Questions to Ask a Missionary on a Christmas Call
For the parent, sibling or grandparent of a Latter-day Saint missionary who is getting the family ready for the Christmas or Mother's Day video call home. The list follows the call itself: openers the youngest children can ask, then the area, the companion and daily life, the people being taught, how the missionary is really doing, what the family can send, pray for and sort out from home, and a few for the last minutes. Time is short and the screen is crowded, so have each person choose two or three before the call starts.
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The questions
Each question, and why to ask it
Kids first
What does Christmas look like where you are?
Why ask it
Start here, because it is the one question that belongs to this call and no other. Ask about the weather, what is on the table and whether the big celebration there falls on the 24th, the 25th or another day altogether. On a Mother's Day call, ask how that day is kept locally.
Can you turn the camera around and show us where you live?
Why ask it
A two-minute tour answers what a parent would otherwise have to ask outright: whether it is warm, whether it is clean, what is in the fridge. Let a child direct it (show us your bed, show us your shoes) so it plays as a game and not an inspection.
What is the strangest thing you have eaten since you left home?
Why ask it
Hand this one to the youngest person on the call. The answer is a story, nobody needs to understand mission life to enjoy it, and asking who served it and whether they finished the plate keeps it going for another minute.
Can you teach us one thing to say in the language you are learning?
Why ask it
Have everyone repeat it back badly, which is half the fun. A missionary serving in their own language can offer a local expression or the accent they have started to pick up, and a child who learns the phrase will open every later call with it.
Is your companion there, and can we say hello?
Why ask it
The companion is usually in the room or just off screen, often waiting on a call home of their own. Greet them by name, thank them and let them go. Thirty seconds of watching the two of them together tells a parent more than any description will.
What is the funniest thing that has happened to you out there?
Why ask it
Save it for the brother or sister who has gone shy in front of the screen, because it asks for a story and not for feelings. If the missionary draws a blank, prompt with a dog that gave chase, a storm with no umbrella or a door that locked behind them.
How do you get from place to place: bike, bus, car or your own feet?
Why ask it
Children picture the bicycle and the white shirt, and the real answer is often a bus pass or a shared car. Follow with how far they travel on a normal day, which is also a quiet check on how worn out they are.
Which of us looks the most different since you left?
Why ask it
Children love being inspected, so line them up in front of the camera for it. New height, missing teeth and a changed voice are easy to laugh about, and they let the missionary say how long it has been without anyone turning sad.
Where are you having Christmas dinner, and what happens after we hang up?
Why ask it
Plans for the day differ from one mission to the next: a meal with a local family, a gathering of missionaries, or a line of other calls to wait through. What comes next also tells you whether they go from this call to company or to a quiet apartment.
Daily life
What is your area like, and how much ground does it cover?
Why ask it
An area can be a few city blocks or several towns, and its size decides most of how the week runs. Pull up a map while they talk and have someone mark it, so the next call can start from a place name.
What time does your alarm go off, and what happens before you leave the apartment?
Why ask it
Mornings on a mission follow a set pattern of exercise, breakfast and study, alone and then together. Ask which piece of it they have come to like and which they still drag themselves through.
Are you eating enough, and what is a normal dinner?
Why ask it
Every parent wants to ask it, so ask it early and move on. A missionary who can name three meals they cook is fine. Cereal every night calls for a recipe sent by message later, not a lecture now.
How are you and your companion getting along from day to day?
Why ask it
Expect the polite version if the companion is within earshot, and say so with a smile. Listen for particulars: who cooks, who plans, what they disagree about. Specifics, even grumbling ones, are a better sign than a flat everything is great.
What has this companion shown you that the last one did not?
Why ask it
It works for the companion they love and the one they are enduring, since both teach something. For a missionary still with their first companion, ask what they will copy when it is their turn to train somebody new.
When is the next transfer, and do you expect to stay or move?
Why ask it
Transfers are the mission's regular reshuffle of who serves where and with whom. The date matters at home too: a package posted the week before one may arrive at an apartment they have already left.
What is the ward or branch like where you are serving?
Why ask it
A congregation of forty meeting in a rented hall makes for a different mission from a full chapel. Ask what Sunday is like for the two of them there, and which members they see during the week.
What are your mission leaders like, and how often do you see them?
Why ask it
The mission president and his wife are the adults responsible for your missionary until the day they come home, and most families never meet them. How often there is an interview or a larger meeting depends on the mission, so ask when the last one was and what was said that stuck.
How much of a conversation can you follow now?
Why ask it
Kinder than asking whether they are fluent, which invites a modest no. Ask for the first time they understood a joke or prayed without rehearsing the words. If they serve in their first language, ask about the local slang they had to learn.
What do you do with your preparation day?
Why ask it
Washing, shopping and writing home swallow the bulk of it. What happens in the hour or two left over, a ball game with other missionaries, a hike, a nap, shows whether they are getting any rest at all.
Are your shoes, your coat and your bike holding up?
Why ask it
Gear wears out faster than anyone at home expects, and a missionary will walk on a split sole for weeks before mentioning it. Whatever they name goes on the list for the next package, or they can be told to replace it there and not wait.
Teaching
Who are you teaching right now?
Why ask it
Expect first names and a short account, since missionaries are careful with other people's stories on a family call. Have someone write the names down. Asking after one of them next time shows the family was listening.
What small miracle have you seen since we last talked?
Why ask it
Missionaries use the word for things a family at home might put down to luck: a door that opened on the last street of the night, someone who rang back after a month of silence. Asking for a small one gets a real story from last week and not a rehearsed one from the first month.
How are you finding people to teach in this area?
Why ask it
Knocking on doors is the picture at home, and the real mix may be members' friends, messages online, street conversations or service projects. Whichever they name is where most of their hours go, and so where most of their discouragement comes from.
Is anyone preparing to be baptized?
Why ask it
Good news if there is, and say so. If there is not, do not let the silence sit like a failed report: follow at once with who they have enjoyed teaching anyway. A missionary should never feel the family is keeping count.
Tell us about one person from this area you will not forget.
Why ask it
It might be someone they taught, a member, a neighbor or a shopkeeper who waves. Let them talk without steering toward a conversion story. This is often the longest answer of the call, so budget time for it.
What do people ask you most when you stop to talk with them?
Why ask it
The questions change a great deal from one town or country to the next, and the answer shows what the place makes of two young people in name tags. Ask how they reply now compared with their first month.
Has anyone you were teaching stopped meeting with you lately?
Why ask it
It happens on every mission and seldom makes it into a weekly email. Sympathy is the whole job here. Advice on winning the person back is not wanted from relatives who have never met them.
What have you been studying in the mornings lately?
Why ask it
You might hear a chapter, a conference talk or a question from a lesson that they could not answer on the spot. Parents who read the same passage that week have something to write about besides the weather and the dog.
How they are
How are you really doing?
Why ask it
Save it until the small children have wandered off, ask it plainly, then wait longer than is comfortable. With the whole family watching, most missionaries will say fine, so a parent may need to ask again on a quieter weekly call.
Are you sleeping, and has anything been bothering your health?
Why ask it
Listen without diagnosing from a screen. For anything that has dragged on, ask whether they have told whoever handles health in their mission and how seeing a doctor works where they are, since that differs from place to place.
When does homesickness hit you hardest?
Why ask it
Asking when, and not whether, takes for granted that it happens and spares them the admission. Evenings, Sundays and holidays like this one are common answers. Do not reply with how much everyone at home misses them, which only makes it heavier.
Is today harder or easier than an ordinary week?
Why ask it
Some missionaries find the holiday the loneliest day of the year and others find it the easiest, with a meal and a call to look forward to. Either answer tells you how to end the call: lightly, or with a few more minutes.
What has been the hardest part of the last few weeks?
Why ask it
Limiting it to a few weeks makes it answerable. Rejection, a difficult companion, the language and plain tiredness come up most. Thank them for telling you before anyone in the room offers a fix.
Who do you talk to there when a day goes badly?
Why ask it
The answer may be the companion, another missionary in the district or the mission leaders. If it is nobody, do not raise the alarm with everyone watching. Ask afterward, in a private message, how they would reach those leaders if they needed to.
Do you feel safe where you live and where you work?
Why ask it
Ask it in an even voice, with the younger children out of the room. If something worries you, find out whether their mission leaders already know. How a parent raises a concern with a mission varies, so ask your missionary or a church leader at home how it is done.
What can you do now that you could not have managed a year ago?
Why ask it
Cook for four, talk to a stranger, lead a meeting, read a bus map in another language. A tired missionary gets to hear their own progress said aloud, and grandparents love the list.
Is there anything you have been saving to tell us face to face and not in an email?
Why ask it
Some news needs a voice: a companion going home early, an illness they played down, a change in what they want to study afterward. Ask near the middle of the call so there is time to stay with whatever comes.
From home
What can we send that you cannot buy there?
Why ask it
The answer is usually dull and exact: a brand of deodorant, peanut butter, socks, a seasoning packet. Send that and not what the family imagines they want, and ask how long the last parcel took so you can time the next one.
Did our package arrive, and what shape was it in?
Why ask it
This is how you learn the real postal time, whether anything was opened or charged for at customs, and what melted. If it has not come, read the address back to them now while they are on the line.
Where should we address mail so it still reaches you after a transfer?
Why ask it
Some missions want everything sent to the mission office and some are happy with the apartment. Postal and customs rules depend on the country, so take the answer from your missionary and not from another family's experience.
Do you have enough money to get to the end of each month?
Why ask it
Missionaries generally live on a set amount for food and transport, and the last week can be thin. Before sending money, ask what their mission allows: rules about extra funds from home are not the same everywhere.
Who and what should we be praying for this month?
Why ask it
Ask for names and one particular need, then use them in family prayer where the younger children can hear. Reporting back on the next call that you did is worth more than a general promise.
Is there someone there we ought to thank?
Why ask it
A family that has them to dinner every week, a member who drives them to appointments, a landlady who brings soup. A short card from home, sent through the missionary, costs little and tends to be kept.
Are our weekly messages too long, too short or about right?
Why ask it
Time on a device is limited, and a missionary may be skimming five long emails in a few minutes. Ask whether they want news, photos, questions or one good story, and whether anything from home is hard to read about.
What do you want to know about home that our emails have left out?
Why ask it
Give this a proper slot, because a missionary on a family call spends nearly all of it answering. Keep the replies to one piece of news per person and let them choose who talks: it may be the sibling who never writes, or a request to see the dog.
What day and hour suit you best for calls from now on?
Why ask it
Preparation day and time zones settle most of it, and the companion's family needs a slot too. Fix it before hanging up and tell the grandparents, so nobody learns afterward that they missed a call.
Is there anything we need to sort out for you at home before you come back?
Why ask it
Think of a college deferral, a driver's license about to expire, a bank card or a scholarship form with a deadline. With a year left it is a short answer. In the final few months it deserves a call to itself.
Closing
Who have you not heard from yet?
Why ask it
Let the missionary do the calling on. It catches the teenager at the back and the grandfather who will not push forward, and it is kinder than a parent announcing who has stayed silent.
Is there anyone not on the call you want us to pass a message to?
Why ask it
Write it down word for word, whether it is for a grandparent in care, a friend about to leave on a mission of their own or a former teacher. Deliver it the same week and say on the next call that you did.
What do you hope has changed by the next big call?
Why ask it
From Christmas that means Mother's Day, and from Mother's Day it means Christmas. A goal said out loud to the family gives you something exact to ask about then: the language, a person they are teaching, a habit.
Will you share your testimony with us before we finish?
Why ask it
For many families this is the center of the call, so leave five unhurried minutes for it and do not spring it in the last sixty seconds. A missionary serving in another language can say part of it in that language and translate for the children.
Would you like to say the prayer to close, or shall one of us?
Why ask it
Offer the choice instead of assigning it. Some missionaries want to pray for the family, and others would give a great deal to hear a parent's voice pray for them. Agree beforehand who at home will do it if asked.
What should we ask you about next time?
Why ask it
It leaves the last word with them and writes the opening of the next call. Put the answer where the whole family can see it, on the fridge or in the group chat.
Making a short call count
Practical guidance for the conversation itself
In the week before the call
Settle the hour and the app
Ask your missionary which day, what time in both time zones and which video app, and find out how long they have. Any limit is set by the mission and by the companion's own call home, so do not go by what another family was given. Test the link the night before on the device the family will gather around.
Collect questions from everyone
Give each person two or three picks from the list, written on a card or typed into the family chat. Small children do best with one question they have practiced out loud. Grandparents joining from another house should send theirs to whoever is hosting, in case their connection drops.
Choose a host and a timekeeper
One adult calls on people and another watches the clock, and it works badly when one person tries to do both. The host keeps the turn moving. The timekeeper says when half the time is gone and again when ten minutes remain.
Giving every person a turn
Youngest first
Start with the smallest children while they are fresh and the mood is light. Each one asks a question, hears the answer and is free to go and play. That leaves the middle of the call quieter for the older siblings and the adults.
A rough split for forty minutes
Five minutes of hellos and the camera tour, ten for the children's openers, ten on the area, the companion and the people being taught, ten on how the missionary is and what they need, and five to close. Stretch or shrink each block in proportion if your missionary has more or less time than that.
One voice at a time
Twelve relatives answering at once is only noise at the far end of a video call. Pass the phone or tablet to the person whose turn it is, or have them step up to the laptop, and ask everyone else to hold their comments until the missionary has finished.
Let the missionary ask too
They have questions about home that an email never quite settles. Stop at the halfway mark and ask what they want to know, then let each person give one piece of news and no more.
If an answer worries you
Listen before you fix
A missionary who admits to a hard month in front of the whole family has taken a risk. Thank them, ask one more question and keep the advice for another day. Being heard is most of what they were after.
Follow up with fewer people
A crowded holiday call is the wrong place to dig. Say you would like to talk again on their next preparation day with only a parent or two on the line, and then keep that appointment.
Know who to ask
Health, safety and whether to stay are matters for the missionary and their mission leaders, and a parent cannot settle them from the living room. Ask your missionary how a concern reaches those leaders in their mission, and ask a church leader in your own congregation how a family raises one from home.
What spoils the call
The news dump
Twenty minutes on who got engaged and what the neighbors built leaves no room to hear from the person you called. Put the news in the weekly email and spend the call on questions.
Tears as pressure
Crying happens and is fine. Telling a homesick missionary that the house is empty without them is something else, and they carry it out into the street the next morning.
The scoreboard
Asking for a baptism total turns months of work into a number. Ask about people by name and let the missionary decide what counts as good news.
Running out the clock
The testimony, the prayer and the goodbyes always take longer than planned, and the companion may be waiting for the same device. Begin closing with ten minutes left, not two.