Christmas Questions to Ask
Christmas questions to ask around a dinner table, at a family gathering, or at an office or class party, written so that grandparents, teenagers and coworkers can all answer. The 58 questions run in the order an evening does: Openers, This or that, Funny, Memories, Grandparents and Year's end. Every question has a note on what to do with the answer, and the notes say which ones to skip in a family where December is hard.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Openers
What's the first sign each year that Christmas has really started for you?
Why ask it
A good answer is small and exact: a certain song in a shop, the box coming down from the attic, the smell of one thing baking. It suits a table of near strangers because nobody needs a big family or a happy childhood to have one.
What's the one Christmas tradition you would never skip?
Why ask it
Most people name something small and free: the walk after dinner, the same film on the same night, whose job it is to put the star on. Ask who started it, and if you are the host, remember what was said, because a tradition named here is one the family expects you to keep.
Which Christmas movie do you watch every year, and which one can you not stand?
Why ask it
The second half wakes the table up, since one person's favorite is always on somebody else's banned list. When it turns into the argument over what counts as a Christmas movie, let it run a few minutes and then call a vote.
What has to be on the table for it to count as Christmas dinner?
Why ask it
Someone will name a dish half the room has never heard of, and that is your follow-up: where it comes from and who makes it. At an office or class party it shows how differently people eat on the same day, so treat every answer as normal.
Which Christmas song would you happily hear ten times a day, and which one would you ban from every store?
Why ask it
Anyone who has worked in a shop in December answers the ban half instantly, so ask them how many plays a shift it took. If two people pick the same song for opposite halves, have each argue their side in one sentence.
How early is too early to put up the decorations?
Why ask it
Push for an actual date, because a vague answer starts no argument and a date always does. Whoever decorated earliest this year should be asked to defend it, kindly.
Which Christmas cookie or sweet do you reach for first, and which one gets left on the plate?
Why ask it
Easy enough for a five-year-old and oddly divisive among adults. If the plate is in the room, send it around while people answer and see whether anyone's hand contradicts their words.
Are you finished with your gift shopping, halfway there, or not yet started?
Why ask it
The not-started crowd find each other fast, which is why it works at an office party. Leave it at how far along people are and do not ask what they are buying or spending: a short, flat answer can mean money is tight this year.
What's one small thing you're hoping to unwrap this year?
Why ask it
The word small keeps it cheap to answer and cheap to act on: socks, a book, a jar of something good. Whoever has not finished shopping should be listening. Leave it out of a class party, where lists get compared and some children know theirs is short.
What are you most looking forward to between now and New Year's Day?
Why ask it
It includes the people who do not keep Christmas, since days off, a trip or simply sleeping late all count. If someone says they just want it over with, take that as an honest answer and do not try to cheer them out of it at the table.
Where will you wake up on Christmas morning this year?
Why ask it
People answer with their travel plans, and you learn who is driving six hours and who is hosting eleven. If someone will be alone or at work, ask what they plan to do with the day, and if you have a spare chair this is how you find out who might want it.
This or that
Real tree or artificial tree?
Why ask it
Ask the real-tree side who vacuums the needles and the artificial side how old theirs is. No tree at all counts as a third answer, and usually comes with the best reason.
Open presents on Christmas Eve or on Christmas morning?
Why ask it
Families and countries do this differently, so no answer is the odd one out. Couples are the ones to ask: two households had to merge their rules, and somebody can tell you who gave way.
White lights or colored lights?
Why ask it
Run it as a show of hands and count out loud, which is why it suits a class party: every child can vote and nobody has to explain. Among adults, ask the divided households what the treaty is, since it is often one kind on the tree and the other on the house.
A big noisy gathering or a quiet day in pajamas?
Why ask it
This tells a host who at the table is tired. Someone choosing the quiet day in the middle of your noisy one is not complaining, so laugh and ask what their ideal quiet day includes.
Would you rather give the perfect gift or get one?
Why ask it
Nearly everyone claims giving. Thank the one person who admits to getting for their honesty, then ask the givers how they would even know a gift was perfect, which is harder to answer than it sounds.
Hot chocolate or eggnog?
Why ask it
Eggnog divides a room, and plenty of people have never tried it, so allow 'neither' and 'what is that' as answers. If there is a carton in the fridge, pour the doubters a small taste and take the vote again.
A surprise, or exactly what you asked for?
Why ask it
Worth listening to if your partner or child is answering, since it is free advice for next year. People who say surprise often add a condition, and the condition is what to remember.
Rip the paper off, or peel the tape and save the paper?
Why ask it
Relatives answer for each other before anyone can answer for themselves. The savers will explain that the paper can be reused, which leaves you free to ask whether it ever has been.
Snow on Christmas Day or sunshine?
Why ask it
The answer usually follows where a person grew up. Find out whether anyone has spent the day in the opposite weather from their childhood, and whether it still felt like Christmas.
The big dinner itself or the leftovers the next day?
Why ask it
Leftover people are surprisingly fierce. Request the exact build of the sandwich or plate, layer by layer, and expect a relative to correct it.
Host Christmas or be a guest at someone else's?
Why ask it
People who have done both give the most honest answers. If a relative says they would like to host one year, take note, because that is how the job gets handed on without anyone having to ask.
Funny
What's the strangest gift you've ever unwrapped, and what did you say out loud?
Why ask it
Strangest is kinder than worst, so it can be asked even when the giver may be sitting nearby. The exact words they managed in the moment are funnier than the gift.
What's the worst Christmas sweater you've ever worn or seen?
Why ask it
Anyone wearing one right now goes first and gives its history. At an office party it is a safe way to tease, since the joke is on the sweater and never on the person inside it.
What's the most fought-over gift you've seen at a gift swap or Secret Santa?
Why ask it
Offices and families call the swap by different names and play by different rules, so let the storyteller explain theirs first. The gift everyone wanted is rarely the expensive one (a blanket, a good mug, a box of chocolates), which is worth knowing before you shop for the next swap.
Which Christmas character would make the worst houseguest?
Why ask it
Insist on reasons. The Grinch is the obvious pick, so the better answers go after the supposedly nice ones: a snowman on the carpet, an elf who never sleeps, a guest who comes in through the chimney.
If this group were a Christmas movie, what would it be called?
Why ask it
It suits a family and a team at work equally, and the titles come quickly once one person offers theirs. Keep them affectionate, and drop any title that is really a dig at one person.
What Christmas food do you only pretend to like?
Why ask it
When the cook is at the table, limit it to food served in other people's houses. Fruitcake and Brussels sprouts get named early, and somebody leaps to defend each, which is the fun of it.
What's the most ridiculous thing you've done to keep a present secret?
Why ask it
Hiding places, decoy boxes and gifts kept at a neighbor's house all come out. With children listening who still have presents hidden from them, adults should stick to stories from years ago.
What was on your Christmas list year after year as a kid and never turned up?
Why ask it
A parent in the room will want to explain themselves, and the defense of why there was never a pony or a drum kit is usually the funniest part. Then find out whether the person ever bought it for themselves as an adult.
What kitchen or tree disaster does your family still bring up every December?
Why ask it
The bird that would not cook, the tree that came down, the pet that got to the food first. If the person responsible is present, they get to tell it their way before anyone else does.
Memories
Which Christmas do you remember more clearly than any other?
Why ask it
The year people pick is seldom the one with the best presents. Listen for what fixed it in memory: a power cut, a new baby, snow that kept everyone in, the first one in a new house. When two relatives name the same year, let them compare versions.
Walk us through Christmas morning when you were about eight: who was up first, and what happened in what order?
Why ask it
Asking for the order gets detail that a general question about childhood never does. Not everyone had a happy one, so let a person pass, or describe a later Christmas they would rather remember.
Which gift from childhood can you still picture exactly?
Why ask it
Follow with who gave it and what became of it. Adults sometimes stop partway through, having just worked out what that present must have taken from the person who bought it.
What did your family do every Christmas that you assumed everyone did, until you found out otherwise?
Why ask it
The best witness is whoever married or was welcomed into the family, so ask what startled them in their first year. A good answer is oddly specific, like a set order for the stockings or a meal eaten at a strange hour.
Which ornament or decoration in your home has the best story behind it?
Why ask it
If you are in that home, send someone to fetch it and pass it around. The battered handmade ones tend to win, and the story usually includes a year and a person.
How did you find out who really fills the stockings, and how did you take it?
Why ask it
Skip this one completely if anyone at the table still believes, and check with parents before a class party. Among adults it is reliably funny, and an older sibling often turns out to be the guilty party.
Have you ever spent Christmas somewhere unexpected: away from home, at work, or stuck in transit?
Why ask it
People who have worked the day in a hospital, a kitchen or a uniform have stories the rest of the table has never heard. If the answer is a lonely one, give it a moment before the next joke.
What tradition have you borrowed from a friend, a neighbor or your partner's side of the family?
Why ask it
A nice one to ask with in-laws present, because their side gets credit in public. It also shows the younger people that traditions are chosen, and that they are free to pick up their own.
Who did most of the work of making Christmas happen when you were small, and did you notice at the time?
Why ask it
Most people did not notice, and say so. If that person is at the table, the answer becomes a thank-you and should be said straight to them. If they have died, expect a quiet minute and do not hurry past it.
Grandparents
What was Christmas like when you were a child: what was under the tree, and what was on the table?
Why ask it
Put it to the oldest person in the room first and give them time. The detail to listen for is scale, how much or how little there was, and it lands better if nobody turns it into a lesson for the children.
What's the best present you ever gave someone, and how did you manage it?
Why ask it
Grandparents tend to light up at this more than at any question about what they received. The second half brings out the saving, the making or the secrecy that went into it.
Which relative do you wish the youngest people here could have met?
Why ask it
You will get a name and at least one story, and someone should write both down. Then try asking what that person would have made of this table tonight.
What did your own parents or grandparents do at Christmas that came from where they grew up?
Why ask it
Food, a few words of another language, a song or a service may all surface. See whether anyone still knows how to make it or sing it, because the answer is sometimes one person and they are sitting right there.
How did you spend the first Christmas in a home of your own?
Why ask it
Expect a small apartment, a borrowed table or a dinner that went wrong. Younger adults who are just starting out tend to find it a relief to hear how modest the beginning was.
Which recipe from the Christmas table should somebody learn from you?
Why ask it
The answer to worry about is that it is nothing special and they just throw it together, which means it is written down nowhere. Set a date before the meal ends to cook it side by side, with someone taking notes.
Was there a year when Christmas was lean or hard, and what did the family do to make it Christmas anyway?
Why ask it
Only for a relative who enjoys telling stories, and never pressed if they wave it off. The value is in what was improvised that year, which the younger people may never have heard about.
What do you know now about making Christmas for children that you did not know as a young parent?
Why ask it
The answer often amounts to permission to do less. Any worn-out parent at the table should be allowed to hear it without being told what to change.
What has changed most about Christmas in your lifetime, and what is better now?
Why ask it
Without the second half you get ten minutes of complaint, which is enjoyable but ends flat. Having to name an improvement makes the speaker weigh it up, and the verdict often surprises the grandchildren.
Year's end
If you could keep one moment from this year in a snow globe, which would it be?
Why ask it
The snow globe forces a single scene with people in it, where a question about the best part of the year gets a category. Let children go first, since theirs are quick and set an easy tone.
What does Christmas mean to you now that it didn't when you were younger?
Why ask it
Some will answer with faith, some with family and some with a few days of rest, and the table does not need to settle which is right. The change is the part to follow: ask what shifted it, whether a child, a loss, a move or simply getting older.
What did you get through this year that you are quietly proud of?
Why ask it
People may answer without saying what the hard thing was, and that should be enough. Do not dig for details the person did not offer, especially with the whole family listening.
If you sent only one thank-you card this year, who would get it?
Why ask it
Limiting it to one card makes people choose, and the choice is rarely who the table expects. Have a few blank cards and a pen nearby, because some people will want to write it there and then.
Who are you missing this Christmas?
Why ask it
Reserve it for a table you know. In the first year after a death or a separation, let the person closest to the loss decide whether it gets asked, and if it does, say the name and let stories follow. Tears here are not a sign that it went wrong.
What would make the rest of this December easier for you?
Why ask it
Good answers are practical: one evening with nothing planned, someone else doing the driving, a smaller gift list. Whoever can grant one should say so on the spot, since an offer made at the table is harder to forget than one made in passing.
What gift that was not an object did someone give you this year?
Why ask it
Time, a ride, a phone call at the right moment, a job reference. It moves the talk off the pile under the tree, which helps at a table where budgets differ.
What are you happy to leave behind in the old year?
Why ask it
Accept a joke as readily as a serious answer: a commute and a grudge are both fair. Keep it from becoming a round of resolutions, which is a different game and a more tiring one.
Which part of today would you want repeated next year exactly as it was?
Why ask it
A closing question that doubles as feedback for the host. The answers are usually cheap parts of the day, a walk or a game or one particular dish, and worth noting before the planning starts again.
How to use these at a Christmas table or party
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
Setting it up
Pick the groups that fit the room
At a family dinner you can use all six groups in order. For an office party stay with Openers, This or that and Funny, and borrow one or two from Year's end only if the group is small. For a class party, This or that and the lighter Openers are enough. The Grandparents group works with any older relative, and best when a grandchild does the asking.
One question, then let it travel
Ask one and send it around the table before reaching for the next. Six questions across a whole meal is plenty. If an answer starts a conversation of its own, the list has done its work and can go back in your pocket.
Not everyone at work or school keeps Christmas
At an office or class party some people celebrate something else in December, or nothing at all. Ask the organizer or the teacher how the event is being framed there, and when in doubt reword a question so it is about the holidays or the winter break. The opener about what people are looking forward to needs no changes.
Protect the stocking secret
With young children present, any talk of how the presents arrive stays off the table, and adults should be warned before the meal, not corrected during it. The Memories question about finding out says so in its note for that reason.
Ways to run it
A question under every plate
Write one question on a slip for each seat and tuck it under the plate or into the napkin. Between courses each person reads theirs out and chooses who answers first. Put the Grandparents questions at the grandchildren's places, so the asking comes from them.
Hands up for a big room
For an office or class party of twenty or more, use only This or that. Read one out, call for hands or have people move to one side of the room, and invite one person from each side to explain. Ten minutes is long enough.
The stocking draw
Fold the questions into a stocking or a bowl and pass it around after dinner. Whoever draws may answer or hand the slip to someone else, once. Leave the Year's end slips out unless you know the table well.
Record the oldest voice
Ask first, then leave a phone recording on the table while a grandparent answers two or three of the Grandparents questions. Keep it short and let them choose which ones. A recording made with permission at an ordinary dinner is the kind of thing a family goes looking for years later.
When December is hard
Find out before you sit down
A death, a divorce, a lost job, a child spending the day at the other parent's house: if any of these belong to this year, a few questions change meaning. Speak to the person privately beforehand, find out whether they would like the absent person mentioned or left alone, and follow their answer.
Make passing free
Tell the table before the first question that 'pass' is a complete answer, then treat it as one. A shrug from a teenager and a pass from someone newly widowed get the same response: the next person's turn.
Money is part of it
Gift questions sting when one household at the table could not afford much this year. Stay with gifts from childhood, strange gifts, the one small thing a person is hoping for and gifts that were not objects, and avoid anything that compares what people spent or received this December.
An empty chair can be named
Some families want the missing person talked about and some cannot bear it yet, and both are reasonable. If the family wants it, the Year's end question about who is missed, or the Grandparents one about who the youngest should have met, gives the stories somewhere to go. If someone seems to be struggling well beyond the dinner, a quiet word afterward does more than anything said in front of everyone.
When it stalls or strays
One relative takes over
Go around in seat order and say that you are doing so, or let the youngest choose who answers next. This or that questions also help, since each answer is one word and a reason.
It drifts toward an old argument
Memories can lead back to a grievance about who hosted, who left early or who was not invited. Cut in with a Funny question and put it to a child or to the newest person at the table, who has no part in the history.
Teenagers give one-word answers
Let them. Hand over the list and the job of asking, which many prefer to answering, and take whatever they volunteer after that as a bonus.
Know when to put it away
A table that is already loud and happy needs no questions. Keep two in mind for the lull after the meal and leave the rest for next year.