The sneeze sounds like the mild option until people try to picture that feeling lasting through a haircut or an exam. Hiccup voters tend to switch once someone asks how they plan to sleep.
Would you rather have a head the size of a grape or the size of a beach ball?
Why ask it
The small head wins on hats and low doorways, the big one on being spotted in a crowd. It runs long because, annoyingly, both sides have a point.
Would you rather own an elephant the size of a cat or a cat the size of an elephant?
Why ask it
The room goes soft over the tiny elephant until someone notes that a giant cat would still push things off tables, only now the things are cars. An easy one to use when younger brothers or sisters are listening.
Hypotheticals
If you were a kitchen appliance, which one are you?
Why ask it
Almost everyone answers in two seconds, which makes it a good opener. The justification is the funny part, so ask why before moving on, and expect at least one person to argue about the toaster.
If you were a potato, how would you want to be cooked?
Why ask it
Nobody can get it wrong, and the table will still have opinions about a friend who chooses boiled. Ask for the reasoning: people who say fries tend to be describing themselves, and the one who says raw owes everyone an explanation.
What is the biggest animal you honestly think you could beat in a fight?
Why ask it
The room divides into people who stop at a goose and people who believe they could handle a kangaroo. Make the confident ones describe the first ten seconds, which is usually where the plan ends.
Which animal would be the rudest if it could talk, and which would be unbearably polite?
Why ask it
Cats are nominated within seconds, so the polite half is where the thinking happens. A friend who makes a detailed case against seagulls has been robbed by one, and that story is worth the detour.
If you could only communicate with one gesture for a week, what's the gesture?
Why ask it
People act their answer out, so ask it where everyone can see each other. The thumbs up is the safe choice, and you can test it by asking how they would use it to turn down a second helping.
If you were a villain, what's your evil plan?
Why ask it
The best plans are small: every traffic light turns red for one person, or all the pens in a building run dry. Ask who the plan is aimed at and you tend to hear a real complaint about a landlord or a group project.
If you could only eat one color of food forever, which color?
Why ask it
Everyone starts going through their fridge in their head, and green voters go quiet when they notice what they have given up. Beige ends the argument, since it keeps bread, pasta, chips and chicken, and it disappoints the whole table.
If you had to have a completely useless superpower, which would you take?
Why ask it
The winning answers are almost useful: invisibility that only works when nobody is looking, or always knowing the time but being four minutes out. Vote on which would be the most irritating to live with.
If humans had tails, what would you do with yours?
Why ask it
It sounds like nothing and turns physical fast, with people miming how they would carry groceries or shut a door. Then ask whether they would dress it, which divides a room in a way nobody sees coming.
If you had to swap your hands for any two objects, what are you choosing?
Why ask it
Sensible people pick a spoon and a pen and are immediately asked how they plan to open a door. Let the group pick holes in every answer, since finding the flaw is the game here.
If you had to wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what is it?
Why ask it
Comfort wins until you test it, so ask how the outfit does at a wedding, in snow and at the beach. If a friend tries to argue that a bathrobe counts, put it to a group ruling.
If you were a ghost, whose house would you haunt and what would you keep moving?
Why ask it
Kept petty, it stays funny: nobody wants revenge, they want to hide one remote control for decades. Friends tend to haunt each other, and the object they choose tells you which habit has been annoying them.
If you came with a warning label, what would it say?
Why ask it
Round two is better than round one: have everyone write a label for the person on their left. The distance between the label someone chose and the one they are handed is the punchline.
If you could ask one object in this room a question, which object and what question?
Why ask it
The answer has to come from the room you are sitting in, so it plays differently in every house. Sofas get asked what they have swallowed, and the fridge gets asked who finished the leftovers.
Shower thoughts
Why is it called a building when it has already been built?
Why ask it
Pure wordplay, which makes it a breather between two proper arguments. Someone will say a drawing is still a drawing once it is drawn, and the group will go hunting for more.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg, and how sure are you?
Why ask it
It may be the oldest stupid question going, which is why one friend will announce that it has been settled. Ask them to explain how, and the explanation usually runs out after a sentence.
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?
Why ask it
Everybody knows the story and nobody has examined it since they were six. Theories about magic, sprinting and bad cobbling get argued with complete seriousness.
Can a fish get thirsty?
Why ask it
It sounds like a joke until somebody asks whether living in the sea or in a lake makes a difference, and then the group is thinking about it for real. Aim it at the friend who keeps fish, who will be embarrassed not to know.
If a bar of soap lands on the floor, is the floor cleaner or is the soap dirty?
Why ask it
Most people answer for the soap straight away and then want to change. Ask whether they would still wash with it, because what they would do tends to disagree with what they just said.
If a tomato is a fruit, is ketchup a jam?
Why ask it
The friend who says yes has to say whether they would spread it on toast. The friend who says no has to explain what jam is, and that takes longer than they expect.
If nothing sticks to a non-stick pan, how does the coating stay on the pan?
Why ask it
Unlike most of these, it has a real answer, and a friend with a phone will go looking within a minute. Decide beforehand whether looking things up is allowed, because the guessing is the better half.
Why do we shout 'heads up' when we mean 'get your head down'?
Why ask it
Short enough to ask on a walk or in the car. What usually follows is a round of other phrases that say the opposite of what they mean, and that round is why you asked.
Why does your nose run while your feet smell?
Why ask it
It is an old joke more than a question, so say it in passing and take the groan. A friend who tries to answer it seriously has given you the next five minutes.
Does a staircase go up or down?
Why ask it
Whichever way they answer, ask where they were standing when they decided. That is the entire trick and it takes seconds, so keep it for when you need time to think of something better.
Why is there a D in 'fridge' when there isn't one in 'refrigerator'?
Why ask it
People have written both words for years without noticing, and you can watch them spell each one in the air. It is satisfying to point out even though nobody at the table will be able to explain it.
If two mind readers read each other's minds at the same moment, whose thoughts are they hearing?
Why ask it
Hand this to the friend who insists on answering everything properly. Each explanation loops back on itself, and by the third 'no, hang on' you can gently take it away from them.
About us
What is the dumbest thing this group has ever done together?
Why ask it
One of the few questions here with an agreed answer, and several people will shout it at once. If two different stories come out, let both be told in full.
Who here survives longest in a zombie film, and who is gone in the first ten minutes?
Why ask it
Agreement on the first to go is usually instant, and that person is reliably outraged. Give them the floor, because the defense tends to prove the group's point.
If one of us got arrested tonight, what would everyone else assume it was for?
Why ask it
Keep the crimes ridiculous: overdue library books, a long feud with a neighbor's hedge. It stops being a game the moment a guess lands near something true, so steer back to the silly end.
Which of us would be the worst person to get stuck in an elevator with?
Why ask it
Insist on a reason and you get a very exact complaint: humming, narrating events, rationing the snacks by minute two. The person named usually agrees with the charge.
If this group were a band, who plays what?
Why ask it
Finding the drummer takes no time at all. The real argument is over who gets told they are the manager, a role every group somehow hears as an insult.
Who here is most likely to wave back at someone who was waving at the person behind them?
Why ask it
A 'most likely to' that all of you have done, so winning the vote barely stings. Count to three and point together, which stops everyone from copying the first finger.
If each of us were a breed of dog, who would be which?
Why ask it
The group assigns and nobody is allowed to pick their own. The friend who gets told they are a small dog convinced it is a guard dog will take it as praise.
What's the stupidest thing I've ever said that you still think about?
Why ask it
Meant for one friend at a time, ideally a best friend with a long memory. Brace yourself: they will have it word for word and they have been waiting years to be asked.
Stories
What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?
Why ask it
The answer usually arrives with a place and a witness. If a friend gives you one word, ask who talked them into it, and that is where the story is.
What's the most ridiculous way you've ever managed to injure yourself?
Why ask it
Most people have one, and it tends to involve a piece of furniture that had been in the same spot for years. Make sure the story ends with them being fine before you laugh, then laugh.
What's the dumbest thing you've ever bought, and where is it now?
Why ask it
'Where is it now' does the work, because the thing is nearly always still in a closet, kept out of pure stubbornness. If it is within reach, demand to see it.
What's the dumbest thing you've ever done on autopilot?
Why ask it
Saying 'you too' to a waiter who told you to enjoy your meal is the standard entry, so ask for something worse. Milk in the cabinet and cereal in the fridge comes up a lot, and somebody may admit to hunting for the phone they were talking on.
Which song lyric or everyday word did you get wrong for years before somebody corrected you?
Why ask it
Misheard lyrics are about the safest embarrassment there is, so even the guarded friend joins in. Have them sing the wrong version, which never sounds as reasonable out loud as it did in their head.
What's something ridiculous you believed until embarrassingly recently?
Why ask it
The word 'recently' matters: a belief from age six is sweet, and one from last year is a confession. Ask how they found out, since it tends to have happened in front of other people.
What's the last thing you looked up just to win an argument?
Why ask it
The search itself is tiny, something like how long a goldfish lives, so ask who the argument was with and who turned out to be right. A friend who lost and never mentioned it again can own up now.
What's the most confident you've ever been while being completely wrong?
Why ask it
The confidence is what makes the story, so ask how long they held out before admitting it. Driving directions come up a lot, often with a passenger who knew the whole time and said nothing.
Whose name did you forget so long ago that it's now too late to ask?
Why ask it
Half the room will be nodding before the first answer is finished. The stories worth waiting for involve tactics, such as handing over a phone and saying 'put your number in for me'.
What's the weirdest thing you've done to avoid talking to someone?
Why ask it
Plenty of people have hidden in a supermarket aisle. The location is what makes it funny, so ask where it happened and who they were avoiding.
What's the pettiest thing you've held a grudge about?
Why ask it
The smaller the grievance the better it lands, and people are usually delighted to finally be asked. Watch whether someone in the room turns out to be the grudge.
What useless talent do you have, and can you prove it right now?
Why ask it
Ask for the demonstration and skip the description: wiggling ears, spinning a pen, reciting a phone number from childhood. A friend who claims to have none can be assigned one by the group, which is rarely flattering.
What completely harmless thing were you scared of as a kid?
Why ask it
Answers are oddly exact: one particular TV commercial, the drain in the bath, a statue in a relative's garden. If someone admits they are still not keen on it, let that pass without comment.
What's the worst nickname you've had, and who gave it to you?
Why ask it
The origin is the point, so ask who came up with it and how long it stuck. Names from brothers and sisters tend to be the harshest and the funniest. If a friend goes quiet, it was probably not a friendly name, so move along.
What's the dumbest thing you've ever laughed at so hard you had to leave the room?
Why ask it
The thing itself is rarely funny when retold, and watching a friend fail to explain it is the entertainment. It makes a good last question, because the story often involves somebody else at the table.
How to use these questions
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Running these at a table
Answer first yourself
Going first with a genuinely stupid answer sets the level. If you go first with a clever one, everybody else spends thirty seconds trying to be clever and the momentum dies.
Take the vote before the reasons
On the debates and the would you rathers, get every hand up before anyone explains. People who have committed to an answer defend it properly, and people who hear the reasons first all drift to the same side.
Ask why, not what next
The laugh is almost never in the answer, it is in the reasoning behind it. One follow-up per question is worth more than four extra questions.
Let the arguments run
The debates, the one-color-of-food question and the animal fight question exist to start an argument nobody can win. Let that run for a few minutes and only then move on.
Which ones to use when
- Openers for a group that has just sat down: cereal as a soup, the kitchen appliance, the potato.
- For a room that has gone quiet: the biggest animal you could beat, one color of food, the object in the room. All three produce cross-talk rather than turn-taking.
- For a group chat or a text: the debates and the would you rathers. They can be answered in one word and argued over for a day. The stories need a room, because the telling is the point.
- In the car or on a walk: the shower thoughts. None of them needs eye contact or a turn order.
- For two or three people rather than a crowd: the petty grudge, the useless talent, the thing looked up to win an argument.
- For one best friend: the stupidest thing you have ever said, the dumbest purchase, the forgotten name. They work on someone who already knows half the story.
- With younger siblings or a mixed-age table: the elephant and the cat, the tail, the dog breeds.
- Late, once everyone is comfortable: the worst nickname, the arrest question and the confident-and-wrong story. They need some trust to stay jokes.
Common pitfalls
Turning it into a quiz
Working down a list in order kills the room by the fourth question. Use three, follow the tangents, and drop the rest.
Aiming a question at one person
These work as invitations and fail as setups. If a question would only be funny at someone's expense, it is a joke about them rather than a question.
Voting for the same friend every time
The questions about the group hand out verdicts, and they stop being funny for whoever collects all of them. Once one person has been named twice running, go back to an argument about food.
Pushing someone who passes
Anyone can skip. Move on without comment, because the fastest way to end the mood is to make an opt-out into a moment.
Ignoring who is in the room
Questions about grudges and being wrong land differently with in-laws, colleagues, or a new partner present. Save those for people who already have stories about you.